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Western Kentucky University

Here to Help Archive

Question:

My boyfriend doesn't really like talking about how he feels then he gets all upset and starts making a threat that he's going to kill himself. Nobody understands him but me. He has lived a hard life and more. How can I help him?

Answer:

I can see that you would feel a bit frustrated in knowing what to do. The truth is that if he is talking about killing himself, then he is certainly talking about how he feels though not very effectively. It's difficulty for me to know, however, whether he is seriously considering killing himself or if he is using that threat to avoid talking more specifically about what's bothering him. You might try something like: "Are you really wanting to kill yourself , or is something really bothering you?" By approaching him in that manner, he may open up a little more. If you feel like he may be thinking about harming himself, it would be good to get him to some help. We at the Counseling & Testing Center are available if needed.

Question:

I have a boyfriend that lives 226 miles away and ive been visiting him a little to much... long story short i skipped to much class and now im going to fail... how do i tell my parents?? Its caused so much emotional stress that sometimes i wish that i would get hurt
( not killed) but to the point where i couldnt take my finals.... how do i tell my parents... help!!!

Answer:
Be honest with yourself. If you were really worried about failing you would not have spent so much time away from campus. You chose to be with
him instead of going to class. You don't have to be ashamed, but you do have to be honest. You are an adult, and adults get to decide how they
will live their lives, but adults also have to face the consequences of their choices. If being with your boyfriend meant more to you than succeeding
in school, so be it. Don't be ashamed of your choice. But now that you might fail your classes, you need to own up to your choices. Just
tell your parents the truth. Let them know you are not finding college to be meaningful. Maybe they would work with you to come up with a plan to
set out a semester and see where your talents would be best used.

I think this is only way to handle your situation without making it worse. If you don't control your life, other people will try to control it for you. Call your parents and let them know what is happening.

Question:
i am what they call a homosexual what can i di to get rid of it i cant take it anymore

Answer:
I'm afraid that you've ask for a simple answer to a not so simple question. The first question in my mind is "Who is the 'they' that you refer to?" Is your sexual orientation your idea or that of others? If you are personally struggling with who you are as a sexual being, then that is something that we all deal with in different ways. It is usually good to get with a counselor and talk through what is going on, how our thoughts and feelings developed, and how we can begin to come to terms with who we are. As you can see, THE ANSWER is very personal and unique to you as a person. Hope you will give serious thought to getting with a counselor and exploring yourself.

Question:

Over the past four weeks i haven't felt my best mentally. It started after Easter. I started having Panic attacks and now i'm always focused on breathing,
clearing my throat, and yawning to "catch" my breath. I think about these things all the time. I've had them before and have gotten over them in the past. But now i don't know if i have gotten over them or just forgotten about them. Can you point me in the right direction of some resources out there
to help with this? Is it normal?

Answer:

You can always go get things checked out physcially. Your body changes over time and perhaps you've developed something physically. Health
Services on campus is a great resource for that. Another avenue would be to address why you are having these symptoms and perhaps to develop some
techniques to help you overcome this and focus on other things. Perhaps seeing a counselor, either on campus or in the community, would be beneficial
to you. I would definetly recommend one of those two avenues, if not both, to start out! Good luck!

Question:

I am an emigrant and I wil do my best in wraithig, please be OK with theat I have an problem all my life,and I realy need help.I blaym my past for evrything
it hapened to my,and I know is rong. Haw can I gat over my past and bee able to live like an normal person.I drink evry time when I feel bad and if I dont feel
bed I find an excuse to drink.To be honest I love the taste of red wine in my mauth, I jeast have to drink a hole batlle not only one glas or two and most of
the time i drink an hole botlle,and I know it is realy rong. Please sombady can anser to0 my measege?

Answer:

Sounds like much is going on in your life at present. It also sounds like you don't feel that you have much control over all this "stuff" that is going on. My primary concern would be that the wine is the only thing that seems to make you feel better. I would personally like to see you be able to find other things, both inside you and outside of you, to make you feel better. Hope you will get with a counselor, either here on campus or off campus and begin to look at some better ways of feeling good.

Question:

i would like to work on campus next semester something like give campus tours. is that possible?


Answer:

Yes it is possible to get involved with campus tours, but there is quite a bit involved in the process. You are interested in becoming a Spirit Master,
or a student who conducts the campus tours. You would need to contact the Spirit Masters office at 745-5811 for specifics. However, be aware you would need to complete an application and be interviewed. The process has already begun for the upcoming academic year, but it is never to early to plan
for academic year 2006-2007. Good luck!

Question:

A friend of mine is thinking of suicide. She has never said it to anyone, but I have seen it in her Journal. She has seeked help before, but I don't think it
has helped. In her writing she has two plans on how she's going to do this. I called the police, but she informed them she was ok. I want to help her, but
she has told everyone she is doing fine. She has a date and time set..is there anything else I can do?

Answer:

What you are describing is a potentially dangerous situation. It sounds like you have really reached out to your friend. I would first of all
suggest that you insist on getting her to the Counseling & Testing Center and even indicate that you will go with her. If she refuses, then I would
suggest that you get in touch with her parents and inform them of the seriousness of the situation.

Question:

i am a freshman from detroit michigan and i came down here knowing no one and now that i have been here i feel that i dont fit in, its not that i dont have common interest with people, but more that the people that i have a common interest with i think they are dumbasses, i dont know if i am comeing back next semester or if i should tranfer to a school in michigan, i gusses that it is hard for me to meet people that i would like to hang out with its not hard to meet poeple just to meet people that i like, you tend to hang out with people that are like you and no one here is like me what can i do? and i need to get tested for STDs how much dose that coast?

Answer:

Sounds like an impossible situation for which there is no solution. Anyone with the same interests as you is, as you say, a dumbass. I wonder what made coming here seem so attractive and why you now feel so alone. Sometimes when we are angry or afraid we send out mixed signals to people and find ourselves alone. Making an appointment with the counseling center is one way to change how you present yourself to others. This might help you make friends.

You can find out about STD testing by contacting W.K.U. Health Services.

Question:

the longer i stay in this city of this shitty state the more i want to go home, the people here are something eles i dont know what to say about them, i dont
feel like this is the place for me but i still want to be here, i think i would feel better if i had more friends its not that it hards to make friends but its that the people i meet i feel that they are just not for me. and when it comes to girls wow i see all these couples walking around and i want that for me but i can seem to talk to any girls because i think that i am ugly and that no girl would want to be with me what should i do?


Answer:

Like I said before, sometimes when a person feels afraid or angry, he/she sends out mixed signals. These mixed signals might push other people away. It is interesting that you see yourself as so ugly but you are also very picky about your friends. I wonder if being picky is just a way to keep from being hurt. I hope you will consider using our counseling services, or finding someone elso on campus to talk to.

Question:

i know that all college student have trouble with what they want to do with treir life, but i am a little more confused then most, i have not clue what i wnat to be, i mean i have no clue what i want to do for money for the 50 years,i would love to teach and coach but the money is just pennies, and i dont even know how i am going to pay for next semster i know that i can get student loans but i will most likely that i will end up work at the locial walmart or some factory pay off the loans, the thing is that i dont want to live pay check to pay check, and i come from a family that is no help in any way dont get it wrong my mom is there for me and would do anything that she can for me but there is not she can do. is there any way you could help? (and dont tell me to
go talk to some advisor or counseling services)

Answer:

I would advise you to talk with a counselor. You sound very confused and angry and you need to settle your financial arrangements for next semester
soon. You may also want to talk with someone in financial aid to see what options you have in addition to loans.

Question:

what is up with wku's diversity program? something like 80% of wku students come from the state of kentucky and like 80% of kentucky is white, how divers
can you get? and what is up with the drop out rate something like 49% of my dorm is on probation and 10% droped out after the first semester?

Answer:

I'm not sure what you are asking regarding WKU's diversity program. Are you saying that the program is not doing enough or that since Kentucky is so white, nothing much can be done?

The probation rates and drop out rates you mention are not uncommon for public institutions of higher education. Many students choose to come to college
without the basic skills needed to make passing grades. While Western offers a variety of services for students who are academically underprepared, the responsibility belongs to the student to catch up. It is rather sad so many come here and cannot do the work. I wonder if you have any ideas of how we could get more of these students to get the help they need to stay in school?


Question:

I am a 30 year old disabled woman living on social security. I cannot leave my home, but would like to further my education. I have been looking into the correspondence study and have applied for financial aid. But I still don't know if I can get what I am looking for. Are there ANY exceptions
for the correspondence study where I can do ALL of my classes this way? Desperately need answers.

Answer:

I think you will find many of your answers at the office of correspondence study. I have included an email address that you may use to contact this office (amanda.wilson7@wku.edu).

Question:

What should i do if my mother is stressed out and speaks of committing suicide?

Answer:

It's hard when people we love are in so much pain. The important thing is to make certain your mother, and anyone who is talking about suicide, is safe. There first thing you can do is find out how seriously she is thinking about harming herself. Questions that will help you get to that are: does she have a plan; what would she use; when would she do this. Asking these questions will not encourage your mom to harm herself, but will assure her that she is being heard and that you are concerned about her. Once you have the answers to those questions get help for her.

If she is in immediate danger contact the police or a physician. Either can help her by placing her in the hospital. Contacting a crisis line if the danger is immediate is also an option. In this area the crisis line number is 843-4357 or (800) 223-8913. If the danger is not quite so immediate make sure that she gets in to see a therapist as soon as possible. The important thing to understand is that your mother is asking for help. You can start the process for her. Good luck.

Remember, we're here to help.

Question:

i have a friend. she is a good friend of mine.But i Am getting physically attracted towords her. I dont know what to do.please help.

Answer:

I'm not sure what kind of help you are asking for. Are you not wanting to be attracted to her? Are you wanting to get involved in a romantic relationship with her? What exactly are you looking for. If you could give us more information to work with, we'll be glad to try to help. However, being attracted to someone is not necessarily a bad thing and it happens often, even to good friends. Good luck..and let us know if there is anything else you'd like to share.

Question:

I was wondering about what you all do for depression. I have gone about 6 days with about 3 hours of sleep, cant eat, not been going to class etc., and I am really afraid now that I am going to fail and my mom asked that I contact you all which doesnt sound like that bad of an idea. If you all could pleas e-mail me back about times, prices, etc. Thank you

Answer:

As indicated on our "Here to Help" page, all of our replies will be posted to the website. To maintain confidentiality, we do not respond to individual email addresses. You have mentioned concerns regarding depression and by your descriptions, those could be signs of that. I would recommend you call our office, 745-3159 and make an appointment with a counselor. The first 12 sessions are free to Western students. We can also give a list of resources if you are not interested in coming on campus. Appointments are made Monday-Friday from 8am -4:30 and are made on an individual basis that works with your schedule. There is also the option of contacting your doctor for a possible medication evaluation. I would also recommend, with it being so late in the semester, to contact your professors to see what you can do to make up work or what can be done to salvage your situation. Depression is not something to take lightly and if you feel this is something you are experiencing, it really would be beneficial to seek help! Hope things work out for you!

Question:
Subject:* tuition *Question:* How much does in state tuition cost?

Answer:

I'm afraid that you have ask the wrong office this question. However, we can get you to the right office. Contact the Office of the Registrar, 216 Potter Hall, Phone 745-3351

 

Question:

*Subject:* Housing and residence life *Question:* I am a freshman, and I feel like I can not stay on campus, due to an aversion to other people whom I don't know. I don't mind meeting people, but I would feel severly uncomfortable living anywhere near other people. Also, I am an independant student, my parents don't provide financial support, and I am completely financially independant. Sometimes this makes me a little more stressed than most people, but it also makes me really proud of myself in that I can support myself even though I am only 19. Here is my Question: Why is it that the H&R people can be such morons? I know that is strong language, but I honestly feel like the University's policy about housing is the most bull-headed thing I've ever heard. They quote studies at me that say that I will do better in school if I live on campus, but charge me $1800 to stay off campus, making my life that much harder. I can't afford them keeping my 1800, and I need it back, but everytime I try to talk to them I get so frustrated I want to scream. What can I do?

Answer:

I can certainly see your frustration with what seems to you to be unreasonable. I guess two things come to my mind as to what you might do. The first, which you may already have done, is to go throught the appeal process in Housing and Residence Life. You could present your position and ask for some consideration for an exception to the rule. The second thought is, perhaps not as easy to swallow, but an option nevertheless, is to do some "mind adjustment." By that I mean allowing youself to say to yourself something like . . ."Well, I can't change this situation, and I sure as hell don't like it one bit. However, I refuse to let this interfere with the others parts of my lfe. So I'm going to choose to grin and bear it." As I say, this latter option may not be your first preference, but it is still one that you can choose. Hope this is helpful.

Question:

Now I am not a rebellious child. I have always listened and obeyed my parents rules, and respected their authority. I am 19 years old, and they treat me as if I am an irresponcible and wild 16 year old. I am a good student, I mostly just sit around and do my homework and study everyday. I talk on the
phone with my boyfriend/best friend, and that is about it. So last summer I decided that for spring break this year I wanted to do something on my own. Every year for spring break I have spent with my family either on vaction or at home. They are extremely boring and we always do what my parents want. I wanted to just be a normal college kid, and go somewhere with my friends. Well they didn't so much approve when I told them pretty much a year ago. But it is what I wanted to do so there have been no arugments until about 3 days before. My dad was calling me and asking me for details, which is not a big deal, but he was just mad about it because I had not planned every single second. I had maps, and money that I had been saving on my own, planed everything about what we would do and that we needed to stop and rest when driving, bringing snack food and drinks and whatnot. Well after the phone calls and inquires about every tiny detail. My parents decided that they wanted to do their best to convince me not to goand emailed me. My dad emailed me that he was disappointed that I had not planned better, that boys were going, and that I was just going along with everyone else, worried that I would let my boyfriend drive my car, worried that I would be drunk and crazy, and ranting on about all of this. My mom sent me an email the same day of her supposed spring break trip that her parents didn’t approve of, but decided that if along the way she visited her and her friend’s relatives that it was okay. The whole story the relatives say not to go, and they end up not going. In a way to manipulate me into thinking that well it will be better if I go and stay with my mom, because I can come and go as I please (not true, I will have a curfew, and I don’t have a key, which she thinks that I have one), and that I won’t have to hang out with her, well I will because I hardly ever see her and I will feel so guilty if I do not. This just made me furious. I am responsible and way too serious and mature for my age. I always do what I want, and I respect my parent’s wishes, but when they are accusing me of doing all of these things mostly because they don’t like my boyfriend, it is absolutely My parents are incredibly strict and protective, to the point that it is ridiculous. I had to get away from them to go to college even if it meant leaving the person that I love, because they do this all day when I am home. I understand worrying, and that they love me and care about me but this is way beyond that. They have made it to where I don’t want to be anywhere near them most of the time. Mostly because they don’t know me, I don’t talk to them about personal things, because they twist everything I say into some weird and completely opposite situation. For example my boyfriend, I love him so much he is so sweet, kind, loving, caring person. Very deep and insightful, and he is my best friend. He dresses like a “thug”, but my parents assume that it means gang. He is definitely not in a gang. Well ever since that they just take any possible way that I can talk about him to make it into him doing something bad. Now he doesn’t even want to be around my family at all because they will just put him down and try every way possible to get me to think twice about him. They encourage me to have fun, because they know that all I do I sit here and talk to him, but when I do, they find some way of telling me that it is wrong. Well I have had it they have treated me this way all of my life and it has seriously messed me up, and created a barrier between me and my parents. I don’t know what else to do I have tried talking with them, yelling at them, not talking to them, been mean to them, but I feel like I am the only one who seems to care about their feelings as well as my own. Please help me I just want to live my life, but it is hard to do that with your parents are paying for your college. I want to respect their wishes as I always have, but they are being completely unreasonable, and don’t respect me or who I am. They just want me to date some rich guy, which will take care of them when they need it, and for us to be all buddy-buddy. Which I don’t believe will ever happen if they don’t start accepting me and my boyfriend, and my friends. I leave for spring break tommorrow and I don't want to call them every singlew day, I don't want to even talk to them because they couldn't tell me this to my face, or before I decided to do this. I am feeling so guilty which I know that they are not because I am going to end up not going and doing again what they are trying to manipulate me to do. I have always tried to walk in their shoes before making judgements upon them and I wish that they would do the same for me. I guess the best thing to do is tell them how I feel, but I always get intimidated by them and I always end up feeling guilty for fighting with them. And I don't want to fight with them right now because my dad is having surgery next friday and I don't want anything to happen to him and the last thing that we say to each other be in anger. I can't figure out what to do and I need help.

Thank you for reading all of this I just am stuck in a situation that I don't know how to deal with.

Answer:

Wow! Sounds like you are having a really tough time in dealing with your parents. I can respect that, especially when you are at a point in your life where you want to be more and more independent and have difficulties with that because of them assisting with school payment. It's a tough time for them too, from a different point of view. Especially with your relationship changing because you aren't needing them or as dependent on them as you were when you
were living at home, etc. The thing remains that you have no control over what they do, only how you react to their actions. Then they in turn will react to your actions, which can definetly create a nasty pattern if nothing changes. It sounds like you feel you've exhausted all your efforts and ways of behavior, so
perhaps thinking of things in a different way. Meaning, working on not feeling guility and allowing them to manipulate you. You've got to decide what is good for you and decide what priorities you want to take in your life. Unfortunately this hasn't happened overnight and will take more than overnight to
"fix" things. It certainly sounds as if you do want to be respectful to your parents and care about them very much, as they do you. But perhaps figuring out how much you want them to control your life and how much you are going to allow that to bother you is the best avenue. Sometimes venting helps as well as a different perspective on things. I certainly hope you have someone to talk to you, but perhaps you should consider counseling...because counseling will allow someone who is not emotionally involved be there for you! As a Western student, you would be eligible to come to counseling and testing center (4th floor, Potter Hall, 745-3159). If you don't feel comfortable with that, then consider something in the community. Hope this helps!

 

Question:

My son started at a small private college. He has done well academically, but recently is convinced that he will never have a position on the baseball team. He seems very upset, sad, amd angry as he has worked so hard at this game and now he feels it has all been for nothing. He says he is miserable and would leave now if he could...how can I best help him. I have never known him to be this depressed and angry in his whole life.

Answer:

It sounds like your son is facing a very challenging situation that will affect many college athletes. I would suggest that he contact the counseling center at this college, or someone in the local community there, and spend a few sessions talking about what he is going through. Many people do not realize what pressure college athletes face and how threatening it can be when an athlete cannot play his/her sport. College students in general, athletes and non athletes, face a lot of "firsts" while they are in college. See if he would like to talk with a counselor or therapist to lay out his options and goals.

 

Question:

I'm a junior journalism major at WKU and am wondering if there is a CLEP examination for English 300. If not, would the English composition CLEP exam count as a liberal arts and sciences elective? Thank you very much.

Answer:

There isn't a clep test for English 300. There is a departmental exam and you have to register through the Registrar's Office to take it. You can check with the English department to get information about what is on the test. You cannot take the clep English Composition as it awards credit for English 100.

 

Question:

I've dated my boyfriend for a year. We're pretty close and do everything together. We hardly keep anything from each other. Recently, we both got jobs working at the same place. Now, he seems real distant. He won't act like he used to, he won't talk like he used to. Tonight, he got mad because it was 2am
and we didn't have time for sex. Lately, I feel that's all he wants. I talk to him about how I'd rather cuddle and tell him how much I love him but he gets
angry saying that I'm breaking a promise. I'll tell him that we might have sex later and if we don't, he gets mad and yells. Tonight, he said I was a liar and I break promises, that I'm a bad girlfriend and that all we do is argue. That's not true. I was trying to talk about how I feel so distant from him and how I want to be close again and all he could do is get mad because we didn't have sex. Now, he won't even answer my phone calls. Please help. How can I get him
to be not mad?

Answer:

Relationships are very difficult in the best of times and when stress gets in
the way, they are even more difficult. It sounds like things might be
going on for him that have become difficult to talk with you about. This
doesn't mean it's your fault but just that sometimes things change and are
different. Working together and being together "all the time"
can create some strain too. Sometimes having time for yourself is a good
thing. It sounds like he is putting an emphasis on sex and that's not
where your priority is. I think it's awesome that you are trying to talk
to him about it and it's hard to deal when he won't communicate with you like
you think he should. I'm not sure the question is how can you get him not
to be mad. What about what can you both do to make things
different? You can't control his actions and get him to do things he
doesn't want to do. You only have control over your own stuff. Hope
this is helpful, and know that there are counselors at the center who are
willing to talk things through with you in a more indepth level, so feel free
to call and make an appointment!

Question:

how do u get over some one that u loved so much and dated for so long then they just give up on ya

Answer:

One of the biggest challenges we all face as we grow up is to accept that
people "fall" in love with an idea before they fall in love with a
person. If someone can give up on you then that someone never really
loved you. That someone may have been in love with the idea of loving you
or that someone may have loved a fantasy image of you, but that person did not
love you.

One reason we have a hard time getting over someone is that we don't want to
see how we were playing the same game. Anger can keep you missing someone
long after the fantasy of love fades away. A lot of what passes for
sadness after a break up is really vengeful jealousy. Some of us like to
suffer just to show the other person how mad we are.

Then again, sometimes we are fooled by another and it hurts when he/she pulls
away. The trick to accept that you would rather be alone than with
someone who was fooling you. Some of us aren't ready to accept this idea
though. Some of us would rather be in a bad relationship than be alone.

So, how do you get over someone? By getting over them. You have to
start doing things without them. Start dating again, go out with friends,
fill your day with activities, but don't let yourself sit around and
pout. Pouting just makes it worse.

If you continue to have problems controling your own feelings, please think
about making an appointment with the counseling center.

Question:

Art Teacher, Elementary Teacher, Hotel, Restraunt, and Tourism Management,
Finnacial Planner, Print Journalism, How do you decide on your life? I have
been struggling with this for a while now. I want to do so many things but I
don't at the same time. I want to work when I am at work, and play in my free
time. And all that i like is so different and confusing. I have already
completed all of my general education requirements and started in my major, but
I don't know if this is what I really want to do, in some ways I want to help
children learn, and in others I just want to do my job and make a minimum wage
and go home and have a kickball game with my friends or a barbeque. But I can't
decide, every time I do, I change it again, and I don't want to be here
forever, I want to chose a major and get it over with. But what if I get out
there and hate my job? Will I be able to work in other fields that are not at
all related to my college degree? This university needs more minors! AHhh...
please help me. no one has be able to so far and I just want to move on, I have
researched for the past 2 years and not one inventory can tell me anything
because I am basically equal in everything, and I don't mind working, or doing
anything, from a desk job, to outdoors to practically anything. It is just so
hard to do this and once I get out of school and 4 years of hard work behind me
and have to come back for something else and never use my Bachelor's degree. I
don't know what else to do, I have done absolutely everything that every
counselor, advisor and parent, professor, and friend has told me to do to figue
this out and all I want is 1. to make a reasonable amount of money 2. be able
to get promotions 3. work at work, and have time for myself and family 4. I am
a horrible salesperson 5. I don't like medical fields 6. Not wonderful with
computers, but able to use one

Answer:

Wow, you do seem confused and perhaps a bit discouraged as well. What do
I do with so many options. You have raised so many questions that it
would be very difficult for me to answer them all, particularly over the
email. You seem to have some idea of what you want and don't want, can do
and can't do, like and don't like . This is a good start. My
recommendation would be for you to make an appointment with the Counseling
& Testing Center, 745-3159, Potter Hall, Room 409, and begin to get
some help in sorting out all of these options. Hope you will follow
through on this recommendation.

Question:

*Subject:* marriage not working *Question:* I have a emotional up
& down relationship with my husband of 11 years. We were always fighting
about not having enough money, but now that's not the problem. We both have
great paying jobs. My husband works all the time. I feel that he never has time
to talk with me. We do work together, but work is no place to talk about our
lives. When he gets home he just watches tv. I hate to say it, but when we make
love, that seems to be the only time he would put his hands on me or even pay
any attention to me. He also talk after that. I feel this is not right. I feel
he should talk to me no matter if there is a problem or not. I have noone to
talk to about this. Some say it's just cause he is a man, other say he'll get
over it. I say, if he hasn't changed his ways for 16 year he's not. I should be
able to just settle with his way's, but I can't. I feel that a relationship
needs to have great conmunication. Please help in any

Answer:

Your situation does sound unfullfilling to say the least. I agree with
you that work is no place to tell family secrets. My experience certainly has
been that relationship problems can only be addressed in a relationship
situation. By that I mean in couples counseling. I hope that,

for your sake, you will strongly consider getting some help. Suggest to your
husband that you would like for the two of you to get some help to improve your
relationship. If he is hesitant, you may need to start with yourself and hope
that your husband will later join with you. We in the Counseling
& Testing Center are available to students and spouses. Hope you will
avail yourself of this help.

Question:

*Subject:* behavorial changes in sexually abused children
*Question:* I may have some knowledge about a person I know to have been
sexually abused. But it is a tricky subject to ask about, and I know this
person well enough to know that they wouldnt have gotten any form of counseling
for it. What would be some noticeable changes that an outside observer would be
able to pick up on? The person was possibly abused at the ages 5-9 and now this
person is 25 years old. I think that maybe these past issues will resurface
again in a more violent way and I'd like to work with the person in resolving
those issues.

Answer:

Unless you are a mental health professional I would not recommend that you
"work with the person in resolving those issues". In fact, as
you suspect that past issues will come up again only in more violent ways, I
would strongly suggest you assist this person in finding a mental health
professional he/she will trust.

I am a bit confused by your question though. It sounds like you are
asking about the signs or symptoms that might occur as the person becomes more
aware of his/her past abuse. There are many signs or symptoms, and they
will vary with each person. Generally speaking you will see symptoms of
numbing or intrusion. Numbing symptoms include lack of concentration,
sleepiness, lack of emotions, substance and alcohol use, or other activities
that are distracting. Intrusion symptoms include restlessness,
flashbacks, nightmares, startling easily, irritability, and excessive emotions.

Please encourage your friend to find help, either at the counseling center or
with a professional in the community. There are some groups in the
community for survivors of sexual abuse. There are many excellent web
sites on this subject also.

Do be open and honest with your friend. Don't beat around the bush or
hint at the problem. Be straight forward. This person has endured
more pain than most of us can imagine. He/she is not fragile or helpless,
so treat him/her like he/she could fall apart at any moment. People who
carry a lot of shame are very sensitive to pity; they don't like it at
all. If you want to help, you need to know what to do.

Question:

At a loss with my anger

Question: for the last few weeks, months, im not quite sure, i
have begun to feel emotions like never before. my anger level has increased
dramatically and sparks up very often, which it never has before. i used to be
deep and play guitar, always smiling, helping people, relaxed, and able to
handle a busy schedule. now i cant attain any of that because i stress over
nearly everything that happens, putting a lot of pressure on my life, and im
not sure if its a mental problem. i never was like this until recently, and i
think it is sort of a depression. im mean towards my girlfriend, im grumpy, and
i also get annoyed by a lot of people, for simply the things they say, even if
they are not mean. i do not like the way i have changed and wondered if it was
something i should talk to a doctor about or if i will grow out of this
"anger phase"

Answer:

There could be a lot of explanations for your feelings of anger or experiences
of new emotions. Coming to college itself can be a change that can evoke
feelings never felt before and other situations that are changed through being
at college creates stress as well. If you don't like the way things are
going for you right now, I definitetly would recommend you doing something about
that. You really have taken the first step in making changes by
realizing that you don't like the behaviors you are doing. I would
recommend talking to someone about that whether it be coming in to the
counseling center or even talking to a doctor with whom you feel
comfortable. People have periods of adjustment all throughout there life,
and they often learn how to deal with those changes. However, if your

"anger phase" continues to get worse, I would recommend talking it
over with someone sooner rather than later! Good luck!

Question:

I am a graduate student here at WKU and I work part-time on campus. I was in
therapy in the past dealing with issues related to years of sexual abuse. I
have been taking medication for PTSD since college. I have been feeling great
and everything has been fine up until a few days ago. I have been having really
bad flashbacks and have been shaking and feeling like I want to hide in my room
and never come out. I don't want to come in for one-on-one counseling because I
feel like I should be healed. I really just want some advice on how to survive
the flashbacks and all the emotional baggage they bring along. Thanks for the
help.

Answer:

Let me first say that having flashbacks now after feeling good for a while does
not mean you are not healed. Your body has a way of knowing what you can
handle and when. You did heal in therapy, and maybe you are strong enough
now to do some more. Don't fear or be ashamed of the flashbacks; they are
your body's way of making sure you will heal completely.

I hope you will consider making an appointment; starting therapy again is not a
sign of weakness or failure. If you don't want to work with a therapist
right now I can only recommend that you trust the flashbacks and make use of
them. Keep a diary or journal of what you see, what is happening in the
flashbacks, so you know that they are real. The flashback is your body's
way of slowly showing you something that you needed to forget when it
happened. There are no rules or deadlines for healing. It is done
when IT is done. Many people who were abused need to take time between
remembering, so they will go for years feeling good and then have new
flashbacks. This is normal, it is healthy, you are not going backwards.

 

Question:

I am married and feel like my husband is cheating on me, because he looks at
porno sites on the internet and he masterbates while watching these sites.He
has admiting doing this and says he will not do it again but does. I get very
upset is this cheating or not

Answer:

It sounds like you think this is cheating, at least you say it feels like your
husband is cheating. Healthy adults, married or single, do
masturbate. The question we all have to answer is how often, when, where,
etc. do we masturbate. You have shared your concern with your husband and
it sounds like he says he will stop but doesn't. Have you shared why this
bothers you with your husband? It might help him to know if you are
jealous, sad, or angry about what he is doing. In other words, are you
concerned that he is cheating or are you concerned that he has a sexual
addiction. You might ask what he feels he gets from the Internet
that he does not get from real life. Hope these ideas help to get you
started. Let us know if you have more questions.

Question:

Is there a place on the campus that does DNA Paternity Test?

Answer:

No there is not an office that handles DNA testing. Paternity testing is
a legal issue that usually requires a court order. As a result you would
need to hire an attorney to assist with this. The county attorney's
office may be able to provide you with a list of attorneys who could be assistance.
In addition, there are genetic counselors available at Vanderbilt. However, in
order to have reliable results all parties need to take part in the
testing. This may require a court order. Hope this helps.

Question:

When you take a physical do you have to pee in a cup? why do they do this?

Answer:

The types of screenings vary from physician to physician. Often urine
tests are used to determine if you have an infection. My suggestion is to
speak with your doctor prior to the exam to determine what kinds of tests might
be performed and question his/her rationale for each. Hope this helps.

Question:

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 15. I've seen a psychologist and
taken anti-depressants since then. My parents divorced when I was 13, so I
lived with my mom and we were really close. In the last year, my mom has gotten
a new boyfriend. Right before my freshman year at WKU started, my mom moved us
in with him without even asking me. Since then, whenever I visit, he calls me
horrible names, makes jokes about my weight and appearance. My mom just agrees
with him and laughs. I have a hard time telling people how I feel. But finally,
I opened up to my mom and told her how this was hurting me and she said that I
was being a "spoiled brat" and to suck it up. Since then, we haven't
really spoken. She wouldn't even help me pay for this semester's tuition. I
asked her and she said "You're 18. I don't have to help you." So, I
had to borrow the money from my grandparents. I don't understand this. We were
so close and now, since she's met him, she said she didn't care if she ever saw
me again or not. What happened? What should I do, just forget about Also, I've
had a cutting problem for a long time. When we get into arguements, I find
myself wanting to cut. I was sent away to a behavorial hospital for treatment
when I was 16. So, instead of cutting, in fear of being that messed up again, I
take a marker and mark real heavy lines on my forearms, so that it has the
sensations of cutting. Is this crazy?

Answer:

First
off, no you are not crazy. I'm glad that you have found alternative ways
for cutting. That's good to know that you are concerned yourself about
the cutting and are looking for different ways to make things better for
you. I'm glad the treatment when you were 16 helped. Next, on to
your mom. I highly recommend that you make an appointment at the center
to be able to talk to someone. A loss like a close relationship
(especially with your mom) can be very trying and difficult to adjust too.

Sounds like there have been a lot of changes in your life in the last
year and talking to someone can help you adjust with that. I don't konw
your mother or how she typically is, but it's really hard when someone you love
says hurtful things and doesn't cherish your relationship like you do.
That was very courageous of you to talk to your mom about her boyfriend and how
he treats you. I'm sorry that it didn't go very positively. Sometimes
people don't always think of how the other person will feel. Perhaps
she's simply trying to foster your independence and is looking for happiness of
her own. But, by what you said, it could have been done in a more
positive manner. I do strongly encourage to make an appointment and talk
more in depth about things. There's also other resources such as your RA
or Hall Director if you don't feel comfortable coming to the center right
off. Good luck!

Question:

Where do I go to sign up to take the ACT on campus? I have to retake it to get
admitted to the Teacher Education program, I got a 20 the first time I took it,
but I have to get a 21 or above for it to be useful.

Answer:

You have several options. The next general testing date is February
12th. However, you must register with ACT by January 21st, and there is a
$45 late fee. A second option is to take the next testing date exam which
is April 9th. You register with ACT and pay the $28. A third option is to
take the residual ACT which is scheduled on January 24th. The fee is $53
and you go to the Counseling & Testing Center web page and register on
line. The residual ACT is administered at the Counseling & Testing
Center in 409 Potter Hall. The February and April tests are in a group,
whereas the January 24th is given individually. If you have any questions,
call Sharon Ercey, Coordinator of Testing, at 745-3159.

Question:

This is hard for me, but I need to talk to someone in your office. At a young
age I was raped by my father. I always have felt that it was my falt that I let
this happen. The first time he did this I was 4 and he contiuned to do this
till I was about 10 years old. I've always had trouble in relationships and
feel that I can't get close to anyone. I'm 25 now and I feel that this issue
has went on to long. My niece lives with my father know and I'm just scared he
will contiune. I can't say anymore.......but I would like to talk to someone in
person. Can you give me info about your thanks

Answer:

As I listen to your question, I think I am aware of your personal pain
and of your concern for your niece. I am also struck with how what you
are experiencing is so normal. This kind of experience is difficult to
deal with and usually is best resolved with the help of a caring, objective
other person. I hope that you will call the Counseling & Testing
Center at 745-3159 and schedule an appointment with one of our
counselors. I would suggest that you request to see a female
counselor. Hope this has been helpful.

Question:

I've been a student at WKU since 2000. I pay for school out of my pocket, so I
just take a class or two every semester. My GPA has fallen to a 1.6 and it will
take me a while to get it back up. I want to apply to Vet School, but I feel
that's going to never happen with my grades. I feel that I should just quite
school all together, but I'm not a quieter. With my jobs I can't just take off
for school, so I don't have time for much activity with the school. I feel that
I'm just stuck in a rut. Can you guys give me a little

Answer:

Sounds like you might need to take some time and come up with a long range plan
that will address your career and personal needs. Our center is one place
you might find help to assess your career goals and find ways to make them
happen. If interested, please call our front desk to make an appointment
(745-3159).

Question:

My best friend lyies about everything. I want to know why he dose this. He
tells one lye after another and it's like he can't stop. He don't only lye to
me, but his proffesors on campus, exc. I want to help him. What would make him
do this? How can I help Thanks for your time......

Answer:

There are many reasons why people tell lies but those who lie usually do so
because they feel superior to others (they don't think they have to play by the
rules) or they feel inferior to others (they feel they have to lie to keep up
with others). Either way, the best way to deal with your friend is to
honest and open. If you think he is telling a lie, say so. People
tend to lie only when they think they can get away with it.

Question:

I had extra credit for Pyschology by going to counseling sessions. I was
wondering, since I heard that I could continue them, how do I set-up more and
where do I go to do that or possibly a number to contact?

Answer:

It sounds like you might have taken part in the services that are sometimes
offered by the clinic in the psychology department. You would need to
contact Dr. Rick Grieve at 745-2695 to determine if those services are
available this semester.

There is another option for obtaining servivces available to students at the
university. As a WKU student you are also eligible for counseling
services at the Counseling and Testing Center. We offer up to 12 free
sessions during the course of the academic semester, after that there may be a
small fee. Our office is located in Potter Hall (Room 409). You may
also reach our office by calling 745-3159 between 8 a.m. and 4:30 p.m.

Monday through Friday.

Hope this helps.

Question:

I love children and want to be a teacher. Occasionally I smoke weed. I would
NEVER EVER work like this or be around children like this, because I personally
would not want to be high when I am working. I have a 3.8 grade point average
and it has never effected my life badly except for it is illegal. I think
drinking is worse than smoking, because of the way people act, but that is my
personal opinion. But I am so terrified that people will think that I am a drug
addict, because I am not. I can stop, I have stopped for several months to
prove it to myself. I never want to be high all of the time. I just feel like
if I were to be a teacher that people would misjudge me because of this,
thinking that I do so when I am teaching, and responsible for their children,
and I completely understand which is why I will never do so. Every once in a
while I smoke, like people drink. I just feel so confused and lost. I know that
it is illegal and only used for medical reasons, but if drinking was illegal I
know people would feel the same way that I do now.

Answer:

You state that you are feeling confused. As I read your comments, I get
the feeling that you are arguing with yourself, and trying to convince yourself
that the occasional marijuana use is okay. You obviously feel strongly
about teaching, and at some level fear the marijuana jeopardizes this.

For someone who is able to stop, even for months at a time, I'm wondering if
the pleasure you get from it is worth all this worry. I think it's time
to find a method of relaxation that is not substance related. If you do,
I think you'll save yourself a lot of worry.

Question:

Hi. I am an International Student and this culture is new to me. I love
learning new culture and that is also a reason I am here in US. Dating culture
in not common in my country but I want to date some one. I dont know where to
start with and how to go with it. Do you have some links for good dating so
that I can learn about

Answer:

You have asked a wonderful question that has so many answers. I cannot
recommend a particular link or website, and I would caution you about using
some links or sites as they tend to view dating as a competitive
activity. Fortunately we have an excellent staff at the Office of
International Programs that could help you find what you are looking for.

While dating customs vary across cultures, they do seem to share some common
goals and values. In America is it customary to meet people informally
and get to know them before asking for a date. Classrooms, clubs, dining
facilities even libraries and gyms are good places to interact with people on a
casual basis. Men and women in America are more likelty to ask one
another out now compared to twenty years ago. They are also more likely
to split the cost of a date now. One piece of advice I would offer is to
not make any assumption about the other person. Some people date to find
a life partner, while others date just to have fun. Some people expect
very little from the person they date while others expect quite a bit up front.
I would suggest you talk with the staff at the Office of International Studies
and see what they have to share. You could also go on-line and look for
websites that discuss American dating rituals and customs, but just remember
that there is a wide variety of customs among Americans.

Question:

Hi I am from a country where we value the family relations a lot. We do not
believe in relations before marriage. Now away from the family I feel so lonely
that I am getting addicted to yahoo chatting in public chat rooms. This eats
away a lot of my time. I do not want to chat, but I do. How can I help myself.
I have good friends here as well but even then.

Answer:

I imagine it is very hard to be away from your family. It does sound as if you
are close to them and being in a new environment without things that are
familiar to you can create some questions and stress. It's good that you
have friends here. Perhaps if you are not wanting to chat and spend time
in those public chat rooms you could find other things to occupy your
time. That choice would be up to you if you feel like chatting is not
what you need. Perhaps finding a hobby or getting involved in campus
activities that will allow you to meet new people as well as keep your mind off
other things. But it's also ok to be involved in relationships that are
are not sexual in nature. So spending time with people you like is ok as
well. If you feel you'd like to talk further, please feel free to contact
our office for an appointment. Hope this helps and good luck!

 

Question:

I have a question about Math 116, in the course catalog it says that I can
enroll in it if I have a C or better in Math 100. I currently believe I
have a C, and wil maintain it, however my teacher tells me I have to get an A
or B in Math 100 to go to Math 116, or I will have to go to Math 116E,
which i really dont want to go to. I just want know which information is
right because I dont want to enroll in a class that meets 5 days a week.
thank you so much.

Answer:

Dear Confused, It's hard when you get conflicting information. I would
check with my advisor. He or she will be well versed in your degree
requirements and should be able to guide you in the right direction. Hope this
helps. Here to Help

Question:

I recently applied to attend WKU in the Spring of 2005. My major will be
nursing. I am very excited about continuing my education. But I get really
nervous around a large group of people and tend to shy away or avoid situations
where I would have to speak or be noticed. I am smart and love to learn. I am a
mother of a five year old and have been married almost seven years. I want to
overcome my anxiety of being around people (people I don't really know). How
can I do this? I want to do my best in school and make good grades. I graduated
high school with a 3.62 GPA and I graduated B.G. Tech with a 3.8, so, I know I
can do it. It's just getting started and getting myself into a routine. I am
determined to become a R.N., it's very important to me. I'm just stressing over
getting started. Any advice for me would be great. Thanks.

Answer:

Dear Anxious,

It is normal to be a bit nervous about any new situation. It sounds like
you know you can excel academically, which is a huge plus. First,
remember that everyone else is nervous like you, although they may be more
adept at hiding it. Don't allow yourself to feel out of place.

Second, try to meet and become friendly with one person at a time. This
will allow you to control how and when you meet people. My bet is that
pretty soon you'll find that you have a wide circle of friends, or at the very
least colleagues. Finally, if you find that you just can't get the hang
of meeting new people remember the staff at the Counseling and Testing Center
is available to work with you on an individual basis. Good luck.

Here to Help

 

Question:

Western Kentucky University is a very evil school. The school's evil teachers
would rather fail a whole class of students, than even have to look at a whole
class of students. Rarely ever does the school let anyone graduate. There is a
very high percentage of seniors who are still trying to pass the freshman
introductory classes. The teacher's are stealing millions of taxpayers dollars
every semester. The school's students will be old enough to draw social
security, before the school will let them

Answer:

You certainly sound angry and I am guessing you are in a class in which you
think many students are going to be failed, or you have been in a class in
which this has happened. Many students do graduate from Western every
semester, as evidenced by the large number of students who are given diplomas
at graduation each semester. Most seniors are not still trying to pass
introductory classes, as you can not be a senior if you have failed several
introductory classes. I don't doubt your anger but I do question your
perception of seniors and graduates. Anger makes it hard to be calm, and
it sounds like you may have a reason to be angry. I hope you will share
your concern with the appropriate people including the faculty and department
head of the class you think you are failing or have failed. You may wish
to talk to the Dean of the college if you are not satisfied with your
discussions with the faculty and department head. Students have a right
to express themselves and seek resolution if they have been treated
unfairly. I encourage you to take advantage of your rights and
responsibilities as a student here at Western.

Question:

I am a graduate student here at WKU. Two years ago, during my senior year of
college, I was raped. I tried to go to counseling afterwards, but I just wasn't
in the right place to talk about what happened. Thank goodness I had some
wonderful friends who were very supportive. I woke up this morning and realized
that this week is the two year mark. I don't feel depressed or sad, just have a
heavy heart and find my mind wandering. I was wondering if this is a normal
reaction to rape?

Answer:

What you are describing is a perfectly normal reaction to the trauma of
rape. Anniversaries of traumatic events bring a variety of feelings and
thoughts; they can be painful and empowering. I'm so happy to hear you
had sensitive and strong friends to be with you. Should you want to try counseling
again I think you will find the staff here very understanding and
supportive. One of our staff members is also the coordinator of sexual
assault services and education. Take care, and let us know if we can
help.

Question:

I know everyone in college puts things off, but I seem to do it more than most.
No matter how early I sit down to write a paper or study for an exam, I seem to
goof off until the last minute. I pull way to many all-nighters which leds to
exhaustion and stress. Perhaps part of the problem is that my grades are okay
even if I finish the paper an hour before it is due or only study a few minutes
before the test. I am sure my luck will run out eventually, especially as my
classes get harder. I want to know what I can do to stop procrasting and get my
stuff done and get some sleep.

Answer:

Let me respond to your question in what might seem like an odd
manner. I think you hit the nail on the head when you suggested that you
probably procrastinate because you can. I think, for most people, that
procrastination is NOT a sign of laziness. I think most people
procrastinate because they can. That is, nothing too horrible has
happened yet. Procrastinating lets you do other things that may be

more enjoyable at the moment and in some cases in buys you time as you put your
thoughts together. However, you mention exhaustion and distress from
pulling "all-nighters". Even if it works, you are wearing
yourself out. I agree that as your classes become more demanding, this
strategy of procrastinating might start to backfire.

Without sounding glib, one solution to procrastinating is to not
procrastinate. Sure, you might ask how, but the answer is so simple that
it is can be difficult. You have taught yourself to procrastinate, it has
become a habit and a style. To change you have to start slowly and begin
to do a little work each day on a paper or test instead of doing it all at the
last minute. It might help to use a calendar, and count back one or two
weeks from each due date or test date. Tell yourself you will spend at
least fifteen minutes a day on each paper, test, or assignment. You can
always spend more time, but the trick is to spend at least fifteen minutes each
day. This will get you in the habit of doing something everyday instead
of doing it all the night before.

Some people struggle with procrastination because they are distracted. In
this case you might want to use reminders that cannot be ignored. Make
large charts and tape them to your wall. Tie brightly colored yarn to
your calendar or put stickers on your dashboard, room door, fridge, etc.
Anything and anywhere that will remind you to do a little each day.

The trick is overcoming procrastination is to treat it for what it is. It
is NOT some powerful force outside of your control. It is nothing more
than a habit and habits can be changed, it you go at it slowly.

Some of us procrastinate because we just don't get anxious enough about
deadlines. Another trick to end procrastination is to "scare"

yourself. Picture yourself not graduating, or working in a boring and low
paying job. Picture people at your job gossiping about how you never get
things done on time. Find a picture from a magazine, or a piece of
artwork that symbolizes this fear and put it up in your room. Use humor,
but imagine the worst possible outcome and elaborate it in your mind.
This might make doing something everyday more meaningful. I hope these ideas
work. If they do not, please make an appointment with our center for more
suggestions.

Question:

a very bad year *Question:* I'm on academic probation and this semester
I'm not going to be able to meet the grade point average I need to go to school
next semester. I'm a senior and I was wondering is there any way to change my
major to some type of general studies where I would have enough hours to get
some type of basic degree? I'm burnt out and I'm having financial troubles.

Answer:

The direct answer to your situation is "yes." It may very well
be possible to reconfigure your classes to date to get a Bachelor of General
Studies. I would suggest that you contact the Academic Advising and
Retention Office on the third (3rd) floor of Potter Hall, phone 745-5065.
Hope things work out for you.

Question:

I think I may have bipolar personality disorder. I've always had a pattern in
relationships but I do not know if it's BPD or if I just have an extremely
difficult time letting go although I know in my mind I have to. I get anxious
when he doesn't return my phone call or when he doesn't reply to my IMs. I
always give myself a week to be nice to him and act happy and I tell myself
that after that week I'm letting him go for real. Is this normal?

Answer:

Bipolar disorder is characterized by extreme swings in mood. Fear of
abandonment and not wanting to "let go" are not symptoms of bipolar
disorder. They are among a variety of symptoms of borderline personality
disorder, buy many people who do not have a borderline personality disorder
have trouble letting go. Some people are simply more sensitive,
dependent, or passionate and need more time and support to move on in
relationships. Some men, this might surprise you, have this problem as
well. It is not gender specific.

The borderline personality disorder is one of the more interesting disorders
and it is one of the least understood of the personality disorders. I
think it is admirable that you are concerned with your behavior and you want to
take an honest look at why you do what you do. I would caution you to not
leap to conclusions about a diagnosis, and we have to struggle with
relationships to learn what we value in another person. Many of the
people who come to counseling center do so to talk about relationships. I
hope you would consider making an appointment to learn more about what you want
in a relationship.

Question:

I'm a freshman living on campus this year. I like school, but I'm seriously
thinking that I want to commute next semester. I just got offered a really
great job that's willing to work around my school in Elizabethtown, and I miss
living at home with my family. Also, the expenses of living on campus are a
little too much for me right now. Is it possible for me to commute next
semester? If so, how do I go about doing that? And if I commute do I still have
to buy a meal plan?

Answer:

The office of housing and residence life would be the best source of answers to
your questions. I would suggest talking with your RA or Hall Director
first. If they cannot answer your questions, they can direct you to the
administrators who are in charge of these decisions and policies.

The decision to live on campus or commute is one that many students face at
some point in their college experience. The Universitys generally
recommends, and requires, that students live on campus to establish the
necessary peer, faculty, and staff relationships that are known to promote
retention and graduation. The data is clear that students who create
friendships on campus and are a part of the campus life learn more and graduate
with the skills that employers seek. The financial issue must not be
ignored, however. Talk with your Hall Director to find out your options.

 

Question:

I am interested in making an appointment to discuss some issues I have been
having throughout the semester. Please contact me about available dates
and times.

 

Answer:

You may call our office, or drop by, to make an appointment (745-3159).
When you come in for your first appointment we will ask you to fill out a brief
information packet and read over a form that describes your rights and
responsibilities as a client.

Question:

OUr son, who is a freshman at WKU, has written home that he is flunking all his
classes, is depressed, doesn't like Bowling Green, and wants to quit school. We
live here in Louisville so have a hard time keeping up with him. What can we do
to help him? Is there somebody on your staff who can get in touch with him and
see what we can do to salvage the semester?

Answer:

This certainly sounds like a time of great concern for you. It would
probably be a good idea for your son to come see us at the Counseling and
Testing Center. He can call and ask to be seen on an emergency
basis. I would also suggest that you continue to speak with him daily by
phone and encourage him to get help. Not knowing the details, it is hard
to say if he can salvage the semester but his mental health would come
first. Under legal and ethical principles, no one from our staff could
contact him directly unless we had first hand knowledge that he was imminently
at risk to harm himself. The hall staff has a bit more flexibility when
it comes to checking on students. You could call his hall director and
share your concern and ask that someone check on your son. Given the
proximity of Louisville I would also suggest you come down and visit with your
son to see how he is doing. While you are here you could determine if he
is capable of finishing the semester. Please let us know if we can be of
further help. You may call and speak with our staff at 745-3159.

You mentioned that he has written you. I would take that as a good
sign that he wants your help.

 

Question:

I was directed to this department by my advisor. I am having problems
concentrating in class and it is becoming a problem that is reflecting my
grades. It's mainly in classes where we dont follow the book much.
If I can look at the book at my own pace I am able to do quite well, but if
it's a lechture setting I'm less than adequate. Who should I talk
to? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Answer:

What you are describing is a common problem for many college students.
There are many reasons for this problem. College courses are often more
complex and move at a faster pace than highs school classes so many college
students have to "learn" how to learn. It is possible that you
are a visual learner and you have a harder time learning material that is
presented in an auditory manner. It could be that your lectures are not
well organized and it is simply difficult to follow along with the instructor
or professor. You could make an appointment with our center and talk with
someone on our staff to get some ideas of how to get more out of your
class. You might want to visist the learning center and see what they
have to offer as well. I would also suggest you make an appointment with
your instructor and see if he or she has some ideas of how you can make better
sense of the lectures. Some students learn more from books than
lectures. Some do better with lectures than books. The important thing
here is to not beat yourself up. College will expose you to many
different instructional styles. Think of which suggestion offered here
makes the most sense to you and try that one first.

Question:

I need help now! The other day I cut for the first time in three years it was
really bad, however, nobody knows because i hide it on my hips. I couldn't take
it anymore, with the combination of stresses from school, friends (or lack of),
sucky social life, and sleep deprivation (cause of my job). I have thought
about commiting suicide and really considered it, I was even thinking about
doing it when my roommate was away last weekend. I dont know where to go that
is cheap..i'm not insured and my family does not have medical insurance...help
before i go over the edge...

Answer:

The University Counseling and Testing Center offers counseling and therapy to
students at no charge. We work closely with the Health Services Center
and the Medical Center (a local hospital) should you need medication or
hospitalization. You may call our office at 745-3159 to make an
appointment. If you are in crisis, you may walk in and be seen
immediately. You have gone three years without cutting so you know you
can make it, but it sounds like you need some help with all the stressors you
are facing. Please think about making an appointment with our office.

Question:

My son is a freshman at the school and is very frustrated at this time because
he doesn't know where to go to get questions answered. I told him to go to his
counselor and he says he doesn;t know who that is and how to find out who it
is. He wanted to drop a class and didn't know how to do it and he knows there
is no chance he will pass it. Can he just get out of the class. He can't
understand the teacher because she is Asian and he just is so frustrated he's
ready to quit school altogether which I don't want him to do of course. Can you
help me to help him?

Answer:

The transition from high school to college is always a difficult one because it
is sometimes hard to know how to navigate the system. Has your son
declared a major at this time? If he has, his advisor will be a faculty
member in that department. Since he is unsure of who that person might be
the easiest thing to do is to talk with the departmental office associate.
If he has not declared a major yet he will be advised by someone in the
Academic Advising Office located on the third floor of Potter Hall.

Unfortunately the university deadline for dropping classes has passed.
However, if there are extentuating circumstances your son might be able to
withdraw from the class. The best place for him to start is to talk with
someone from the Academic Advising Office.

I hope this helps your son,

Here to Help

 

Question:

Is there a place in town/on campus that is best for getting tested for
STIs/STDs?

Answer:

The Health Center in Academic Complex on campus is an excellent resource which
you can use. The medical staff there frequently does such testing.

Question:

I’ve been having problems focusing throughout my life but lately it’s getting
to be more than I can deal with. As a kid most people seemed to think I was
just a daydreamer or weak-willed and I guess I must have thought they were
right, but now I’m starting to think I might have ADD. The problem has gotten
much worse over the past three years to the point that it torments me.
Sometimes I’ve spent as much as a day trying to get through a 30-page reading
assignment because my mind keeps leaping all over the place. My grades are very
important to me and I’ve done very well, but this year I’m afraid everything is
going to fall apart because my classes have gotten harder and my attention span
shorter and I just don’t have anymore time to sink into it. I skip nights of
sleep every week and pretty much don’t get to talk to anybody because I spend
so much time trying to get my work done. Sometimes I don’t even get it done. It
feels like I’m going blind I spend so much time staring at books or my computer
screen trying to pay attention. I can’t even have passengers when I’m driving
because they tend to distract me so much. My brain feels like its one big
confused jumble and I have trouble remembering things, especially for the
long-term. I’ve been leery of the idea of getting medication because I worry
about what it will do to my prospects of getting a job and medical insurance,
and trying to explain to my parents the need for it. But I can’t deal with this
anymore and I need help of some kind. What do you recommend that I do? Thanks
for your time.

Answer:

Your use of the phrase"confused jumble" does strike me as a good way
to describe what I am hearing you say. You indicate that you have good grades
and thus obviously have been able to concentrate in the past. But now that
ability to focus and stay focused seems to be lost. That can certainly be
disturbing and sometimes depressing. I'm not sure what might be going on, but
I'm wondering, since you indicated that you are a senior, if maybe there is
some uncertainly about "what do I do after I graduate," or "what
do I want to do with my life." That is certainly a fairly normal feeling
for those who are looking at graduation. As I said, that's just a thought. If
you would like to talk, sort out some of the confusion, and maybe explore some
more, feel free to contact the Center at 745-3159 and arrange to see one of us.
Hope this is helpful.

 

Question:

I often feel very weird when I look back on the time when my hormones were
raging and trying to rid myself of the feeling when I was in middle school,
From age 10-12 I often feel very ashamed for this. I know that growing up you
everyone has sexual tendencies but I feel like my hormones were ten times
stronger than others and feel really weird about it. I was not molested and
don't do strange things now. i am perfectly normal. It is just when i look back
on it I feel so ashamed it. I think that I obsess over little things, but this
has been hanging on my mind for a while now.

Answer:

I think many of us are uncomfortable when we think back to the time in our life
that we discovered our sexual impulses and feelings. This is a part of
life that many cultures choose to not talk about openly with young men and
women, so many of us grow up in silence and wonder if we were normal. You
could make an appointment with our center and talk to someone about your
adolescence and discover what was going on then. Some of us do have a
stronger sexual drive and this is normal. I guess the main question is
what do you want to do now with your memories. We can't change the past,
and I am not saying you should. But we can decide in the present what the
past means. Talking with a counselor, talking with friends, or even
reading more about sexual behavior can help you put your own memories into
perspective. Please think about calling our center, or post another
message with your questions.

Question:

I recommend adding a link:
http://www.testprepreview.com/gre_practice.htm

to your website. It has online GRE practice tests for no charge.

Answer:

I will forward this link to our Director of Testing.

 

Question:

I am a transfer student to WKU and I live in Glasgow. I attended a school in
Nashville last year and while i was there I started to try and find help for an
eating disorder that I have had since my sophomore year of high school. I went
to a doctor this summer at Vanderbilt and was diagnosed a manic depressive with
bulimia nervousa. When I moved back home I thought I was going to be able to
start improving on my problems and would not allow them to effect my class
work. I have always been a 4.0 student and I went to Belmont on an academic
scholarship, but the disorders have gotten out of hand and I am allowing them
to come before my schoolwork, family, and friends even. I didn't know who I
should conact about my problem, I don't want to fail my classes but some days
it feels like all I am able to do is lay around and cry. I would appreciate any
information you could give me.

Answer:

We understand the tremendous struggle that comes with an eating disorder and a
diagnosis of bipolar disorder. These are disorders that can be managed
with therapy and medication, but anyone with these disorders would need
continuous support for several years to develop his or her own coping style.
It sounds like you have taken excellent steps towards finding your self and
your own coping style. The staff at our center could continue this work
with you so that you can have the college experience you deserve. If you
can no longer work with the professionals in Nashville I would suggest you make
an appointment with our center. You can meet with a staff member and
discuss your options. Please give us a call.

Question:

how do i handle a spiritual problem that alway affect my academic career this
kind of spiritual probem i alway ran away from my hostle

Answer:

I understand you have a spiritual problem that affects your academic career,
but I guess I don't understand the specific problem. You mentioned
running away from a hostle. Are you talking about a hostel, as in
lodging, or a hostile, someone who is angry? Please write back or give
our center a call if you would like to discuss this problem further.

Question:

I'm thinking about coming into the health center because I believe I may have
an eating disorder, and I am also a cutter. I really don't want my parents to
find out but I am under my father's health insurance and they mail letters home
whenever I see a physcian of any sort. (to let him know what our insurance is
paying for, as well as to show we have covered our co-pay) I also get very,
very stressed out quickly and generally feel "blue", and as though
I'm just drowning sometimes. I'm worried about my parents finding out about my
problems, and even more worried about what would happen if I needed medication
and had to pay for it, or something. Would counselling go to my insurance, and
if I needed medication of some sort would it reflect on my insurance? Thanks
for any help you could give me.

Answer:

Cutting and an eating disorder are very serious problems and I hope you will
make an appointment with our center or other service providers and find out how
we can help. I understand you are reluctant to involve your
parents. Our center does not use insurance so no bills would be mailed to
your parents. What fees we might charge are very small. Medication,
if prescribed, could be expensive and might involve your insurance provider,
but that is a decision that you could make. I hope you will consider
calling our office and making an appointment.

Question:

I dont exactly know where to start or what type of help I am actually needing
but here goes. I have been having emotional problems for a few years now and
have been putting off treatment just as long. I keep having anxiety attacks and
paranoia is getting the better of me. About six months ago I have the mother of
all anxiety attacks and finally go to see a dr. I keep telling people that my
medication is for anxiety only but I also have some for depression. I dont like
to tell many people that I am "depressed" because I feel ashamed of
it and am still having trouble dealing with it. I am having so many
"depression causing events" that I cant keep up with. Once I feel
like I finally get my head above water something else drags me under. My
financial situation is unbelievable, once I think I finally have my bills
undercontroll I end up sick and in the hospital. So there are a few more
thousand dollars in debt. I have, no had, been dating the same guy for six
years and right after I am finally put on medication for my
"depression" he breaks up with me. We broke up four months ago and I
still cant seem to get my bearings. I had to take this semester off from school
and now they are messing with my studen loans, my campus e-mail account and my financial
aid. I feel like I just keep getting hit over and over again and am never given
a chance to recover. My Dr. has already doubled my medication and I still feel
like crying all the time. I dont want to ask her to increase it again but I
just dont know how to deal with everything. Please help, if you can understand
my ramblings. Thanks

Answer:

Sounds as though alot is going on in your life. It is probably going to
be difficult to sort this all out by yourself. My suggestion would be to
get to a service that can provide both medical and psychological help. In
the South Centeral Kentucky area, Lifeskills is a very good resource.
They have a sliding scale that can help with your financial
situation. Hope this has been helpful. If you should return to
school, we in the Counseling & Testing Center are available for you.

Question:

Ever since I was young I have had a hard time dealing with my emotions(all
types), I used to cry, scream etc...just so I could express myself but
lately(last two years) that hasn't seemed to work. I have began making small
cuts on my arms and legs (anywhere really). I used to be able to control this
but recently I feel like I am so out of control and that I am completely
addicted to cutting just for the heck of it. I try to stop but the thought
continually races through my head. I feel so alone b/c there are very few
people that know my secret and every time I do it I feel like I am in some
weird way letting them down. I know this behavior is not normal but what are
some ways in which I can begin controlling it? Let me point out that I am in
therapy and have been in and out of the hospital but I am desperate for a quick
solution. I have no intention of killing myself but I don't know how much
longer I can keep doing this and not causing permanent damage(emotional,
physical,

Answer:

First let me say that I am certainly glad that you are already in
therapy. That's a very positive step. Unfortunately, there is no
quick solution to this problem. This did not happen overnight and will not
be easily "fixed" overnight. Have you been honest with your
therapist about your cutting? If not, I would strongly recommend this. If
the therapist does not have a complete picture then it's hard to address
issues. Is there a particular time of day that you prefer to cut? Finding
a preoccupation of time could help with that or finding an alternative to
cutting could alleviate some tension until the desire to cut has passed.

This is a very difficult thing that you are dealing with and I think it's awesome
that you are facing this head on. That takes a lot of strength on your
part. Another thing to really focus on would be address the underlying
reason why you are cutting. I hope this has been helpful and please, be
open with your therapist so they can deal with things. Good luck!

Question:

is it possible or either partner to get a STD from intercourse if neither one
of us have any?

Answer:

Thanks for asking a very responsible question that everyone who is sexually
active should ask. If two people are having intercourse and both people
do NOT have STD's (no infection, virus, etc.) then they would not be able to
pass a disease to each other. BUT....and this is an important point, many
people may have an STD without showing signs or symptoms of the disease.
Without testing, it would be risky to say you don't have an STD just because
you feel okay and are not showing symptoms. So the crux of your question
is how it is you know that the two of you are disease free? Testing for
STD's is available through University Health Services. Couples that
choose to be sexually active would do well to be tested to be sure.

This is why it is so important for people to be aware of sexual transmitted
diseases. You could have had a sexual encounter years ago that exposed
you to a disease and you would only know it if you were tested. Some
STD's have a dormant period with no symptoms. People with these diseases
might feel it is safe to have sex but they could still pass the disease on to
another partner. There are some people who feel angry that they are
infected and take out their anger by letting other people be exposed to the
disease. Sort of like "I didn't want it but I got it, so why should
I care if someone else gets it". Again, another reason it makes sense
to know someone well before having sex with him/her. The University
Health Services also provide an enormous amount of literature to students that
can be helpful to read before deciding to be sexually active.

Question:

I feel so alone sometimes. I feel that people around me have such different
values and they don't support me because they do not understand me. SOmetimes I
just want to cry because I just want someone to vent to, someone who
understands me to encourage me that dedication to causes and class work is
better than the whole party scene. I have lots of stress because my family
needs my support, and me being at college means that they can't adiquately
support themselves, and maybe this makes me a bad person, but then again I want
a better life and I have aspirations and dreams. I want to have the carefree
life of a normal college student, but I know that is not an option to me, and
finding people who understand my dedication is so hard. I am not really sure
what my question is. Maybe just ahelthy way to deal with my stress and emotions
when I become over whelmed. I am a transfer student and finding support from
anyone even close to who I am has seemed impossible, and I consider myself to
be very outgoing. I have lots of aquaintences, but true freinds I cannot find.

Answer:

Isn't it strange how we can be surrounded by people but still feel
lonely? I think part of the problem is that as we get older we become
more particular about our friends. When we were six years old, we could
enjoy being around anyone who was six, but as college students we tend to be
more selective. It sounds like you have not found your group or niche
here at Western. You say you are a transfer student so you may just need
more time on campus to find people like you. I talk to students all the
time who are not into the party scene and feel a responsibility toward family
back home. I would suggest talking to your hall director if you live in
the residence hall. Hall directors can help you find people with similar
values. There are also a lot of campus organizations whose members are
less interested in partying. You can find out about these organizations
through the campus web page or by dropping in on the second floor of DUC at the
student activities office.

The other thought that comes to mind is that if you are troubled about being in
college, you may be holding back when you meet people. Other people might
not know you are feeling bad. They may just think you want to be
alone. Or you may be trying too hard to meet people, which can make other
people pull away. Making chit chat is a very important skill that we all
have to learn by trial and error.

What you are describing is a very common concern among college students.
Many students have come to the counseling and testing center to talk about this
very same issue. Please consider making an appointment to talk with
someone on our staff.

 

Question:

Besides the university who else offers on-line

Answer:

If you are asking who else offers on-line advice like Here to Help, I must
admit that I am not aware of any other service. I am sure it exists, but
I have yet to come across advertisements. I suppose a basic search
(e.g. Google) would reveal some sites. I would caution you however to
know the training and intent of anyone offering on-line advice for
psychological concerns.

Perhaps you are asking about on-line courses. Again, there are many
providers, and most universities now offer some courses on-line. You could also
go to the KYVU website. (http://www.kcvu.org/home.htm).
Please write again if I have misunderstood your question.

Question:

couldnt i just come in and talk 2 someone about my suicidal thoughts without
giving my name? This way its casual conversation and my parents wouldnt find
out.

Answer:

I appreciate your worry about your parents
finding out but to be honest with you a conversation about suicidal thoughts is
never casual. Thoughts of suicide indicate a serious psychological
problem and need to be treated with respect. As we discussed before, your
parents are only brought in if there is reason to believe their presence would
be helpful. That is something we would talk about before deciding to
contact them. I strongly suggest you make an appointment with our center,
or any other mental health professional, and begin working with someone to
bring a sense of peace back into your life
.

Question:

I am 29 years. Since I was 17, I always think about the unnecessity of life and
think about suicide. But the fear of suicide is hell-freightening me. When that
thought comes,my body shrinks backwards and a groan comes from my mouth out of
fear. I haven't ever thought about it seriously. But that thought coming to my
mind every now and then. I have a good and supportive family set-up (though
there are some financial problems). Moreover we are very religious. For the
last 12 years I have overcome this tendency by telling myself that "this
thought is from evil, not good for u, skip it". But is there a way that I
can eliminate this evilish thought? (the thought about Unncessity of life is
not anymore, but suicidal thoughts prevail) I want to be 100% a god-fearing
man. So, evenafter I get counselling from psychiatrists, this urge to be a pure
god-fearing man is going to dictate the terms of my mental peace. So, will
there be a conflict? What should I do?. What is my problem?.

Answer:

It seems to me like the last three questions that you ask are very important to
you. I'm not sure however that I understand what you are asking. It
sounds like you expect conflict even after you finish counseling, but I am not
sure what kind of conflict you are describing. Are you worried that the
counseling will conflict with you desire to be a God-fearing man? Maybe
you are worried that even with counseling you may still think of suicide from
time to time. I guess none of us can predict the future, but counseling
has worked for many students and it does not have to conflict with your
religious beliefs. Have you already found a counselor or
psychiatrist? Would you want to come to our center and hear how we do
counseling? Please give our center a call to find out more.

Question:

i want 2 join the swim team, where are the try outs? What is the process? who
can I contact? Thanks!

Answer:

If you are interested in swimming for WKU the best place to start would be to
contact the swim coaches. Their offices are housed in the Diddle Arena
complex. You can also reach the swim program by telephone at
745-6075. Coach Bill Powell is the director of swimming. Bruce
Marchionda is the assistant coach and Bob Benson is the diving coach.

They can provide information about where tryouts are held and when.
Good luck to you!

 

Question:

I am having trouble with a former friend and his wife. My mom owns the
place were my husband and I live and they have taken it from her and have her
believing just because they helped her when her husband died and saved the
house they think even though they do not own it they can take it over and
destroy it. My mom is believing that she owes them. They are very abusive to
her she is a handicap and needs our help. I now I should do something but, we
do they other poeple will kick us out and my mom says no but, they don't listen
to her. What can be done. We don't have much time. We live in Nutrioso Arizona.
Can you please tell me what I can do. I hope to here from you soon.

Answer:

First let me
say that this service is for students attending Western Kentucky University, so
I am limited in the advice I can share with you. I am not familiar with
the law concerning rental property in Nutrioso, Arizona, but I would assume
that people can not move into property and "take over" without risking
police involvement. It sounds though that the core problem is that your
mother wants to provide lodging for this other couple and she does not
understand that damage is being done to the property. I am not clear when
you say the other people will kick you out. If they do not own the
property they cannot kick you out. I would suggest you contact the local
police or a lawyer to find out what rights your mother has in this situation.

Question:

a friend and i would like to get tested for AIDS; what is the cost? where can
this be done?

Answer:

A convenient way for students to be tested for AIDS (or any other medical
concern) is to make an appointment with Student Health Services. You may
call 5-3806 and ask about the current cost for this test. Their services
are professional and confidential. I hope you will give them a call.

 

Question:

I was just wondering if Dr.
Greer was still there and if he did one on one counseling.

 

Answer:

Yes, Dr. Greer is here and he does see people for individual counseling.
Please give our center a call if you would like to set up an appointment.

Question:

my family has a history of manic depression. i am having major mood swings, one
moment i'll be on top of the world and the next i'm lying in the mud. i want to
come in and talk to someone, but i have problems opening up with anyone new. i
mean, my friend and i were just talking and i was estatic about my life and
then something as simple as a guy not getting online to talk to me tonight sent
me into an almost sucidal mood. i'm scared. the smallest things depress me and
i never know how i will react to things around me. i do want to come in, but
i'm scared

Answer:

Sometimes mood swings are just a part of everyday life, and sometimes they can
be more debilitating. It's often helpful to talk with someone who can help you
sort out whtich is more true in your situation. Getting some assistance
with this can also be a bit scary. That, too, is normal. Hope you
will give yourself a chance to sort this out . We at the Counseling &
Testing Center are available should you need us. Hope this has been

helpful.

Question:

I am a woman that is drowning in debt. I feel like life is crashing in on me.
My son is in college and we have not been able to qualify for financial aide.
My credit is bad and I can not qualify for a loan and my husband seems to be
oblivious to my depression. What can I do? Is there no hope?

Answer:

Sounds like several things are coming together at the worst time. Your
son's college costs are compounding your debt problem and your husband does not
seem to understand your depression. We could help you with your
depression and we might start with talking about what you can do now about your
debt (financial advisement, debt consolidation, etc.). The staff at the
Office of Financial Aid might also be able to give you suggestions about
alternative sources of aid. The Yellow Pages list several agencies that
offer help to manage debt as well.

Depression can be hard to understand and it can lead to increased tension
within a marriage. Your husband's choice to be oblivious may not
deliberate. He may not understand how depression develops or he may be
afraid to talk about it. We could also help you be able to talk openly
and clearly about your stress. This may help him become more
helpful. Please think about making an appointment with our Center.

Question:

My family has a history of mental health problems and I have always been afraid
that I may have them myself. I had a very vivid dream the other night that
something horrible was happening to my body, but such that it manifested itself
when i woke up and I could not stop feeling it for days at a time. I have had
emotional issues in the past and I know the family history and co-morbidity may
suggest that this incident may only be a sign of worse things to come. I am
terrified to have to talk to someone about this in person and I am not sure if
this is something I should be worried about.

Answer:

A family history of mental health problems does not always mean you will have
mental health problems. While some disorders have a genetic component
that may be passed on to children, many disorders are learned and not caused by
an inherited biological cause. Even if a disorder is inherited, it can
still be treated by therapy, medication, or a combination of both.

Your dream could mean many things or nothing at all. Our fears and
worries often show up in our dreams. Worrying about having a disorder
could show up in a dream, but that would not mean you have the disorder.

Talking with someone could help you put your worry into perspective and give
you a sense of control. Its sort of like finding a strange lump on your
body. Seeing a physician could help you know what to do. Fear of
the lump might keep you from seeing the physician, but the lump is still there
and you will still worry. Since you are going to worry anyway about the
lump, might as well see a physician.

I suggest you make an appointment with our center. We could hear your
family history and help you estimate the seriousness of your concerns.
Asking us about your worry is a good sign that you won't let your problems take
over your life. Please give us a call.

 

Question:

i smoke pot about once a week. I want to quit now that im here at WKU. But its
hard cuz the stuff seems to find me where ever i go. Is there a amnesty thing
or somethin I could do to stop.

Answer:

Wanting to quit is the first step and I congratulate you for making this
decision. Especially since you have discovered that quiting is
hard. This could mean you have already developed a dependency. I
want to encourage you though to not think of the pot as something that finds
you whereever you go. It doesn't find you, you find it. To get past
the power it has over you, you have to stop giving it the power. It is
probably going to feel weird for a while, so trust that it will feel better and
stop looking for pot where ever you go. You could make an appointment
with our office and work with a counselor or psychologist to make a plan for quitting.

There are also several really good Narcotics Anonymous groups in town that will
give you a lot of support while you go through the process. I know of one
that meets at First Christian Church on Wednesday nights. The people there are
very positive and would welcome you.

Question:

I don't know what it is with me, but for like the last three years i ge mad
over the smallest things. I take my anger out on the people that are closest to
me. Some expamles would be if i had planned something out and one part didn't
go my way i would very upset. When im at work and people do something that
doesn't make sence or just mess something up for no reason i get pissed. I
can't go a single day without getting mad. The only thing that helps is for me
to go to bed right after something pisses me off, but its not like i can do
that all the time. What should i do?

Answer:

Anger is a very natural emotion. The problem comes in when we express our
anger in ways that aren't appropriate. It's very typical that we take it
out on the people that we love or are close to as well. That's not saying
that's right, but that is something that a lot of people do. It sounds
like developing some coping skills for your anger as well as determining what
is making you angry is a good place to start. You could utilize an
activity to replace you going to bed, because as you said that can't always
happen. Hope this has been helpful and please remember that you can make
an appointment here at the counseling center for developing coping skills as well
as talking about why you get so angry.

Question:

What I can’t say through speech is easily said through the keyboard and the
click of a mouse. Even so, I find myself stuttering with my finger tips. Not so
eagerly pressing in the keystrokes.With my mouse I submit the words which taken
as a whole are by far the most unusual thoughts I have ever experienced. I
encourage your honest insight, but ask you to reframe from spitting on me. I
think about suicide every time something doesn’t go correctly. School, halo,
girls…….whatever. I cut myself once with a box cutter once as I was opening a
box containing tennis balls (I was a stocker at a store once). It kind of hurt
but I indulged in the sting of the blade while letting the blood run onto the
floor to make neat little puddles. I left the blood there in my area for
several hours until the janitor saw them. He told my boss about the blood and
they asked me about it. I told them it was the fake blood that you can buy for
Halloween. I think they didn’t buy it because my termination from the store
shortly followed along with my next paycheck. That was the first time I felt
the need to do that. I quit doing it but I matured into fantasies of killing
myself. Throwing myself off the waterslide at my new job for example.Sad but
people would probably pay more attention to my dead corpse than they currently
do to my living flesh. I don’t want to get off topic, but I’ve just been
reminded by the buzz of my cell phone that I have yet another tale of woe. This
guy, who is currently sending me PCS shortmailis a real piece of work.We will
call him “Billy bob thorton”. BBJ left me stranded out in the middle of nowhere
the other night because I was freaking out after smoking chronic. In retrospect
I think the bud was laced with smack because it gave me a panic attack. By
panic attack I mean was freaking out completely. Instead of helping me out he
grabbed the camera to capture the moment. Then he said he would escort me home.
What he really did was shut off his lights and loose me on a country road.
Crap, dinners ready, gota go..............but quickly........I’m coming over to
your school on August 15, gona live in that real tall PFT place. I want to know
if these issues are worthy of some one-on-one time with a professional. I already
know the answer, but I need to hear an affirmation.

Answer:

It certainly sounds as if you have had a lot to think about. Not sure what type
of response you were expecting but I do certainly want to affirm that you are
worthy of one-on-one time because you deserve to feel better about yourself and
your situations. I'm glad that you are coming to WKU and I would certainly
recommend you make an appointment with our center. We'll be here in August as
well, as a matter of fact we're here now.

Question:

I'm going back to WKU this fall for my third
semester there. I'm nervous for a lot of reasons. I'm not a social person
and never have been. I've had a small amount of friends throughout my life but
they've all faded away. There are things on campus that I am interested
in getting involved with i.e. psych club, english club and some others. My
roblem is I get so nervous, anxious and unbelievably self-conscious in
social situations esp. around strangers. It's not so bad say if I'm at a
bookstore but at school it feels different. I'm not outgoing, tend to be
withdrawn and have been told many a time that I am aloof, stuck up and unpleasant to be around.
When really I'm just frightened of being rejected, saying something stupid or

just not ever knowing what to say. I mean
I literally hardly ever know what to say. I hate small talk and it annoys me
when someone asks how I am b/c I
know honestly they do not care. It's all out of common courtesy. I just wish I
had some friends or one or two close friends. Those that I have become
acquainted with, I hardly like anymore. I just get so disappointed with people
and being that I am pretty negative, no body sticks around me very long. I just
don't know what to do. I saw a counselor
at the university last semester and will see one again this fall. It's just
that I am in such need of answers. I don't want
to be someone that people stear clear of b/c of these "vibes" I give
off. I know I show people that I don't want to be bothered but honestly I do want friends, honest, good
ones. Those are hard to come by esp. since I don't party and do all those
college things. I don't know how to socialize! It feels so overwhelming! Well,
I've written way too much. I'm just really interested in any sort of advice or
something to help me out. Thanks.

Answer:

you seem to have a very good
understanding of your situation, and that's good. I am wondering,
however, if maybe
you are
not anticipating a bit. By that I mean, you are anticipating problems in
the fall and its just now summer. Let's wait until the fall to be
concerned about the fall. You mentioned that you saw a counselor earlier
and plan to continue in the fall. That

sounds good. We do have
counselors during the summer. If you would rather not wait until school
starts in the fall, feel free to
contact our office and set up a time to start getting some
answers to your questions. Otherwise, just pick up with your counselor in
the fall. Hope this is helpful.

Question:

I am a junior and still do not know
what I want to do! Before I transferred to WKU fall 2003, I'd taken those
inventory things or personality profile quizzes to see what
I'd be good at. All to no avail. I have no idea what I want to do with my life as far as work is concerned.
I don't even want to deal with anymore tests or inventories or even researching

careers. I've done all that
and nothing has sparked my interests. I don't have many hobbies and those I do
have I dont want to
make a profession out of. I feel like I am wasting my time in college even
though it is where I would like to be. It is so discouraging when I Find all these other students
who know what they want and they're getting there. While I'm here STILL

at 21 not knowing what to do.
I do have a major, only b/c I don't know what else to major in. My major is
psychology but I def. do not
want to be a psychologist! I need something that keeps me busy, on my feet and
not around a whole lot of
people. Noisy places and environments make me nervous. Plus I have a bit of a
vision problem so that sort of puts a damper

on things. I've been
struggling with this issue since I started college in 2001. It's nearly 2005
and I'm just at a loss. I could stay in school forever and not know what i want to be. It is also
hard b/c I cannot talk to my mom about this issue (i live at home when not in school). She wants me
back home and go to college in my home town where it's cheaper. She just wants
that b/c she wants me near her. I do
not want that. My homelife has been less than pleasant to put it lightly. I
want out and I

feel pressure from her,
myself and everything else. Please help!

Answer:

You sound like you have been doing
a whole lot to find out what you want to do with you life but maybe not how

you want to live it. There
is a big difference between these two. I would suggest that you make an
appointment with one of us
in
the Counseling Center and see if together we can address the questions that I
hear you asking yourself. Hope this is helpful.

Question:

i have a boyfriend who does
drugs. hes been doing em ever since n before i met him. Weve been going out a
while n he always says hes gonna
quite but never does... i want him 2 quite n i told him if he didn't quite then
it might not last 4 us. But
also i am a big religious person n he also doesn't believe n god. i don't kno
if its gonna work between us. Basically i

need help... i wanna kno how
2 make him quite tha drugs, how 2 make him love god, n i wanna kno if i am able
2 do it, n if this
relationship will last even though its going down this road... i kno theres
suppose 2 bumpy roads n a relationship... but r they suppose 2 b like this?

Answer:

My initial response to you is very
simple GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP. The two of you have totally

style='color:#990000'>different value systems. Relationships
can not work if the value systems are not compatible. If you feel the need for
some assistance with this
decision, feel free to contact the counseling center and set up an appointment.
Hope this has been helpful.

Question:

I have recently having headach feel like my
chest is full. I have a lot of muscle cramps.When its time for me to go to
work I start feeling dizzy and wondering how people is going to treat me on the job.I
cry a lot and the least thing someone say to me negative I think they a picking on me and I cry again. I donot sleep at night not at least a full night sleep. I do
not go anywhere because I do not like crowds. Is this a problem I need to
correct with a physician.

Answer:

It certainly sounds as if things
are a little stressful for you. There are some medications out there to
help with

depression and anxiety. A
physician can assist with the prescription. Another avenue to consider
would be what is the underlying
cause of these things you have expressed. Have you
considered talking to anyone (like a counselor) regarding this? Please
feel free to call our
office and make an appointment. Our services are free and confidential to
WKU students. If that is something
that you aren't interested in, or at least not right now, I
would strongly recommend you get checked out by your physician. Health

Services on campus is available
for that purpose. Good luck!

Question:

well lately I have been having a few issues
where I have got grounded countinously because I cant stop fighting with
my family. my parents are starting to want to send me to a boys home and all I want is just
some privacy and my parents tell me that I must be a "responsible adult
first" I mean my parents wont even let

me have a girlfirend and I am 15! I have a
step-dad and my biological father while he was going out with my mom had me a
the age of 15 my mom was 14 at the
time and personally I think my mom believes I'am
going to follow in his shoes! I'm not I am more responsible then that and I can
keep my snake in it's cage! I just want to have some family time where we dont fight and
have issues all the time and yes I do mean ALL THE TIME! MY sister tells me that she hates me and wants me dead 24/7/365 and to be honest it's making me very
sick! I cant even sleep at certain nights because my family issues are so
bad! SO PLEASE I BEG OF YOU READ THIS AND GIVE ME AND ANSWER FAST because I
need help.

Answer:

Being 15 is a difficult age.
It's also difficult for me to answer this as this is primarily geared toward
students at Western
Kentucky
University. However, have you tried talking to your parents about your
concerns? I mean talking calmly and maturely

style='color:#990000'>as they feel you need to be? I
know it's summer, but I would certainly recommend going and talking to your
guidance counselor at
school regarding this. But until then, is there an adult that you feel
you can talk to about your concerns? As for your sister, are

style='color:#990000'>your parents aware she is saying those
things to you? That can be very hurtful to hear from someone you care about and
who is "suppose"

to care about you. Talk openly to your mother about your concerns and how
you feel she thinks you are following in your biological dad's footsteps. If you can, try talking
to your stepdad or whoever you might be closer too. I know this can be

extremely overwhelming especially
when it seems to be coming all at once. I hope this has helped and I wish
you luck.

Question:

Subject: problems with parent

Question: Hi, this is me again writitng
about my mom not letting me stay on campus. Now things are getting even worse.
My boyfriends mom told my mom that she
thinks I call him to come over for sex, which is not true. Of course my mom
believes everything that other people
tell her instead of me. She thinks that the only reason I want to live on
campus is him when really it has nothing
to do with him. My classes are during the day and I work at night and on
weekends plus he is in high school marching
band so all his time will be spent with that. Talking to my mom doesn't help
anything because I don't get to talk. She yells
and I have to listen, if I say anything she tells me to shut up. Please help me
I don't know what to do

Answer:

Hello again. Sorry things
aren't getting any better for you. Is there another parent on the scene
that you can talk to? There
must be some reason that your mother feels she is doing the
things that she is doing, whether you see that reason as right or wrong. You can continue to try and
talk to your mother or perhaps you can do just as she tells you to do.

You need to

determine if it's worth continuing
to try and talk to mother about, with attempts at different ways to approach
her. At this point,
I'm
assuming that you aren't 18 yet and are still considered a minor. In any
case, 18 or not, you will always be considered the

style='color:#990000'>child and she the parent. When you
get older your relationship will evolve into something different
hopefully. I wish you luck and hope this has helped a little bit.

Question:

Hi, I am 17 years old and will be a freshman this fall. I am supposed to be
staying in a dorm room. I have already payed
the $150.00 deposit and my mom signed the form. I have gotten my room
assignment, talked to my roomate, and bought
stuff for the room. Now she has decided that I don't need to stay on campus
because i'm just gonna end up pregnant.

She has no reason to think this because i am a good person, I make good grades,
and I have been with my boyfriend for almost
three years and have not gotten pregnant yet. I will be 18 in September and she
still will not let me do anything or go anywhere
unless it is to work. Everytime I try to talk to her she says I am being
disrespectful even if I am talking to her in a nice way. What should I do, I was really looking forward to
staying on campus with all my friends!

Answer:

Sometimes it's very difficult for
parents to let go and allow their child to grow up. It sounds as if she
really wants what is best
for
you or what she thinks is best for you. You sound like you are doing the
right thing by talking to your mother and I would

style='color:#990000'>recommend you continue to do so.
Have you tried asking her what you might be saying that is being disrespectful?
Sometimes getting
clarification helps. Another way to look at it might be that she is
saying that even when you aren't being disrespectful

style='color:#990000'>because she might be concerned about you
and simply doesn't want to talk about things. Sometimes we like to
protect ourselves and our
feelings as well. Hope this has helped. Feel free to continue
responding if it's not getting the information you

style='color:#990000'>need. Good luck.

Question:

my question is i have a sister that
out of a blue one day just started haveing sezuires at work. she has been
haveing them for about two
months now, and she has being see by a neraligist head doctor a few times and
ran diffenet test and every test
they do it come's back neg- nothing wrong with her, but she has sezuires at
least a few every two weeks, she gets them bad too full body movement too, so doctor gave her a med to
prevent sezuires she was haveing a head ach tonight at work and feeling dissy so she took a pill like
told to by doctor, but sezuires got worst,got rushed to hospital, they think
mental emtional prob she has
something going on with her head some where in side, they can not find any
thing wrong with her so they want
her to go see a mental doctor but she don't want to because she don't
understand what is going on she is not mental she really is a happy go lucky girl not
undersyanding y this is happening to her,so if u would plz take your time to
read my note and get back to
me on your thought i would be gratefull very much thank you

Answer:

First, I'm sorry to hear your
sister is going through these things. That is very difficult for anyone
to have to go through.
Second,
I'm not exactly sure what your question is. However, perhaps it would be
a good idea for your sister to see someone
(a mental doctor as you called it) to see what their assessment
on the situation is since the medical doctors say they are unable to find anything physically wrong with
her. It couldn't hurt her to do that and at the absoulute least could
indicate if it were a physical
or psychological problem. I wish her luck..and you to in dealing with
your concerns regarding your sister.

Question:

hello,i wish to avoid chat coz i hate this but i
cant do it because i use chatrooms due to loneliness but i cant leave to
use net so what should i do plz help me

Answer:

I"m not sure exactly what you
are asking. I hear you say that you don't like to chat but you are lonely
and using that to interact
with
people. It's difficult sometimes to interact face to face with people
because you are afraid of rejection or other reasons.

style='color:#990000'>Have you thought about joining some type
of club or activity that allows you to interact socially with others?

There are some religious
organizations on campus as well as academic clubs, sports clubs, etc. Is
there some sort of interest/hobby that you
have that might put you in contact with others with that same
common interest? If you'd like to talk to someone, I'd encourage you to contact the counseling center to
make an individual appointment. I hope this answers your question or
helps. If it doesn't,
please feel free to ask again or to make an appointment.

Question:

What do you do when you feel like you are
falling in love with your male therapy person and you are a male also?

Answer:

In any therapy situation, it is
hoped that a bond of trust is formed which allows the atmosphere for growth
during the counseling
process.
It may be that you are confusing feelings of being "in love" with a
normal positive reaction to being accepted
unconditionally by your therapist. It's possible that you
have never had, from another male, the acceptance or concern you receive from your therapist.

Although you might find it difficult, it would be appropriate to bring up this
issue in session. The two
of you can explore where these feelings are coming from, and how they may be connected
to experiences with significant
people in your past. If it would make it easier for you,
take your question and this response with you to your session. What you are experiencing is not rare, so I
encourage you to talk it about for your own growth.

Question:

I'm a student at a branch campus of WKU and I'm
having a real hard time keeping my cool about Christianity invading every class I've taken at this college. I am
not a Christian and I feel that religion does not belong in my classes. Do my
instructors not realize that not everyone is a
Southern Baptist? I should not have to announce to my classes that the
discussion

is making me uncomfortable....because this is a
PUBLIC university. If I had wanted Christianity in my college courses, I would
have enrolled at Lindsey Wilson or Brigham
Young. I understand that most people in this area are very vocal about their
religious preferences, but I am not. I do not
feel comfortable defending myself in Literature class when my professor
announces that non-christians are wrong.
I should not have to deny a bible outside of the college's front door either.
How can I let this branch realize that
church and state must be seperated when we enter the front door? If this campus
doesn't become more careful, there will
be someone who gets extrememly offended and then it will be lawsuit time.
Signed - Fed up

Answer:

You raise an interesting issue
here. I think it was just last week that a student wrote a letter to the
Herald complaining that he
felt
persecuted because he was a Christian and you are complaining that you feel
persecuted because you are not a Christian.
I suppose there are "pockets" on all campuses in which
one may feel on the outside. I would certainly encourage you to speak

up in class. Not to prohibit
expression, but to be sure you are sharing your views as well. I doubt
you are in the minority, but
it
is easy to feel like you are the only one if the instructor has made such a
harsh generalization about the opinions of
non-christians. I would suggest you speak with the
instructor privately and ask him/her if your grade will be threatened should
you express views contrary to the
class. I would think the instructor would appreciate a more lively class
discussion that

comes when students with differing
views are willing to speak openly without animosity.

style='color:#990000'>If you feel threatened, I would suggest
you speak with the Dean of Students and find a safe way to challenge the
attitude of the instructor.
I must admit I can appreciate the position you describe. I am often
amazed at how some people use their faith to

push people away.

Question:

well, this is pretty stupid but its pissing me
off. Well, I am 16 I am able to drive and go out and do things but my mom wont let me do anything. Like just the other night
i asked if i could into town with my best friend and hangout with other people and make some new friends. Well, she said NO.
Which i kind of knew she was going to because she always says No.

The only thing she lets me do is going to the
store with my friend but i have to come right back. The last time I went with
my friend to hangout was about two weeks
ago. And the only reason she let me go was because i lied to her and told her
that we were going to my friends bf dads
house to talk to his little sister. I know you thinking well if you lied to you
mom then she soundnt trust me but I
desperate I wanted to go out and have fun. I think the most reason why i am mad
is because all i do if she dont let me go
is sleep. So you would think she would let me go so i wouldnt be sleeping all
day. But no she wont. Just some info for
you I dont know if this will help you to give me an answer or what but I have 6
older brothers and they were all trouble
makers they did drugs they drank they smoke they got into a lot of trouble. I
dont do any of that because I play sports and
if i get cought i will get kicked off the team. and I dont want that to happen
so i dont do that stuff. Also my mom got pregnant
when she was my age I think that has a lot to do with her not letting me do
anythind. She has nothing to worry about there
because she wont let me have a bf, When a boy calls for me i get introuble. I
get asked every ? in the book. who was that?
why were they calling you? and so on. Sometimes when and boy calls for me and they
ask me who it was i tell them it was my
bf and there like it better not have been or youll be grounded. I called my dad
and told my dad about all of this and he told
me to just tell my mom that i am not my brothers so dont treat me like them and
untill i make a mistake they should let me go
out and be a teen. For the most part my life dont suck its just I want to
beable to go hangout and make new friends. So if you have any ideas on what i should do i would greatly appreciate it
Thank you Jessica

Answer:

From several things you have said
it sounds like you are in high school. If this is the case, I would
suggest talking with a
guidance
counselor or teacher that you trust. It does sound like your mother is
doing the wrong things for the right reasons.
What I mean is that she does sound worried about you and
she wants you to have a better life, but she may be coming on too

style='color:#990000'>hard. Trust and respect must be
earned, so while it is important that you not lie to her, it is also important
that she begin to trust
you. Maybe a counselor or teacher could help you talk with your Mom and
suggest she begin to slowly loosen up on her
rules so you can have the opportunity to prove that you
can be trusted.

I think it is great that you
are wanting to be more than your brothers. It is hard to keep a strong
faith when so many people
around
you don't believe in you. Keep taking the high road; don't do anything
just to prove them wrong, do things to prove
you are right.

Question:

A friend of mine is deeply depressed. She lost
the guy she was engaged to in Jan. in a car wreck. Her grandmother died in Feb. and in March she had a friend commit suicide. During Spring Break she was
in a car wreck herself. She is failing all of her classes. Her professor's

have suggested she get counseling, but she hasn't yet. Her friends have not really been there
for her and believe it or not her parents have tried everything possible to
hurt her. There in jail know for threatening her. I told her this was a lot of things
to deal with at one time. I believe she has started drinking every night. Even
though she still goes to class. Her mind is somewhere else. She has even thought about
suicide. She's my best friend and I really won't to help her. Is there any
advice you can give me on helping her. Or anything you guys can do to help her. Please
Help! Thanks

Answer:

It certainly sounds as if
your friend is going through a lot right now. This must be a very
difficult time for your friend
as
well as you to see her going through so many things. I would strongly
encourage her to seek counseling at our center, or

style='color:#990000'>even with a community agency, as long as
she seeks counseling. The best thing you can do is be supportive and
listen to her while
encouraging her to seek help. But during this time, remember, you can't
make her do anything she is not willing to do!
This will probably be the most difficult thing for you to
understand. If you feel she is an imminent risk to herself then you can

call someone for help. You
didn't say if she lives on campus or off, but a hall director is a contact as
well as the Police if you
feel
she is imminent risk. Hope this is helpful. Let us know if there is
anything we can do!

Question:

I met "Tom" in 1999 and we
started dating. I had just gotten divorced. Tom gotten divorced a couple of
years before I did. He had only been
married for 9 months - no children. My dating relationship with Tom was a
roller coaster ride. We would date and
break up (usually Tom would do the breaking up) however, even when we weren't
dating we would stay

in touch either by long phone calls or email.
And we would eventually begin seeing each other as 'friends" (which means
we continued to sleep together). A couple
of years ago I was ready to call it quits when Tom professed his love for me -
took me on a wonderful vacation as a
Christmas present and told me that he wanted to marry me. Since I had been
married once before I was relunctant to
agree to marriage, but I did agree to move in with him. We had a wonderful
romance for about 18 months. I was on
cloud nine! I had never had so much attention and adoration in my life! Then we
went on vacation this summer and it was a
disaster! The weather was horrible - for example - driving in a down pour on
the interstate made me nervous (although
I did not complain) and camping out was not a luxury in the mud (again, I
didn't complain). There were some good
points to the vacation, but on the trip home Tom was quiet and defensive. By
the time we got home he would not talk to me
and when I tried to communicate he snapped at me and said that he didnt' want
to talk. (We had never fought before). I thought
everything would eventually blow over but it didn't. He stated to go out by
himself leaving me at home. He wouldn't tell me where he was going - when he would be home, etc. He eventually told
me that he was rethinking our relationship. I asked him if he had met someone else and he assured me that
he had not. In January he told me that I should move out. He told me that he was not cut out for long term relationships. I
am taking this very personal - thinking that I had said something or done

something wrong - I look in the mirror and
wonder what it is about me that made him change his mind. I continued to live
with him until in March - it took me that
long to find a place. During that time our relationship had changed into
roommates - although he continued to want
to have sex. I am very depressed - I just can't figure out what happened.

Answer:

Well, let me start by asking what
you want to do with the answer to your question. That is, when you figure
out what
happened, what do
you want to do with what you know. It sounds like you want to know what
you did to make Tom pull
away,
but do you want to change? Or do you want to make Tom change?

style='color:#990000'>You mentioned twice that you were upset
but did not complain on the trip. Do you think Tom could sense you were
upset? Maybe he does not
know what to do in a relationship after the "attention and adoration"

changes. I also noticed that even when you were "roommates" he still wanted to have
sex. Sounds like he sees a relationship as convenient, and you go along
with it for fear of being alone.
His pattern after he professed his
love to you was not at all different from when he dated you. Many men
enjoy the excitement
and
sex of a relationship but do not know how to add committment (or they just
don't want to). Sadly, they tend to not have

style='color:#990000'>trouble finding women who will stay with
them hoping some day the men will change. Working with a counselor might help you figure out what you do
in your relationships, but there are also many good self-help books that address this topic. If
you would like to make an appointment, please call our center.

Question:

me and my roommate got into it know we don't
speak and we don't share anything but the phone not that I care but she is so two-faced and she always running
around talking about problems she need to be talking to me about.Long as
she don't saty out of my way then i'm
cool.What should i do?

Answer:

It's a bit difficult to answer
your question specifically without knowing more details. However,
roommate
problems are not
unusual. In fact, families are roommates, and we know how differences of
opinions arise in families.
Residence
Hall personnel are trained to assist with roommate problems and
differences. I would suggest that you check with

your RA or your hall director and
go from there. Hope this works out.

Question:

Over the past three or four months, we have
discovered that our friend does nothing but lie to us and his family. We don't know what has got into him. He tells me one
story, then another friend a different story. We have not confronted him
about this. What we are trying to do is find out
what we can do to help. We are hoping that you may have some good words of advise and maybe tell us where we can do some
online research online. We really think he has a problem and can not help
himself. We feel the only way he can make
himself happy is to lie to all of us.

Answer:

The best way you can help your
friend is to be honest with him and tell him that you are uncomfortable with
the lies he tells
you.
Tell him you understand he may be afraid or angry but you cannnot continue to
trust him if he lies to you.
People
often tell lies when they feel they are not being valued or appreciated.
Being honest with him is one way to show you

do respect him and want him to be
himself when he is around you. Sometimes people lie because they are
hiding something.
He may be
afraid that if you know the truth you will not want to be around him.

Either way, the more time you spend not talking about his lies, the more he will lie.

If he does not want to talk to
you about the reasons behind his lies, maybe he would be willing to make an
appointment with
our
center. You can tell him that we will work with him to find a way to more
honest with himself and others.

Question:

I am a married person and unfortunently i had a
sex. Luckly the other side had carried out the HIV test. The result was Do i need to worry and can i sleep with my wife
and have a baby. Regards

Answer:

I can certainly understand how you
would be concerned since it sounds like you cheated on your wife and may have
picked up
a sexual
transmitted disease. Unfortunately your question is missing a variety of
words so it is hard for me to give you definitive

style='color:#990000'>response. I assume when you say
you "had a sex" you are describing a sexual encounter or that you had
sex with someone other than
your wife. It is not clear if the other person had an HIV test before or
after the two of you had sex. You did not
indicate whether the results of the test were positive or
negative.

You asked if you need to
worry. My first thought is yes. Engaging in sex with someone other
than your wife can create a
number
of problems that you need to deal with if you want to have a healthy
relationship with your wife. You may want to

style='color:#990000'>clear up your feelings about your wife
before you have a baby with her. As I said before there are too many
unknowns in your question
to give you a clear answer. I would suggest you make an appointment with
someone on our staff to help you
understand how you feel about your wife.

Question:

My ex girl friend and I have confessed how much
we love each other. We have a special bond because we were friends before we started dating and remained friends
after. This fall she is going to college in Alabama. We both want to get
back together but at the same time she says that
she doesn’t know if she could handle a serious relationship being far away

from each other. Everyday I get sick to my
stomach because I miss her a lot now and I don’t know what I am going to do
come this fall. Lately I have just had bad
feelings about us and even waiting to be with her. Four years is along time to
go without dating someone. At time me
just as if I am tourchering myself by hold off and waiting to see what happens.
I want to

be with her all of our friend’s say that we act
like a married couple. I wish that it was true but its not. I don’t know how I
can tell her because in the past I have
been the one to break things off between us. So should I keep what we have and
date other people without telling her, or
should I tell her we need to see other people and if we are destine to be
together then we will.

Answer:

It sounds like you are afraid or
anxious to be alone. That is a common feeling for people your age.

It is part of learning what is,
and what is not, love. You asked if you can keep "what you
have" and date others here without telling her. If you date

style='color:#990000'>without telling her, then you won't keep
"what you have". Even she sounds unsure about having a long
distance relationship. Maybe
the two of you should take some time talk about the future. Be honest,
and don't try to protect each other. If both of

style='color:#990000'>you try to not say anything that will
hurt the other, then you will both be hurt. It sounds like you are open
to dating other people as
well as having a long distance relationship with her. Maybe she feels the
same way. I guess the important thing here
is for the two of you to treat each other like humans and
not objects. Relationships are not like bank accounts; you can't put

one on hold while you invest more
in another. You say you have broken up several times, but are still in
love. How is that
possible?
Don't confuse being alone with being in love. See what she has to say
about it. If you continue to struggle with your

style='color:#990000'>feelings, give us a call and set up an
appointment.

Question:

I can study for hours for a test. I know I am
smart, but I do not do well on the test.
I do not need to study more than I do. How can I do well on my tests? I do not
get overly anxious. I just do not pick
the right answers, and on essay tests I do not write enough info down. I forget information. How can I remember
the stuff I

Answer:

It sounds like you're pretty
frustrated because your grades do not reflect your effort. Sometimes it
not about the number of
hours
you study, but how you study. For example, how do you learn the
best? For some people it's re-copying their notes

style='color:#990000'>and for others it's having someone ask a
question and they explain the concept or some do best by simply re-reading
their book and notes.
You need to find out what works best for you. Also, where are you
studying? Are you studying in the
library where's it's really quiet or are you studying in your
residence hall where there's a bit more noise. For some people it is

easier to remember material if
they study in an environment similar to their testing environment. So if
your testing room is so
quiet
that you can hear your heartbeat maybe that's the type of environment you need
to create for yourself when you study.
Since I don't know the specifics of your situation I can't give
specific advice. I would suggest that you consult either the Learning Center or the Office of
Diversity Programs. Each office has a study skills specialist who can
help you develop the best
strategy for studying. I hope this helps.

Question:

Who can i turn to iam being treated unfair at
school by my teacher and the school councler? My parent works at the school and if she gets involved they will fire
her. It is so unfair. Iam a good student an honor student at that. But for some
reason there seems to be a problem. My parent
has spoke to each of these teachers for issues concerning not allowing us to

use the bathroom as needed and caused us
embarrasment and also yelling at us and when i say yelling i mean yelling
several teachers witnessed the event and
told my parent of the yelling. Since my parent confronted the teachers they are
taking out on us and being hateful.
Please help!!!!

Answer:

You don't specifiy what you are
being treated unfairly about. Is it about using the bathroom as
needed? (Are you a college
student?) Whatever the issue, it's time for a calm conversation
between you and the instructor involved, without parents being involved. You might even begin the
conversation with "Could we talk about this calmly and find a solution that
is good for everyone?"

Keep in mind that the only behavior you can control is your own. If
others have an anger problem, don't let it become yours.

Question:

I am feeling so down right now and I
need advice. I have got more bills than money. I spent too much on credit
cards and now I'm worried about how
I'll even make it through the month. It's so bad that I even considered just
dropping out of school.
Everything just seems so helpless and I don't know what to do. I only work
Friday-Sunday and I work out of town.

I don't know about switching jobs,
because I don't know if I can find anything in Bowling Green. I look through
the ads and never see
anything that I really qualify for. I also don't know if I can work anymore
hours than I already work due to studying and stuff. I just feel so depressed right now and I don't know
what to do. I had thought about debt consolidation through one of those agencies that pays your bills,
but I have heard negative things about them. I'm just so depressed and I don't
know what to

Answer:

I recommend that you stop using
the credit cards because every charge increases the problem, and use cash only
for your
purchases.

You could also contact the businesses from which you receive bills and see if
you could work out a feasible payment
plan. Ask at your bank for a referral to a financial planner who can help
you with budget, payment plans, and even
give you information about loans with lower interest rates than
that of your credit cards. Check with financial aid about student loans, too. Try not to let
embarrassment stop you from asking for help, lots of people are in the same
situation that you're in, and
you'll be relieved when your finances are better under control. You may
feel like you're in a bottomless pit, but this really

style='color:#990000'>is a hole you can dig yourself out of.

Question:

I am all around great girl, I don't want to say Pretty, but I think so. Been
told so, been told I have a
wonderful smile and personality. I have tired dating all kinds of different

guys. I would like to date someone
longer then a few months, Maybe I am just the type that is

style='color:#030303'>suppose to never had any kind of
relationship any longer then that. I have a friend that tells me
style='color:#030303'>that I am to consumed with guys. I don't
think I am, but a few dates every now and then would sure make life a little more happy. I am a happy
person, that last thing sounded like I
get down and depressed. I don't. I do keep an eye open, what is
the harm in that. Guys do it too.
I just have a few standards, what person doesn't. I guess my question is, why
do guys just
sit around
doing nothing if they 'say' they have feelings for you? Yeah this is all a mess
of
information. So i am
going to end this. Thanks RR

Answer:

Dear RR,

You're asking a question that
women have pondered since the dawn of time. It sounds like you are ready
for a longer term
relationship
at this time. However, the issue is that the college years are often a
time when males are dealing with the tug of
wanting to be close to someone in a relationship and needing
their own space. That may be part of the reason why your relationships have not ended up where
you would like. Be patient and don't give up, eventually you both will be
in the same place. In
the meantime stay positive about yourself and realize that life can be full
without a romantic relationship. Hope this
helps.

Question:

I am having a hard time dealing with people that
I work with. Throughout my life, I have always had issues with how to communicate with people. I am a good job of character
and I can see when I will have a problem with someone. What I hate, is that I must be an open book!! I am very
easy-going and laid back. I have people think that I am a doormat when

really I am not. When I come to a new situation,
I am quiet, but I smile and say hi. In this place people look and barely speak.
Then I heard two girls talking about me and
calling me weird and laughing about me. What should I do? I have to work with
them? This happened before and I left the job. I
had an ex-boyfriend talk about are relationship and how he really felt about

me and things weren't good. The person that
found out told everyone. So people would laugh at me and not talk to me anymore or would sometimes talk to me. So I am also
afraid that others that know him he has told these stories about me. I am
afraid to go anywhere. With the new job, I think
someone knows him, this girl that was talkin about me boyfriend kept staring
at me and smiling. I didnt see his face good,
but when she got in the car, he just sit there, so I wouldn't turn my head but
I guess he made who I was. So I quit the
job in case there is bad things that will go around about me, or wait to see?
and if bad things are said about me,
should I leave then.

Answer:

Let me see if I understood your
question. Your ex-boyfriend has something going on with another woman at
your place of
employment?
Sometimes she and another woman laugh at you? You are wondering whether
you should stay at the job and
see
if they stop laughing or leave now?

Sounds like you have to decide
how important it is to work there, because it sounds like it is not fun.

Some people do not want to
grow up. They spend their whole lives playing junior games of jealousy
and spite. Your ex sounds like he is not very

style='color:#990000'>grown up either, if he makes a point to
be seen with another woman. The sooner you are away from these people the
better. The only way to win
is by not playing the game. If you try to beat them, then they win.

Question:

i have just recently become a
christian, through baptism in to christ.i have a problem stress, and anger, the
minister at my coc
congergation says that i am facing a lot of emotional and spiritual stress. i
am agood person and a friendly one, but i seem to get angry and stressed out alot, and most of the time it
is over little things. i have a pretty good family life, but there are ssome problems there too. how can i
control the spiritual\emotional stress better? and how can i get my angerunder
control . i need

Answer:

It sounds like you are struggling
in a variety of areas. You would be welcome to come to the counseling
center to explore the
different
concerns, and I encourage you to do so. A counselor can help you discover
where your stress and anger come from,
and how to cope in healthy ways.

Question:

All of my friends say that I am a wonderful
person with a great personality. This s flattering at times, but I always

feel that they don’t really like me at times. I
am an only child and I am use to being by myself but I just hate the feelings that
I get when my friends don’t answer my
phone calls. I know that they could be at work or doing home work; but for some

reason I can help to think that they don’t want
to talk to me. What can I do to try and get over this

Answer:

I think we all tend to be selfish,
and it can be normal. Thinking of ourselves can help us to be aware that
we can offend others
without
trying. Too much selfishness can leave you with feelings of
disappointment and worry. You ask what you can do to

style='color:#990000'>get over feeling bad when a friend does
not answer the phone. I would suggest calling more often so you can have
experiences of someone not
answering. Sort of like how a person gets over his/her fear of water;
he/she gets in the water a lot, and over
time becomes less anxious.

When you call someone, tell
youreself as you dial that he/she may not be home, this prepares you for the
disappointment.
Picture
that person in your mind and imagine all the things he/she could be doing when
you call. If you think of how busy
he/she is, you are less likely to take the "no answer"
personally. Ask yourself how many times people call you and you don't
answer. It happens a
lot. You might try keeping a list of the times you call and someone does
answer. One trick to life is to
pay more attention to the good times than the bad times.

We all have bad times.

If this continues to bother you
I would suggest you make an appointment with our center. Working with a
psychologist might
help you
get over your feelings of entitlement or being special. Then you can
tolerate disappointments without taking them
personally.

Question:

my girlfriend broke up with me today she wont
talk at all to me.i feel very anxiety ridden how do i deal with it. i thought
we were in love. my constant prying and questioning finally ended it.I feel like i
will never get over it. can you give me some

Answer:

Breaking up is very hard
especially when you aren't necessarily the one who wanted to be broken
up. There's lots of changes
probably going on right now with this as well as lots of
different feelings and emotions. I'm sure your anxiety level is very
high. I would suggest
talking to someone you trust about this, either a friend or a parent or even a
staff here at the counseling center.
It's sounds like you might tend to be jealous (by your statement
of constant prying and questions). Although some jealously is a natural feeling, it can also be very
unhealthy in a relationship. You can't push her to talk to you if she
doesn't want to. Perhaps
time will allow that to happen. Good luck and I hope this helps!

Question:

Sorry about not coming out and
giving a good question. I would really like to spend the rest of my life with
this girl. However I

feel like I am cheating myself by not dating other girls. I am the
jealous type and I don’t think I could handle seeing her with another guy. We
are friends now and we don’t
want to have a long distance
relationship because that would make things even harder. The problem is
sometimes I want to see other people but when I am with others all I do is think about her. So should I just wait
things out and hope for the best or date others until she is done with school.
Oh and she also says that
when she dated other

guys, I was always on her

Answer:

I appreciate you responding
back. First, I want to let you know that what you are experiencing is
ok. It hurts when breakups
happen and sometimes we feel a loss how to handle things.
I can't really answer the question for you about whether or not you should date other girls because that is
a choice that you are going to have to make. However, at some point you
are going to have to decide
when is the right time. Does dating someone mean that you don't still
love the person you were with? No, it
doesn't. Just make sure that both parties involved in the
dating relationship are dating for the same reasons. Does that make sense? I hope this helps and
please know that the someone at the counseling center is willing to talk with
you about this!

Question:

Subject: this kid pussed me at my junior
high school Who should i talk to what
should i do will you guys give me someone i can talk to will you be on my side

Answer:

First let's talk about your
question. As I read it I get the impression that you might still be in
junior high school. Is this true?
Are you still in junior high school? If you are then it
would be a good idea to talk to your guidance counselor, principal, or a

teacher that you trust.

This web page is set up for college
students at Western Kentucky University. We would rather you use the
people at your
school for
advice. They are trained to work with young people and have a better idea
of what your situation is like.
If you are a college student and you are still angry about
someone who pushed you in junior high, then I would suggest you

make an appointment with our
center. You can talk to one of us and discover why this anger is still
with you. No one likes to
be pushed around, especially if it is a bully doing the
pushing. Bullys are people who are so afraid of other people that they
put on a tough act.

You need adults who can help you understand how to deal with a bully.
Please make an appointment with us if you are a Western student.

Question:

All through out grade school I didn’t have a
problem making friends. About my junior year of high school I had a hard time keeping them. Some of my closest friends
starting to drink and smoke bud all the time. I just couldn’t handle the

hanging out during school nights and smoking and
drink before school even started. I pulled myself away from them thinking

that it would be a good thing. Only to find out
that I would have one close friend out of the four of us. During that year I
kept telling myself this is for the good
and your only go to get stronger from this. Well come senior year I was still
with my only close guy friend. We both
had been through hard times he lost a girl and I lost some close friends. He
then got into a new relationship with
this girl but things wouldn’t last long with them. Over the summer we all
became good friends and in August this girl and I would become close. I told my best friend about this
and he didn’t have a problem with us dating. We first built a good friendship then we took things to the next level.
After we dated for about 5 months I broke up with her only, because she was

grounded for months for getting drunk which lead
to her best friend getting raped. We are still good friends and after dating
other people we can’t seem to forget about each
other. We confessed our love for one another this past November. She is a
senior in high school and next year hopes to go
to the University of Alabama. I trust her but I get so depressed when I think
about her going off to school. All I think about
is will we be together for another 4 or 5 years. We both know we are too
young to even talk about marriage. Although I
would marry her right after school and she said that she wants too that, but I
just have a hard time dealing with the
present. She is the only thing that really makes me happy and I don’t know why.
Our own friends seem to think that we
will get married one day, because they say we act like a married couple. I like
that idea but it also

makes me feel abnormal I see my peers in my dorm
going out to party and I sit here thinking about her. What should I do about this problem? She means the world to me and I
don’t want to lose her, but at the sometimes I can’t handle 5 years of sleepless nights this is the first one.

Answer:

I'm sorry I'm not exactly sure
what question you are asking. You gave me a lot of great background
information. Are you
asking
if you should marry her? Or are you abnormal because you think about her all
the time? Of course no one can tell you
what you should or should not do. It sounds like
you care about this girl very much which often puts a lot of stress on making

decisions. However, people
put different priorities on different things. If you weren't thinking
about this girl would you be out
partying with people in your dorm? That might not be a
priority to you in the first place. If you would like to call the counseling and testing center, we can
certainly make an appointment to talk further and more indepth about this. At
least please post to help
me better understand what you are asking.

Question:

I'm currently a sophmore here at Western. I just
resently got saved again a few weeks ago. I'm have been trying to make good of all the things that I did over
the past few months. I don't know really how to state this. It makes me feel
bad on the inside, although I did
not do this directly, I saw who did. It's been eating at me for along time now
and I'm not sure

what to do. The other day when I went to
my friends room and I saw the object that he had stolen. It made me think of
that night. He had stolen letter
that belonged to the university. They use to hang on DUC before they did the
remodeling. He took 3 or 4 letters
that I know of and said he had got others before. How should I handle this. My
beliefs tell me that what he did

was wrong and that the letters belong to the university. I don't really know if
the letters were important to the building, but he did take them. One of the letters is in his
dorm room right now. I fighting a battle between good and evil. I know I need
to do the right thing, but how do
I do it. I watched him take the letters, but I had nothing to do with that. It
is wrong, I'm confused on how to
handle this. I must live the right life and I feel the proper people should

Answer:

I surely do sense the

"torn" feelings inside of you. That is what I think you mean by
". . . a battle between good and evil." I guess I believe that one of the
healthiest things, both from a psycholgical and spiritual standpoint, that a
person can do is to forgive
his own imperfections. You mention that you have recently had a renewal of your
spiritual self. Maybe a talk

with your minister might be
helpful. Regarding the specific situation with the letters, you might
just mention to your friend that
you feel it would be better if he were to return them.

Then it is up to him. Please remember, we are responsible only for our own behavior -- not the behavior of our
"brothers." They are responsible for their own behavior.
Hope this is helpful.

Question:

I moved in with my high-school sweetheart my
sophomore year of college. I guess we were never "walking on sunshine", but lately things have turned for the
worse. I type this at 3:45 in the morning because I woke up and he isn't here.
This morning I was telling him how I
wanted to do something with him because I have been shoved to the back for
weeks. He gave

me a hug and reassured me that I wasn't forgotten.
When he came home, I asked him what he wanted to do. He cleverly avoided
the question and started getting dressed to go
out. He said he would be home by one and here it is -- almost four. This is
almost an everyday thing. He is hanging
out with his new friends. When he's not with them he is with his old friends so
they don't feel left out. I really don't
think that he is cheating on me, but it still hurts to ALWAYS come second. I
can't mention it to him because he always
ends up making me feeling like I just want too much attention or am jealous.
What should I do?

Answer:

It hurts to be taken for granted
and to always feel in last place. You said that you "can't"

mention it to him because it gets twisted into your appearing jealous. However, you "can"
discuss this situation and it's time to do so. As you describe it, his
behavior illustrates the
old saying "he wants to have his cake and eat it, too." It's
not selfish to make healthy choices or to be assertive

style='color:#990000'>when the situation results in consistent
loneliness. Sometimes relationships lower our self-esteem, and you may
want to explore this with a
counselor. You don't have to remain on the back burner!

Question:

How do you get over a boyfriend who had sex when
you were on a break when you didn't? You no that it is o.k. but can't get over it.

Answer:

If I am reading this right, your
current boyfriend has sex with someone else and you want to know how to get
over it? You
may want
to start with understanding why you want to get over it. Does this mean
you want to forget that he cheated and hope
he won't do it again, or are you asking how do you get over him?

Cheating hurts, and it is
important to know that while cheating is personal, you should not take it
personally. We sometimes
think
that the other person cheats because we are not "good" enough.
That is not true. People cheat because they are not

style='color:#990000'>ready to commit to a relationship.

Some times people feel guilty after cheating and they can commit, and some
times a person who cheats
keeps on cheating.

Many people come to counseling
center to understand what they want in a relationship and to figure out when to
stay and
when to
leave. I hope you will make an appointment with our staff if his behavior
continues to bother you. I also hope you will

style='color:#990000'>insist that he prove he did not contract
a sexual transmitted disease before you have sex with him.

Question:

I have this guy friend that means
the world to me. I have heard the the guy that he is dating has a STD from a
friend. I know that you can't really
go on everything someone says. However, this friend said they use to date and
that he got his STD from that
guy. I care for my friend dearly, but he is very stubborn and don't listen.
What can I do to help him from

getting an STD. I know the guy he
dates sleeps around. Many of my gay friends have been with him. I don't want
this guy that means so much
to mean to contact anything like this. So far my friend says they have not been
doing anything. I just know that something will happen. This guy is what he tells my friend. I
don't want to be the guy to tell my friend about this. I love him to death, but I don't want him mad at me.
I've talked to him before about this stuff and he only gets mad saying that
this guy couldn't be like
that. But I know other wise, I've seen him at parties and with guys. He sleeps
around. Please help me!

Answer:

That is a tough situation.
You feel angry and you want your friend to wake up but he seems to not want to
know the truth.
Maybe he
knows already, but wants to make up his own mind. People like to be
right, but most of us have a hard time being
told what to do. You have a right to speak up about
the danger, but he has a right to make his own decisions. If you keep

shaming him, he may have to stop
listening.

I wonder if this is also about
you. Your concern for him is strong but a friendship can look like
a parent-child relationship
quickly.
We would be happy to talk with you to find a solution to this problem. If
you would like to meet, give our office a
call.

Question:

I'm always the last person to be picked in
games,people I thought were my friends to aviod me and they also call me names! One kid even told me I shouldn,t be at the
school and I should be in anger managment! Should I tell a teacher?

Answer:

It may be time to take a good hard
look at why these things are occurring. What happens in your interactions
that would make
others want
to avoid you? Are YOU aware of often becoming angry? Choose the
friend that you are most comfortable with
and express that you often feel avoided or unwanted. Be
careful not to blame others, this conversation is for you to ask this friend what he/she has observed in your
actions that might make people have these reactions to you. Also ask this
friend's observations about
your anger. It could also be helpful to do some in-depth investigating
into your own behavior with a
counselor.

Insight into our own behavior can be difficult to accomplish alone.

Question:

My parents and I got into a argument
and I'm scared that my dad is in a mood were he HATES me! Is this

normal?

Answer:

Arguments with parents are very
normal. When people have differing opinions, what begins as a
conversation can escalate into
heated
arguments or even shouting matches. What is important is that after a
while everyone calms down and can reach some
sort of resolution. Your father may need some time
to cool off, but I doubt that he hates you. He may be having difficulty with

your transition from being his
"child" to his "adult daughter." A little patience
from both sides will go a long way. Hopefully the

style='color:#990000'>two of you can talk it out very soon.

Question:

I am a senior in high school, and I plan on
attending WKU in the fall. My family supports my decision, but my best friends parents arent sure that they want their child
coming to WKU. He is my best friend and we both will be in crappy financial situations. Who can we talk to about finding
on or off campus jobs (we live in the Owensboro area and will need a

job to pay for our bills upon arrival at WKU
{30-35 hrs/week}) Also what could he do to help persuade his family that this
is a smart choice?? Thanks!!

Answer:

If you qualify for financial aid,
you might be able to get a work-study job. The financial aid office could
tell you more about
this;
you can find them on WKU's web page. The campus and the city offer a lot
of part time jobs for students, but to find one
you would probably need to come here and spend a day or
two looking around. The local paper keeps a good listing, and the

style='color:#990000'>University posts openings on the web
(look under Human Resources). It might help if you had particular jobs in
mind (landscaping, retail,
food services, or hospital work, for example). You could also email our
Career Center and see if they
have
listing for local employers.

As far as your friend is
concerned, we would need to know why his parents are not wanting him to come to
WKU. Parents
can have
many different concerns. Maybe his parents would like to write us with their
questions; we would be happy to give
them honest answers.

Question:

I am an honor student who is involved in
numerous organizations around campus and hold leadership positions. I have a loving supportive family and boyfriend
of two years who goes out of his way for me. But since the tenth grade I think

I may have been suffering from
depression. I often feel worthless as if nothing will get better for me.
Although I am an active student
from a loving family, I seem to have everything going for me, yet I never feel
happy. I don't like being around my
peers because I feel like I will damper them with my mood no matter how hard I
try to hide my sadness, it's always there. I mask my emotions constantly and I am tired of feeling this way.
I don't like feeling like this and no matter how hard I try I can't get over this! I don't want to talk to my
parents because I am afraid of what they may say. Can you please help me and
tell me if I am suffering from
depression? I would like to make this internal pain go away but I can't seem to
get over this.

Answer:

It's difficult to diagnose a
clinical depression without seeing the person. However, your feelings are
certainly real
to
you. From the way you describe your life, feelings of being unfulfilled
are not that uncommon. Sometimes people feel that

style='color:#990000'>they "have it all" and yet
something is missing or the "having it all" is not enough.

Oftertimes a person can just talk it out with another and get a different perspective and thus relieve
some despondency. If you would like to talk it out with one of us in the

Counseling & Testing Center,
just give us a call. Hope this is helpful.

Question:

hello I'm 20 yrs old and I have problems keeping
my anger low and and I really don't know how to handle this problem any more..I used to bottle it all in until it
comes all out. But lately I can't control it and me and my girlfriend split
cause of this and I was wondering how I
could control this factor in my life. with out paying high dollars.

Answer:

Just like you said, bottling up
anger doesn't work, it always comes out eventually. Hard to say what
makes you angry,
everyone
has his/her reasons. There may even be a good reason to be mad at your
girlfriend, or maybe you are mad at
yourself. The thing about anger is that like any other
emotion it has meaning, and you don't want to get rid of it until you know

why you are mad. Making an
appointment with our center is one way to begin understanding where the anger
begins.

Question:

ok...here's my question...why do I
get up set all the time over the smallest thing and how can I control my anger

Answer:

That is hard to say, there are
many reasons why we become angry, but usually when small things lead us to
explode, there is a
deeper
underlying reason. You may feel anxious or inferior, you may feel that
you have been wronged, or you may be among
a significant group of men who become angry quickly probably due
to an inherited predisposition. One good place to start is to ask yourself when you are angry why
you are angry. Ask yourself what is happening and then ask what do you
think is happening.

Anger is always a bad thing, it could be a signal that something is hurt.
Talking with a counselor on our staff is a good way to figure out what is making you mad.

Question:

I am a 22 year old female. I came
out about 1 year ago when I got into a serious relationship after that my life
seemed to start going down the
drain. I have not really had too much trouble with people accepting my
orientation but my mom. She has
just now seemed to finally accept me. My ex girlfriend started to beat me and
what not so I called my mom in

turn she quickly got her a plane
ticket and sent her away. After that during Christmas break someone broke into
my apartment and did 45,000
dollars worth of damage to it. I just lost my job, because I had no place to
live. I thought it would make things easier to start dating a guy in return it just left me with more
misery. I broke up with him after a month or so and my mom got extremely pissed. I dont want to
dissapoint her anymore, but I have to do what is right for me. I decided to
come back to BG to finish up
my school since I only have 3 semesters remaining. I dont want to go to class.
I just sit at home and cry all the time. I take pills to go to sleep. I went to my doctor and they put me
on anti-depressents for my panic attacks, but now I feel no motivation to do anything at all. I need
to find a job and get back on track, but all I really want to do is find
someone to love me. There is
no one around here for me. I cant find a girlfriend. I cant really find a
friend that would stick with me through all this drama. I dont want drama in my life, but it keeps following
me. Its kind of like I have a black cloud over my head that wont stop raining on me. Can you help?

Answer:

Coming out is hard even when your
family and friends will support you. Sounds like you have made several
big decisions in a
short
period of time. I understand you want to find someone who will love you,
but I also hope you will find yourself. There is

style='color:#990000'>a program on campus that can offer
support for gay and lesbian students. It is called The Outlet.

Making an appointment and talking
to someone on our staff could also help along with the medication you are
taking.

Question:

I am now 24yrs old I,ve gone through 4
rapes and a family that really didn't care that I was there. I was almost
givin up for adoption twice. I've had to deal
with eveyone around me doing hard drugs. I'm just so angry and sad inside I
don't know what to do sometimes. I just
cry and cry. What do I do? How do I do this without having to take some pill to
just mask

the pain? Please give me any information that
you can, it will be well appreciated.

Answer:

I appreciate your concern about
not taking medication to mask the pain. Fortunately most medications used
today for
depression and
anxiety do not mask pain (they are not sedatives). They aid the nervous
system but keeping strong negative
feelings from getting worse, but they do not make you "feel
good". Think of it this way; if you break a bone you have a cast

put around the break. The
cast does not heal the fracture; your body does that. The cast just helps
the body get the job
done.
Medications for depression and anxiety can help the brain get back to its usual
function which results in a more stable
and positive mood. Our staff, and the staff at the student
health center, can help you make a decision about using medications. People who have survived childhood abuse
are remarkable humans. Despite the sadness and anger you feel now you
have an incredible journey
in your life and we respect what you have done. Many people who have
survived childhood abuse have
found
great help in group and individual therapy. Having a group, or an
individual therapist. gives you a place to slowly begin

style='color:#990000'>healing in a place where you will be
believed.

There are also many excellent
books and web sites that contain the stories of other survivors. Reading
these stories can help
you
feel valued and normal. Please consider using our center for
therapy. There is no obligation. You can make an

style='color:#990000'>appointment and see what it is
like. I wish you well as you continue to find your place in this world.

Question:

hello my brother is 4 1/2 years old he's mother
is in jail for drug charges and for theft..my brother now thinks that cops are bad and evil.. anyways cole goes to jail to
see his mother when he is 4 1/2 years old i do no think this is right and he
also can't even sing his abc's or recognize the
letter a when i have went over and over with him..my dads girlfriend thinks
there

is also something wrong with this...should cole
beable to see his mother in jail will this effect him emotionally? to me i
think it is he comes home acting very
mean,saying hateful things..what is going on inside his head?

Answer:

It sounds like you do not want
your brother to see his Mother while she is in jail. I would guess he
comes home angry and
upset
because he does not understand why his Mother has to be away. Visiting
his Mother could be reassuring for him even if
Mom is teaching him to hate police officers. He may
need you to explain that police are not evil. There are so many

unknowns in your situation which
makes it hard to give you a simple reply. Please feel free to make an
appointment with our
office
if you would like to talk more about what you are going through.

Question:

I am 22yrs,and married to a man who was married
before and from that marriage he has a 6yearold boy. When we have his boy, it just seems like all they want to
do is watch movies or tv,it's to the point that the tv has to be on even if the
two are in a different room. I would make
suggestions like play games or color or go outside, it just doesn't work.My
husband

even lets his boy watch very violent grewsome
movies that are totally inappropriate for a child but now that's all the child
wants is to watch that crap. I'm worried
that this may have a bigger impact on my husband's boy than my husband knows.
His boy will display some disturbing
behavior ie,bitting himself, banging his head on things,hitting himself and not
playing well with others. I have
suggested looking into this behavior to my husband,only because I work with
people that have mental illnesses and I
see this in his boy. His response is that his boy is just being a typical
kid.please help I feel as though I'm losing my mind.

Answer:

The behaviors you describe (e.g.
biting himself, banging his head) are certainly not typical for a six year old
boy. Your
husband
must want to think his boy is okay, and is hoping that nothing is wrong.

I hope nothing is wrong, too, but it would be good to talk to a pediatrician or psychologist about his
son. Perhaps your husband would let you make the appointment. It

also sounds like you care for this
boy but he is not your son. That makes it hard to be a wife but not his
mother. Does your
husband
want you to be a part of the boy's life? The two of you should talk about
whether you will become a step-mother.
Let us know if you need help; our center is available for
students with family, and if we can not help you we will help you find someone who can.

Question:

hi, i happen to browse your site. i
hope you can help me. i am a 41 yrs. old working wife and my husband is 45
yrs. old.we have two great
daughters, 15 and eight yrs. old.they're doing great in school. we migrated
here 2 yrs. ago. my problem
is about my husband. i find him sending email with his former secretary before
in our country.he might be chatting with

her. this happen last year until
early this year. i confronted him about this but he denied and was very angry.
he even told me he will go
back to our country. i noticed starting middle this year he kept on searching
for the email address of the girl. he is jobless now for 6 months. he spent most of his time searching sex
babes in the computer and chatmates. i'm bothered. help

Answer:

Your husband's behavior could
indicate any number of concerns and they all affect your marriage. He may
have trouble
expressing
himself to you but I would suggest you make an appointment to discuss the
tension in your marriage. We can give
you names of counselors and psychologists off campus if you
would feel more comfortable seeing someone in town.

Otherwise you may call our office
(745-3159) and make an appointment for you and your husband.

Question:

i am 47 and my son is a senior at
western, his mother and i divorced in march of 03 and now my son will not
return my calls or connect in
any way. i hoped christmas would bring him around. i just miss him and love him
& would like to give him
his christmas present and be in his life. i know he is bitter and i don't blame
him. i have asked for forgiveness and told him i

am sorry for anything i have done,
but would like to start over. please help.

Answer:

It certainly sounds like this is
hard for you. Even adult children can have a hard time with the divorce
of their parents. My first
thought is to give him time and understand that it may be
several more months before he is ready to talk to you. Emotional wounds are similar to physical
wounds. Both have a healing period during which it is best to not disturb
the injury. Keep in touch
with him, but do not insist that he reply. Let him know your door is open
when he is ready. He may have some
questions for you that will be painful.

Question:

I am always said to be a great person, friendly,
caring and all around great girl. But I sure alway seem like I don't always have friends, they are only around when
they want something- so I am starting to see it as I attract people that like
to use other people. I know that
we all use people in some shape and form, but that seems to be the only people
that i have been

friends with all through my life and I
have just gotten to a point where I am sick of doing everything for everyone
else, and would love to have
someone or something done for me for no reason. Right now, my problem is that I
don't know how to tell these
people, users, what I want. This may sound weird, but these are friends and
nothing more. I hate to hurt anyone. Then I

think that if I lose these people as friends then I really won't have any
friends and should just deal with it anf forget about it, that is life. I just wish I know how to meet more
people and guys- i do not seem to attract guys. I have been told that I pretty
but it is never by anyone that I
have any feelings for. I never attract them, what is wrong with that? Well I
have said way to much, is there
any help you can give me? Thanks

Answer:

You may feel that no one
else ever experiences what you are. However, your situation is not that
uncommon.
Sometimes we just
need to learn how to assert ourselves with our own needs. Our thoughts,
feelings and opinions do matter and
are important. Just just go ahead and assert yourself. After
all, what do you have to lose. As to your situation with guys, I'm not as sure since I don't have sufficient
information. Could it be that you are looking for "Mr. Perfect?"

Could it be that you are trying too hard? Could it be that you are not looking in the places
that have the most potential? These are some questions that come to
my mind. Sometimes its good to
talk this kind of thing over with an objective outsider. If you would like to
do that, just call the
Center
and we can set up an appointment. Hope these ideas have been helpful.

Question:

Why is it that even when I resolve to be
socially rounded , I always / sometimes get out of control with people cause I think they are disrespecting me or
prejudicing me. I then seek intellectual ways of reducing them to tears or
playing on their weekness. I see
myself as a outsider in soceity- and feel that people are against me.

Answer:

You have asked a "Why
Question" that is difficult to answer without knowing more about you and
your situation.
However,
some thoughts and/or questions do come to mind. Where does this feeling that
people are against you come from?
Where does this feeling that you are an outsider come from? What
are you doing that is working? What are you doing that is not working? Have you asked any close or
trusted friend to give you some feedback? If you can begin to ask
yourself some of these questions,
maybe some possible answers will begin to come to you. Hope these
thoughts are helpful. If you would like to explore

style='color:#990000'>yourself a bit more, fell free to
contact us at the Center.

Question:

A week after I started college my dad was
diagnosed with lung cancer. He has been through the Chemotherapy treatments and they have been extrememly hard on him.
Last weekend he almost died because he couldn't catch his breath and noone was home to help him. I also have a sister in a
wheelchair, who is a handful. My mother is trying desperately to take

care of all of us, but she can't do it alone. I
was wanting to know if there is anyway to drop a semester in college and still
recieve KEYS money or other scholarships when
you return? How do you go about ddropping a semester. Right now my father is most important to me and my mother really
needs help. I want to go about dropping the semester the right way and

check out all the downfalls of doing so, because
I do plan to return next year. Thank you, this is very important to me.

Answer:

You certainly have a lot on your
shoulders right now, and I understand that family matters need to be your
priority. To
withdraw,
contact the Registrar's office at 216 Potter Hall, 5-3351. Concerning
questions about your KEES money, contact
the Financial Aid office at 317 Potter Hall, 5-2755. I
hope it all goes smoothly for you.

Question:

My parents got a divorce when I was 13 years
old, and I have lived with my Mom ever since. I was always a Daddy's girl, and, once they were divorced, I rarely
saw him. I still rarely see him, although I communicate with him more now
that my Mom isn't around to eavesdrop. There was
a period of time while they were going through the divorce that I didn't get

to see my Dad unless under supervision. He's
remarried now with two younger kids. I just can't accept the idea that these
kids have the life I never had. My
parents DESPISE each other, and I'm lucky if I can get through a week without
some drama happening between my Mom and
my Dad's new wife. This may sound silly, but I've never really gotten over
their divorce, and it effects me each and
every day. I think it's also had an effect on other aspects of my life, such as
trusting people. I just can't seem to
find happiness. I believe that if I could accept my family problems, I would be
able to deal with the other problems my life.
I want some sort of resolution in my life, and I sometimes think that, if I
could just talk to someone about how to deal with it all, I would feel a lot better and begin to
appreciate life. It's not like my parents will ever find a solution to their
hatred. My parents don't see it that way.
I think my Mom views counseling as something weak people receive. When I tried
to talk to a doctor about how I wasn't
happy, she just gave me St. John's Wort. (She doesn't believe in medication,
either). I don't want to make her out as
a mean person. She's been through a lot, and I think my Dad had an affair. Does
it sound as if I could use someone to
talk to, or am I just having a pity-party for myself?

Answer:

No, I don't think you are having a
pity party. What you are describing is a very common problem that brings
students to the
counseling
center. Parents are human, but that does not excuse their inability to
raise their children to feel competent and
calm. While you can find fault in your parents' behavior,
the blame must stop so you can become the person you want to be. Blaming parents keeps you trapped.

It creates a bind in which you feel you can not be happy until they
change. They may never
change. That is sad, but it does not mean you are trapped. You
sound very aware of your feelings, and that is a good

style='color:#990000'>start toward your freedom. I would
suggest you think about making an appointment with our center. It could
help you move above the
drama created by the "grown ups" in your life.

Question:

I cant find my teachers email address and I
really need to contact her can you help.

Answer:

I hope we can help, but by the
time you read this you may have already been to class and asked your teacher
for her address.
From the WKU
home page you can access faculty and staff directories; these will include the
Western email addresses for
instructors.

You could also call the department office and ask for your instructor's Western
email address. There are some other possibilities here but I can not tell from your message if
they apply. If this is an on line class, you may have other ways to
communicate with your instructor
in addition to email. Your instructor might choose to not use a Western
account so it would
be hard
to find her email address. You could always call your instructor's office
and ask for the address.

Question:

Hello, I recently had a pretty hard
break up with my girlfriend of 2 years. She decided that she needed time to
find out where she fits in at
college and really see other people I guess. I'm glad thashe wants to do this
because it was making her upset
that we didn't see each other enough here at school. I mean classes and
football take up a lot of time. My not being there

was because i am committed to my
education and to my team. But i am glad she is meeting new people and overall
that she is happy. It's just
really hard to get over it because I'm still in love with her. (It's like the
old saying'if you love something set it free, if it comes back it's your if it doesnt it was never meant
to be. That is kinda what we are doin but it really hard for me to let go of something I love so much. And it
really hurts to think of her with other guys. I am really happy for her and
tell my self that thousands
of times but it still hurts. i guess it would all be easier if i had more
freinds besides her. Because now without her i feel like i have no one to go to or be with. I mean she is
still there as a friend but i need other friends and maybe someone else
who is more than a friend. I guesss I
really want to know how and where to meet good people who are like me. I don't
really like to drink and
party that much. I hate my residence hall (keen) and I don't really know where
to meet people who are like me.
I guess I'm supposed to be good friends with the guys on the team but I'm yet
to find friends there that i like to be around outside of football. Plus football and studies take so much
time it's hard to meet people with out any free time to dedicate to
making friends. i guess i just need some
advise on where to meet people like me and how to get over this break up. I
know my feelings are just
normal but it's still pretty hard. I'm am still in love with her but i just
want her to be happy and if she's happy with out me than that's what i want for her. But it's still hard
to accept. So any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Answer:

Yes, it is hard to break up and
what you are describing is quite normal. I guess it is sort of like going
to two a day workouts; it
really
hurts, but you know the pain means you are growing, getting stronger.
Sadly, you and I live in a world where men tend
to think that they are weak if they hurt
emotionally. Strong men do hurt and are not afraid to hurt; the pain
teaches us valuable
lessons
about the importance of our values and our desire to be with others.

What you have shared really
makes sense. Now is a good time to expand your friendships and not build
your world around
one
person. You may not enjoy the other students in your residence hall, but
my guess is that there are some people there just

style='color:#990000'>like you. They don't stick out,
they don't call attention to themselves. Try hanging out in different
places in the hall and on campus.

Do some reading or easy homework at DUC, Java City, the library, you know,
other places students are hanging out. I would also suggest going to the variety of free
programs on campus. Just pick one and go; see who else is there.
You could drop in on your
hall director and ask for some suggestions.

Hang in there and know you are
not alone. A lot of good men changed their relationships while in
college. Another old saying
is that it is better to have loved, and lost, than to never have
loved at all. It is rare to stay with someone all the way through college. I'm not saying it can't
happen, but so many of us are still growng while we are in college, and our
relationships change as we
grow. If your personal values are built around religious beliefs, you
might want to also visit the many different
spiritual/church groups on campus. You can write back here
if you would like to know more about them. Take care of yourself, meet new people, and give yourself, and
your friend, time to grow. If the pain begins to get in the way

of your daily life, think about
making an appointment with our center. What you are describing is a very
common reason for
students
to visit with our staff.

Question:

I know that anyone can start a club at wku, but
how do start a club?

Answer:

I would suggest you contact Charlie
Pride with Student Activities. He can explain the official process
involved in starting a
club.

Question:

my husband and i have an autistic son which
takes all my time and energy just to deal with him& his sister,my husband is a truck driver and is on the road,when he's
home all he does is eat and watch t.v.. he has more than doubled his weight. me ive gone from 140 to 105! i feel like im
gonna die if something doesnt change. a friend of mine is a minster and has

said hes hiding behind our daughter so he doesnt
have to deal with the problems we are having. since we have been going thru
this i know i have changed, he doesnt believe in
talking to counclers , he says its quackery. he doesnt do anything.we moved
into this house in 1997,nothing has been done,no
painting,no fixing no nothing.sex is no more,i feel like im wrestling the
staypuff marshmallow man! i deserve a
comfortable,not intimadating sex life.i have been propositioned.i came so close
to having an affair,but i didnt.exactly how
long am i supposed to wait ? i have no intentions of spending the rest of my
life with him sitting on his butt while
im doing everything else.dealing with the kids,the house,the animals keeping
track of everything! the dr. that labeled
my son autistic said im going to fry with information over load what do i

Answer:

I am sorry to hear your husband
does not want to use counseling to improve the situation the two of you are in
right now. He
may be
feeling a lot of frustration; sometimes men feel like failures when they can
not fix a bad situation. I hope he will at least

style='color:#990000'>try one session. In the meantime,
it sounds like you are ready to use counseling to make things happen in your
life. Please consider
making an appointment with our Center. You might want to talk more with
your minister if you are unsure about
coming here for an appointment. An autistic child can be a
blessing and a great challenge; you should not do it alone.

Question:

hi. I guess my problem is that I don't ever fit
in. I've kinda felt this way for as long as I can remember and I'm getting
tired of it. I use to down play it by working
like 60 hours a week in high school and about 40-50 hours a week during
college. I alwasy feel like I'm standing
outside the circle. It's like I'm holding a glass ball that contains the world
and I'm watching everyone have fun and
enjoy life but I'm stuck outside and can't be a part of it even though I
desperatley try. I guess I work so much so I don't have to face that I don't fit in. I've also always felt extremely
intemidated by other guys. I don't know why they really don't have anything I don't but it's like in my mind they
are better than me. I use to do whatever I thought everyone wanted me to do
just to be liked but it never worked. I used to
just deal with it but it's getting to the point now that when I'm with my so
called friends and I feel left out I'm
starting to get deffenseful, and I put them down or wish harm on them to make
me feel better. I don't want to be like
this but I can't help it. I don't know what to do. i just want to start
enjoying life and feel like I fit in for once. Please help!

Answer:

You seem to have good insight
about filling up your time to avoid thinking about not fitting in. It's
not uncommon to criticize or
feel
angry toward others when you feel so down about yourself; doing so gives us an
unhealthy way to build ourselves up.
Sounds like you are ready to address this self-criticism.
I encourage you to seek counseling to explore this--improvement is possible.

Question:

I have a problem with trust. i have had trouble
trusting every guy i have dated in my life. i have now been with my boyfriend for over a year and it is starting to hurt
our relationship that i do not trust him. my dad left my mom and i when i was
younger and i had a boyfriend in the past who
gave me reason not to trust him. my boyfriend now has given me no reason not

to trust me and is upset that i take things that
happened in the past out on him, and he is right. i have tried to trust but i
have such a hard time. what can i do?

Answer:

Trust should never be automatic in
a relationship. Trust must be earned by actions, not promises. It
is hard to say whether you
have
a trust problem or your boyfriend has a trust problem. Maybe he did
things in the past that would make it hard to trust

style='color:#990000'>him. What would you do differently
in the relationship if you did trust him? It is true that past
experiences can make us afraid to
take risks, but if we don't take risks we can not have the life we want.

The trick is to be strong in yourself so even risks do not hurt you. Sort of like knowing
that no matter how good you are at skiing, you will fall down from time to
time, but that doesn't keep
you from skiing.
Talking to
a psychologist at our center might help you feel more comfortable about when
you will trust him.

Question:

How can I help with a mental health person about
his mom's .this person heres voices & depression

Answer:

I am not quite sure what you are
asking. It sounds like you want to help a friend who is grieving over his
mother. The person
you
want to help is depressed and is hearing voices?

Grief is a very complex
experience and can include hearing or seeing the person who has died.
Hearing voices can also be a
sign
of a more serious psychological disorder. I would suggest you just listen
to what your friend has to say about the pain and

style='color:#990000'>sadness of losing a loved one. You
can always encourage the person to see a physician or mental health
professional if the depression
is making it hard for the person to get through the day. A physician or
mental health professional could also have a
better understanding of whether hearing voices is a
concern.
Please have your
friend contact us, if he/she is a student.

Question:

What is the difference between a graduate degree
and an undergraduate degree?

Answer:

An undergraduate degree is awarded
upon completion of either a two-year or a four -year course of specified

study. If a two-year the
degree is called an Associate's Degree and the four-year is called a Bachelor's
Degree. A graduate
degree
is for one, two or more years of work beyond the Bachelors and is in a specific
area of study.

Question:

How do you cope with failing a
class? I am a junior here at WKU. I started off this fall believing that I
could make at least a
3.0 this semester. I study every day and feel like that is all I do. But, when
it comes time to take the test I fail. I have tried just about everything. Even went to other
teachers study sessions. I am not sure if I am capable of completing

college and I feel as though
maybe I should quit now. But, I don't want to let anyone down. I have never had
trouble before now. I
talked to my teacher and he said maybe I should contemplate changing my major.
I don't know what else to do.

When I walk into class I feel as though my chest will explode and that there is
no hope. Please tell me of a way to deal with my anxiety and how to do well.

Answer:

The answer to your question is not
a simple one. I can not tell if you are experiencing specific test
anxiety or a
more
generalized anxiety. The answer to your question depends upon which
is more apparent. Have you tried the Learning

style='color:#990000'>Center for some academic
assistance? They are located in Helm Library Room 8. Try that
for starters. If the uncertainty

remains, I would suggest that you
contact us at the Counseling & Testing Center, Potter Hall 409, and let's
see if we can figure
out
what might be going on and work out a solution. Hope this is helpful.

Question:

Okay, How do you get a guy to notice that you
are flirting with him. This is my first year of college and it has been pretty hard to meet new people. Now there is this
guy in one of my classes that is really nice and funny. We talk all the time and I can't tell if he is flirting back or what.
I just want to get to know him a little better and don't know how to go about

doing that. I don't want to be straight forward
about it.

Answer:

Why not? You can be
assertive and just let him know that you think he is nice and funny and would
like to spend
some time
with him. What have you got to lose. It is sometimes not easy to be
assertive, but the rewards can be well worth
it. I would suggest you try. Hope you will let us
know how it turns out.

Question:

I have had many arguments with my fiance over
the past eight and half months druing my pregnancy and i feel that my best bet is to leave him and move back in with my
mom. I love him to death and i don't want him not to see this child. He already has a son that is seven years old and is now
getting him on a regular basis and i know that makes him very happy and i

don't want to have to put him through all of
that again. But i just can't handle the emotional stress anymore and more of
the problem is his mother is living with
us and i am getting to the point where that is more stressful on me and with me
about to give birth in the next few weeks
i just don't know what to do could you please help me. I have tried a councling
services through work but they never got
back to me on who to talk to or where to go and i thought i had everything
under control after my first fall out but
i guess i don't. I am 22 and this is my first child and i am so afraid i will
remain depressed and not give my child the proper
care he or she will need.

Answer:

You say you feel out of control
but it sounds like you have some good ideas for you and your baby that will
also help your
fiancé.
Living with your Mom while you are having this baby might help you get the rest
you need. Sounds like you and your
fiancé have a lot to talk about including parenting and
family. You can make an appointment with our center if you would like
to talk about getting your life
under control. Your fiancé is welcome to come too.

Question:

I have a friend who has a really bad sex
problem. I don't know if it is that she can't say no or what. She has already had sex with a number of guys. It
doesn't seem to bother her, but I am worried about her? I try to talk to her
about it, but she gets mad
everytime. Sometimes she will ask me for advice with a relationship she is in
but when I tell her what I

think, she gets mad.(its not what she
wants to hear.) All the guys she gets with feel her head with the "I
really like you" crap and
then when she gives in (so easily) she gets her feelings hurt. What can I do to
help her from this problem without her

getting mad. I'm only looking out for her.

Answer:

The short answer is that you
cannot guarantee that your friend will not get mad at you. All you can do
is express
your concern
that her behavior can get her in trouble and that you are personally concerned
and care for her. Beyond that, all
decisions are hers and hers alone. Hope this is helpful.

Question:

I am a 37 year old student who has a four month
old baby. Although my husband is supportive, I still feel overwhelmed by all the responsibility of home,
work and school. I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating and I just want to
be alone and left alone. Am i starting to
get depressed?

Answer:

I cannot answer if you are getting
depressed without seeing you. However, if you are feeling and thinking

"depressed," then you
may very well be. Your situation is not unsual given all of your
responsibilities. It sometimes helps to talk
to a friend who would be understanding and supportive.
Also, we in the counseling center are available to help give support

and work through these sometimes
overwhelming responsibilities. Give us a call if you feel that we might
be helpful.

Question:

I was the one who had the friend who was having
trouble with his past qith sex. The one who is being haunted by sexual actions that was done by his family. Well any
way we had talked about it. He says that sometimes it overwhelems him and he needs to get rid of the tension so he goes to
chatrooms. He knows that this could overcome him one day. He wants to

know what he should do to make the first move.
Please help. He may be to ashammed because if this ever got out in the public,
it would ruin him and his life. If that happened he would rather die or just
cope with the problem. Thank you.

Answer:

Please ask you friend to make an
appointment with the Counseling Center. He will have a private and
supportive conversation with a psychologist who can help him make the changes
and get past the guilt.

Question:

I am a 22yr old freshmen here at
Western. I am also a divorced mom of a three year old, a full time student and
I work at least 45-50 hours a week between two jobs. I have been on my own
since I was 17 yrs old and have had to deal with a lot through my childhood and even up until now. (Bad
childhood, bad marriage.) I have also tried to deal with things on my

own and put things in the back of my
head no matter how rough they get somethings. I always think I have to do
everything perfectly and
sometimes I feel like I am not good enough. I thought I was doing okay until
here recently. I have been experiencing
days where I get to where I can not breathe, I feel nervous, I can't eat, and
my sleeping habits are very bad. I

keep trying to be ok, but it is
really starting to effect my everyday life. I usually am a very happy person,
but here lately I have been
having bad mood swings, and just don't seem up to par. I know this has to be
affecting my son, as well as school, my current relationship with my boyfriend, and work. I have missed a
few classes already this semester. Everyone keeps wanting me to get help, because they are noticing
the problems I have been trying to hide. (I no longer can fool them.) I feel ashamed
if I have to seek help, even though I hate feeling this way and no I can't
handle this on my own anymore.) I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next
month, because I know now I can not deal with this alone. I need help and this
service was recommended to me-can you help me?

Answer:

Yes, I think we can help. A
visit to a psychiatrist is also helpful as medications can be very effective in
helping you take control of your down mood and anxiety. Our center can
provide a safe and supportive place to talk about how you are feeling and how
you can get back to feeling effective and in control. As you mentioned,
you have had a rough life and there is no shame in using counseling to overcome
the neglect you have experienced. Being in counseling does not mean you
are weak. Counseling is hard work. I hope you will call our office
and make an appointment.

Question:

Hello I am the friend again. Can you
tell my friend what to do. We have talked about it. He wants help. But if it
gets out he is ruined. friend

Answer:

Your friend only has to call to
make an appointment. He does not have to describe his problem when he
makes the
appointment.

Only the staff psychologist will hear what he has to say about his problem, and
all of us are bound by law and ethical
standards to keep what a person says confidential.

Question:

What is the difference in a
undergraduate and a gradute students? This may seem dumb however, i feel that
if you do not know then ask.
Thank you.

Answer:

Not a dumb questions at all. An
undergraduate student is someone in college who is working toward an Associate
Degree or
a Bachelor
Degree. Each of these two degrees require a certain number of classes to be
completed successfully. A graduate
student has already earned a Bachelor Degree and is
working toward a Master Degree or a Doctoral Degree.

Question:

Hello. I have a friend that is going through a
difficult time in his life. He has a bad problem with sex. He loves it, but

when he was younger both his mom and sister had
come on to him and let him see them naked. This has in one way or another
affected him that still haunts him to this day.
He goes to chatroom and spends hours chating to people (Mostly women) about
having sex with family members). The talking
about it thrills him. But deep inside him he knows it is wrong. He is trying to
stop thinking about it and not going to
any chatrooms at all. Because if he goes back to a chatroom then the subject
will come up. He spends so much time with
the chatroms he doesnt spend anytime with his family. Please tell me what i can
do to help him. Maybe you can give me the
info to tell him or he can at least read in on here. I know this is a subject
that allot of people dont like but it is
one that affects a good number of our homes today and we dont know it.

Answer:

Your friend is fortunate that you
care so much about him. I think it will be helpful for you to speak
openly with him about this
behavior
that he too wants to change. Sexual behavior can indeed be influenced by
early childhood experiences and it can be
difficult to change for many reasons. Sometimes we become
fascinated with the very thing we don't want to do as a way to understand and then overcome it.
Please tell your friend that he can find help at the Counseling Center.
He will not be judged or
treated like he is weird. If he wants to move past the shame, guilt,
and/or curiosity he can, and we can help.

Question:

I have read some books about the power of the
mind, and I am really amazed because it seems that there is no limits to our mind. I would like to know if our mind
can change or improve physical problems, for instance: There is a person
who is short but he wants to be taller, can he
get heigth? I want to know all that we can do with the mind..

Answer:

I can't say that I have heard of
someone lengthening his or her body via mental concentration. People
certainly have
accomplished
some amazing tasks by auto-suggestion or self-hypnosis. Whether this has
to do with harnessing some
mysterious
portion of our brain or just taking advantage of the natural power of trance
and concentration is a topic for lively

debate.
style='color:#990000'>The mind, much like any muscle in the
body, can be trained to exceed normal limits. I think the training is
what you address in this
question. I can't make any specific suggestions, perhaps as you continue
to read you will come across some techniques.

Question:

This is my second semester at WKU and I was just
wondering what is a good way to meet people if I'm not interested in being in a fraternity?

Answer:

Good question, and one I hope
everyone will ask from time to time. It is quite common for college
students to join then leave
groups
of friends each year they are in school. As your interests and talents
are developing you will want to meet new people
and lose interests in others. This is not being
selfish; this is how it is in college.

I would suggest finding a
hangout. Find some place on campus that you enjoy and spend time there
each day. Let those who
also
hang out there get to know your face. After a few days, it will be easy
to strike up a little chit chat. It may be Jave City, a

style='color:#990000'>section of the library, a table in the
food court area, or the Preston Center.

Also remember that people tend
to look for natural, not forced, friendships. You could join SGA, or
become involved in
committees
for Student Activities. Residence halls can also offer groups,
committees, etc. I would also suggest picking up a

style='color:#990000'>Sunday paper and read about all the public
meetings, programs, get toegethers. Local churches are also listed.

In short, making friends
requires that you be seen by others, so getting out on campus is important.

Question:

HELP!! i have this problem...i cant stop lying.
i lie to everyone whos anyone and i cant stop. i dont know what my problem is either. i am loosing all of my friends and
i have lost my boy friend of two years. they all keep giving me second and
third chances. and i keep screwing up and i cant
stop. i need alot of help.

Answer:

Lying can become a habit. As
a habit, lying can be stopped, but it takes some work and it helps to have a
professional who
can serve
as a coach to teach you ways to stop.

People lie for different
reasons. Some people lie to get what they want and they do not care who
they hurt. Some people lie
to get what they want but they do care if they hurt
someone. Either way, there are reasons we lie, and working with someone
on our staff could help you find
out why you lie and how to stop. Please call our office (745-3159) and
make an appointment
to find
out more about how you can stop lying.

Question:

I presently have a 14 year old son that has a
consistent problem controlling his anger. he is very intelligent and whenever something does not go the way he feels it
should he gets angry as exhibited by stomping thru the house, throwing clothes toward the wall, pulling the ceiling fan pull
out of the fan, etc. he has a wonderful opportunity to be very successful in

life but i am afraid that this behavior will
continue and consistently interfer with his success. i currently feel that he
should attend an anger management class
or counseling for this problem. do your services offer anything to help us?

Answer:

No one on our staff is trained to
work with children, but we could help you develop effective ways to deal with
your son's
angry
outbursts. We could also recommend people in the area who do work with
children. I think its great that you see your

style='color:#990000'>son's potential and that you want him to
learn how to control his anger. Please contact us if you would like to
talk more about what you
can do.

Question:

Are there any support groups here on
campus for people who self-harm? If so, could you please tell me when and
where it meets?

Answer:

I am not aware of a support group
on campus for those who self-harm. The Counseling Center does not have a
group like
that
either. Self-harm, or self-injury, is not as simple a behavior, like a
phobia for example, and we prefer to work with people

style='color:#990000'>who self-harm on a one to one
basis. There may be a group in the community but I have not heard of one
recently. The local paper,
Sunday edition, lists a variety of self-help groups. You may want to
check each Sunday to see if a group is starting.
We believe that self-harm is a serious behavior that
reflects very strong and conflicting emotions. We do work with students

who self-harm to give them a place
to understand those strong emotions and find ways to make peace with the
conflict without
ignoring
the meaning of the harming behavior. Please contact our office if you
would like to talk more about self-harm.

Question:

hello i have a friend that was
involved in a car wreck and three of her friends died that horrible night. now
she seeks help from me and i am
completely clueless and was gonna suggest counseling but got scared she would
´blow up at me and i don`t want
that. how can i make her feel more comfortable?

Answer:

I'll bet you do feel in a bit
of a bind. My suggestion would be just to assertively say to your friend
that you are
concerned
about her and think that it would be helpful to talk things over with a
person who might be more of an outsider. If

style='color:#990000'>this person is a student, the Counseling
& Testing Center is available. If she is not a student, talking with
a minister or a

counselor in the community would
be helpful. Hope this is helpful for you.

Question:

Lately I have been really stressed
out. I had things under control at least for 3 years. Im depressed and Im
experiencing mood swings. And I dont
really know why. I have a busy school schedule but that usually keeps my mind
off my problems. I use to have low
self esteem, and be suicidal, but I thought I got beyond that. I dont know what
is wrong with me

Answer:

To your credit, you seem to be
in touch with yourself. That is a good sign. Sometimes just talking
things out with
a friend
can help us sort out our stresses. On the other hand, sometimes we may
feel the need to have someone whom we
believe might be a bit more objective to talk things over
with. If we can be of help in the Counseling & Testing Center feel
free to give us a call to
set up an appointment. Hope this helps.

Question:

I know this sound silly because 3 year
olds are up and down and i already have two other children. But my daughter has tons of little perks she screams
if i wet her hair and it's all back on her face she said she looks like a
stupid boy then she won't wear
underwear, no clothes can have tags on the back it bothers her, socks drive her
mad if they are not just

right. forget about shoes it's almost
impossible to buy her a new pair. She pretty much wants to stay home naked and
watch TV. She starts school in
September i'm very concerned if this is just a kid thing or do i have a problem
here... thank you concerned mom

Answer:

The way you describe the
behavior of your 3-year old does sound a little out of the norm. I'm
wondering if you
have
talked with your pediatrician to see what he or she might think. Perhaps some
minor medical and/or psychological
evaluation would be helpful as a starting point.

Question:

My friend, who is 16, has an alcholic
mother. She goes out to the casinos and drinks then one night calls her son
to come and pick her up. Lately I've noticed
his fasination with drinking. He has an older sister, in college, who is home
for the summer. I think he mostly
just drinks for show, but im afraid it will turn into something more. I know
that alcholism is

hereditery, so i hate to see him head in
that direction. Tonight I went over to his house and his siter was there, and
when I walked into the kitchen the
first thing he went for was the alchol and poured it. Though he only took 1 or
2 sips of it while i was there,
and he probably didn't even finish it. I just don't know what to do. I think
it's because his sister was there, and she

is a big drinker, and it was for show, but if this is how it is when he is 16,
how is it going to be when he is older?

Answer:

You are right in wanting to prevent
some major problems later. I would suggest that you speak directly to
your
friend and express
your concern. Remember, however, that it must ultimately be his
responsibility. All you can do is express
concern. You cannot change his behavior. Only
he can do that.

Question:

My daughter is dealing with the death
of a child that she was very close to. This child died in a car wreck were
there were two deaths of which she knew
all the people in the car. The child was killed on inpact. She went to the
hospital and help the brother of
the child indentfy the body. It took a while to find the mother. She has been
dating the brother of this

boy for about a year but the relationship
has been very abusive. Now she is afraid to leave him because of every thing
that has happened.

Answer:

Your daughter has certainly
gone through a really traumatic experience. It is not unusual for someone who
has
experienced what she
has to want to "hang on" to something or someone in order to get back
some security and certainty. I
would suggest that she be encouraged to take some small steps to
move away. It's sort of like getting back on a horse after

having been thrown off the
horse. If, however, she gets "stuck" and is having major difficulty
moving on after a couple of
months,
I would suggest that she get some professional help.

Question:

i have a weekend job and get very
nervous before hand often worrying all week. i have had panic attacks when

someone i recognise sees me there and i
cannot talk in classroom discussions anymore. if i were made to do a class
presentation i dont know if i would be
physically able to do it and i worry very much before exams and i had a panic
attack in

one once. i want to know why this is
happening to me because im starting to hate myself for it and i cant control
this. help

Answer:

If you are truly having panic
attacks, I would first suggest that you consult your family physican or the
health
service on
campus. Panic attacks can easily be treated with medication. Also,
some counseling along with the medication is
very effective. We in the Center are available
should you choose to see us.

Question:

I have been in a relationship w/the
same person for almost 4 years off and on (mostly on)...He's a nice guy but he
was recently incarcerated for his 3rd
DUI. That's not the issue, however, because he's a typical guy that likes to
hang out and drink occasionally
w/his buddies but every time he drives after having a few beers he's always the
one that gets caught. Since he's
been in jail, we've been communicating through letters and I go to see him
every Tuesday for 35 minutes and we get to

visit every other Friday...What my concern is-I don't know what his plans are
after he gets out of jail. I don't know if he wants to try this relationship again (even though he sure acts
like it), or if he doesn't want a relationship...The only problem w/having the relationship after he gets out
(which is July 23rd) is that I'm going to be super busy this fall w/classes and
school has got to come first. I
need to confront him about what his feelings are and give him a fair warning
about how busy I will be. However,
he hates confrontation and talking about things like this because it makes him
feel uncomfortable for some reason.
His biggest fault is his lack of communication w/other people. Should I talk to
him about this in a letter or should I try to talk to him about this face to face?

Answer:

Sounds like there are
certain questions in your relationship. The first one is: "What in
you keeps you in a
relationship
with someone who consistently gets DUI's?" also, "What does it
say about a relationship when one person is afraid

style='color:#990000'>of hearing the other's opinion, thought
or feeling?" As to your specific question, asserting oneself
is usually better done in person.

Hope this is helpful.

Question:

A very good friend of mine is having some
family problems. He wont tell me what is going on, just that i shouldnt worry about it. Whatever is going on with his
family is now causing problems in our friendship. He wont be open with me,
and tries to play it off as if nothing is
wrong. What should i do. Should i try to talk to him about it even more, or
should i avoid

bringing up the subject when i am around
him?

Answer:

I'm wondering if maybe the way
your friend is relating to you is not also indicative of what may be going on
in his family; that is,
an
unwillingness to communicate on his part. I would suggest that some very direct
"We need to talk" message might get him to

style='color:#990000'>share what is going on. I would
suggest that you focus on his unwillingness to talk about your relationship and
not on his unwillingness to
talk about his family relationship. If he is unwilling to talk about your
relationship then maybe you need to
reassess the quality of that relationship. Hope this
helps.

Question:

I am currently enrolled at Western for the
Fall semester of 2003 and I am also going to be a part of MASTER Plan in hopes
to make new friends and learn the campus before this semester actually starts.
Although I'm nervous about going to a place where I know only a few people, I
think this experience is going to be great. I am curious about where people
usually hang out on weekdays and weekends....both on and off campus. And as for
Greek life, I am thinking about eventually joining a sorority. However I can't
find out any information about them on the WKU website. I was curious about
costs, rush week, each sorority's purpose, etc.Do you have any inside info to
help point me in the right direction of a great social life here at WKU? :)
Thanks

Answer:

First of all, let me
welcome you to Western. I'm sure you have been "welcomed" several
times, but wanted to add my "welcome" to the list. Glad that
you are participaating in MASTER Plan. This will be a great way to meet
friends and to find out all that goes on at WKU -- weekdays, weekends, greek
life, etc. As to specifices regarding sororities, let me suggest that you
email Charlie Pride, Greek Affairs Coordinator at Charlie.Pride@wku.edu

Charlie will be able to provide you with all information regarding Greek life
at WKU. Again, welcome.

Question:

I have been looking on the internet for
days and i have yet to find what im looking for so im gonna try to do this. I
grew up a near perfect life. Spolied if you
will. My dad and mom did rugs so i was adopted by my grandparents at 6 months
old. i Have never realised anything wrong with
ymself i thought i grew up perfect with my conditions but i find my self
attacking

all that i love for instance. I like to make my
girlfriend feel bad if i feel bad just to make her feel worse. our conversation
this night through text messaging. she
asked if i had her phone(she left it in my pocket) i said no dont get you
pantys in a bunch over you phone. then
she called me and i did not answer then i told her to call me again. she did
not. i then told her that i did have her phone
and she told me "i love you" til lno call. i told her"fuck
you" then i wrote her an email saying im so sorry. I cant help myself i love to make others feel bad and i cant stop
it. but i dont want to do it. I need help. I wrote her and said"just
remind me when i start doing that and i
should be able to stop" i keep myself up at night. please someone tell me
whats wrong with me and what i can do to
change. I really love this girl and dont want to lose her.thank you

Answer:

Wow, you really sound
concerned. You are on the right track by asking her to tell you when you
are getting rude, it may take a
while before you can catch yourself and calm down. It's
hard to say why you are doing this. You might need several sessions
with a counselor to figure it
out. A lot of us are rude to the people close to us because we feel no
need to be polite and we
think
they will forgive us if we are wrong. Sometimes we are rude to those we
love because we carry old feeling of shame or
guilt. And being spoiled can be another
reason. People who are spoiled hardly ever have to be responsible for
their own
actions or emotions,
so they get into the habit of saying the first thing that comes to their
minds. The reason you do this may not
be as important anyway. Whatever the reason, the solution
is stopping yourself when you start to feel angry or annoyed and calming yourself down. That is the
sort of thing a counselor can help you do. Give our office a call and set
up an appointment.

Question:

I am a 23-year old grad student that attends
Western. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years and had been discussing marriage. Recently I found out
that I am pregnant (we haven't even told our parents yet) and this news has really changed our relationship. He definitely
intends on being there for the baby, but I feel like we do not know how to
handle everything that's going on. Since finding
out about the baby, we have broken up (I broke up with him) and he has taken
back the engagement ring he bought that I didn't
even know he had. I was just wondering if there is anyone I or we can talk to
about our situation, including how to handle the
pregnancy. The only problem is that we do not have very much money for counseling services so these services would have to
either be free or at a low cost. I would really appreciate any advice or help

you have to offer.

Answer:

You could use our services at
no charge. Someone on our staff could help you as you go through this
difficult time. Issues of
the pregnancy, the relationship, and your family could be
discussed as you wish.

Question:

I have some questions about my degree
and maybe attending Western in the future but I don't know who to contact here about my questions. Could u
please help me? Thanks.

Answer:

You can contact Academic
Advising at 745-5065, your assigned advisor if you have one, and the
Registrar's Office at
745-3351.

This combination of offices should get your questions answered. Have a
good summer!

Question:

I just wanted to know if I could
just recieve person to person councling? If so how do I go about this? Is there
a certain person to contact? Is
this free of charge?

Answer:

Yes, person-to-person
counseling is what we offer, and this is a free service to students. Just
call our office at 745-3159 to make
an appointment.

Question:

I am engaged to a great guy, and
even when things are going perfect, I often create conflict, become highly
agitated over very minor
things for no apparent reason at all. Sometimes I recall the entire episode,
other times I only recall fragments of the episode, and there are times when I recall nothing at all. I
often recall how totally irrational I was and feel badly, but I can not stop it and don't understand why this
happens. I have a great job and I have never done this at work, it seems to
happen only with guys I date.
I really love this guy and want to stop this behavior before I lose him. Am I
mentally ill? Is there a test I can take to see why I do this and why I seem to black-out or block
some of the episodes from my memory?

Answer:

Even though you don't want to
lose this guy, you may be creating conflict in order to test his commitment to
you or because you may be afraid to let him get too close emotionally. In
addition, it sounds like you may be experiencing a fear of success. At
times we all struggle with a fear of failure, but a fear of success brings with
it the expectations to continue to make something work, which can be
stressful. Although painful, are failed relationships familiar territory
for you? It is a paradox that something that is not the best for us is
often a comfort to us. So a successful, serious relationship may be
moving you out of your comfot zone, and the conflict you create is a reaction
to this stress. But you can work on catching yourself in these behaviors
and move toward accepting that it is all right for you to be happy in the
relationship. You may want to talk to a professional to
investigate: (1) what is so scary for you about relationships; and, (2)
the memory blocks, which may be occurring due to a high degree of stress.

 

Question:

My boyfriend and I have been
together 10 mon. He moved in with me in mid December. We have a great relationship. We have fun together, have a
lot in common, are both enjoying living together, and have great communicaton.
As we get closer to going to
the next level he starts to think of things from the begining of our
relationship and he can't move

forward. During the first month of
our relationship I was still in the process of breaking up with my current
boyfriend. My boyfriend now feels
like he had to share me, the first girl he has ever been in love with. He wants
to move forward and marry me,
but every time he thinks about it thoughts of how we started fill his head.
Please tell me how to help him go forward.

Answer:

I guess my first thought is what is
the rush? You have been together ten months, most couples need that much
time and more to
determine if
they are in love and want to commit. You say he is reluctant to go to the
next level because he still remembers how
you were with him while you were breaking up with someone
else. His concern sounds healthy. Maybe he needs to know you

only think of him now. Sounds
like the two of you need to spend more time where you are, not where you want
to be. But the
bottom
line is you can't make him go forward, that is his choice. Love is based
on where a person is, not where you want him
to be. If either of you wanted to talk more about this
with someone on our staff, you should call to make an appointment.

style='color:red'>Maybe you would both like to come in as a
couple? Love is based on patience too. He has to find a way to be
okay with your style of
breaking up.

 

Question:

I recently have been having a
problem with self confidence - sometimes ime on top of the world and some
people think ime the most
confident person but even with my close friends who i totally love, i feel kind
of unable to just relax and enjoy
thi times i have with them - i focus on every word i say and basically get
totally trapped on this treadmill of worrying

about the little things ime doing -
some of them are mates that ive grown up with. I also loose myself like wont be
able to just be who i am - I
am very good on superficial levels - the bell of the ball but as soon as it
gets a bit deeper i just shut people out and go to another place - why is this? - do others feel the
same or am i alone in this weirdness? - Ime now just avoiding my friends

who i just love with all of my
heart?

Answer:

I think a lot of people have the
same experience that you describe. And most of them keep it to
themselves, like you are doing,
so it never comes out. There is a term for this, we call it
pluralistic ignorance. Not a nice sounding term, but it simply means it

is human nature to think that no one
has experienced what you are experiencing.
Particularly during the senior year, when many seniors start to
think of graduation and being "out on their own", this feeling of
self-consciousness can increase.
You may also be thinking about how you will lose contact with some of these
friends after
graduation, and
it is natural to pull away from them.
Transitions is life often trigger anxiety, and anxiety tends to make
us question all the little things. Moving, graduating, changes in
style='color:red'>relationships, etc. are all triggers
for anxiety. I would encourage you to talk with your friends. You
might be surprised how

many of them feel the same way.
What you are experiencing sounds like
a normal part of the college experience. If this worry should continue,
and if it gets in
the way of
your daily activities, you might want to make an appointment with our staff to
talk about it.

Question:

I suffer from depression, and I
have missed a lot of class!! I have had to drop several classes, and I have
added a bi-term class to keep
me at 12 hours. I informed my teachers about what is going on, and most were
sympethetic and are working
with me to catch myself up academically. However, one teacher is not being
helpful. Because I have missed four

classes she is going to drop my
grade a letter grade. I need to keep my G.P.A. up, but I feel that I cannot
drop this class. I get KEES
money, and if I go below 12 hours I will lose it! Also, I am worried that the
school will still bill me for 12 hours. I feel that I could add another bi-term, but there isn't one that
is open that I can take. This class that I am struggling in is not a

requirement for my major. Please
HELP!

Answer:

It might help if you worked with a
counselor or therapist to communicate your situation with your
instructor. If you are not
currently working with a counselor or therapist, you could make an
appointment through our center. You and someone on our
style='color:red'>staff could work together to salvage your
semester and make plans that would allow you to continue with your education.

Please think about giving us a call.

Question:

Sometime in June 2002 I had sex
with a sex worker, unfortunatelly my condom slipped off. I do not know if it
slipped off when I pulled the penis out
or it had happened before. The point is I am really SCARED of having a HIV
POSITIVE result. I know that I will
not be able to go through a life with AIDS. As a consecuence, I just moved to
Sweden where my wife and my
daughter moved after our separation, but I do not want to have sex with her
because my problem. She has
noticed my depression moments and my changes in my actitude but .... I do not
what to do!I do not have motivation for living anymore because I assumed that I will HIV POSITIVE if I get
tested. Could you help me please? Thank yo

 

Answer:

I understand your worry about being
HIV positive, and in frightening times it can help to use facts instead of
fear. If the person
you
had sex with also carried HIV, then a slipped condom could increase your risk
of being exposed to HIV. You have been
depressed ever since. The test could show that you are
negative, and you would feel much better. If the test shows you are

positive, you could begin treatment,
which is more and more effective today than before. Many of us become
"paralyzed" when
we
have a choice to make about finding out if we have a disease. The simple
point is that you will be miserable until you know,

style='color:red'>and you could die if you don't find out.
Please see a physician to have the
test done. It sounds like you and your wife still have something of a
relationship. I imagine
she,
and your daughter, would want you to stay alive, even if it meant medical
treatment for HIV. If you continue to be unsure

style='color:red'>about seeking medical help, please consider
making an appointment with our center. It sounds like you could use a
private and supportive place to
talk about your concerns.

Question:

Are there any support groups for anorexia on
campus or in the area?

Answer:

The Counseling Center is currently
trying to start a support group, and it is offered at 3 p.m. on Fridays, 409
Potter Hall. It is
open
to any student struggling with eating or body image concerns. I would
also encourage you to begin individual counseling,

style='color:#990000'>either at our center here on campus, or
with a therapist of your choosing in the community. The Counseling
Center's number is 745-3159.

Please don't hesistate to seek help.

Question:

I once struggled through a drinking problem,
but things are better now. Since I turned 21 I have been drinking again, but not as much and usually not the hard stuff.
I've only been drunk a couples of times instead of everynight and i almost
never drink alone. The few friends who knew
about the problem are worried about my drinking again. I don't think drinking
or

even having alcohol in my apartment is a problem
anymore. I don't think I could ever go back to the way it used to be. I also
don't want to tell anyone about my past, which
would make it hard to explain to my new friends why I suddenly can't drink
anymore. I know my friends care, but I have
moved on. How should I approach them?

Answer:

Sounds like your old friends are
worried that you are still drinking, and your new friends give you a hard time
because you don't
drink as much
or as often as they do. My guess is that being honest with yourself
helped you give up heavy drinking, and being
honest with your friends will work too. Drinking is a
personal choice, you don't have to defend it, unless you are out of control,

and then you have to admit it.
You might be surprised how your new friends will back off if you simply tell
them that you
choose to drink
less often and you choose to not become drunk.
I guess you old friends are worried that you are slipping, or
that this is a relapse for you. You alone can judge that. You could

make an appointment at the counseling
center and talk openly and safely with someone on our staff to help you decide
whether
your drinking is
okay. You could get help here on how to talk to your friends, but, in general,
things work best if you tell them
the truth without getting angry.

Question:

I'm curious about locations and information
regarding NA and AA meetings on WKU's campus, or nearby. Possibly you could help. Thanks.

Answer:

There is an AA group for students
that meets on campus, DUC 309, Wednesdays, 6-7:30 p.m. There are several
NA groups
in the
community; you can call 782-4029 and listen to the recording about times
and places.

Question:

I came to the counselling center twice for
counselling, but the person I talked to for some reason I just did not feel
comfortable talking to...maybe I was expecting
the right questions and me not having to even say why I was there, and I was
afraid my problems would somehow get on my academic
record and to school officials, but I know I need some counselling. One

of my friends told me that college counselling
is more only for academic problems, and you can't really tell them deep
personal problems because that's not what
they do, and its unprofessional. I've been depressed since my sophmore year in
high school, and I am so stressed out by
school, my sleep and eating is so horrible, and I have not made any friends at
all since I've been here, I make perfect
grades and the only thing I do is study, I have not built any relationships,
and I feel really lonely and iscolated living here alone. It also makes it worse that I don't live in the dorms, I
had to get an apartment because there wasn't room in the dorms. I'm afraid of talking about my problems, I don't know
how to start talking in sessions, or what I should say. I tend to cover up

what's really bothering me, I said some light
basic problems I'm having, but I downplayed it, and they didn't mention
depression, or

me going for medication, but I know I am, badly,
and I probably need some, but I am avoiding help. What should I do?

Answer:

Let me begin by reassuring you
about a couple of the concerns you mention. First, contrary to what your
friend told you, our
counselors
ARE here to help you address your personal problems. If you have academic
questions, you already have an adivisor
for that. Secondly, what you share with your counselor does
NOT become part of your academic record, and this is stated in the
style='color:red'>initial paperwork a student is given in the
first visit. Now, I strongly encourage you to try counseling again.

If you have been depressed
since your sophomore year of high school, seeing a counselor, and possibly
trying an antidepressant, is in order. If you

style='color:red'>were not comfortable with the counselor you
saw, you have the option of requesting a different person when you call to
schedule an appointment.
Simply say, "I saw ________before, but I would like to see someone
else." You also have the option of
requesting either a male or female counselor if you
prefer. Finally, I must stress the importance of being honest with your

counselor. Certainly it is not
easy to discuss your problems. But therapists are not mind readers.
You wouldn't go to your doctor
and
wait for him to guess what is wrong. Your counselor will help you
explore; you can help the process by sharing your concerns

and fears as clearly as
possible. I hope you won't hesitate to call.

 

Question:

I am a single mother of a two year old. The
biological father of my son left a week after I told him I was pregnant. I
was a sophomore when I became pregnant. Now,
after many struggles, I am finally back in school where I belong. I should
graduate next December or spring. I work, but I
can't afford school without financial aide. This past semester I got a 3.33 GPA

and I was so proud of myself. However, I was
denied financial aide. I had dropped one class the first week of classes, and
that is why they tell me I am denied. I
sit here and wonder why do I bother? Time after time I keep getting kicked
down. Even when I think I am doing great,
another blow is waiting around the corner. I can't pay for school on my own and
all I want in life is to graduate and
give my son the life he deserves. Is there anyone who cares at Western that
things are not as easy for me as other
students? Who can help when I am just a social security number without a face
to the staff at Western?

Answer:

In the twelve years I have worked
at Western I have met many students who are raising children while earning a
degree. It is
very
difficult to be a parent and a student at the same time, so I can imagine it
was very disappointing for you to find out that
you lose financial aid when you drop below a certain number
of hours. The rules regarding financial aid are explained fully in

the written material found on campus
but the rule are often not shared verbally with students due to the
volume of men and
women
receiving financial aid. It sounds like you were not aware of this rule
when you dropped the class.
Many
college students have been through similar disappointments, but you seem to be
taking this one very hard.. Coping with
college includes accepting mistakes and not always taking
them personally. You are so right when you say there is another

style='color:red'>blow waiting around the corner. This
is true for all of us. Sooner or later something bad will happen to
everyone of us. Every month
there are students who experience the death of a family member, loss of a job,
injury or illness, or poor grades. It is up

style='color:red'>to each of us to decide whether we are
making these bad things happen, or if they are beyond our control. If
they are beyond our control, we
must grieve them, and if they are within our control, we have to decide what to
do differently from now on.
Working
with a psychologist at our center is one way to figure out what you can and can
not control in life. Please call to make
an appointment if you would like to talk with one of us.

Question:

This summer my roommate started smoking marijuana
on a daily basis. Although she's cut back since then she still does it at least 3-4 times a week. When I mention it
to her, she defends herself saying that it hasn't affected her schoolwork
(which it hasn't). However, I still feel like
she uses the drug to deal with stress and insecurites. When I suggested she see
a

counselor, she never really responded positively
or negatively. A part of me feels like she wants me to help her without her
having to say anything. I'd like to give her a
phone number she can call or make an appointment for her. Is this something I

should do or should I let her do it

Answer:

It is admirable that you care
so much for your roommate, but generally speaking people who are struggling
with addictions do best when they take their own steps. Some become very
good at letting others do all the work, but they still won't give up the
substance. For example, a guy who asks his girlfriend to pay his bail, or
fines, for driving while drunk but who still keeps drinking. Nothing wrong,
however, with giving her a phone number. She could call our center
(745-3159) and make an appointment. Don't call for her; she needs to take
the first step. And it would probably be a good idea for the two of you
to talk about what will happen if the police are ever called to where you
live. I'm not trying to scare you, just raising a possibility if you live
in the residence hall or in an apartment where other people might smell the
smoke. Sometimes roommates can be implicated when illegal drugs are found
on the premises. Maybe she would agree to not smoke where you live.

Notice you say that you think
she wants help without having to ask for it. We all have moments like
that in our lives. It is also immature. The reality of being an
adult is knowing that when you have a problem you get help no matter how
ashamed you may feel. Many college students abuse things (alcohol,
marijuana, food, sex) when they are stressed; once they find a more mature way
to calm themselves down, they often stop abusing.

Question:

I am a junior now and I still haven't decided
on a major. Every time I think I have decided I get afraid that I won't like it enough to so this for the rest of my life. I
have been waisting my time and I don't want to be in college forever. How do I
know what major to pick and how do I know it
will be the right one?

Answer:

Most people have the natural
talent and interest to enjoy a number of occupations. The question may
not be which major to choose, because there may be several majors that you
would enjoy. Our Center provides career counseling, and you can also use
the Career Center to identify occupations that would allow you to use your
interests and skills. Visit either one to find out more about choosing a
major.

Question:

I'm married and my husband's one night stands
are breaking us up. One has called our house atleast once and asked for my husband, when I asked who was calling she
said his girlfriend and then hung up. He's with me all the time, except of course when we're at work but I can account for his
time. 3 months into our marriage we ran on to the other one night stand and he didn't even tell me that she was trying to talk
to him while I was out of the room until a month after it happened. He says
he didn't tell me because he knew I would get up
set and cuss her out. He says he's sorry and that he loves me. Am I being
obsessively jealous? Am I wrong for not putting
my full trust in him? Should I just forget about everything and leave it in the

past?

Answer:

It sounds like you have reasons
to not feel like you can trust your husband, and it sounds like he wants you to
trust him. Marriage counseling might help the two of you find a way to
trust each other. The Counseling and Testing Center does provide couple's
counseling, but you and your husband may need to work with a therapist or
counselor with more experience in marriage and family therapy. There are
counselors and therapists in the community who could help. They are
listed in the Yellow Pages. Give them a call and describe your
situation. They can inform you of what they have to offer. You may
also make an appointment with our Center for a session to see if we can help
your marriage.

Quetion:

I have not attended class within a few days.
I was sick, then we had car trouble the next time class started, then today..I
missed the bus from the South Campus to the collage. Now I know it's too late
for me to talk to her. I'm afraid she wont belive me. What should I do?

Answer:

It is not too late for you to
talk to your instructor. She may not believe you, but it will be hard for
to think you are just an irresponsible student IF you go talk to her now.

Tell her what happened and ask her what you need to do to catch up. Talk
to other students in the class to find out what has been going on in
class. Being in college means being responsible, and taking action as
soon as possible. The next time you miss the bus to main campus, take the
next one. Showing up late to class is better than not going. Your
instructor will believe you if you make it to class from now on.

Question:

I was wondering if Western offered any kind
of victim counseling on campus. I should probably talk to somebody about a
recent robbery that has me pretty freaked out, if there is such a service. Please
let me know.

Answer:

The Counseling and Testing
Center offers counseling to all students for a variety of concerns. We do
work with students who have been victims of criminal acts. It is normal
to be bothered or upset well after a crime has been committed. This is
true for victims of robbery, rape, car accidents, even natural disasters.

Please call our office and discuss how to set up an appointment.

Question:

When talking about romance, is there a
difference in same sex relationships and heterosexual relatioships? Why?
Whats the difference, style, way of life,
thinking, emotions, etc?

Answer:

You have certainly raised many
questions regarding relationships. Homosexual and heterosexual
relationships have
many
common elements and then elements that are unique to each distinctive
relationship. These elements you have identified

style='color:#990000'>very well. They do include
style, cognitions, emotions and way of life among others. Since there are many
pages of

information in answering your
question, I think that perhaps the best way to discover the answers to all of
your questions would
be to
use the library, internet and other resources. One specific resource is
www.wku.edu/safezone. Also, there is a room on

style='color:#990000'>campus called "Outlet" ( I
believe it is in McLean Hall.) that would have some written resources.

Hope this information is helpful.

 

Question:

I have experinced a death of both parents
within the past year. I have noticed that within the pase month or so, I have become
some what depressed over small irrevalent assigments. I can not concontreate in
classes or on work in which has been assigned in them. I am not sure what is
going on, but I belive that something is, can you offer any advice? Thanks

Answer:

First let me say I am sorry for
your loss. It is painful to lose parents at any age, and it can be very
upsetting when you are in college.
You may feel any number of emotions very strongly right now, including anger,
frustration, sadness, and fear. These very real and very important feelings have a way of making the
irrelavent stuff in life seem even more irrelevant and annoying. And college life is full of trivial
things that are assigned. I
would suggest that you give yourself permission to not be super focused or
"perfect" right now. No one expects you to be on ]top of your game every day. Losing
concentration usually means there is something else your mind wants to think
about; I imagine you still
wanting and needing to think about your parents and your own life. If you
continue to have trouble concentrating,
sleeping, or if you find yourself doing less things with your friends, you
might want to make an appointment with our staff. Talking with someone who understands grief can
be very helpful; having a private place to cry, be angry, and say exactly what is on your mind can help
you find your way back to everyday concentration without forgetting what you
have lost.

Question:

I am a junior and am slowly realizing
that I'm growing up. I don't talk to my parents as much as I used to and I
don't go home as much either.
I have been really depressed and scared lately because I'm realizing the change
over from college to career is slowly
approaching. How can I help relieve this stress and not be so depressed and
scared about it?

Answer:

Sounds like you are very normal
and on schedule to me. The fact that you are "normal" and are
"on schedule" in your growing up may not be all that you wanted Here to Help to say, but
it is still true. As we grow up it is sometimes difficult to give up the
old security blankets as we
develop new and more internal security blankets. It is thus natural to
feel sad at giving up the old
and
scared at gaining the new. It's sometimes helpful to talk to friends and
thus discover that other persons have similar feelings. If you feel the need to clarify further,
I hope you will consider talking briefly with someone in the Counseling &

Testing Center. Take
care and good luck.

Question:

I have suffered from depression
for several years now and it never seems to get any better. I find myself
crying for no reason all the
time, and I always feel so lonely. Even when I'm with my family I feel very
lonely, like I dont really belong. I carry a tremendous amount of guilt inside I've lashed out at my
loved ones so many times for no reason other then that I was

hurting so badly inside. I almost
think I say mean things because I dont feel I'm worthy of being loved, and
hence try to make them leave
me like I feel would happen anyways. I am never comfortable going out and doing
things with groups of people, sometimes
even my relatives, because I feel almost like I dont fit in. But that mostly
applies to my friends. I feel like an outsider and like people are looking at me and thinking I'm
worthless. Although I dont always feel depressed, when I am I always end

up hurting people. I'm scared by the
fact that it seems to be necessary for me to hurt the people I love because
doing so hurts me very bad
inside. I keep trying to push my boyfriend away and break up with him even
though I love him very much and I know he loves me. I cant do this anymore because the pain is
killing me. Is there anything I can do to stop the pain inside so I stop hurting the people I love and to get
rid of the guilt I already carry inside from having hurt my loved ones in the
past?

Answer:

It surely does seem like there is a lot of pain, hurt and conflict going on inside. I'm finding myself wondering if you have ever shared these thoughts and feelings with anyone before -- friend, family member, minister, family doctor, counselor or others. With all of this "stuff" trapped inside it can be painful. It would be my hope that you would find that person whom you can trust and do some "unloading." It would also be my hope that you would consider
talking with someone at the Counseling & Testing Center here on campus to help sort some things out -- particularly since you indicated that this depression has been with you for several years. Hope my reply to you can be the beginning of easing the pain and getting rid of the guilt.

Question:

My boyfriend and I have been
dating for several months. Things have gone pretty well between us in the past,
but lately it seems like he has
changed. He doesn't want me to go out with my friends or do anything that
doesn't include him. He also has been yelling at me about my clothes and the way I where my hair. I love
him and I don't want to lose him, but this is

my life and I want to do what I want
to do! What should I say to him?

Answer:

Wow, sounds like the
relationship really is changing. Your boyfriend is probably unsure about
some things right now and that may
include your relationship as well. You might begin by reassuring him that
you are committed to the relationship and then ask him if he has any idea why things have changed.

If you feel the need for someone to help the two of you clarify, feel free to
use the services of the Counseling
& Testing Center. As a final thought, make sure you assert your
feelings and thoughts with
your
boyfriend in the process. Your needs count too. Hope these ideas are
helpful.

Question:

I am a freshman and find myself
wanting to go home every weekend. Also, my mother wants me home on
weekends. Is this normal?

Answer:

Yes and No. It's normal for you to want the security of home, and it's normal for mom to want you home. However, it's not a good way to learn to be independent and autonomous.

The first task of any student is to learn to change the Parent/Child relationship into an Adult/Adult one. That's tough on both Mom/Dad and Son/Daughter. Try to learn to manage your weekend life with your own resources and try to encourage mom to let you. If you need help and encouragement, maybe we can help at the Counseling and Testing Center at 745-3159. Hang in there!!

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 Last Modified 9/25/14