Trying to Let Go
by Shana Roark

 If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s this: everyone is unique in the person that they are. Everyone is mainly because of the personalities we develop throughout our lives. How we feel towards other people and act is a trait created over many years based on our experiences, how we look at things, the people we can’t help but be surrounded by, and the place we came from. So if we’re all so different, how hard is it to understand one thing. We’re all going to make different mistakes, some worse than others, some easier to fix, and some you’d give anything to take back. There is not one person who hasn’t screwed up at least one time or doesn’t feel some regret or maybe even guilt over a past experience. Yes, trust me, it sucks, but whoever said you have to make mistakes to learn must’ve had his heart broken once or twice.
We all mess up every now and then, but eventually we move on. We have to forgive ourselves. We have no choice because if we didn’t move on every time we screwed up, nobody would be where they’re at or the person they are today. Here’s the part I don’t understand: we forgive ourselves over time, so what makes it so hard to do the same for other people?
I’ve been through some very hard to talk about experiences. Someone I’m very close to hurt me in such a way that I truly believed with all my heart that I could not forgive them. I remember how I loved holding that grudge because I felt like not forgetting what they did was the confirmation that it was so messed up, it was past the point of being forgivable. I couldn’t let it go because in reality, I didn’t want to. In the swift seconds that I considered it, my anger, fear, and the pain I had gathered over the years crippled my will to. If I forgave that person, would it be like saying, “I’m okay with what did,” because I wasn’t. “You can’t erase the past,” was what I was thinking.
But just recently had I realized how much carrying around that mixture of resentment, pain, anger, and sadness weighed me down. Having to always keep in my mind the pain I had been inflicted with and the past events I wouldn’t let go of hurt me to my core. Let me tell you something. In ancient times, if you killed someone, the person you murdered would be tied to your back and you’d have to walk 24/7 carrying that person. And eventually, the weight of that person would kill the person who was carrying them. I had a person strapped to my back and in all honesty, they were killing me.
Everyone makes mistakes, so if you can, look at it like this: people only learn through experiences, so if they ever do anything that hurts you, just know you’re a part of one of their learning experiences. Please trust me when I say this: when you forgive someone, you’re allowing YOURSELF to be free; to let it go. You are not giving that person satisfaction by doing so, you’re allowing yourself to be okay with it. You’ll miss a lot of good experiences and relationships with people if you don’t. Anger is a heavy thing to hold and if you don’t let go of it, it can disintegrate you or make you less of a person than you are. Don’t hold onto the past because it’s too much to hold. Do that for yourself and no one else. No matter how much it feels like it won’t, time really does heal all, but why not make it easier on yourself and start the process? Trust someone with experience-it’s the best thing you can do.