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Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2009-10-02(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I was on here about two weeks ago and still havent gotten a response so Im trying again. Im currently being treated for major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Unfortunately as classes continue and things begin to go crazy in my family again with lots of illnesses Im afraid Im going to regress. I hadnt cut in over a year but now Im starting to get those serious urges. My parents think that if I need to see a therapist again then I need to come home. They also say that if I start seeing a therapist now that it will make it very difficult for me to get into med school even though I was seeing a therapist until the middle of this summer. I really need help and guidance.

ANSWER: Im really sorry that your question got overlooked. There was an answer to a question that sounded similar to yours before but we want to reply to this answer as well. It is great and a step in the right direction that you are recognizing the signs and being aware that there might be trouble ahead. Encouraging you to continue to maintain your routine and getting enough rest is important as well although difficult for a college student! The thing I would like to talk about is the concern that your parents have about seeing a therapist and that possibly keeping you from getting into med school. You have to recognize that getting the help that might keep a relapse at bay is important. Having a relapse could potentially be more detrimental to your future. Continuing to work to keep a relapse at bay prior to med school entrance will be more beneficial than dealing with it again while in med school. I would encourage and welcome you to come talk to a counselor regarding this and perhaps to even just do a "check in" with your previous therapist (the one you saw over the summer) if that would make you and your parents more comfortable. Being over the age of 18 allows you to make your decisions outside of parental control. I wish you luck and please feel free to make an appointment at 745-3159. Good luck and hope this helps.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 0200-09-29(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My daughter is a second semester freshman and I am concerned about her drinking. I realize that a lot of partying goes on at college but how much is too much? She doesnt think she has a problem so she probably wont seek help. To my knowledge she doesnt drink alone but lately she is drinking almost daily with other people. Since she is legally an adult is there anything I can do to try to prevent a long-term problem?

ANSWER: It is always difficult to watch the ones we love make decisions that we do not agree with or condone. In considering whether your daughter has a problem you might to look at: whether she has missed classes or assignments because of her alcohol use; how much alcohol she is consuming in a given period; whether she has gaps in her memory about her behavior and events; and whether she has tried unsuccessfully to cut back on her drinking. Since she is an adult there are no legal steps for you take with her but parents have a great deal of influence on their children. Voicing your concerns and providing her with locations to seek help might be what she needs to look at her alcohol consumption. One location that she might want to utilize is the Counseling and Testing Center. We are open from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. Good luck.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2009-10-02(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Im currently being treated for depression and Ive had it fairly well under control for the last several months. Unfortunately a lot of things have gone haywire in my life and I have a lot of stress from classes right now because of tests. So far Im handling things healthily but Im afraid Ill go back to cutting or suicidal thoughts. Im already starting to feel like I just want to be by myself all the time and dont really want to do anything. What can I do to prevent a backslide?

ANSWER: Youve already taken the first step to prevent a relapse and that is to be aware of that there may be trouble ahead. Getting enough rest and maintaining your routine would be another step in keeping a relapse at bay. In addition you may want to consider exercise which not only clears your head but helps to release chemicals that enhance your sense of well-being. I would also suggest that you consider coming to the Counseling and Testing Center to work with a counselor for a period of time. We are open Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Hope this helps.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2009-07-07(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: I never feel like Im good enough. I was abused as a child and I feel like Ive dealt with it very well but I think I struggle with a lot because of it. Ive had eating disorder-like problems in the past and am never satisfied with myself physically emotionally or otherwise right now Im doing well with food and have been for a while but its kind of always in the back of my mind but I think my will is strong enough that I dont want to develop an eating disorder. But I dont think that all of that is my main issue. I just want to be happy. I cant deal with stress and I dont know how to talk to people. Im I being silly and selfish for thinking about my problem? What can I do?

ANSWER: Dealing with abuse is difficult and can affect your life in many ways. It sounds like you have a good idea of whats going on but maybe not necessarily how to deal with it all at once? You deserve to be happy. You are a good person and you deserve to know that. You arent being silly OR selfish thinking about your problem or problems. My suggestion would be to work with someone one on one in counseling to develop some strategies for dealing with stress and interactions with other people. I would also recommend working with someone to address some of the issues dating back to your abuse. If you are a WKU student there are services on campus where you can get help! The Counseling and Testing Center is available to students at 409 Potter Hall or 745-3159. If you would some referrals into the community you can also call 745-3159 and someone can assist you! Good luck!

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-04-22(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Should age gender or race really matter in a relationship. If its a really healthy relationship both partners benifit greatly emotionaly and with life in general should it really matter what other people think?

ANSWER: What matters in a relationship depends on what is important to you. The qualities in a relationship are individual and personal and has to be what the best is for you and the other person in the relationship. If it is healthy and both partners are benefiting then by all means do what is best for you and your partner. Its hard not to consider what other persons in your life think. Thats human nature and natural. You just have the decide what is best for you. If its healthy relationships are great! If you need other assistance please feel free to contact us for an appointment at 745-3159.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2009-04-11(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: I feel like Im losing my grip. Im fine for a bit but then I just get sad. Im writing this during one of my lows. The most important questions that define what life should be are the unanswerable ones. Im the most outgoing person youll meet but I dont feel like I am ever good enough. I havent felt relaxed or rested in more than a year and its frustrating. I dont want to go to counseling because it feels like Im giving up and being weak but Im also writing to you for help. Everything is mixed up and I want it to stop. It feels like Im crazy and it seems like nobody else feels quite like I do. Thats a scary feeling. Im one of the best pretenders youll ever meet. Im mostly afraid that Ive backed myself into a corner that shows that everything is superficial in some way and Ive lost the ability to realize sincerity in others and soon enough myself. Am I beyond help?

ANSWER: Give us a call and make an appointment. You have taken a big step counseling can help.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2008-03-20(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My son (junior) and his girlfriend(junior) are expecting a baby in the early fall semester. They are keeping the baby not getting married for a few years. They both want to stay in school and finish their education she may need to sit out a semester. What services are available to them? If they got married would more services be available for them? We the parents are supportive of them keeping this baby education is on the top of our list--they must finish school in order to provide a life for this child and themselves. Please advise what I can do to help them with this

ANSWER: It sounds like your son and his girlfriend are very committed to their baby and raising him or her. My suggestion would be for the two of them (separately or together) to confer with Student Financial Assistance to find out about aid that could be obtained once the baby is born. Often students who have children are considered to be independent opening more financial aid opportunities for them. There is a child care center on campus at Jones Jagger Hall which has an excellent reputation and is utilized by students faculty and staff. The best thing that the soon-to-be parents can do at this point is to gather information and begin to narrow down their choices. The resources that I mentioned would be the best place to start and as they meet with staff members there I would advise they ask if staff members know of any other resources that could be of use. Of course as the need arises they are welcome to come our offices for counseling services. We are open from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. Good luck to you all. Here to Help

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2009-02-24(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I just spoke with my son who is a freshman there. He seems so very unhappy. He does not have a roommate at all so he is in his dorm room alone. He joined a fraternity but all they want to do is party he says. My son is very shy, does not party and is dating a girl at another school so he is not interested in meeting girls there. He is overweight and very disgusted with himself. He knows what he should do but he doesnt do it. He admitted that somedays he misses classes and just stays in bed. I fear the computer games are his best friend. We have tried to encourage him to look for groups he might be interested in joining but he rarely initiates any conversations and is too shy to ask questions. He is so unhappy it just breaks my heart. What can we/he do?

ANSWER: Unfortunately it sounds like your son might be experiencing depression. It is often marked by the symptoms you described: poor self-esteem low energy lack of interest both in activities that used to bring pleasure and those things that we know we ought to do like go to class and weight gain. It is often difficult to make the transition from high school to college. It is an exciting time but it is also an overwhelming time because so many decisions must be made. It might a good idea to encourage your son to talk with someone on staff here to deal with these issues. We are open from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday and would be very happy to talk with him about trying to get back on track. Hope this helps. Here to Help

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-01-21(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I think that I saw something about some pyschological tests that were given by the counseling center to find out if a person has depression bipolar disorder or other personality disorders. Is this true and how could I take one?

ANSWER: Yes you are correct. Our center does provide a variety of assessments that assist in the process of making a diagnosis. We offer screening assessments during the year (national depression screening day for example). We also use a number of assessments on an individual basis with people that make an appointment with our staff. If you are curious about a particular disorder you could take a screening assessment to see if you have some of the symptoms. A screening assessment is NOT a very accurate measure though; its best to go over the screening assessment with a counselor psychologist or physician. You could certainly sit down with one of our staff members and go over the screening. Our staff member might ask you more questions or he/she might have you take a more accurate assessment to pin point your concerns. The sceening assessments can be accessed at our our webpage (http://www.wku.edu/Dept/Support/StuAffairs/COUNS/index.htm). Click on Outreach Services to find a list of screening options. Please be sure to make an appointment with us if you have further questions about disorders.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-01-20(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been going through alot lately and I have alot on my shoulders. I am the person that all my friends come to with their problems. I have counseled people before on this very subject. Lately I have been having really wierd feelings like there was no way out. i have never understood how anyone could even suggest that they would rather die than feel the things they feel. I know i could never go so far as to kill myself but it scares me that i could even feel that way. How do I stop it?

ANSWER: Thanks for the question. Indeed many of us who are couselors can related to all of our friends coming to us for help. Some people are natural helpers and that is a gift. The downside of being a natural helper is that it can feel overwhelming at times. If we take on too much or become overwhelmed in our own lives balancing school friends family dating... we have less left over for others. Any thoughts of suicide or wanting it all to end should be seen as a serious warning sign. This doesnt mean that you are at risk for sinking into a deep depression or killing yourself right away but if you let things go over time and ignore those warning signs...you end up somewhere you dont want to be. I would suggest coming into counseling and talking to someone about your feelings. You can reach us at 745-3159 and most students who see us end up feeling better after just a sesssion or two. Part of being a helper is paying attention to your own stress levels. Like the oil light coming on in the car it only is a matter of time before things get worse. Take some action today---dont overthink it just give us a call.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2009-01-16(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Ok my situation scares me. I am starting to realize that I need attention I crave it! I have to be the center of attention and Im starting to do things to get it. Im lying for starters to make my life seem more interesting. Ive lied about sleeping with boys just to fit in. I am still a virgin by the way Ive lied about several aspects of my life school job men etc.. I am a liar and I cannot help it. Its like it controls me. Currently I have lost one of my good friends we use to go to church together and now it seems like she is ignoring me. This may sound dumb but she has added everyone else as her friend on facebook but me. I added her recently and even sent her a note but she has not confirmed me. I feel like she doesnt care about me anymore and it really bothers me. Any advice? Thanks.

ANSWER: Thanks for your questions. It can certainly be tough making personal connections with other people and its very normal to crave attention. However it sounds like this is causing you a great deal of stress and leading you to do things that you dont feel good about. My best advice would be to meet with one of our counselors to get things off your chest and to develop strategies to get your needs met. Please call us for an appointment at 745-3159. You can also drop by Potter Hall room 409 to make an appointment.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2009-01-16(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Ok my situation scares me. I am starting to realize that I need attention I crave it! I have to be the center of attention and Im starting to do things to get it. Im lying for starters to make my life seem more interesting. Ive lied about sleeping with boys just to fit in. I am still a virgin by the way Ive lied about several aspects of my life school job men etc.. I am a liar and I cannot help it. Its like it controls me. Currently I have lost one of my good friends we use to go to church together and now it seems like she is ignoring me. This may sound dumb but she has added everyone else as her friend on facebook but me. I added her recently and even sent her a note but she has not confirmed me. I feel like she doesnt care about me anymore and it really bothers me. Any advice? Thanks.

ANSWER: We all go through periods in our life when we want extra attention. Usually when we are hurt angry or afraid we want people to pay attention. But when we make things up to get attention we run the risk of other people pulling away from us. It hurts when people pull away from us and it really hurts the first time it happens. Try to go easy on yourself take some time to calm down. When your former friend sees that you have stopped telling lies he or she will probably get in touch with you. For now just let it go. The harder you try to make your former friend like you the more you former friend will pull away. Give it time. If after a month you still feel bad make an appointment to talk with a counselor.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2009-01-06(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: A little while ago I lost my virginity to a guy I was dating. Now that things between us are over I dont know how to deal with it and move on. I dont feel ready yet but I know I cant keep wanting him. Any advice?

ANSWER: Its really hard when you give your virginity to someone. There is that special connection to that person because of something that you shared with them and no one else. Often when things dont work out and a break up happens there is guilt involved as well and for various reasons like not having waited thinking this person was the one etc. You cant let guilt eat you up! When you break up with someone youve experienced a loss and its a grieving process. Allow yourself time to grieve. Each person handles things in different ways. There is no right or wrong way to do it. You have to do what is best for you. If you dont feel ready yet then allow yourself the time to become ready. With each day the sadness should get a little less and the feelings of readiness should increase a little more. This is very normal! The time that you should possibly consider talking with someone about it would be if it starts to interfere with your daily life like not getting out of bed not being able to do your daily routine, etc.. Please feel free to contact our office and make an appointment if youd like to talk to someone one on one about this. Our number is 745-3159. Hang in there and good luck.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2009-01-06(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I want to kill myself. These thoughts only started in the last couple of days. I can I do to get them to stop. I have never thought this before. Can you help?

ANSWER: These thoughts can certainly be scary. The best thing for you to do is to seek professional help. If the thoughts are immediate and you feel out of control over them then you should call a suicide hotline (1-800-273-TALK (8255)) or contact your local hospital. Most hospitals have specific floors designed to assist people who have among other emotional difficulties overwhelming thoughts to harm themselves. Its very important to talk to someone about these thoughts. This will help determine a plan of action for you to get through this tough time and also explore some causes of those thoughts. There could be numerous reasons for these thoughts like the holidays depression a major life event etc. Most people who contemplate suicide truly do not want to die but want the pain they are experiencing to stop. By talking to someone you can explore what is causing this pain and determine ways to deal and alleviate this pain. PLEASE contact a professional to assist you. Our office is open from 8:00am to 4:30pm Monday through Friday. You can call 745-3159 to make an appointment or we offer emergency services on a walk in basis as needed. We do have someone on call Monday through Friday during office hours. Our local community mental health agency has a 24 hour crisis line at 1-800-223-8913 to have someone to talk with at anytime of the day or night. Please contact our office directly or one of the other numbers given. Good luck.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2008-12-03(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I am actually a part-time faculty member who graduted twice from WKU (BS MPH). I am concerned that I may be struggling with some form of Attention Deficit Disorder. I have an extremely hard time focusing in work meetings and while reading-- I cant usually read more than a few pages at a time without getting distracted. When I took the GRE I struggled with the reading comprehension section because I could not pay attention. Do you test for that type of disorder or know someone who does. I just want to make sure that my mental health is where it should be. Thank you so much for your help!

ANSWER: ADD is a very common disorder. There are some assessments that can indicate whether or not you suffer from ADD. What you are describing certainly suggests that ADD might be a possibility. If you would like to contact our office we could do a consult with you to get you in the direction you need to be. Other avenues would be to contact the Family Counseling Center at 745-2419 or contact the WKU Psychological Clinic at 745-2695. The Clinic does both community and WKU assessments. Hope this helps!

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-12-03(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Over the course of November Ive lost my best friend, not to death but because she was hanging out with the wrong crowd and decided she didnt want to be my friend anymore. Then I lost two other young friends (both 16), to suicide. One in the beginning of November one at the end. I wasnt extremely close to the ones who died but I knew them well enough that Im having a hard time processing it all. Any advice?

ANSWER: The loss of friends, no matter how close they are or how they are lost can be very difficult for people. People have to grieve for this loss. People also grieve differently so what works for someone else might not work for you. You need to allow yourself time to grieve. Its ok to be sad its ok to think about them its ok to miss them. Its when it starts interfering with your daily life that can be the cause for more concern. This has been a very short amount of time for you and with the this time of the year (holidays finals, end of the semester) it can cause every more stress in addition to your loss. Some of our others commitments dont always allow the time to properly grieve. Take time for yourself allow yourself to be sad and dont expect that there is a certain amount of time that passes and then you are suppose to be "over it". We encourage you to make an appointment with one of our counselors and talking things out. For an appointment call 745-3159. Our office hours are Monday - Friday 8am to 4:30.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-11-14(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:What are some ways to combat depression on a daily

ANSWER: Thanks for your questions. There are several things that you can do to help you cope with depression. First regular exercise can make a positive difference in how you feel and it can help you to feel better about yourself. Second its important not to isolate yourself if you feel you are depressed. Make an effort to remain in contact with friends and family. Identify people in your life that you trust so you can talk to them about how you are feeling. Third counseling can help you cope with depression and can provide an additonal support resource. If you would like to see a counselor give us a call at 745-3159. Lastly you may want to see your doctor for a check-up. Sometimes depression can be explained by physical factors which often can be easily treated. Please let us know if you have any further questions.

Category: How to Help a Friend
Date Posted: 2008-11-13(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: my little sister is 14 and struggles with depression. She sees a counslor which seems to help but she still tells me that she has urges to cut. What advice can I give her and how can I help since she is in Louisville and Im here in bowling green?

ANSWER: It is easy to understand why you would be concerned about your sister. Cutting often occurs among young women and men as a way to cope with depression anxiety or external stressors. Based upon your email it sounds as if your sister is getting at least some help. You can help by being a support resource for her. You may also want to talk this over with your parents and get them involved. If she does have urges to cut you may want to encourage her to call a supportive person such as yourself a friend a family member or she can share the urge this with parents. I would suggest that you continue to encourage her to go to counseling and to encourage her to reach out to others for help when she feels like cutting. In many cases talking about the urge helps to reduce it. If you need more information you can reach us at 270-745- 3159.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2008-11-13(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My parents are currently in the process of a divorce. This took my whole family by surprise and we are all struggling to come to grips with it. Everyone tells me to support both my parents which i want to do but im finding is incredibly hard. I feel like supporting one is dishonoring the other. Ive tried to help as much as i can but it seems like the more i help the more i dont. I also feel like my parents expectation of me are unrealistic. I guess my question is how do i go about navigating this troubling time and what are realistic expectation my parents should have for me as far as my role in this divorce?

ANSWER: Divorce is always hard on families but can be especially difficult when it comes as a surprise. Its normal to feel torn between supporting one parent over the other and it is certainly stressful to try to juggle being there for both parents especially if their expectations of you are unrealistically high. As far as your role in the divorce keep in mind that this is something your parents initiated and it is not your responsibility to fix the situation for either one of them. It is reasonalbe to be a support resource for your parents but not at the expense of your own mental health. This is also an issue they need to resolve on their own. Based on your email it sounds as if you would benefit from support as well through this difficult time. Please feel free to contact us if you would like to meet with a counselor. Our sessions are free and you can meet as many times as you would like. You can call to schedule an appointment at 270-745-3159. We are located in 409 Potter Hall.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2008-11-13(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My parents are currently in the process of a divorce. This took my whole family by surprise and we are all struggling to come to grips with it. Everyone tells me to support both my parents which i want to do but im finding is incredibly hard. I feel like supporting one is dishonoring the other. Ive tried to help as much as i can but it seems like the more i help the more i dont. I also feel like my parents expectation of me are unrealistic. I guess my question is how do i go about navigating this troubling time and what are realistic expectation my parents should have for me as far as my role in this divorce?

ANSWER: Part of your role is to know your limitations in this situation. Have a conversation with each parent telling each that you will support them as much as possible but will not take sides. Remind them that the divorce is a drastic rearrangement in your mind and world too, and that some of your time and energy has to still be spent on being a student. Remember that while you will always be their son and already an adult yourself you are not their counselor nor should you become a friend confidant fix-it person or sounding board. Their expectations of you should be mindful of this and not place you in roles other than being their son. If you have siblings or extended family to whom you are close you may be support for each other through this upheaval but again keep the support equal. As the holidays approach there will have to be conversations about how and where family time will be spent. Holidays should not become an arena for a power struggle. Your love for your parents is not a contest between them. If at any time you want to speak with a counselor yourself contact us at 745-3159

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-11-12(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:my boyfriend has a roommate that struggles with anxiety. its hard for me to see him go through this because i have dealt with anxiety for several years but have gotten control over it and with the help of counsellors learned to cope with stress. i want to help this guy but im not very close to him and his anxiety was a secret entrusted to my boyfriend. what can i do?

ANSWER: Encourage your boyfriend to talk to his roommate about getting help for the anxiety. Your boyfriend could even tell his roommate that hes seen you struggle with this but that you have learned to cope with help (if you are okay for him to share this about you). At this point it may not be a good idea for you to approach his roommate yourself as he may feel your boyfriend violated his trust by discussing the issue with you. Give your boyfriend info to share with the roommate such as our contact information or for counseling services in the community. Your boyfriend may need to have more than one conversation with his roommate about getting help. For our office here on campus and its a free service for students call 745-3159.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2008-11-10(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I havent seen this girl in 13 years. Back when we were young she was like a sister to me. Thanks to myspace I found her a year ago. She and I have kept in touch by messaging and a few phone calls. I am going to visit her (several states away) after school is out. She seems as excited as I am about the visit too. My question is what kind of stuff should I talk about when I visit her? Were both single and she is exactly the type of girl I always wanted to have a relationship with. I should probably not tell her that last statement though.

ANSWER: Dude seriously it sounds like you have 13 years of stuff to talk about. Catch up first and just see what happens. You probably dont want to tell her first thing that you want to have a relationship with her....because it has been thirteen years since you were last around her. But you are curious interested and open to the idea....so have a good visit and if you want to see her again ask her.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2008-11-10(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:how does someone over come anxiety about a certain situation in everyday life?

ANSWER: Good question as I imagine this question applies to all of us. Anxiety is a useful emotionsensation...it can keep us alert wary and safe. It can also get in the way of fun. It is good to be safe but sometimes anxiety is something like a false alarm in the body....and you need to go through the motions instead of pulling back or away. A lot of times you just have to do the thing that makes you anxious enough times for the false alarm to go away. Sometimes you might need to talk to someone that can help you figure out why this daily event makes you anxious. You might have some deeper concern that is getting in the way (fear of failure fear of rejection etc.) The main thing is to not be angry at yourself for being anxious...anxiety is natural; we all need to have it but we can decide what we will do with it.... Counseling could help; give us a call if you want to know more.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-11-06(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: Is jealousy curable particularly if the jealousy is not founded on facts?

ANSWER: I do think that a person who is often jealous can teach himself or herself to not be jealous. It can be difficult since jealousy is an emotion and an attitude that is self-serving. It can cause a lot of emotional distress but it also helps people feel good about themselves. Jealousy and spite art two human experiences that often make life harder. Being jealous when there are no facts or evidence of cheating is very different from being angry because you know the other person is cheating. Jealous people tend to suspect cheating even if it isnt happening...sadly many jealous people are so convinced that the cheating is happening that the other person gets tired of being falsely accused and leaves the relationship. Ending jealousy might require working with a counselor you may need someone who can be there once a week with you and support you as you face yourself and your feelings. It might be hard but it can be done. Once you discover why you feel jealous you can find a way to be less jealous.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2008-11-06(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:About a month and a half ago I caught a peeping tom at my window. I am living in a new place with 2 roommates its a nice quiet neighborhood. I have felt so unsafe now in my house alone. We make sure our doors our locked and leave lights on and I still just am tense and on edge when Im alone at night. How can I feel safe again?

ANSWER: I encourage you to report this incident to the police even though it occurred a month and a half ago so that they can be aware and watchful. If you know your neighbors ask if any of them have had this happen so they can be aware also. You are wise to keep doors and windows locked and you could make sure you have your bedroom window shades down when alone or while dressing. While this incident has made you wary the fear should recede over time. Most peeping toms or voyeurs are not violent and confine their activity to peeping. Anytime our privacy or space feels invaded were uncomfortable or scared and this is a normal reaction. We all like to feel in control of our environment. Surprisingly a little anger might help you regain your sense of safety. Remind yourself I will not let this person rob me of feeling comfortable in my own home! I will not allow this fear to interfere with how I live my life! If your anxiety does not lessen with time the services of a counselor could be beneficial.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-10-31(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I thought the thoughts were gone after getting on a new medication but now three months later theyre plaguing me. Theyre everywhere I go. At every tall building I cross I see someone jumping in the corner of my eye. Every time a trail whistles I think that someone is laying on the tracks. I have dreams of myselfothers committing suicide. Theyre sickening sometimes but other times they seem good to me. I just want some advice in making them go away before theyre all seeming good.

ANSWER: Thank you for your note. Suicidal thoughts can be a very serious concern. It is sometimes common for people who are depressed to have those kinds of thoughts but they do not act on them. In order to manage those thoughts its important for you to talk to someone about them. You may want talk to a friend a family member or an advisor. However I strongly recommend that you come to the counseling center as soon as possible. We have someone on call every day to deal with emergencies such as urges to commit suicide. You dont need an appointment you can simply walk in. Our office is 409 Potter Hall. If you feel you are not in immediate danger please call us to schedule an appointment at 745-3159. There is also a National Suicide Hotline that is available 24 hours a day and is staffed by trained people who can help. The number is 1-800-656-HOPE. Please call that number anytime that you need. I hope that this has been helpful information. Again let me encourage you to make contact with the counseling center very soon. Talking with a counselor is another way to manage those thoughts.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-10-29(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: After my father passed away 3 years ago my mother pretty much stopped raising my 15 year old brother. She treats him like an adult and expects him to always remember to do all of his chores pay for his own clothes food even his school lunch. He is 15 and is not able to get a job because all places in my hometown require you to be 16 before they hire you. He gets into a little trouble here and there but I would say its normal considering he is a 15 year old boy. He has a good heart and my mother just acts like he is a thorn in her side. I am scared this is going to effect him in many ways as he grows into an adult. How can I help offset some of the emotional damage my mother is doing to him?? I have tried to talk to her about it but she refuses to think she is doing anything wrong. Please help!

ANSWER: This sounds really frustrating for you. Sounds like mom might be going through her own sadness and is becoming angry at her children. Maybe talking to other relatives would help. They might be willing to talk to mom and get her to see what she is doing. It is good that you have a strong connection to your brother that will help him cope with moms anger. Maybe he could talk to a guidance counselor or teacher that would help him at school to feel valued. Lots of reasons mom might be doing this we could talk about that at our counseling center and help you come up with a plan to encourage mom to lighten up.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 0200-10-29(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I am terrified of going insane but I think I am. I believe that I am depressed. I havent been eating Ive missed classes something Ive NEVER done I cry at the drop of a hat I have no interest in anything really and I feel like I have nothing here in Bowling Green. Im in a long distance relationship and I love my boyfriend. Hes the one who suggested I ask for help because my depression has made me start to push him away. Hes very supportive of my asking for help but Im terrified. I cant talk about it without being choked up. I dont even know what caused it. I feel like I have no right to be depressed. I dont want to get on medication but how can I be helped when I cant even talk about it because I dont know what to talk about?

ANSWER: Allow me to reassure you that being depressed does not mean youre insane. Depression does affect all the areas you mentioned: appetite tearfulness no interest in things etc. Im glad your boyfriend is supportive and I strongly urge you to seek professional help. Depression is an illness not a weakness and there isnt any one thing that caused it nor is it a matter of having the right to be depressed. Whether or not medication would be helpful is something for you and your counselor or doctor to discuss. As for not knowing what to talk about leave that up to the counselor you see. But please know that you dont have to be miserable therapy and/or medication can help. If you would like to make an appointment at our center please call 745-3159.

Category: How to Help a Friend
Date Posted: 2008-10-29(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:After my father passed away 3 years ago my mother pretty much stopped raising my 15 year old brother. She treats him like an adult and expects him to always remember to do all of his chores pay for his own clothes food even his school lunch. He is 15 and is not able to get a job because all places in my hometown require you to be 16 before they hire you. He gets into a little trouble here and there but I would say its normal considering he is a 15 year old boy. He has a good heart and my mother just acts like he is a thorn in her side. I am scared this is going to effect him in many ways as he grows into an adult. How can I help offset some of the emotional damage my mother is doing to him?? I have tried to talk to her about it but she refuses to think she is doing anything wrong. Please help!

ANSWER: Try talking to your mother at least one more time gently pointing out how everyone still feels the loss of your father and that when you were 15 you could not have supported yourself and how hard this is for your brother. It sounds as if your mom has expected your brother to quickly become a man because the other adult male in the family is no longer present. No doubt she is also feeling the ongoing stresses of being a single parent. If everyone is willing some family counseling would be helpful. Also enlist the help of your brothers guidance counselor at school. Preferably get your brother to seek out the guidance counselor himself. If he is hesitant you may want to speak with the guidance counselor about the family situation. Your fathers death affected each of you in different ways and its extremely difficult for a then 12 year old boy to lose his father. How about helping him to find a mentor such as Big BrothersBig Sisters? Again the guidance counselor would be a good resource for mentoring opportunities. Finally you can be a great help to your brother just by staying in touch and letting him know that his big sister will always be there for him.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-10-23(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have always had trouble with anxiety, but its always passed and hasnt affected my life too much. Lately however my anxiety is really bad. It is affecting my relationships and expecially my school work. I cant focus well and sometimes I get to shaking badly all day long and cant control it. I assume it is due to stress but I dont feel I have any new stressors lately. Are there ways to help prevent or even control this anxiety?

ANSWER: Thanks for your very good question. Anxiety and stress go hand in hand and it is very common for college students to have bouts with anxiety. One way to control anxiety is deep breathing which initiates a relaxation response that helps people manage their anxiety. To do deep breathing find a comfortable spot (or make yourself comfortable in your desk if you are in class) close your eyes breath in deeply from your nose filling the bottom to the top of your lungs. Hold that breath for a few seconds and then slowly relase it. You may need to repeat this process a few times to begin feeling calm. You may also want to get checked out by a physician. Sometimes anxiety is caused by medical reasons such as a thyroid problem. In addition there are other relaxation methods that might work for you as well. Let me encourage you to make an appointment to see one of our counselors. You can call us at 745-3159. Thanks.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-10-14(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have struggled for years with something that i cannot put a name on. As a young teen 13-16y/o I struggled with suicidal thoughts poor self image and hurting myself. Overtime i have pulled away from the killing myself and/or hurting myself but i still do not like myself and feel completly overwhelmed. I have times of just overwhelming grief and times when I feel like no one can hold me down. My transtion into college has been very difficult after losing a grandfather and missing a week of school into my boyfriend leaving for basic training. I have found myself slipping into academic failure and what i feel to be extreme depression I feel like giving up sleep wayyyyyy to much eat my emotions cry myself to sleep extremly sad. How can i overcome something when i dont even know whats wrong with me? What is wrong with me??? Help?

ANSWER: It sounds like life has been difficult for you for quite a while. Added to that you have experienced several major changes with beginning college, the loss of your grandfather and your boyfriend entering basic training for the military. Those changes would be difficult for anyone. The symptoms you describe sound a great deal like depression with sleeping too much emotional numbness lack of interest in academics and feeling sad. My first suggestion would be to let those around you know what is going on with you. Your friends have probably noticed a difference and would like to help. Secondly I would suggest coming to our office. We offer counseling to currently enrolled students at no cost to them. Our office is located at 409 Potter Hall or you can call 745-3159. We are open from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. Hope this helps.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-10-07(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I cant seem to let things go. I eat things I dont really want because I cant stand to see them wasted. My room is horrible and I cant even make it all the way around my bed there is so much stuff everywhere. I have a storage building full of stuff and I still dont have room to breathe. My mom says Im jsut messy and lazy but I have worked full time all through college and taken at least 15 hours a semester. I dont believe Im either. At work I am very organized and put together. When I get home its a differnt story. No matter how hard I try I cant seem to get it together. Ic ant stnad to spend much time in my room because it is jsut a constant reminder of I cant get a hold on things. I will be graduating from WKU in December and my boyfirend and I have talked of moving in together but the stuff has to go first. He doesnt understand why I cant just get rid of stuff but I feel emotionally attached to my things. I know this cycle is holding me back and I want itto stop but I dont know how. Im having trouble looking for new employment after graduation beacue I know if I have to move away I will have to face my baggage in my life. I am constantly in a state of feeling out of control of my life. If I cant control one little bedroom how can I get anything else right? Ive considered seeking counseling before because I believe I may have ADD and depression on top of other issues but I havent because I know my mother (whom I still live with) will be furious if she finds out I cant get it together on my own. There are days I just sit in my bedroom and cry because I feel like such a failure. To the outside world Im composed and efficient. Inside Im falling apart. I just keep thinking that if I could just get the clutter under control it would empower me to get the reest of my life under control. What can I do to stop these feelings and get a hold on things? Your help is greatly appreciated!

ANSWER: It certainly sounds like there is a lot going on for you. It is always difficult to leave a place that has been safe for you like college and begin a new chapter in your life. While graduation is a happy time it is also a sad and scary time for a lot of people. However it sounds like your issue is a bit deeper than that. Keeping items that have no value and being unable to let them go may be a symptom of something larger in your life. You mentioned that you are feeling depressed and the hoarding may very well be a part of that. To me it sounds like you have taken the first step in gaining control of your life--reaching out. Now take the second call our office and set up an appointment our telephone number is 745-3159. We are a free service to students and our services are confidential which means that unless you choose to tell your mother you are seeking counseling we will not tell her either. Our office is located at 409 Potter Hall and we are open from 8 a.m to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. I hope this helps. Here to Help

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-09-29(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been putting this off for so long but I am at a very low point in my life and I really need help and to get my life back on track. I am somewhat of a nontraditional student 23 married w/ 2 babies, work 40hrs wk and I am extremely overwhelmed and I have started making bad decisions with finances and such and I dont even know who I am anymore. I have developed social anxiety and in MANY ways I am actually ashamed to even ask for help. I feel like I have gotten to the point that I must do this before I go insane. Is there anyone on the Glasgow campus that can help? I work so much and live over one hour away from Bowling Green and I have class in Glasgow on Monday and Wednesdays

ANSWER: There are several things you can do to decrease the stress in your life and you have already taken the biggest step you asked for help. We all need help from time to time. No one gets through life without singing the blues. Our staff comes to Glasgow to do presentations and information tables and we have met individually with students when we can find a private room to use for a meeting. You might find that your physician could help with advice and medication. You could also check the yellow pages to find a counselor or therapist that is closer to where you live. Many employers provide insurance that will cover visits with a mental health specialist. You could also check the local paper for listings of self help groups. A group is a good use of your time when you are feeling overwhelmed by life. You can call 745-3159 and leave your phone number or email address and I will talk with you about setting up a meeting.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-09-26(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been putting this off for so long but I am at a very low point in my life and I really need help and to get my life back on track. I am somewhat of a nontraditional student 23 married w/ 2 babies work 40hrs wk and I am extremely overwhelmed and I have started making bad decisions with finances and such and I dont even know who I am anymore. I have developed social anxiety and in MANY ways I am actually ashamed to even ask for help. I feel like I have gotten to the point that I must do this before I go insane. Is there anyone on the Glasgow campus that can help? I work so much and live over one hour away from Bowling Green and I have class in Glasgow on Monday and Wednesdays.

ANSWER: Thanks for your note. It certainly sounds like you are going through a rough time right now and many of your symptoms may be related to intense stress and a high demanding life. Counseling can really be helpful in times of high stress. Unfortunately we do not have a counselor stationed at Glasgow campus. However we may be able to generate some other counseling options for you. Please call our office at 270-745-3159 and ask to speak to the counselor on call. We have a therapist on call every day of the week. This person can help you generate ideas on how to obtain counseling. Hope to hear from you.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-09-24(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Whats the difference between asexuality and sex aversion? My boyfriend really wants to have sex...but I dont want to. I dont think it will be pleasurable. Everytime I think of sex, I think its gross and awkward. I feel so abnormal because I know that humans by nature are supposed to be comfortable (at some level) with this. I have absolutely no sex drive or desire to have sex. I dont know what to do...I feel really confused and frustrated that I dont have those feelings.

ANSWER: Asexual in a relationship very simply means the absence of sexual activity, and there could be lots of reasons for this. The feelings you describe fit more with the meaning of aversion including your lack of desire. I can see how this is very frustraing and confusing and it would be worthwhile to explore how you came to think about sex as you do. Are you afraid a sexual encounter might not go well (you used the word awkward) or might not be satisfying? Actually it takes a while for people to get comfortable with each other sexually real life is rarely like the movies so its helpful to be realistic about expectations. Are you simply not ready emotionally or mentally to commit yourself physically in this way? If youre not thats okay. Do you feel pressured? Are you unsure about this particular person or the stability of the relationship? Are you worried about sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy? Are you comfortable with other forms of physical contact such as kisses or hugs? Have you had bad experiences in your past that involved unwanted physical activity? These are just some of the questions that might help you sort out your feelings. I urge you to check with your doctor and talk about your lack of interest/aversion. While it might feel embarrassing to discuss this personal issue a physician is a professional who can check it out medically. Then you could follow up with a counselor to help sort out what is behind your feelings.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2005-09-23(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My boyfriend and I are going to different colleges and I trust him completley that he would never do anything to hurt me. But even though I know this I get so upset when he is around or even just sees other girls. I know that I shouldnt because I trust him but is there something I can do to stop my jealousy problem? Thanks!

ANSWER: The thing about jealousy is that it doesnt prevent what we fear and it can push others to do exactly what we fear. If youve had no reason to mistrust your boyfriend then dont let your jealousy cause arguments questioning or checking up on him. You will be angry with yourself later if you allow unfounded jealousy to sabotage a good relationship. But if you can show him maturity and trust on your part then he will have an even better opinon of you than he already has. In your own mind think about where this insecurity you feel comes from. You might benefit from some exploration and self-confidence work either on your own or with the help of a counselor.

Category: Adjustment to College
Date Posted: 2008-09-23(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have a really hard time making friends. I dont know what to do. I feel all alone and depressed majority of the time. I always think people are making fun of me because of my weight. I really would like to make some friends. What is the first step?

ANSWER: When people make fun of us for any reason of course its hurtful. But ultimately that indicates their flaws not ours so dont let their actions hold you back from doing what you want to do. Your first step might be to gather some information on activities clubs etc. that interest you. Are there events going on in the residence hall you would like to attend? Is there a club or organization connected with your major that would let you meet people who share your interests? How about a service organization or student government? Is there something new youve been wanting to try? Allow yourself a little time to investigate your options then just do it! College is a great place for opportunities to break old habits and challenge ourselves so dont give up if you hit an obstacle. And if you feel youd like to talk to someone about feeling lonely or depressed you can call our Center at 745-3159.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-09-09(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My boyfriend and I have a great relationship. We talk about everything. He knows that Im a virgin and weve talked about how I feel about it. The thing is Im not exactly sure how I feel about it. I used to want to wait until I was married but that was years ago and now Im not sure. My boyfriend doesnt pressure me to but I know he really wants to. Really the only thing that is keeping me back is that Im deathly afraid of getting pregnant plus I just dont want to regret it. Like I said my boyfriend and I have talked about all of this. I just dont know what to do. How can I make this decision?

ANSWER: You are right becoming sexually active is one of the most important decisions you will make in your life. You have mentioned that you aware of your boyfriends desire to have sex and your previous thoughts about waiting until marriage. However I have not heard you say anything about what *YOU* want. How do you feel? What do you want? That really is the only important question and answer. You mentioned fear of pregnancy as one of the stumbling blocks for you. Please consider visiting either Health Services on campus on Barren River Health Department on State Street to discuss contraception. The nurses and doctors can work with you to find the form of birth control that would work best for you. Remember though that just because you have had a discussion about birth control and/or started taking birth control does not obligate you to have sex if that is not what you want to do. I know I have probably raised more questions for you. But the only person who can know when it is right to have sex is ulitmately you. Good luck. Here to Help

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-09-09(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Im a 21 year old sophomore and I have problems being in social settings such as parties or even..like even being in DUC and talking to people I dont know. I dont like being around groups of strangers...just people I havent talked to before. I get really anxious and nervous about it..and Im afraid of making myself look like a fool in front of them and theyll laugh and criticize me. I was just wondering if there are any ways of overcoming this anxiety because Ive tried and tried..its like I hit a wall and I CANT talk to the or do whatever it is they want me to do.

ANSWER: We all struggle with feeling awkward and out of place sometimes. However it sounds like your problem is deeper than that. Counseling might be part of the answer for you. A therapist could work with you to deal with your fears and insecurities and provide some practical tools that help you move forward. It may be at some point in therapy that your counselor would recommend a medical referral as a way to help you cope with the anxiety until you learn how to deal with it on your own. Our office is located at 409 Potter Hall and we are open from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. You can also call to set up an appointment at 745-3159. You have taken a huge first step. Please follow through and set up an appointment. I hope this helps. Here to Help

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-09-08(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Where can I go on campus for mental help?

ANSWER: The Counseling and Testing Center at 409 Potter Hall 745-3159, offers personal counseling to students of Western Kentucky University. Our office ours are 8-4:30 Monday thru Friday. Please contact our office to make an appointment. You can also contact your RA or Hall Director if you live on campus to assist with resources that are available to you. You can make an appointment with Health Services to see one of our doctors for medication evaluation. That number is 745-5641. Those are several resources that can assist in mental health if needed. There are other entities on campus that assist in various ways for mental health depending upon the need. If you would call the Counseling and Testing Center at 745-3159 and speak to someone then they can help assist with specific resources that you might need for help with mental health depending upon the situation. Hope this is helpful.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-09-03(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I am having trouble being able to talk to my parents. My mom is two-faced and my dad is really only worried about what interests the "boys" in the family have. I have a two month old infant Im trying to go to school my fiance is still in high school (senior) and my parents want me to take care of my child have a relationship with my fiance (well my mom hates him) go to school (Im taking 17 hours) and work an average job. HELP!!! I cant take the pressure. My mind is boggling over. I can hardly study because I feel Im just never going to get enough done. What do I do?

ANSWER: It sounds like you and your parents have different expectations of each other. It might be helpful to try to sit down with a third party like a minister or counselor so that you can talk to each other rather than at each other. Prior to the meeting though think about what it is you want from them ideally and what would be acceptable. Ask them to do the same thing. That way when you come together you can talk without as much emotion. I know that you want to make a good life for you and your child but it may be that you will need to take fewer hours and go to school for a longer period of time in order to make that happen. Good luck. Here to Help

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-06-18(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I get really depressed and anxious off and on throughout the year, but I do not want to go on medication. I was wondering if you advocate controlling depression through your diet. I have been researching and found that if someone has a good diet eating foods that contain things like dopamine, jerotonin, phenethylamin, and tryptophan can actually make them happier and help control their depression. In your experience, does eating right and excersizing, and doing things like eating 5 small meals instead of 3 big ones really help? I have started compiling a list of foods that will help me with this - bananas, avocados, almonds, spinach, salmon, black beans, cheddar cheese, whole wheat bread/carbs, and chocolate (small amounts), all of these in the right moderation. Is there anything on here you disagree with or any that you can add that you think will help. I apreciate any advice!

ANSWER: That is really great that you are actively exploring and researching ways to manage your depression and anxiety! Exercising and the foods you eat can defintely play a big part in how you feel. The foods that you eat can create high energy or lethargic feelings in you depending on what you choose to eat. That is great that you have started to compile a list of foods and are working on looking into your diet. Exercise is also a great way to increase your stamina and energy level and create an overall better feeling of yourself. Both of these also help to create less anxiety and depression because you just feel good about what you are doing! It certainly sounds like you are taking a very active approach in making things different for yourself. Please keep in mind though, that sometimes depression and anxiety are assisted in being controlled with medication. While diet and exercise are a great start, and perhaps are enough, pay attention to how you are feeling. If those do not seem to be working, or the depression or anxiety appear to be worsening, please consult a mental health specialist or a medical doctor! You also might want to consider counseling. It often helps to talk out your thoughts and feelings. Our services are free to WKU students. Our office hours are Monday - Friday from 8am to 4:30. Please contact the front desk at 745-3159 if you would like to talk to someone further about this! Good luck and thanks for contacting us.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-06-09(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I recently stopped taking my birth control pills because they make me too moody and were making me gain too much weight. Now, instead of feeling moody and irritable I feel very sad all the time, and I think I may be seriously depressed even though I do not have a real reason to be depressed. Did going off of my pills make me feel this way, or is it something else? Would stopping the pill suddenly cause a "chemical imbalance" or whatever? And if I went back on them, would it fix the problem or just add to it? I have heard Yaz really helps with the moodiness and weight gain, so maybe that would help all the problems...?

ANSWER: These are really good questions to be asking yourself; it sounds like you are very in touch with your body and your emotional state. I would suggest you talk to your physician first about the possible effects of discontinuing your birth control medication. If your doctor in out of town, you might consider going to the health services on campus. There are very good medical staff there who could answer your questions as well; and you ask to see a female staff person if you wish. It is certainly possible that the change in medication could leave you feeling depressed; starting and stopping medications needs to be done under a doctors advice and care.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-06-09(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have heard about Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I only ever hear that it affects people in the winter. I get down in the dumps every summer – it is like when things wind down and I do not have classes and work to keep me busy I just get depressed. This summer has been worse than any other so far. I have been very depressed, feeling hopeless, teary, and finding it hard to concentrate on things. I have no real reason that I can think of to feel sad – I have a great boyfriend, good friends to hang out with, I am doing extremely well in school, etc. Depression runs in my family – my mother is on antidepressants now and my father has been before. I guess I have a couple questions… 1. Can SAD affect you in any season, or is it just winter? (I have regular mental health throughout the year, except getting a little 2. If I go on medication temporarily for the summer, will it be easy to get off of it when school starts again? (I do not want to be stuck on a medication) 3. Also, I have been having an upset stomach for three straight days. I use to love eating and it was just one of those little things that made me happy, but now I feel like I never want to eat again… can depression make me feel this way, having a nauseated stomach? Or should I go to the doctor to see if that is something else?

ANSWER: What you are experiencing could very well be depression. Not like SAD which is thought to be dependent on the amount of sunlight available, and there are professionals that would argue that SAD can only occur in the far north, like northern Canada. You may be experiencing depression when, as you say, you are not busy with school and work. When things slow down you may be more likely to notice the depressed state within your body. Many younger people are able to keep depression at bay by staying busy but in time the depression needs to be addressed. I would certainly suggest you see a physician to talk about medication options; some people have been able to use medications for a while and then go off for a while. There really is not anything about a medication for depression that is addictive; you do not need to worry about being stuck on it. If depression runs in your family, you might have inherited a tendancy to become depressed, and medication would be a good idea (sort of like inheriting diabetes)...then again, if several people in your family are depressed, you might have grown up feeling anxious, afraid, helpless, or angry and that could leave you now feeling depressed, in which case counseling would be very helpful. I would suggest both for now; talk to a physician or psychiatrist about medication and make an appointment with a psychologist or counselor at our center to talk more about how you feel during the summer.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-05-27(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have often asked myself, why do I get so upset and freaked out about the littlest things. I do not the answer. Last week I was the worst week of my life, I could not wait for school to be over. I did not do so well in school this past semester and I freaked out and started hyperventalating. While this may be no big deal to others, it was huge deal to me. I was stressing myself sick! When I got my grades back on Tuesday I had calmed down some and had finally accepted my B, 4 Cs and one D. My GPA is going to suffer, yes but I am getting over it. My question to whoever this is going to is... why are my nerves so bad? I put on a good front like nothing bothers me, but inside, it really does. Someone could tell me that I am the worst writer in the world and I would act as if it does not bother me but in reality I will be analyzing it, thinking about my writing and why this person thinks I am a bad writer, then I will start doubting myself and my abilites. Why am I so neurotic? Do I need to be put on medication because it is getting out of hand to the point where it is affecting others around me. Any help would be most appreciated! Thanks!

ANSWER: Sometimes our biggest obstacles are the ones we create ourselves, and we all do it at times. Let me offer a couple of things for you to think about concerning the questions you pose. If you "put on a good front," does that help you to feel better? While it may hide your worry from others, the front suppresses your real emotions, which may just surface later in anxious feelings like freaking out and hyperventilating. It might decrease your anxiety if you go ahead and express your emotions when they occur, including voicing your frustration, etc., to others. Also, lets look at the example of someone criticizing your writing. First of all, why is that persons opinion any more valid than your own? An authors work is only as good as the next reader thinks it is. Your self-doubt does not improve your work if it paralyzes your efforts. I am guessing you over-analyze yourself or your writing. Ask yourself what purpose the analyzing, the freaking out, and the worrying serves. Some would say that worrying is like self-protection; if you have thought about every possibility, then you feel more prepared. However, chronic worrying gets in the way of creativity, of getting things done, and is a real drain mentally and even physically. Another question: what are you doing on a regular basis to de-stress, to unwind? Build in something every day, even if it is only for 10-15 minutes, that you enjoy that will allow you to mentally and physically exhale. Finally, you mention the possibility of medication for the anxiety. Speak with a doctor about this if you believe your anxiety has reached the level of really interfering with life. Medication can be a good tool, and is often needed only temporarily, but this is something for you and your doctor to decide. You may also want to speak with a counselor about ways to cope with anxiety, and can make an appointment at our center at 745-3159 if you so choose.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-05-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been in foster care for 8 years, and i havent seen my parents for about 6 of those years, but now that i am turning 18 i can see them. i do want to see them, but what do i say? how do i react to their love and affection.i am scared that i am going to hurt them really bad emotionally and dont want to i love them very much. i also want to invite them to my graduation but i am scared people will make fun of them and hurt them and my feelings. WHAT DO I DO????? I AM VERY LOST AND CONFUSED

ANSWER: It sounds like you are a very thoughtful person. The thing to remember is that your parents are probably nervous too. It would be best if both parties relaxed and got to know each other all over again. They are your parents and they will always be your parents, but you are a young adult now. They need to meet and get to know that person, the person you are now and will grow into as time goes on. Graduation is a time of celebration for everyone. The person whose wishes should count the most on that day is the person who is graduating. So if you want your parents to be at your graduation and they agree to come, that is your and their prerogative. I am not sure who would make fun of them on that special day, but remember just as you are an adult your parents are adults as well. They can take care of themselves. So rather than worrying about what will happen just enjoy the day for what it is. I hope this helps.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2008-04-23(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:How do you know if you are straight or gay if you have never been with anyone? How do I get together with someone? Does WKU offer dating services?

ANSWER: Hi, thank you for your question. As far as I know, WKU does not offer a dating service. However, there is a gay/lesbian/bisexual group on campus called the Outlet Alliance, which would be a great way to meet people. As far as knowing whether you are straight or gay, it is important to realize that sexual orientation can be complex. Some people are sure at an early, while others figure out their orientation later in life, sometimes after experimenting with their sexuality. You may also want to read about sexual orientation. A good place to start is a book called "Figuring it Out." It is readily available at Amazon.com If you would like to discuss this with someone, we regularly work with this issue at the counseling and testing center. You can reach us at 745- 3159.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-04-17(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I really do not know where to begin with my question... I am a nursing student, get good grades, have a boyfriend of 3 and 1/2 years (who is wonderful to me). It seems like I have everything going for me. But I feel so empty. My mom died two years ago, and since then my life has turned upside down. My dad started dating about 3 or 4 months after her death, and a woman moved in with us less than 6 months after her death. I cannot stand her, and it is a constant source of stress, because I live at home and commute to school. I deal by just not thinking about it, because it infuriates me and frustrates me because I do not have any choice but to live here at home. I do okay if I just do not think about it, but sometimes it is just so overwhelming, and I just cry for hours, and I feel so weak and guilty for feeling this way. I think it has started to impact other aspects of my life... my relationship with my boyfriend has been more strained... he is the love of my life, but I find myself getting irritated at him (and others for that matter) and lashing out and getting aggravated at him before I can stop myself. And, pardon me for being blunt, but our sex life just is not as great as it used to be. I just dont find it as enjoyable as it once was, which is something that is very important to me. Nursing school is adding more stress... I dont know. I feel like I can deal with everything if I just do not think about it, but then I hold it in for so long, and I feel like I just cant talk to anyone. I know I can talk to my boyfriend, but I just feel like I cant use the actual word "depressed". I once went to my doctor about 5 years ago and told him I felt like I was depressed, and he told me I was a teenager and just going through hormone and mood swings, and ever since I feel like I should just buck up and get over my problems, but I just cannot. And I just do not know what to do. I feel like I might be depressed, but I am afraid of going through that embarrassment again, of being told that there is nothing wrong with me.

ANSWER: It certainly looks like your life is filled with stress. Chronic stress often leads to depression and it sounds like you would benefit from further evaluation. You may want to consider coming to our offices and talking to one of our counselors. I can tell you that you will not be told to "buck up and get over your problems." Here we know that depression is not that simple and we do not think of it as a sign of weakness. In fact, it takes a lot of courage to ask for help. Please consider coming to see us. This is a safe and confidential place to discuss your concerns and feelings. We work on an appointment basis (execpt in times of crisis or emergency). We are located in Potter Hall 409 and you can call to make an appointment at 745-3159. Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any questions.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2008-04-17(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have received the regents scholarship since high school. So far I have had a 3.72 GPA, but this semester I fear I will make a C in one of my classes, which may drop my GPA very close to the 3.5 I must maintain. What would happen if my GPA dropped below this amount?? Would I have anytime to raise it back up before I lost my scholarship or would I just lose my scholarship?

ANSWER: I checked with the Financial Aid office and was told that once the scholarship is lost it cannot be regained. HOWEVER, if for example you fell below a 3.5 as a result of this spring semester, an option would be to take a summer class and bring your GPA up with a good grade in that summer class. You would not receive scholarship money to pay for the summer class, but then with the required 3.5 minimum you would keep the scholarship and have it for the fall, etc. You can also ask questions regarding scholarships at scholarships@wku.edu I hope you are able to keep the scholarship, but even if you were to lose it, you have obviously done a lot of hard work and done it well to keep the scholarship this long. You can be proud of that. And realistically, as courses get increasingly difficult, it is really hard to keep a 3.5 or better. With or without the scholarship, you deserve a pat on the back!

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2008-04-09(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and lately we have been having a lot of problems. We seem to fight over everything, and I just feel so distant. I feel like I am holding on to this relationship just because of the time that I have put into it. Despite him saying that I need to change how I see things and that not everything will ever be as perfect as I want it to be, I still care for him. We are currently on a break, but that has just seemed to make things worse. I have recently met someone new, but that did not work out. Now I just feel like I will never find the one who is meant for me. Is it possible that I just had "feelings" for this new person because I wanted to feel like someone was interested in me again? Or is it a sign that if I can have feelings for someone else other than my boyfriend, then maybe he is not who I am supposed to be with. How do you move on from someone you have loved for almost 2 years? And if I did start to date again, how will I be able to have a good relationship without bringing in all of my baggage from previous

ANSWER: As I read your message it occurs to me that so many people see relationships as mysterious events beyond their control. I would encourage you to see that your emotions are your emotions; you create them and you control them. No one can tell you why you feel what you feel; you are the expert on your self. Another thought that occurs is how we all tend to see relationships as investments; if we have invested two years then we are reluctant to start a new one. But people and money are two different things. Most people need at least two years to really get to know one another. And it only follows that after two years you might know someone well enough to know you do not want to be with them forever....I would encourage you to trust your feelings and to explore questions that might be scary. You could do this on your own or with a therapist at our center. The number to call is 270-745-3159.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-04-09(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been told by doctors that I am bulimic. I have an irregular heart beat, and have no enamel left on my teeth. I have been like this for 5 years and I am only 20. I am having a really hard time though because every time that I try to get help I am told that my weight is not too low, or I am technically considered to be "healthy". ( I am 5ft 8in and my weight fluctuates from 115 to 130) I am depressed and feel completely alone because when I want help and try to get it, I feel like therapists are saying that I am still too fat for them to care. It makes me feel like I have to become more sick to even get help. I fast every week from friday night until monday night, and when I eat on the other days I purge until I see blood, but I am still "healthy"??? I talked to a woman on campus from the counseling center, and she said, "well there is nothing wrong with your weight". That really hurts a person with an eating disorder. I feel like she was saying I am too fat. So as I sit here at home right now typing this I want you to know that you all are responsible for me no longer wanting help. If I am too fat for you all to care I guess I am just going to keep this up until I am too thin for you to even help me. I just wanted to tell you that you all suck and I really hope you do not get paid to do your jobs, because all you did for me was make everythig

ANSWER: If you told a therapist that you are purging, have no enamel, or have been diagnosed by a physician as bulimic, then the therapist should be working with you regardless of your weight....the weight is not the issue; the pain you are feeling is the issue. I hope you will consider making another appointment with our center; we have people on staff with specific interest and training in eating disorders. I cannot explain what happened during your last session. It sounds like the therapist did not know you were purging. Please consider making another appointment with our center; or call us for a referral to someone in the community.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-04-09(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been told by doctors that I am bulimic. I have an irregular heart beat, and have no enamel left on my teeth. I have been like this for 5 years and I am only 20. I am having a really hard time though because every time that I try to get help I am told that my weight is not too low, or I am technically considered to be "healthy". ( I am 5ft 8in and my weight fluctuates from 115 to 130) I am depressed and feel completely alone because when I want help and try to get it, I feel like therapists are saying that I am still too fat for them to care. It makes me feel like I have to become more sick to even get help. I fast every week from friday night until monday night, and when I eat on the other days I purge until I see blood, but I am still "healthy"??? I talked to a woman on campus from the counseling center, and she said, "well there is nothing wrong with your weight". That really hurts a person with an eating disorder. I feel like she was saying I am too fat. So as I sit here at home right now typing this I want you to know that you all are responsible for me no longer wanting help. If I am too fat for you all to care I guess I am just going to keep this up until I am too thin for you to even help me. I just wanted to tell you that you all suck and I really hope you do not get paid to do your jobs, because all you did for me was make everythig

ANSWER: Thank you for your note and sharing your concerns. We do take eating disorders very seriously, including bulimia. It sounds like there may have been a misunderstanding or some confusion on part of the counselor when you visited us. Regardless of your weight, bulimia is a serious condition that usually responds well to psychological treatment. I understand that you are angry but I would like to invite you to return to the counseling center for treatment for bulimia. Please make the counselor aware of your symptoms such as the irregular heart beat and lack of emnamel on your teeth. If you have other questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact us. The number to call is 270-745-3159.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-03-17(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been struggling my whole life it seems with different problems. I have been treated for depression, anxiety, ptsd, add, etc etc. No one Ive seen has ever been able to treat ME it seems - they treat A disease and only one at that. I know I have trouble with depression and anxiety, amongst other things, but its as though no one can help me deal with all of it. They want to treat one thing only and ignore the rest. Ive also been put on so many different drugs that I cant even recall all of them anymore. Nothing seems to work, and then the doctors and therapists get mad because nothing seems to help. I have also often been ignored when trying to find out about other things - for instance, I am almost positive that I have some form of Aspergers. I have only had one therapist who would listen to me when I asked about it, and agreed that I might have it; but their belief was that there was no point in getting tested as what could be done about it anyways since I was an adult. I had a similar experience when trying to find out about some of my dyslexic tendencies. I fear that some of these negative responses were more due to the fact that I did not (and still do not) have insurance as I am just a college To me it is important to find out what I actually do have and get help for it. I have not been to a therapist or doctor about any of this for a few years as nothing has seemed to work and I was tired of spinning my wheels. However, while I have been trying to cope and do what I can on my own, I dont feel like I can anymore. Its interfering with my life, my school work, everything. I know my depression and anxiety has been worse lately, and I am afraid its affecting my ability to do my course work and I dont want to do bad or worry about dropping I realize that this is probably more than just what your office can help with, but I do not even know where to begin or where to go to for help, especially as I am relatively new to the area. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

ANSWER: It is frustrating when it seems that others cannot or will not hear you. However, searching for a psychologist or counselor is very much like searching for a medical doctor you feel comfortable with seeing. You may have to try a few before you find the person you feel the most comfortable with. As a student you are entitled to counseling at our center and we do have at least one staff member who is well-versed in dealing with Aspergers. My suggestion would be to try at least one more time to get the help that you need and be vocal about what is working and what is not. Remember that counseling is a relationship where both parties have responsibilities. One of yours is to ask for what you need and see if the counselor can provide it for you. Hope this helps.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-03-03(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I am planning to become a therapist or a counselor. It is something that I have always wanted to do. Even in high school I was always the one that people turned to when things were rough and they needed advice or someone just to listen to them. However, its getting more and more apparent every day that perhaps I need some kind of therapy myself. But at the same time, the way I would always know what to do and tell my friends came from personal experience. My question is.. If I know that I have such a problem, should I automatically reconsider my career aspirations?

ANSWER: The short answer is no you do not have to reconsider your career aspirations. Everyone needs a helping hand from time to time, and therapists are no different. In fact, you may well be a better therapist because you understand what is like to be a client and a therapist. Hope this helps.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-03-03(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I feel like I am simply going through the motions in life. I thought the sky would burst into rainbows when I got accepted to a PhD program at a top university. For a while, it was great, but now that "high" has worn off. I feel like I dont care enough about anything to actually be successful at it. I procrastinate, go day after day without doing anything meaningful, and am questioning if I am even worth grad school. I still plan on going, but mostly because I want so badly to escape my life right now. Its not that I dont care about my research interests. I do care, but I find that I do not have the passion that I see in others. I feel overwhelmingly worthless. I just dont know why I dont care about anything. I hate feeling so apathetic. I am still going to grad school, because part of me wants it so much...I have been wanting this for so long, but that part of has faded throughout the past couple of years. I also feel very incompetent...a lot of the time,I just sit around doing nothing, and to honest, I feel better when I am alone. I never want to do anything, even if its fun with friends...so how am I going to make it in grad school? Are there any suggestions to find some motivation to push myself? It is frustrating to feel so apathetic all the time.

ANSWER: What you are feeling is common. People often feel if they could just get that promotion, win the lottery, catch that certain persons eye, lose weight or get into a graduate program all their problems will be solved. The thing is even if you get that one thing you think you want the problems that were there are still there. It sounds like you might be depressed, please call our office at 745-3159 between 8 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday, or stop by our office at 409 Potter Hall. If you feel like you just cant wait for an appointment we have a counselor on call during the week. Hang in there.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2008-02-28(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:If a person only thought they were depressed, I mean clinically depressed, would they truly be? Or are most people suffering from depression actually unaware of it?

ANSWER: Excellent question because people who are depressed do not feel good but many may not know they are depressed. That is what makes depression so harmful....it sort of creeps into your mind and slowly brings you down....many people dont see it happening....but their friends and family can usually tell something is wrong. Also, it is important to remember that depression comes in different forms and levels...a person can be mildly depressed most days of the year, or severely depressed for a few months at a time, or anything in between. Depression is not the same as being blue, sad, or frustrated. Depression is a psychological disorder with mental and physical symptoms. As the depression develops, the brain changes how it responds to neurotransmitters; this is what is often called a "chemical imbalance." The brain of a depressed person is not keeping a healthy balance of neurotransmitters; this is why medication is necessary for more severe depressions and anxiety. So if a person thought they were depressed it would be a good idea to visit with a physician and a psychologist/counselor/therapist. Talking and medication along with exercise are excellent ways to understand how depression started and how to reverse the depression.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-02-28(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:How does a person break out of their shell and become more outgoing? I have been struggling with this issue for quite a few years now. When I was younger I was outgoing but I moved to Bowling Green when I was in the 7th grade. When I got here not many people accepted me. They made fun of me and called me ugly. That caused my self-esteem to go down and have been quiet ever since then. I am better with my self-esteem issues now but I cant seem to get out of my shyness. If I am around just one or two friends it is easier for me not to be so shy but if it is more than that then I become a mute. I am even like this when I have a lot of family around. Now that I am in college and would like to get over this. How do I become more outgoing?

ANSWER: I think its important to know your real self; dont try to become outgoing if it is not your natural style. Its okay to be shy, reserved, or introverted. Shy people are in a minority in our society but that does not mean its wrong to be shy. If you want to make more friends and feel less anxious in groups, then lets do it. You can experiment on your own by doing a little more each day....ease your way into groups and just hang out for a while...dont force a conversation, just listen and give short answers...you will quickly become popular because people love to have an audience. This is also something a counselor could address. Your counselor would be like a coach, giving you ideas of things to try and supporting you along the way. Experiences from our past can haunt us; what is the old saying....once bitten, twice shy? But the great part about college is that you are surrounded by people who had it rough too back in middle school or high school. You are also surrounded by people who want to start living on their own terms. So take some chances....the worst that can happen is you meet some people you dont like....once you graduate you will most likely not see them again. But if you do take a chance, you will meet people that want to know you. Its like going off a diving board for the first time...very scary...but you get to a point where you stop thinking about it and just jump....dont worry about doing it right....there is no right way to meet people.....and like I said if you want some coaching from a counselor, call us and make an appointment.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-02-25(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I absolutley hate life right now. I am not suicidal or anything, but I really think I need to get help for my eating disorder. I was treated a couple of years ago, and I thought that I was over this, but I have recently lost the weight I gained in my recovery. I have not been eating except for once a day, and I have been purging everything I do eat. I am starting to play little games with myself to try and see how little I can get by on each day, and then trying for less the day after that. I keep comparing myself to the other people in my classes and I cant stop feeling like if I just lose 5 or 10 more pounds I would be happy and thin like they are. I am getting scared that I will not be able to stop these feelings. I feel depressed and I think I am starting to snap on people when they have not done anything wrong. I think that I am just too shy to actually talk to anyone about this in person. I want nothing more than to look scary skinny, but I hate having to live like this. Is there anything you think that I could try to maybe stop this?

ANSWER: It would be a good idea to get back into treatment. Eating disorders can be very resistant to change. This is not failure on your part. Lots of people do better, then slip back into old habits. If your previous therapist is still available, make an appointment. If you would like to work with someone at our office, please give us a call.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-02-06(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I really want to move out of my moms house. However, if I did, she said that we would no longer be mother and daughter--that basically, I will be out of her life. I still want to do it. I just dont want to lose all family ties. I do know, however, that I would still have my dad and sister. I just cannot stand all the fights we have anymore. We mostly fight about my dad and my choice of major. I am also not allowed to leave because I "owe her" money for when I was younger. When she said this, I got "smart" and said, "I will write you a big fat check with interest after I graduate and have a job." My fault, I know. She reacted by being physical using various things in the room, until she got pliers. I managed to wrestle them away from her as she was using it, but I guess you get the point. In a recent fight we had, she tore up my masters school list I made, and flushed it down the toilet. I spent days looking up deadlines, codes etc. Every time there is spring break, winter break, summer break, I get nervous. I never want to spend that much time home. I get insanely jealous of friends who "count down" the days. It has been like this for so long. I remember being in third grade, and getting more anxioius as school was about to be let out. My heart would start racing when I heard the garage door as a child. I know that part of it is probably my fault too, because I hate it there, and it probably shows. Any advice on what I should do? I need to decide whether I want to move out or not. I want to, but I am afraid that she will twist the story around to tell family members. I do not want to be seen in a bad light because nobody knows that she can get so angry. I do not want my aunts, uncles, her friends etc. to think I am a horrible, ungrateful daughter. What are some long-term consequences emotionally if I decide to move out? At the moment, I think it will be a good thing, but I just do not know anymore

ANSWER: Hi, thank you for writing and I hope that we can be of help to you. Your situation certainly sounds complex and based upon your note it does seem that there may be long term consequences between you and your mother if you move out. However, it sounds as if your mother can be emotionally and physically abusive at times, which concerns me. You certainly have the right to live in your own home without fear or feeling that you are walking on eggshells. My sense from your letter is that this is a confusing issue for you. I would like to encourage you to make an appointment with one of our counselors to further discuss this issue and your options. This may only take one visit for you but you are welcome to see a therapist for as long as you would like. Additionally, our services are free. Please give us a call at 745-3159 to set up an appointment or you can drop by 409 Potter Hall to schedule. If you do come in, I want to assure you that your information will be kept completely confidential. Also, please feel free to contact us or drop by our offices in the event of an emergency. Please let us know if you have further questions or concerns.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2008-01-31(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:What are the laws for release of mental health records? For example, if someone decides to commit suicide or something, will anyone ever find out if they have been to counseling, had past encounters with psychologists? You always hear in the media after someone kills themself, goes on a horrible murder rampage etc., that "so and so was depressed, was assessed at X place and such, on X drug." How do these people know that? I always thought it was confidential. For instance, if a student committed suicide, there may be a press release. Will any information ever be released regarding mental health (from on or off-campus counseling)? Or is it just those high-profile cases that tend to go around the law, make laws more lax? Is the "average person" safe from this? I guess my question is how private are records? Are they confidential even after a persons death? Can family members have assess to them? If so, is there any way to prevent anyone from accessing them? Is WKUs/university rules different than other mental health settings? Thanks.

ANSWER: Thank you for your question. Mental health law, especially regarding confidentialy, is often very complex and gray. In most cases, therapy records are kept confidential. However, when a student is actively suicidal or homicidal, counseling center staff have an obligation to report that the client is a danger to self or others. This may or may not involve contacting the persons family. This obligation is a Kentucky state law and is applicable in most other states. Nonetheless, when a person commits suicide or kills another person, confidentialy and privacy of records in maintained as much as possible. Generally, the information that you hear in the media is based upon police investigations and not the records of the client. When a student commits suicide on campus, the counseling center will determine if that person was a client. If so, parents are generally notified that their child sought psychiatric treatment. If parents request information, we will often sit down with the parents and discuss their childs concerns and issues but we do not share the clients records. However, parents can initiate court action and it possible for a judge to rule that the records must released to the family. As you can see, the process is often based on a case by case basis. You are asking some very insightful and good questions. However, these questions do concern me and I wonder if you are thinking of committing suicide. If so, please contact the counseling ASAP to arrange to speak with a counselor, you may also report to the nearest emergency room, or call a 24-hour crisis line. The crisis number is 1-800-223-8913. I realize that you may be asking these questions due to a class that you have taken or simply from curiosity. But I think it is important to make you aware of suicide resources. If you have further questions or concerns, please feel free to contact us.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-01-29(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:As I was lying awake, surfing the internet, at 3:37am instead of sleeping, I wondered upon this site. I have never been here before, did not even know it existed, but after reading some posts, decided to write. I am a junior, living on-campus, and am a first semester RA. I am also a semester behind on hours, which is no big deal, but kind of adds stress from my mom, and along with being a first semester RA, I do not need any more stress. I enjoy the job and the money, so I do not want to quit it. I just have so much on my plate, and I am only taking 12 hours this semester. On the outside, I appear to be a very organized person, even color-coding things. But on the inside, I am not very organized. I start, but then it falls through. I think I might have mild OCD also. I have little “ticks” that I do, and one of my friends who is OCD things I might have a mild case. She also is the cause of some of my stress. We have been friends since middle school, and just that. I do not really feel attracted to her, but she wants and keeps pushing for a relationship, which I just do not feel is right. Then she wants answers, why? I dont know why, I have no clue, it just does not feel right. I have never had a relationship, I dont know why. I have no clue. It really bothers me and some people think its just weird. But I just feel like between stress and mild OCD and her that my life has become so complicated. And then, I throw in ideas about possibly either changing my major or maybe double-majoring, because I dont know what I even want to do with my major or how happy I will be with it. I just need a little bit of help. Thanks for listening!

ANSWER: College can, without a doubt, cause a lot of stress. Especially if you are going through a lot of changes like: pressure for a relationship, a new job, thinking about changing your major path or adding more to it. Stress comes out in different ways like your not being able to sleep. I am not sure what you want, except someone to listen. We will be glad to do that, and perhaps help you come up with some ways to deal with stress or decrease your stress load! Feel free to contact our office to set up an appointment with one of our counselors. They can talk one on one with you to make sure that your needs are being met. We work on an appointment basis and are open Monday through Friday from 8am to 4:30pm. Just make sure and take care of yourself. Stress can be tricky and sometimes its better to decrease the stress a bit and do very well with it instead of taking on too much and not doing as well. We are located at 409 Potter Hall. Hope to hear from you soon.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2008-01-28(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:If I were to seek help for a "Cybersex Addiction", would it be put on my permanent record? If so, would it be available to potential employers? If the answer to both of these is yes, then could you tell me how I can quietly stop the addiction?

ANSWER: Counseling records, or case notes, are not a part of your educational records (transcripts, judicial records, etc.) Counseling is ethically and legally required to protect all client information except in cases where the client is immediately at risk for suicide, homicide, or in cases of domestic violence or child abuse. Many seek help for cybersex addiction; it is like any other abuse or dependency behavior. It can be changed and it will take time, faith, effort, and self-respect. The guilt and/or shame you feel can set you free but it also keeps you trapped. The longer you go without using it, the more faith you have that you do not need it. A counselor can help you with that....and there are also many things you can try on your own. Some think this dependency on cybersex is just like any other addiction and it has a neurochemical basis (like alcoholism). Some think it is a way of filling an emptiness that started in childhood. Either way, it is now a very strong habit that can be stopped, but you have to want to stop. Sounds simple, but it is not. That is where a counselor can help. Give us call, set up an appointment with one of our counselors to find out more. The number to call is 270-745-3159.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-01-10(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I consider myself recovered from an eating disorder. However, I still have a problem with "competing" with others in regards to food. For instance, my sister tries to eat very healthy, always orders salads at restaurants and everything, and I cannot help but be worried that she is going to be thinner than me because that brings up a lot of jealously. Whenever I am with her (during breaks), I feel like I need to get back into old habits to be "better than it" than her because she is very, very health conscious and I feel like I cannot eat certain foods. Because of cultural norms, using the typical suggested little talks with her is not going to work. Talking about emotions is a topic that is not discussed. I have been to therapy before, and as I said, I have improved to the point that I believe I am recovered. However, I still feel really competetive, especially with my sister. I worry that she will one day have an eating disorder, and take something away from me. It is hard to explain. Are there any suggestions on how to help myself get over it without talking to her and that her overly healthy eating is very triggering? Past therapists have not grasped the fact that I live with differnt cultural norms than most people, and it is frustrating because they keep suggesting what they think I should do, even after I tell them that I cannot.

ANSWER: I wish I knew more about the "cultural norms" to which you refer that prevent your talking to your sister. However, if you feel that is not an option, I respect that, so lets look at other options. When you are with her, you mentioned that you feel you cannot eat certain foods. What would happen if you allowed yourself to eat those foods while she is eating salad? Would she or others make comments? If so, you might respond that you are eating to be healthy, instead of starving to be thin, and that you have been working very hard to not let food rule your life. You also mention competing with others, including your sister. Do you think she feels she is competing with you? Before you achieved some measure of recovery, did you get lots of attention because of the weight loss? Could she be jealous of this? Could you be reluctant to lose that attention? When you were deeply into the eating disorder, what did you think being thin would do for you? What do you think now that being thin means? I realize I am asking lots of questions, but I am hoping thinking about the answers will help you to understand why competition is currently an issue. Actually, these feelings are normal as you learn to live without an eating disorder. It is also normal to feel that by not having the eating disorder, you have given something up, or that if your sister develops one, she has taken something away from you. These disorders are very personal, often secret, and sometimes sufferers feel that it is about the only thing they have that is all theirs, just for them. So it is very difficult to let go of something that has felt like both a friend and an enemy, because it had become familiar. Please think about these questions, and feel free to make an appointment with us to speak to a counselor about your concerns, 745-3159. I hope you will be patient with yourself, as you recover one meal at a time. Regardless of who might be with you when you are eating, remember that the goals of eating are to be healthy and to satisfy physical hunger, and that comparing your weight or your eating to others just gets in the way of being the unique person you are.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-01-04(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:When someone periodically hurts animals, does that mean that the person is a sociopath? I have done a few things that I would never share with people because nobody would ever suspect it. In public, with friends, family etc., I am known as a nice person, never been in a physical fight, no history of school suspensions, I volunteer and everything...I am very "normal" and am considered that sweet, nice girl. But I have put my roommates fish in a cup of alcohol when she left for home for no reason, and watched it. After it slowly stopped moving, I put it back. It actually survived, but that was a surprise and not really intended. In the past few years, I have done things take a fish out of water and wait for it to die, hit a dog with a belt/stick, poured hot water on a dog and watched it squeal. It gives me a sense of twisted pleasure and mostly a feeling of extreme control. I really do not like that I do this, and I want to stop but sometimes it just gives a rush of control, and a sort of "high" I guess and I feel better. I do not want to be a sociopath or anything, and would like advice on how to overcome these horrible urges. It is better now. When I was a little kid, I did this a lot more often (beat my sister a lot), and sometimes directed it to myself in various ways (I do not do that anymore). I try to find other things to do instead, but nothing measures up to inflicting pain and the power I feel that comes with it, and I need and want to stop because I am afraid that I will do something really bad one day. Please help.

ANSWER: First of all we try not to label anyone at Counseling and Testing. However, it sounds like you have felt powerless a great portion of your life and have taken your frustrations out on others (both humans and animals). One thing I would ask is where does this sense of powerlessness come from for you? Are there any other ways to take control of your life and situation without infringing on the rights and safety of others? One way to regain or gain control of your life is to seek therapy so that you can work on dealing with your urges. Our office is located at 409 Potter Hall and we are open from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. Our telephone number is 745-3159. Students at WKU may use our services for no additional cost. Please take that first step. Here to Help

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2008-01-02(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:what is the reasons of a man that stop love her partner a women of course after 10 months of love a real love and what are the solution to let him back as soon as possible

ANSWER: Let me know if I am not understanding your question. It sounds like you want to know why a man would leave you after a ten month relationship and what might you do to get him back? People end relationships for many reasons, and many people have trouble ending a relationship in an honest and open manner. You might want to start by asking this man to be honest with you and tell you why he left. It sounds like he did not feel the same amount of love towards you that you feel toward him. Relationships often go through low periods as each person gets to know the other at a deeper level. What might start out as a relationship based on physical attraction, friendship, or even status should turn, at some point, to a relationship based on intimacy, trust, hope, and promise. When people are at different needs in a relationship, they may toy with the idea of ending. I am not so sure you should try to get him back until you know why he wants to end the relationship. You would not be happy with someone that does not want to be with you. Relationships are not like possessions; you cant really own a person, and it is not healthy to want to manipulate someone into a relationship. Feeling lonely or rejected can really hurt, but there are solutions to these feelings that are healthy. Dating is a process that allows us to get closer to a person, but it is also a process that allows us to learn enough about a person to decide if we want to be with them forever. It might help if you do not blame yourself for his wanting to end the relationship. It was his choice; you do not have to change for him. He might want to come back or he might want to stay apart. Either way you will learn more about what you want in life. Most relationships end because the two people will not be happy together. That does not mean the two people are wrong; it just means they would be happier with someone else. --- the forwarded message follows ---

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2007-12-18(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been married for over 14yrs. I am the bread winner of a family of four. My husband has been out of work for a year 1/2. It is now the holidays and I would like to have money to pay presents and an extra income to start paying for student loans. My husband is going through an emotional state of his life where he does not know what to do next. He only holds a high school degree and has had a difficult time in maintaing and holding jobs. He says that he is seeking professional help but I am not sure if I believe him. At his 2nd visit he said that the therapist cancelled. Financially we are under budget and credit cards are beginning to be used again. I have come to the end of my 2nd degree, and I do not feel that my reward should be working overtime to start paying for the extra expenses. I am tired of waiting for my husband make up his mind. I sometimes feel that I need to give him an ultimatom (hoping that this will forced him to get a job). I am feeling that I am becoming more resentful. I dont know what to do, except that bills keep coming and I am not going to have a choice but to work extra to make ends met.

ANSWER: Especially during this difficult financial period, honest communication is essential between you and your husband. Is he aware of the level of your frustration? I ask this because while you have been the bread winner for a year and a half, he may have become used to you taking care of the worry and juggling of finances. What seems to prevent him from finding and holding a job? Is he possibly experiencing some depression? Remind him that he could work at a part-time or temporary job while he is deciding about long-term goals, which not only provides something to put on a resume, but also might result in contacts for a better job. Regardless of what his obstacles are, instead of issuing an ultimatum, I encourage you to make an appontment with a therapist (perhaps the one he says he has already seen once) and attend together for the sake of the relationship. It is not good for any of you if you are worn out, stressed, and increasingly resentful about your long hours, nor is it fair to you. Please do not delay in making that appointment.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2007-12-17(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: I was reading the post on BPD, and was extremely disappointed. I felt that your response was irresponsible. You are suggesting that the students problems came from a traumatic childhood experience. That can be a dangerous assumption. As a grad student in psychology, I am aware that you can implant "false memories" in someone. You did not even "suggest" that it was a possibility--you stated that it was the cause for it. The exact for BPD is unknown. While genetic and environmental factors do play a role, you assuming that the poster went through abuse can be playing with matches. Studies do not show that 100% of those with BPD have been abused...I am sorry that I am being critical, but please be careful when making such assumptions.

ANSWER: I appreciate your concern about my response to the student who was diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder. There has certainly been a great deal of concern about therapists misleading clients to create memories of abuse when in fact no abuse occurred. The research you mention is quite clear that all people with the BPD diagnosis did not experience abuse in childhood. Abandonment is also a critical factor in the development of a borderline personality disorder. There would also seem to be a disposition towards strong emotional regulations and difficulty regulating emotions. This disposition could be acquired early in life due to abuse/abadonment or it may well be inherited. So you are certainly correct in saying that abuse is not the only cause of a borderline personality disorder. Abandonment and emotional regulation factors are also implicated. Thanks again for your concern and interest in the etiology of this disorder. If you would like to continue this discussion, please feel free to contact me at karl.laves@wku.edu.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2007-12-14(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I think I might have social anxiety disorder. I have always had great difficulty speaking in class, or in large groups. I never participate in class, even when I am getting a grade for participation. I just worry too much about saying the wrong thing. It has been like this as long as I could remember. I was the quiet girl. When I do talk in small groups, I get nervous, and I talk very fast and stutter. I hate this, and I dont know if I will ever find a job, have "real" friends, or live a normal life. I dont have any leadership experience, and I had so much trouble asking for recommendation letters for the future. I was terrified to even send an email to ask for it. Now I cannot apply for anything. I come across as a girl with no opinions, no backbone, and someone who does not care. I really want to try medication for it, but I am afraid of even going in to a doctor to ask for it. I am afraid they will not believe me or think I just need to seek counseling. I have been to counseling before, but every session was the same...I sat there, the counselor asked me questions, and I would only answer with one or two words and be so embarassed. After months, I think they just gave up, because I could never feel comfortable. Do you think I should try medication? I just want to be more than the person that nobody notices, the girl that might as well not exist because she never voices herself.

ANSWER: It is never too late to try to rectify a situation. It sounds like you have been very persistent in starting the process of asking for assistance. Medication and therapy may very well be the answer for you. It would be important to consult with a physician about your options. I know that you are worried about others not viewing your issue seriously but I think that both the right physician and therapist would be understanding in helping you get the help you need. It would probably be best for you to contact Student Health Services and our office for a consultation. Good luck. I really hope you take the next step. Here to Help

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2007-12-10(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Okay, so here is the deal. My current boyfriend and I initially started dating two years ago and we dated for 4 months, successfully. Then, we broke up and were off and on for a year or so. Now, that we are in college together we have started dating again. Its like we could never completely get over one another and move on. The problem is he has recently started saying and showing jokes and behaviors of racism, something I am completely against. This really seems to be something that could potentially end our relationship. The thing is he just started being like this since coming to college and kind of learning all of this from his "Rebel Pride" roommate. All I know is i cant be with someone who has a passionate hatred for some people they dont even know. Also, whenever we talk about this, actually yell, he tells me he cant change that and he wont change. I do not know if this is something that I should just work with and accept or if he really is not the person for me. Am I wrong for wanting to be with someone who is like me and has the same beliefs and morals? Thanks for your help.

ANSWER: Personal values probably play a greater role in long term relationships and marriages than any other variable. It is normal and healthy to want to be with someone who shares your values. It is healthy and normal to end a relationship because of different values. One might argue that dating is a process through which we come to know the true and deep values of the other person. It can take a while to get to know what a person believes and many relationships do end when the two people realize they are not in agreement on an important issue; in your case it sounds like the two of you do not agree on racial equality. Trust your gut on this one; if you would like some support from a neutral party, then call our office and make an appointment.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-12-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: Let me just start my explaining my situation lately. Since August 2006 I have gotten divorced, moved to 3 different states, worked 4 different jobs, lost my uncle in March of this year, my mother is June, my father has battled prostate cancer and now has been diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. I have no family in KY and only a few people that I would actually dare to assume are my real friends. I find myself feeling extremely lonely and needy much of the time. This is ruining every chance at a relationship I get because I find myself smothering this "awesome" guy because of my need to not be alone. It is the only time I find myself happy is when I am in a relationship. Why is this and what can I do about it? Any

ANSWER: Any person who is afraid enough will become needy. Do not beat yourself up about being needy. Fear and anxiety make us want to go back to being a child and having someone take care of us. That is normal, but realistically we have to be able to take care of ourselves when we are not in a relationship. First I would suggest you make some more friends. Not deep friends, just people to can hang out with to take your mind off your pain from time to time. Volunteering can help as well. Lots of ways to volunteer on campus and in town. You can go to the Humane Society and walk the dogs if you want; thats a nice way to get calm and centered. Second, use prayer, meditation, keep a diary, etc. to stay in touch with the people that love you and have died. Find that spiritual connection with your Mom and uncle and let their memories continue to give you support. Sounds like you have moved around a lot; maybe your were confused, maybe you had no choice. For what ever reason, I would suggest getting grounded. Take time each day to do nothing; just sit and feel grounded. Calm down, let the world stop spinning. Find a favorite place on campus and just sit there each day. Watch the world around you, relax. Have a relationship with yourself and the community. Do not put all you time and effort into one man. Date around, go out a lot, join groups like a church, a club, or a team. Meet more people; let them know you. Its okay to get into relationships, but watch out for a man that want you to smother him. He will end being more like a son than a husband to you. Being needy will push most people away; but being needy is an illusion. Working with a counselor can help you see that you will be okay, you dont have to have someone to take care of you.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-12-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Due to this I tend to bottle things up and explode at little annoyances. After I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I attended therapy sessions about 5 or 6 years ago but every time I had an appointment, I was having a good day so I dont feel it helped me at all. I have never learned how to deal properly with my emotions. I feel that some of my problems stem from the death of my father when I was 15. I never fully dealt with it. Never saw a counselor or had therapy or anything of the sort. I am not really sure I explain things well about this either. do you think I should seek counseling? or that it would even help me?

ANSWER: Borderline personality disorder is most often a way to survive and cope with early loss and abuse. While your fathers death could certainly affect you and how you deal with strong emotions, it would not cause you to have a borderline personality disorder. Counseling or therapy can help; but you have to go even when you are feeling good. Medications can also be very helpful to take the sting off of feelings of rejection and anger. People with borderline personality disorder worry a lot about being abandoned and they sometimes have a hard time feeling real. It is not their fault. Again, borderline personality disorder is caused by early childhood abandonment and/or abuse along with an inherited tendancy to have strong emotional reactions. There is help. I would suggest you find a therapist, someone that can see you for a while. Ask around where you live, or, if you want to come to our center, call and make an appointment. You can also find a lot of good information about dealing with BPD at healthyplace.com Now all this assumes that your diagnosis is correct. It would help to have a second opinion. Sometimes psychologists, counselors, or physicians are quick to give the BPD diagnosis.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2007-12-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: I wasnt really sure what category my question would go under, but here goes. My dad passed away unexpectedly last year, and sine then I have had to be the strong one in my family. I was not even 20 when he died, and now I am having to be the "perfect" daughter for my mom. She pressures me to get As in all my classes when I have never been an A student. I know that she wants me to have a good successful life, but all this pressure has caused me to lose control. I have noticed that I am always "on edge" and snappy when I dont mean to. I dont know if its because of the pressures of finals or never dealing with my Dads death, but I am starting to question continuing college, my major, honestly my life. I am not suicidal, but sometimes I think escaping to some small town where no one knows me would be great! I am not really sure what my question is, but I was wondering if you had any advice.

ANSWER: I am sorry to know that your father passed away. This is a very hard loss for you and your family. Mom might not know what to do right now, and parents often worry about the wrong things for the right reasons. I am sure your Mom knows deep down that the best thing is to not pressure you but she is hurting too and may be in a bit of a panic right now. Grief is hard; it helps to have someone who will work with you as you go through this change in your life. Please consider making an appointment with our staff to have your own private place to talk about your loss and your pressure. Do not let anyone rush you to deal with your Dads death. This kind of loss can take several years to grasp. You get to do it at your own rate; there is no right way to do it.

Category: How to Help a Friend
Date Posted: 2007-12-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My sister used to date this guy off and on for about two years, and he was always a jerk, like standing her up and never following through of their plans. They finally really broke up about this time last year, but have remained friends, or at least until last April. During last semester, she had a couple of her friends over and him along with two of his friends ended up stealing a bunch of things from my family, keying my moms car, and smashing the windows to my sisters car and taking her cd player. I know this was a very traumatic experience for her because he betrayed all trust she had put in him, and trust is not easy for us anyway thanks to our dad, but she still is not over it. I know these things take time, but she still cant talk about him without breaking down, and ignoring what happened is not going to help either. Do you have any suggestions of how I could help her, besides just letting her know that I am here for her?

ANSWER: Its hard being with a family member who is hurting, but sometimes family members are too close to the problem. Someone from outside the family might be able to help your sister talk about her feelings of anger and shame. Suggest to her that she talk to a neutral friend, a minister, or a counselor to see how she can disconnect from the pain of this event. --- the forwarded message follows ---

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-12-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:This is really not so much a question as it is just me needing some clarification or light shed on my situation...Basically, I think I drive myself crazy...I am by no means an insecure, unhappy person, and I do not think it shows that I do this to myself, but I am constantly questioning myself...I am so so so critical of everything that I do whether it be school/work related. In a sense, I think I even take on too much, because I feel like that is what I "should" do. Another thing that I do is compare myself to other people, not in a physical way like she has a nicer butt, but like when I am at work or in class--I will compare my paper to theirs or the length of their speech..Its like I am constantly looking for gratification that Iam doing what I "should" be doing, when I think I should just do it and not think about it. Sometimes I feel like its anxiety, other times I think it is just stress. All I know is that it comes in cycles. I will be breezing through not worrying or thinking and then BAMM-it hits me really hard and I am overwhelmed, depressed, miserable, etc. This has been going on for a year now or since I started grad school. I am almost finished with grad school, so I think that one contributing factor could be eliminated and I would get better. All I know is that with the end of this semester, it has gotten the worst it has ever been. I have been to the point that I felt incapable of doing anything school and/or work related..like I just wanted to curl up and forget about the world...What is wrong with me? I am convinced I am my own worst enemy!

ANSWER: Many of us have become our own worst enemy. Grad school is particularly good at stirring up anxiety about doing what you "should". Karen Horney wrote a lot about the tyranny of the shoulds. Maybe when you are out of grad school you will not compare yourself to others so much, but you could also take a look at it now before you graduate. Western society is full of double standards, like how being good enough is never good enough. Perfection is impossible for humans but we think we should strive for it anyway. Comparing yourself to others might stem from privately feeling inferior, but it could also stem from feeling superior. Either way, it might help for you to talk more about why you feel a need to compare and what you think the rest of the world is doing with that comparison. Maybe make an appointment and chat with one of our staff.

Category: Academic Difficulties
Date Posted: 2007-12-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I dont understand myself. I have always been "gifted". I score in 99th percentile on most standardized exams and can do well in school with very little effort. However, I am doing poorly. I dont go to class. I do not do assignments. I have work piled up and I procrastinate and procrastinate further. I make up excuses and manipulate my teachers into granting extensions, but time eventually runs out. I want to go to grad school and make something of myself, but unless I can conjure some motivation, I fear it will never happen. Any thoughts on WHY I am so unmotivated and any advice on making a change?!?!?

ANSWER: Intelligence and motivation are often unrelated. Having ability and using ability are independent. There are many reasons that college students dont go to class or do their work. Some may not really want to be here, but feel forced to be here. Some fear failure, evaluation, or scrutiny; they are bright but dont want to risk being tested. Some may be very anxious or depressed. There are many reasons and you might need to talk with someone who can help you figure out why you are denying yourself success. It could be a good friend or a mentor, or someone on our staff.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-12-03(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I am applying to graduate schools. I know you may not think it is a big deal, but I have to get in. I have to, and I dont want to take a year off, work, and then reapply--or anything because I need to get in on my first try to avoid feeling ashamed. I hate it when people say that not getting into grad school is not a thing to stress over because I can reapply or get a job. I need to get in--they dont understand. Its my last chance to prove myself before throwing in the towel. I am considering suicide if I dont get in. Its not really the only reason I am doing it. Its just going to be the "last straw." But I dont want to hurt my family or friends. Sometimes that makes me so angry...that I cant even have control of my own life because I have to worry about them and how they will react. I have been feeling this way for a while from various reasons, and I just feel that I am going to kill myself eventually, so why drag it out. I just want to do it so much, and it makes me angry that I have to think about others...like I am living for other people. I want to just make everyone hate me, so I can finally do what I want. You probably will not answer this, but I was wondering what would help people get over suicide of a loved one? Like, how much time? I want to give up, but I do not want to hurt anyone...but I do not want to stick around with these deep feelings of self-hatred just for the sake of someone elses worries. I hate that people consider suicide selfish and start guilt-tripping. Another reason I have not done it yet or have trouble thinking about it is trying to figure out the best way to do it. I want to do it effectively, like with pills and then a gun, but I dont want anyone to find me because that would be a traumatic experience. Again, I am tired of living just to keep others happy. Any advice would be appreciated on how to deal with these feelings that do NOT include in counseling. I do not do individual counseling. Thanks.

ANSWER: I honestly cannot think of anything that you could do to make your suicide less painful for your parents, family, and friends. People that survive the suicide of a family member tend to carry that guilt, shame, anger, and sadness for the rest of their lives. I understand that you do not want to hurt others but you want control of your life. Control feels good. Sounds like control has been taken from you before. I also understand that you do not want to do counseling. My guess is that it has not worked for you; too many people telling you that you are wrong for wanting to die. We do not want you to die, but we would want to be with you while you figure out a way to not take yourself out of the picture. It sounds like if you get into grad school you will feel better about yourself...like you are not a failure? If so, let us help you get into grad school. We know some things about grad school applications. We want to help, but we want to help on your terms. We do believe that you should not have to live to keep others happy; but we also believe that you can find your own happiness, and live. I know that is scary, and it probably makes you really mad just reading this. But everyone gets to be happy, somehow, and no one should have to be responsible for other people and their happiness. I wish people would not guilt trip you for being suicidal....I wish they would let you hurt and let you be angry....so that you too could find happiness. Please wait longer; make an appointment with us, or any other professional that you think will work with you. Think of it this way...you feel so burdened to keep others happy...so you can either kill yourself or you can kill the burden...you do not have to die to get rid of the burden...we could take your side and talk to your family if that would help. Thanks for contacting us; I hope you will give us a call and make an appointment.

Category: Adjustment to College
Date Posted: 2007-11-08(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My roommates have always been terrible since I came to Western. I could write a short book on everything that my first roommate did that made me want to punch him in the face. The staff at the residence hall did NOT help me out at all either. The roommate I have now is becoming the same way. He snores so loud and furiously that I have had to go sleep in the study room because my iPod would not get loud enough to drown him out. Not only that, but he does not realize that he has terrible body odor, so he just sits in his own sweat all day long. The parking lots on campus suck, and I work late so I usually have a good 20 minute walk from my car back to my room. All I want to do is come back to my room and relax after a hard days work. But there have been times when I have walked in the room and had to walk right back out because the smell was so bad. I tried to ask Dr. Ransdell if he knew any ways I could get help (like getting another room or roommate), but he did nothing. I probably would not be sad if my roommate fell of the face of the earth. Is there anything I can do to help out my situation?

ANSWER: If possible, _tactfully_ talk to your roommate about his snoring and lack of hygiene. Maybe he just needs a reminder that his own habits affect those around him. If you cant do this or it does not help, you may want to request a private room. With your late hours due to work and desire for some peace and quiet, this may be the best solution for you, and well worth the higher cost. Contact Housing at 745-4359 or talk to your RA or Hall Director about how to make this request. If you do not request a private room, do not depend on random assignments for a roommate in future. Choose someone yourself with whom you think you could get along and could talk through the irritations that arise.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2007-11-06(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I dated the same guy since my sophmore year in High School. We have been broken up for over a year now but we lived together during the time we were broken up. During the whole time he gave me the impression that we were going to get back together but kept saying that he just needed some time and did not really want a relationship. Now that we do not live together anymore he now has someone else. I do not understand why he told me he did not want a relationship and now does. I keep feeling that something is wrong with me and that I am not good enough for him. I dont know how to get over him after so long.

ANSWER: Unfortunately, there could be a lot of reasons why he told you that he did not want a relationship and now has one. It could be that simply because you two were in close proximity at the time, he did not want to hurt your feelings or felt it would make things easier with you two having to live together. It could also be that he did not know what he wanted and he thought perhaps you two would get back together. I do not know the answer to that. But I do know that breaking up is difficult and often times when that happens we tend to blame ourselves and look at what we did wrong instead of what we might have done right. It is important to take the positives and the negative out of relationships and look at those to make ourselves grow for future relationships. You deserve someone who is honest and kind and treats you with diginity and respect. Someone who wants to be with you just the way that you want to be with them. No one should feel undervalued, or not good enough, for someone else. You two have been together for some time so it is difficult to "get over" someone you cared about quickly. Time is a good healing factor in that. If you would like, you could make an appointment with one of our counselors to talk about your feelings regarding this relationship. Our number is 745-3159. Hope this helps.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-10-19(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:This is kind of ridiculous because i am graduating in December but I am thinking about a second degree as a therapist and I was just wondering how I would go about doing that and how much more school I would have to complete to obtain this degree. I am a marketing major now and I believe as I get closer to graduation that being a Therapist is something more that I would like to do. If you would just please let me know what you think.

ANSWER: There is nothing ridiculous about thinking about another line of work. This often happens for people as they realize their interests have changed. If you are interested in becoming a therapist my suggestion would be to take some psychology courses at the undergraduate level to prepare you. Some relevant courses might be Intro. to Psychology (PSY 100), Personality Theory (PSY 450), Abnormal Psychology (PSY 440), and Interviewing Skills (PSY 442). Those courses would give you a good basis to make your decision. You should be aware that in order to become a therapist you will need at least a masters degree and possibly even a Ph.D. One of the best ways to find out if this is the field for you is to interview or shadow a therapist. Whatever course you take, good luck. Here to Help

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-10-16(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I think I am confused and questioning my sexuality. I am in my late 20s and have only seriously dated one guy in my life and that was a while ago. I enjoyed our intimate times and definately enjoyed sex with him, but I have never really been the kind of girl that sees a "hot" guy and thinks about him sexually. I think guys are cute but Ive only been sexually attracted to a guy after I really get to know him and I know that he is attracted to me too. As for my concerns about being attracted to women, I have been approached more than once by a lesbian as if I am a lesbian myself, and Ive also been assumed to be homosexual by many male gay friends and acquaintances. I do sometimes find women attractive but the idea of being intimate with them beyond kissing is not something I am that comfortable with. I am not sure where the question is in all this, but I guess I am just wondering if it is normal to still be questioning yourself at this age. I thought everyone pretty much knew what they "were" by their early 20s. Thanks.

ANSWER: In a perfect world we would all know who we want to be with romatically and sexually around puberty. In the real world, many people revisit who they are in their 20s, 30s, and on. It is easy to confuse affection, arousal, desire, and romance. It is normal to have strong feelings toward men and women. Knowing whether you are straight, gay, or bisexual is not always a simply or clear process. Talking to others could help; talking with a counselor could help. The staff at our center would work with you so that you could become more certain of who you are as a sexual being.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-09-20(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:since starting college, i have been feeling overwhelmed, confused, and somewhat lonely. I feel uneasy and dont know what will make me happy. I have considered talking to someone, but i feel like i am being a hypocondriact an EVERY freshman feels this way. I feel silly saying i think i am depressed but at times i feel very distressed. What is normal? How do i know if my feelings are something that will pass or something i should seek help on?

ANSWER: Let me assure you that your concerns are not silly, nor do they mean you are a hypochondriac. Getting comfortable with college is a huge adjustment that does not happen overnight, and its normal to feel overwhelmed, etc., at times. If these concerns begin to interfere with your concentration, eating, sleeping, and relationships and seem to linger over time, I encourage you to check in with one of our counselors. You can reach us at 745-3159, and we work around your schedule of classes or work. Be patient with yourself, and know that you are welcome to come talk to us!

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-09-18(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:recently...my life has seemed so crazy. i am getting to the point to where i feel like i cant do anything right. i have always been one to let out my problems and vent to my friends - but i havent been lately and its killing me holding everything inside. some of it has to do with my childhood past, my last relationship, and losing people close to me. i have had bad thoughts - and my friend told me to seek counseling, that maybe it would help me. my friends are worried about me - and i just want to be happy again.

ANSWER: Life can certainly throw you curves. That is good that you have been one to vent to your friends and to get things out. It sounds like for whatever reason, you are wanting to vent but arent comfortable doing that your friends at this point in your life. It is good that you have a support system with your friends and you care about them and they care about you. Counseling could give you that opportunity to share and express your thoughts and feelings in a safe, comfortable environment. Our counselors are there for you and you alone, which is sometimes better than the emotional attachment of friends. I am not sure of the "bad thoughts" you mentioned, but that concerns me. Please consider calling and making an appointment with our office at 745-3159. We work on an appointment basis, Monday - Friday 8am to 4:30. Also please know that a counselor is on call during that time as well for emergencies or crisis.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2007-09-12(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I had been dating this guy for almost 2 years. He was very mean to me and cussed me out all the time. He put me down and made me feel bad about myself constantly. He was also very jealous--telling me what to wear and how to act. I felt so close to him and would not break up with him because he took my virginity. Finally after a huge fight, he broke up with me. he wanted me back and i refused him, and got another boyfriend. Then my new boyfriend broke up with me. Now my old boyfriend wants me back, and promises he will change. So far he has changed but I dont know whether to give him a second chance or if I just dont want to be lonely anymore???? will he go back being mean after a few months or what?? any advice?

ANSWER: Often, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, so dont spend much time hoping this guy will make permanent changes. He shows several of the signs of an abuser: being constantly critical, cursing at you, jealousy, wanting to control you. It sounds like while heis trying to get you back, he is making it look like he has changed, but dont count on it. This guy has done some damage to your self-esteem, but you can improve that as long as you are not under his verbal abuse. And although you do not mention any physical abuse, someone who treats you as you describe is likely to take that abuse to the next level. While you might be temporarily lonely without a boyfriend, that is much healthier than being with an abuser. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect. Dont let your history with this guy suck you back in. If you would like to speak with a counselor about any of this, please contact our office at 745-3159. Stay strong!

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-08-29(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have a friend who I really think needs some help, and I have done all that I think I can do. I told her I would take her to the counseling center on campus, but honestly I do not know where to take her, or even if you all can help, so if this is even the correct e-mail address, could you please tell me where I should bring her, or just any advice would be helpful. Thank you very much!!

ANSWER: It sounds like you have been a great friend. Our office is located at 409 Potter Hall and our office hours are from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. Students can access our service one of two ways. One you can call our office at 745-3159 to make an appointment for a specific time with a specific counselor. Or two, we have a counselor on call each day for crisis or emergency if your friend would prefer to just stop by rather than make an appointment. Either way I hope this helps you and your friend.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-08-06(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Hi, I am going to be a freshman in the fall at WKU. I am very excited about startiing college but am worried my eating disordered behavior will likely get worse without parents or friends watching when/what I eat. I have gotten therapy before for anxiety, but never an eating disorder. I was just wondering if there were any programs or ways to get help on campus.

ANSWER: Welcome to Western. We are very excited that you are coming here. We do have a counseling center on campus for WKU students. The first 12 sessions are free per academic year. After that, there is a minimal charge of $5.00 per session. Our counselors can meet with you and talk about your concerns. Please feel free to call 745-3159 to make an appointment. Our office hours are Monday - Friday; 8am to 4:30pm. Good luck to you.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-08-01(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Hello- I have been doing a lot of research on O.C.D. lately because I think I may have the disorder. I was wondering if Westerns Counseling and Testing Center offers any programs related to O.C.D. If not, is there someplace locally I can go to in order to seek help. Thank you very much!

ANSWER: We often offer programming throughout the academic year depending on the request from groups and/or classes on campus. So that would be a way that OCD information could be offered through a program. However, unless the request is there, its not offered. We do offer individual counseling to meet each individuals needs. This could be the opportunity you are looking for regarding discussing your concerns regarding this disorder. If there are further questions, please feel free to contact our office and speak to someone regarding more information that you might need, or call and make an appointment to discuss concerns. Our office hours are Monday - Friday, 8:00am to 4:30. Our number is 745-3159. Hope this helps.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2007-05-29(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I was scared to death when I came to WKU last Fall for the first time, I didnt want to leave home or stay at all. That quickly changed when I started making friends and I met my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I became very close, supporting each other and growing by leaps and bounds as people. Our home lives are awful...completely awful. My parents wont let me do ANYTHING. I grew up in a very controlled environment, they wont even let me get a job for heavens sake. They give me a credit card and say manage it when they never taught me about budgeting. We are in financial position to do whatever we wanted but we live in a house where you cant drink the water and there is no shower, just an old bathtub. They wont give me any privileges or accept my boyfriend visiting no matter how nicely I explain it. My dad is passive aggressive and my mom is codependent. I just want to run away. Seriously. With my grades Im almost certain I could get financial aide or grants without a problem. Ive gotten to the point that I need to start thinking about getting out of here...quickly. Do you have any suggestions or advice? Either would be greatly appreciated.

ANSWER: It certainly sounds as if your situation is very frustrating to you. Have you tried to talk to your parents? Unfortunately, Im not sure how the finanical aid situation works if your parents continue to claim you on their taxes. If that is important to you to think about, it certainly is worth looking into those answers with the financial aid office on the 3rd floor of Potter Hall. At this time in your life, its a struggle because you are gaining independence and they arent wanting to let go of it, so there is often a struggle as you both move into different roles in your life. I would like to offer the opportunity to meet one on one with one of our counselors to talk about your situation more indepth. You have to figure out what is good for you and for your parents. Hope this is helpful. Our office number is 745-3159 to make an appointment.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-04-25(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:>Within the past month I feel as though I may have had a nervous breakdown, which is ongoing. I am constantly stressed and am taking it out on my boyfriend. I start crying and cannot stop. I dont know what to do to stop freaking out and getting mad and crying, because I cant think of anything that is seriously wrong. I just get mad or cry for no reason. I would appreciate your guidance. Thank you.

ANSWER: Thank you for writing to us. It certainly does sound as if you are going through a really bad time right now. Your symptoms may be stress- related but may also be a sign of depression. I would suggest making an appointment to come in and meet with one of our counselors to discuss your feelings and symptoms in more detail. This would allow us to generate more options to make sure you get the best care possible.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-03-30(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I was sexually abused as a child for a few years, but unlike the normal population, Im almost "happy" that it happened. I never was depressed about it, never had PTSD, never asked "why me", never felt any anger at all. Its not like I enjoyed it, but I he paid so much attention to me. My parents were busy at work and hardly making money, so I lived at my grandparents for a few years (my uncle lived with them). I know its wrong, but its like I was pretty enough to be picked out over my cousins. I was his special little girl. This sounds wrong, but sometimes I want to be raped or promiscuous. I want someone to have sex with me, but in a way that I have no control over or not in a planned way. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel valuable. I want someone to pick me out, and choose me. I want someone to risk something for me. In a way, this is disgusting but part of me thinks about what will happen if I go to certain places at night/dress a certain way (thats not too obvious) and "accidently" let someone do something to me. I figure that if someone is willing to risk jail etc. for me, then wow, maybe I had something so good to offer that he couldnt control himself. Although I have these feelings, I understand that this is a dangerous desire that hurt me. I was wondering if you could offer advice on how to keep myself from seeking this kind of attention. Alternatives will be helpful. Strangely, sexual relationships outside of this desire do not interest me at all, so that is not an option.

ANSWER: It is important for all of us to feel that we are important and unique to someone in our lives. What you are feeling is completely understandable. The common misperception is that everyone who has experienced childhood sexual abuse will suffer from PTSD and other negative symptoms. For some though the experience is quite different. When a child experiences their sexuality at such an early age it can make the way they view intimacy and sexuality a bit different. It sounds like that is what has happened for you. Try to remember that the fantasy of someone overpowering you is quite different than the reality. What you may want to consider is finding other ways to be perceived as special. Do you have any special talents or skills that make you feel good about yourself? For example, are you good with children? Do you enjoy teaching, etc.? Please remember to keep yourself safe and think about getting counseling. Our office hours are 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. We are located in 409 Potter Hall. Hope this helps.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-03-30(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Ive tried so hard through my hall director to get another room or roommate, but they have been no help at all. I can already tell Im goin crazy just by living here. This is ridiculous. What can I do to not go insane?

ANSWER: It sounds like you have really been having a rough time being understood. You mentioned that you have spoken with your hall director about changing rooms or getting another roommate, but have received no satisfaction. Have you spoken with your current roommate to see if there is any way to co-exist for the remainder of the semester? If that has not worked, it might be time to repeat your request to the hall director, being sure to provide specifics about why you feel you need to change rooms. If you still do not feel like you are being heard you might want to request a meeting with someone from Housing and Residence Life. Hang in there.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2007-03-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Tell me about a specific time when you had difficulty in getting along with peers at work/school and how did you handle the situation.

ANSWER: Conflict with peers and co-workers is a very normal thing, though it can be stressful and upsetting. When I was in graduate school, I can recall conflict with several classmates over the direction of a group project. While I was angry, I tried to focus on effective communication rather than the problem of getting along with my classmates. You may find it helpful to try to talk with difficult people when you are feeling calm. Take that time to be direct and express what you think the problem is through using "I messsages." For example, you might tell a co-worker/peer, "I feel frustrated when this happens" or "I feel angry when you do this..." Try to bring up these issues in a concrete, direct, and calm manner. This invites your coworkers to talk about an issue rather than fight about it. Also, rather than arguing and being concerned with who is "right or wrong" in a situation, it may be helpful to focus on what would resolve the situation. I hope this response has been helpful. If you have additional questions, or would like to consult with a counselor about conflict management, please contact us at 745-3159.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2007-03-01(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I am 20 years old and I think I have some form of autism. I have a lot of social anxiety because I have trouble with making small chat and have a hard time reading others peoples expressions. I follow very strict routines and tend to stress out easily. I make good grades and have some close friends. I know that if I am on the spectrum, I would be labeled high-functioning. Im worried that Im just being a hyperchrondriac, but I think it would be best to know if it was or not. Can I come talk to you all about this, or should I see a doctor about it?

ANSWER: It certainly sounds as if you have thought about this and decided that knowing if you were autistic would be better than not knowing. You most certainly can make an appointment with our office to talk about things further relating to this. However, we do not test for autism here in our office. We could work with you regarding dealing with stressors in your life. However, I would suggest also contacting the Kelly Autism Program here on campus at 745-8903 as they would be able to offer more diagnostic resources for autism. Hope this helps, but please feel free to contact our office at 745-3159 to discuss further.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2007-02-13(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My mother died very unexpectedly April of 2006. My relationship with her has always been complicated; growing up, she was an alcoholic, which bred mixed feelings of love, pity, and resentment toward her. When I started 6th grade, she realized she had a problem, and quit drinking for good. But not long after, we found she had MS (multiple sclerosis). This also created mixed feelings for me, this time of frustration (often times I would unintentionally take out on her, which I have always felt guilty for), and a lot of pain, that I had to see her in pain and watch her physically decline. Her death came suddenly, and I have not dealt well with it. I havent ever really faced my emotions, I have only shoved them away, and kept myself from crying. Now I find I cant hardly go on just shoving away my emotions, I realize I need to deal with her death, and to move on and be happy. There are many other factors that inhibited my ability to properly grieve and move on; just 3 months after my moms death, my dad started dating. 4 months after her death, a woman moved in with us, who from the first night she was here, began to rearrange the things in our house, and change things. The woman is bipolar, with many problems of her own, which adds more stress and fatigue to me; I had to deal with my mothers demons for 19 years of my life, I dont want those of a perfect stranger. Now, my father and her are going to get married. And though it has been almost a year, he still hasnt bought a headstone for my mothers grave; all that is there is the plastic marker from the funeral home. Because of so many different factors, I dont expect for you to give me a paragraph on how to deal with all of this; I really would like information about grief counseling services offered on campus. Also, how much are they? I researched a few counselors in the bowling green area, and sessions are over 200 dollars, and I dont have a lot of money. Any information you could give me would be appreciated!

ANSWER: Grief is never easy, and yours has been compounded by several events. And while all of these things are happening around you, you are also a student with the demands that entails. I encourage you to speak with one of our counselors, and its simple to make an appointment. Call 745-3159, and a time will be found that fits around your class schedule. The first 12 sessions are free, and if more are needed, the cost is $5 per session. We are in 409 Potter Hall, 8:00 to 4:30, Monday thru Friday. I urge you to call for an appointment.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-12-14(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I am depressed about something that really cant be fixed. I feel sad about it, and I get angry, too. I have a medical condition called neurofibromatosis. It makes me feel so ugly. I hate the neurofibromas on my body. I have them all over my torso, legs, and various spots of my body. I hate my body so much. It is disgusting. I am disgusting. It is a progressive disease that will only get worse. Im scared that I will never be in a relationship. I feel that I dont deserve to be in a relationship. I know that sex is a part of marriage, but I dont want anyone to ever touch my body. I will probably be alone for the rest of my life. I am disgusting, and I hope that I dont get any "But if someone truly loves you, they wont care" responses. I dont think that is realistic. Nobody will want to touch me. I cant just pretend to be happy and accept myself. Im at a lost because I want to do something to help myself feel better. But at the same time, I am hopeless. Sometimes I think about letting myself have a chance with anyone. By this, I mean anyone sexually, even if they are older/strangers. I know this is wrong, sick, and immature. But I dont want to feel unwanted for the rest of my life. I dont know if Ill ever marry. There are some people out there who are desperate as well. I know it is wrong to want to feel desired this much, but right now, Id do anything to feel normal.

ANSWER: First of all, please know that the sadness and anger you feel about having neurofibromatosis is completely normal. But while the neurofibromas may seem disgusting, this does not mean that YOU are disgusting, because you are not your disease. Neurofibromatosis is something you cope with, but it is not who you are. No one is asking you to pretend to be happy, but self-acceptance is something that can be addressed. You say you want to feel normal, and the needs you express are normal: to be loved and desired. These needs are not wrong or sick or immature. To be sexually intimate with someone just for the sake of sex, though, is risky on several levels and likely to leave you feeling emotionally empty. And I do not believe that you are hopeless; I do believe that you want to do something to help yourself. I urge you to contact us to speak with a counselor to address these concerns you have voiced. We are open Friday, Dec. 15, then we will reopen on January 2. Or in the community, you can contact Likeskills at 842-0161.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2006-10-17(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: have either rheumatiod arthritis or fibromyalgia, depending on which Vandy doc you prefer. Anyway walking can be painful, and running impossible.I sometimes have difficulty getting to class exactly on time. I come from N.W. of Thompson Complex and go to Tate Page. Today my professor became irrate when I walked in. What do I do? I am not disabled, and I need my classes to graduate this fall.

ANSWER: I would suggest talking to your professor about this. Let him/her know of your situation and provide documentation if possible to them. If this is not an option, or you are not getting the help you need with your class, you could contact the student disabilities office in the new wing of DUC. I know you are not disabled, but as this is a medical condition, with the proper documentation you can make allowance for this through their office. I would suggest contacting them. Another option would be contacting the deans office of the college of your Tate Page Hall Class to see what assistance they can give you. Hope those suggestions help.

Category: Adjustment to College
Date Posted: 2006-10-16(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I am a freshman. I am really having difficulty with my classes. I study and feel like I am prepared for a test. I get very nervous during testing. I am currently taking 12 hours and am struggling with course work. I have never missed any classes and take notes. I guess I get a panic or anxiety attack when I take tests. Is there any testing accomodations that I can have in dealing with this problem? Who do I need to go to for answers? Is there any kind of test that can be given,to see if I have a learning disability?

ANSWER: It sounds like there are a couple of issues going on for you and there a few ways to tackle the problem. First, have you consulted with the learning center on campus? They can look at your notes and see if they see any problems there and also explore your study habits and perhaps give some tips on how to study more effectively. Second, what happens for you during tests? Does your mind go blank and you are unable to think? Do you stay anxious throughout the test or can you calm down after you have answered a question or two? If you are having difficulty with test anxiety the Counseling and Testing Center can help. We are located at 409 Potter Hall and are open from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. Finally, if you believe you have a learning disability there are assessment batteries that can be administered by psychologists in the community and at the Psychological Clinic located in Tate Page Hall. You would need to contact Dr. Rick Grieve of the Psychology Department to arrange for those tests. Remember you are not alone in this. Often students have difficulty with the transition from high school to college. Remember we are here to help.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-10-16(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Today along with other days my life sucks! As soon as my husband got home today we had a huge argument over the phone bill. He threw and broke things, and he called me names like: horror, slut, BITCH...and I called him a fagot...because he hurt me so bad. And he also called me by my moms name to hurt me...he used to say that I act like her...but hadnt said that since she died. My mom passed away suddenly last year.....and he had the nerve to call me that knowing how bad it would hurt. I feel so lost today...I dont know what to do with my life anymore. If I had my way I would just disappear from life somehow. But when I came back, if I did, I would have too many people criticising me and it would just make me feel worse. What do I do with this relationship? This happens from time to time, the name calling and throwing and breaking stuff....occasionally he will hit me...but hardly ever anymore. He mostly just breaks stuff. I have mentioned counseling...he thinks thats stupid. I cant tell anyone how bad our relationship is. Everything is fine around other people...so I dont think anybody would believe me. He doesnt have a relationship with our seven year old....he acts like shes a burden sometimes...he doesnt spend quality time with her. Im so ashamed to tell anybody how my life really is....Im not close enough with anybody to tell them. Please help...I want a life for me and my child...what do I do?

ANSWER: It is really tough when someone you care about does not treat you with the respect and love you deserve. It sounds as if you have had difficulty in your marriage for a while now. You may want to consider contacting the Barren Area River Safe Space (BRASS) their number is (270) 843-1143 or (800) 928-1143. BRASS helps people who are in relationships that are no longer good for them whether because of physical violence (hitting and throwing things) or emotional violence (yelling ). You mentioned that you have a daughter and that your husband neglects her. She is also probably aware of what is going on between you and her father. It is important to get her out of the situation so that she does not have long-lasting scars from this. You mentioned that you have discussed counseling with your husband and he does not approve of couples counseling. You could still seek counseling on an individual basis to talk about your marriage and the grief that you feel at the death of your mother. As a student you are eligible to receive 12 free sessions per academic year. We are open Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Our telephone number is 745-319 and we are located at 409 Potter Hall. Regardless of the action you choose please be safe. Hope this helps.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-09-27(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: If I came to the center and wanted help overcoming shyness, what kind of "therapy" would I receive? I really just dont know how to make even small conversations, and I almost always feel really awkward everywhere I am. Ive talked about this a little before, but it hasnt gotten much better.

ANSWER: Shyness, sometimes called social anxiety or social phobia, is rather common and can often be overcome using a type or method of therapy called exposure and response prevention (ERP). Shyness can be due to an underlying disposition to become over anxious, but it is also due to not learning how to make chit-chat, and not learning how to read signals that other people give. In counseling, we work on the beliefs you have about interacting with other people and what you can do to feel more at ease. We can also help you find a physician that will prescribe anti-anxiety medication if it is needed. It takes work, but being with a counselor you can set your own pace.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-09-14(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:OK, My parents got divorced when i was young about first grade, but this didnt seem to really bother me. I was too young to understand i guess and i dont really remember all that much about it. But I would see my dad ever other weekend until about middle school then (i have 2 sisters, im in the middle) we just kinda stopped going over to his house and i only saw him on holidays. This was fine with me i was involved in band and went to copitions on the weekends so i guess i didnt really notice. My the summer before my senior year of highschool my mom met some guy and moved to florida, (im from KY)and i had to move in with my dad who by then i had almost no relationship with at all. It was almost like moving in with a stranger. My older sister had already gone to college the yr before so i didnt really have anyone to fall back on or to talk to. That was a really bad year for me. but once i left home and came to wku it started to get better and i thought i was fine. But now my junior yr at wku its like im reliving it all again. im not ok. my mom even lives back in ky now, but im still not ok. i feel abondond by my mom and everytime lately that i have been alone i start thinking about it and break down. So my question is how can i deal with these issues? I thought i have moved on but its like all of the sudden they are back and worse than ever. Is there anyway besides talking to my mom about them that i can move on?

ANSWER: Its really tough when you feel abandoned by not only your father, but your mother as well. Especially since we feel that parents are suppose to, no matter what, be there for you. Talking to your mom would probably be a good idea but until you feel ready to do that, (and its ok if you dont feel that) perhaps talking to someone else would be good for you. Have you thought about coming to talk to a counselor here at the Counseling and Testing Center? This way you could specifically work one on one with someone to talk about all those feelings you are feeling and positive, healthy ways to make decisions and move on throughout life. Please call the center for an appointment at 745-3159. Lets talk things out.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-08-21(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Do you think I will have the potential to be the type of parent that will abuse her children? I am scared that I will become an abusive parent. I have been told that I work well with children. I do with other kids in a variety of areas, but it seems to be differnt with my own siblings. I am afraid I will end up being the type of person that just hates her child, or even be physically and emotionally abusive. I have a younger half sister, who grew up with very permissive parents. I am not allowed to discipline them, so when they kick me, lock me out of the house, tell me I am stupid, steal my stuff etc., I just sit there and say, "Oh, please do not do that." I hate it. I scare myself, because sometimes I think, "What she really needs is some intense punishment. That would fix her behavior." I hate to admit it, but I am referring to physical punishment. Sometimes, I think of horrible things to say. I do not act upon these feelings, but I am afraid that one day, I might with my own child. I am worried that when I become a mom, I will have this hatred towards my child. I am scared that I will become an abusive parent because of how strongly I may hate my child. I find that I am similar to my mother in many ways, and she did not handle her anger well at all. My mother would do some pretty "crazy" things when she was angry, which included beatings, punching me, banging my head against the wall, scratching me, telling me to die, hair-pulling etc. etc. on a daily basis. In fact, my teacher in third grade actually reported her to the authorities because they suspected abuse. I see a lot of her in myself--the anger, the frustration, and the need to "show the child who is boss." It sickens me. I grew up so terribly afraid of her, and I do not understand why I have these feelings. Should my past actually do the opposite? Instead, I feel like I might be just like my mother. I think I might have trouble bonding with child. I do not think I am capable of loving someone as much as I should. I want to be a "Brady Bunch" kind of mom. I want my child to grow up emotionally healthy and love me, but I do not think I am capable. What should I do?

ANSWER: Growing up in an abusive home leaves many people feeling very afraid of ever being angry...so they try as hard as they can to hold it in...but if you hold in your anger too long, it will come out and it will come out on people around you, which could be your kids. I would suggest you do some reading or work with a counselor to become more comfortable with getting angry when anger is appropriate...this will help you release your frustration on the people who deserve it. Anger is a perfectly normal emotion...we feel anger when we are afraid...but many people either use it too much (bullies) or not enough (victims). Call for an appointment if you would like to work with a counselor on our staff...but I would also suggest that you do some reading...go to the library or book store and browse the self help section...or go online and look up topics like healthy anger....

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2006-08-18(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:hi i am married since three years but yet cannt have intercourse with my husband its not that he is having some problem but i am afraid of having sex as i feel it would be very pain ful as i have heard from my friends i have tried a lot to come out of this phobia but it is of no use. my husband is very loving he is just giving me time but at times he is very frustrated i am very worried what would become of me. please help me getting out of this situation and to have healty sexual relations with my husband. i have also has visited the psychologist but it doesnt worked too. please help me

ANSWER: I can only imagine the emotional pain that both you and your husband are experiencing. Usually, the first step in dealing with this kind of situation is to rule out any physical problems. I would hope, therefore, that you have or will see your personal ob/gyn physician. Dr. Redden and/or Dr Blewett at the Western Health Center are also available to you. After addressing any possible physical problems it is helpful to address any psychological problems that are present. Our services at the Counseling & Testing Center are, thus, also available to you. Sometimes persons prefer to address these concerns with a female. We have three female counselors on our staff. I hope you will feel free to contact us at 745-3159 and begin working with someone to ease your concerns.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-08-18(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I just need some advice. I have been married for several years now and I love my husband very much. We have one child together. I do not think we have a normal relationship though. Some days we are so in love and he talks so good to me, like I am his one true love...but other days he yells, cusses, puts me down, and on seldom occasions he will hit me, he does not hit me hard or where anybody will see a bruise or anything. When these things happen I want away so badly...but after only a few hours he will be fine and everything will be normal again...he will love me again. He never wants to talk about anything and when I try to talk to him he just blows me off and rolls his eyes. I just do not know what to do...I sometimes feel so helpless and worthless. He makes me feel that way...but when he is in a "good" mood I feel pretty good about myself most of the time. I feel trapped in some ways...but in other ways I do not think I could make it without him...I need him...and I love him very much. We separated before for about seven months and everything was great when we got back together for about six months and then it slowly started going downhill again. We have been back together for four years. I do not know really what my question is...just that I am tired of living this lifestyle and I want better for me and my child. I just do not know where to turn or what to do.

ANSWER: It is always difficult when the one we love does not behave in a way that is good for us. What you are describing is a cycle. It begins with your husband putting you down, cursing at you, etc. The second part of the cycle is the actual hitting. Finally when the hitting is over your husband promises himself and/or you that it will never happen again. The really hard part about a cycle is that it happens over and over again often with increasing frequency and intensity. It is important to safeguard your safety and that of your child. Please think about talking with someone who can help you work through what is going on and provide you with options. Locally, there is an organization called Barren River Area Safe Space (BRASS) their number 843-1143 or 1-800-928-1183. They are available 24 hours a day and they can help you decide what to do to keep you and your child safe. Remember this is not your fault and you deserve to be happy and be in a situation that enriches you. Hope this helps.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2006-08-17(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Hi, I am a female senior. I was bulimic for about a year my sophmore year of college. I am now going on my senior year here at Western and have not made myself throw up for over a year. I was talking to a friend who suffered from a eating disorder for awhile and said she had to had a bunch of hormonal therapy. I did not get any outside help for my disorder. I made the decision to stop throwing up three times a day and my friends helped too. I have noticed weird intestinal effects and hormonal effects after I stopped. I was wondering if I need to see a doctor about that and if so what kind? Should I be that worried?

ANSWER: It sounds as though you have done a very good job with your eating disorder. For your own peace of mind, however, I would suggest you raise these questions with a physician. You could either use your own personal physican or else see Dr. Redden or Dr. Blewett at the Western Health Service. They are both knowledgeable and helpful.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2006-07-26(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I split up with my boyfriend ,I worried because I study in the same class as him at college. I cannot concentrate on my studying for my exams.

ANSWER: You must be very frustrated about the situation. It can be very difficult to end a relationship and still have to see the person when you go to class. We often times allow our feelings for a former love- interest to distract us from our responsibilities. While it is important to let yourself feel what you need to feel, it is also important to focus on your studies, especially during exams. It may help to discuss your situation with your professor. Tell them what is going on and why you are feeling distracted. They may be willing to offer you some suggestions that will help you focus on the exams. You may also wish to come and speak to a counselor at our center about your feelings. Break-ups are hard, and sometimes it is good to have someone to talk to. If you are interested, our office is located in 409 Potter Hall, and our phone number is (270) 745-3159.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2006-07-10(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:how to avoid pregnancy if having sexual relationship before marriage

ANSWER: I am not sure what specifically you are asking. However, I will answer it with what information I have. Obviously, the only guaranteed way to avoid pregnancy is abstinence. However, if you are having sexual relations, using birth control protection helps to decrease your ability to get pregnant. There are many forms of birth control you can get over the counter like condoms, spermicides or foams or other forms. Check with the pharmacy area of a store or specifically a pharmacy. For questions with that, you can speak to the pharmacist on duty. You can also make an appointment with your doctor for prescription birth control which can include birth control pills and other forms of birth control. Hope this information is helpful.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-06-30(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: I feel that you sometimes believe posters to this website are joking around...because of that, I am very uncomfortable asking my question. I just wanted you to know that I realize this is abnormal behavior, but it is not a "Halloween joke"/prank or anything of that sort. I masturbate, and I know this is normal to a certain extent. However, I always feel the need to masturbate when I think, watch anything, or read about physical child abuse. I mean, when I see parents spank their kids, I do not feel anything. Only if it is extreme and clearly abusive. I do not know why. When I am alone at night, I often masturbate with these thoughts run through my head. It is in no way a sexual fantasy and it does not "sexually arouse me." I just find comfort in masturbating when I think about those certain things. I was physically abused as a child, but I do not think it has anything to do with it. I did not enjoy the abuse at any point, and I have no idea why I masturbate when I think about it. I have been doing this since I was eight years old. Intense images run through my head, and at that moment, I just masturbate. Clearly, this is not normal. Any ideas on how I can stop? It is not harming anyone, but it really bothers me. It is personal, but embarassing. Sometimes I do this a few times a day. I just feel better and find comfort. I will not attend counseling due to the embarassing nature of this issue but would like advice. I do not want to do this anymore. I feel like a freak.

ANSWER: First off, I want you to know that I take your question very seriously. It sounds like you are in a great deal of pain and that you are very scared. You stated that you were physically abused as a child, but you do not feel that your abuse has anything to do with your masturbating behavior. One of the greatest tragedies about child abuse is the power it has to haunt you throughout your life… and sometimes the ways it can haunt you seems unexpected or does not make sense. You also say that you find “comfort” in masturbating. Often, it is the case that children learn to masturbate because they discover that “when I touch my body here, it feels good.” Often times, those good feelings serve as a comfort for the child when they are scared, hurt, lonely, or even bored. Children who have experienced severe traumatic events, such as child abuse (even if it is not sexual) will turn to masturbation because it helps “take the bad feelings away.” It also helps the child to feel that they have some little bit of control over their world, when they are feeling so out of control of what happens to them. It sounds like this may have been what you did to help yourself cope as a child (“I feel bad, so I am going to do something that I know will make me feel good and help me feel in control of what happens to me.”) It may be that you have carried those scared feelings with you into adulthood, and you have also carried your way of coping with you. What you are describing is NOT a sexual fetish. It sounds like, when you see or think of a child being physically abused, it brings up those feelings of fear and pain that you experienced as a child. And the feelings of comfort that the masturbation provides help you to replace that emotional pain with physical pleasure. You are right in that masturbation, on the whole, is a normal and healthy part of sexual development, but for you it has become an association built on pain and fear. In all truth, what you are describing runs much deeper than something that can be accomplished through e-mail. I know you are embarrassed and I know you are afraid. But you are not alone. And you do not have to be alone. I really hope that you will reconsider coming to counseling and speaking with one of our female counselors. No one here will judge you or think that you are a “freak.” You say that you “do not want to do this anymore.” Please let us help you to find the peace in your life that you are looking for. I do not want you to have to feel haunted anymore. Our office number is (270) 745-3159, and we are located in 409 Potter Hall.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-06-23(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:This may be off beat for you guys, but I am a student at WKU. This is more of a work related issue. The place I work is like home to me, the workers are my family...blah, blah, I love my job. I just do not understand why people want to tell me there personal stuff. I am not into the whole gossip wheel, I usely do my job and go home. I leave my personal life out side of work and no one really knows much about me outside of work. I do not understand why people tell me these things and sometimes it can be stressful for me. Is it just a way for them to vent?, because I never give advice. I only listen and it never goes any futher. It is a getting to be an everyday thing. It is getting me to point to where I do not want to go into work. Our job can be stressful sometimes, because we do see anywhere from 100-900 touriest a day. So understand they may need to talk, but why me? It is not just one or two workers it is 10-12 of them. Help if you can.

ANSWER: Listening to someone elses problems can certainly be stressful. It sounds as if they do talk to you simply because you listen. A lot of people just want people to listen to their problems, not offer advice or "fix things" but just listen to them. However, listening can also create stress on the listener. Perhaps you can talk to the people who are coming to you and sharing about how it can be overwhelming to you to be there for them and suggest that maybe they should talk to someone else (as in another co worker, friend or family member) or even talk to someone in the counseling field. Being a good listener is a very good quality to have, but you also need to take care of yourself! If you cannot be there for them, just share that with them. I hope this is helpful to you. If we can be of any other help, please feel free to contact us!

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-06-15(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:> I was wondering if there is a way that I can try to coax myself to be more open-minded. Recently, I have been thinking non-stop about God. I am really bothered by the fact that I do not believe in God. All the friends that I have that are devoted to a religion seem to have a certain feeling of peace that I will never understand. The fact that they trust so deeply and feel unconditionally loved must be so overwhelmingly wonderful. I am ashamed that I am atheist. I feel like there is a flaw inside of me that prevents me from accepting this theory. I try to hide it because I am embarassed. I was raised to be atheist. My mother told me that "God is bullshit. I feed you and pay for this house. I am your God. Without me, you are nothing." I believe that is true. She was a single mother who provided for my sister and I. Without her, I would have been hungry, homeless or worse. But as I grew older, I developed a curiosity in God. I played with the idea in high school, but every > time I found myself in a depression, I gave up. I no longer believe in God--there is not a sliver of a "maybe" inside of me anymore. I think 100% logically. Today I cried in the shower because I just feel so alone in the world. I am shy, ugly, have a below average intelligence, and I am awkward. Nobody will love me, and I wish that I would at least have a God. I wish I knew what it was like to believe that everything happened for a reason. I think about my roommate and friends, who believe in God. They are much better people than I am. I think I am afraid to believe in God because according to the Bible, I am a terrible person. I have thought about suicide on numerous occasions. I feel angry more often than I should. I can be greedy at times. I am not really sure what I am asking. I guess I just want advice on how to get over the need to have a religion and not fall apart when I see the joy my friends have with their relationship to God--or--open myself up to new ideas. Please do not > mention counseling...just advice would be more than appreciated.

ANSWER: It sounds like you are really struggling with your decision to be atheist. From what you have written, I get the sense that you compare the despair you feel in your own life to the joy and happiness you see in your friends lives. I also sense that you assume that the happiness they experience is directly tied to their belief in God and that your despair is directly tied to your lack of a belief in God. It is almost as if you believe that in order to be happy, you must believe in God. I think that the assumption that a belief in God is the key to happiness is not correct. Ultimately, happiness comes from ones own personal ability to be happy - not necessarily from a belief in God. However, believing in God is not a bad thing. It is true that many people will say that they find a sense of belonging and happiness in their belief in God. On the other hand, there are also people who do not believe in God who lead perfectly happy lives. A belief in God is truly a personal decision. However, it may or may not have much to do with overall happiness and emotional well-being. Because you describe this struggle with your decision to be atheist, I get the sense that you have not fully explored your spirituality. You say that believing in God is important to you, but you do not say that you have explored this belief much since high school. At this point, it may be worth it to at least look into religion a little more. Talking to your friends about their religious beliefs might be a good place to start. Remember though, that your religious beliefs are entirely personal. Having a belief in God may be beneficial to you, but I believe that learning how to make your life happy and fulfilling on your own would be more effective. Although you are not interested in counseling and would like "more advice", keep in mind there are resources for you on campus including campus ministries and organizations as well as the Counseling and Testing Center. Hope this is helpful. Good luck to you in your explorations.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2006-06-12(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:every nite i leave my chess set on the table, and when i wake up in the morning the pieces are moved as though someone were in the middle of the game and stoped. i dont have a roommate, no pets, and to my knowledge i do not sleep walk. this has been happening everynite for the past week. i dont know if im crazy or what. what should i do ?

ANSWER: Wow! Honestly, I do not know that I have any concrete advice for you. Perhaps you have a chess playing ghost. You might try an experiment and just put your chess board away before you go to bed. It sounds like you are kind of creeped out by this, but I think that this is probably just one of those experiences that you have to chock up to an unexplained mystery and have fun telling your friends about it. If you do have other concerns about this, or if you are seeing or hearing things frequently in several different settings, you are welcome to come speak with one of our counselors. Our office is in 409 Potter Hall and you can reach us at 270-745-3159. Our office hours are 8:00am- 4:30pm, Monday-Friday.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2006-05-19(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:i recently was going out with this boy and he was really nice i loved him but i still do. he dumped me about a month ago when i went on holiday and i really miss him sometimes i feel lonely and sad without him and i dont know what to do to forget him. i love him and i want to be with him,i always look on my mobile to see if he calls or i try to look nice everywhere i go incase i see him i also sometimes feel he is watching me!!! i love him and i want to be with him he fingered me and it felt really good!i can never get those day out of my head i felt so special and loved!!! i love him i want him back i really miss him and cant forget him i also took and overdose beacuse i miss him so much my life is rubbish and somebody told the whole school what had happend!now everyone knows !everytime on im on msn messenger i wait for him to come online i always try to find some kind of excuse to speak to him. in school i look at him non-stop he might be 2yrs older than me but i dont care i love him and i want him back!he has a girlfriend and she cheated on him but he got back with her. how can i tell him i still have feelings for him?what if he says he dosent care?what if he says he dosent care but he knows i love him and just wants to play hard to get and make me run after him?i dont know what to do all my friends say he is waste and he is not worth it but i think he is!i fell really stressed out and all i can ever think about is him!sometimes i feel really low that i cant even eat ! when we were goin out he said he loved ma and wanted us to move together he wanted ti get married i know you might think that..all boys can lie... but not him he looked to serious and when he said he loved me he would look into my eyes and tell me ! he gave me this chain he had on for 4 years and his jumper that i loved and would sleep with all the time!he gave me roses and teddys i love him so much and i really want him back!!

ANSWER: Wow, I do sense your anguish. It is always tough when we want someone so badly and that other someone does not want us to the same degree. We go through all kinds of feelings - hurt, sadness, anger, etc. One minute we want to be with this person all the time, and then we, if we will let ourselves acknowledge, do not want to see their face ! ! ! Sometimes we feel like we are on a roller coaster. Also, sometimes we want to get even just to let this other person know how the hurt feels. The only problem with this approach is that the -- getting even -- does not work very well. I hope you will look at some other alternatives. This may not help much right now, but the truth is that time will work this anguish out. In the meantime, I hope you will find someone to rely on for support and for some needed unloading. Hope these words have been helpful.

Category: How to Help a Friend
Date Posted: 2006-05-19(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:hi..something has been bugging me lately...I have a friend and lately she has been upset with something, the problem is I do not know what. A couple of times now, she has come up to me and told me she was either stressed or upset but for some reason she will not tell me why. It fusturates me when she does this. It is not just what she says either, it is also that helpess, sad look on her face. that makes me feel that I should be comforting her but I really do not know what to do. I respect her space but i am also upset that she does this, knowning well that she can easily talk to me about it. I have told her that I am concerned and if she ever needs to talk i am here for her but she just shrugs and says nothing. I feel upset because I could be helping her but she will not let me...what can i do to show her that I can help her, that she does not need to feel sad because i am here for her?? please help.

ANSWER: It can certainly be frustrating when a person in "non-communicative" with us. I guess I am wondering what your friend is trying to accomplish by being non-communiative. The one thing that is being accomplished is that you are frustraated by her non-communication. I wonder what might happen if you were to share with her that her behavior is frustrating you and ask her if that is what she is trying to do. If so, it is working, but if not, then maybe you and she could work at trying some other way of behaving. If she does not want to try something different, the ball is your court to accept what can not, at least for the present, be changed. Hope this is helpful.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2006-05-15(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Tell me about a specific time when you had difficulty in getting along with peers at work/school and how did you handle the situation.

ANSWER: This sounds like a critical thinking question that you have been asked to answer for yourself, and so it probably won’t do you much good if I told you what MY experiences are. Also, we try to keep this site as anonymous as possible. If you are asking this question for yourself, though, and are struggling with how to handle a situation in your own life, I will, however, tell you that every person experiences situations where they have to work or interact with people they just do not like or get along with. Everybody handles these situations differently, but generally the best course of action is to address the problem in a mature, responsible manner. Look at the situation and ask yourself, “Am I not getting along with my peers because of something they are doing, or something I am doing?” If your peers are harassing you and making you feel uncomfortable, you might want to discuss the situation with a superior (for example, if people in your class are harassing you, you could talk to the professor or even the dean of the department. If it is at your job, then speak to your boss). If you have to interact with someone you just do not like, you may address the situation by speaking directly to the person. Many conflicts can be resolved just by communicating: talking about what is bothering you, and listening to what the other person has to say. Confront the fact that you are not getting along and express that you want to find a solution to the problem. Perhaps you could come to a truce and both agree to stay out of each others way. If you realize that you do not get along with your peers because of something you are doing (e.g. maybe you are shy, anxious, aggressive, etc), you might start by exploring these feelings within yourself and deciding what changes you want to make. You are more than welcome to come speak to one of our counselors. Perhaps we can help you come up with specific suggestions for your situation and help you explore what is going on. If you want to make an appointment, please call (270) 745- 3159 or stop by 409 Potter Hall. Our office hours are 8:00-4:30, Monday-Friday.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-05-01(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My mother has lived in her own little world for 10 years since my parents got divorced. She likes to feel victimized but she asked for a divorce and left us all. She did not fight for us or still rarely has anything to do with her own children and grandchildren. At first we thought my mom was just going through a phase because she married so young and never got to be like a normal 20 year old. However, now her behavior is just irritating and sometimes hurtful. If we do not drop everything for her when she wants to see us, we are bad children. But she can forget to show up or be hours late and we cannot be upset because that is just mom. Sometimes I want to pretend my step-mother is my mom and that my real mother is not even there. Sometimes I think my mom is crazy and needs professional help... but if anyone told her this she would not listen. What can you do when your own mother does not seem to care about you? It is not easy to ignore.

ANSWER: You are right, it is hard when parents do not act the way we want or need them to act. From your description it sounds as if you are still hurt by the way your parents marriage ended and how your mother has behaved since then. It might be helpful for you to decide what you need from your mother (i.e., do you need her to be a supportive friend or do you need her to fill that role that you believe she has neglected all these years?). Then decide whether you believe your mother can match your needs. If the answer is yes maybe asking her for those things may get you what you need and/or want. If the answer is no you have a touch decision to make. Can you be satisified with the current relationship with your mother? If not, what do you want to do? You mentioned that you really enjoy your stepmother and sometimes wish that she was your mother. There are sometimes people in our lives who meet needs that others cannot provide. For example your stepmother could be sort of a surrogate mother to you or a family friend could serve this purpose. This is not an attempt to replace your mother, but have some of your emotional needs met so that you do not have to feel as hurt by and angry with your mother. Regardless of what you decide to do remember our office is open from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday and someone would is waiting to hash through this problem with you. Our telephone number if 745-3159 and we are located in Potter Hall. Hope this Helps. Here to Help

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-05-01(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My mom was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago and I was wondering if there is anything offered at Western such as a support group for people affected by cancer in any way. I am asking in interest for myself and so I might be able to help with it since I am good with talking to others and listening to what they have to say.

ANSWER: I have heard of a cancer support group on campus, put on by students, but I do not have much information about when and where they meet. Here is the e-mail address I have for that group: wku.cancersupport@gmail.com. I also found this announcement in the Sunday edition of the Daily News: "A cancer support group offering education and support to individuals with cancer, family members and caregivers will meet from 6 p.m. to 7 p.m. the first Monday of each month at The Medical Center Health and Wellness Center in Greenwood Mall. New members are welcome. For more information, call Bridgett Kilpatrick at (270)796-4494." If you are interested in talking about what you are going through with one of our individual counselors, I encourage you to call our center at (270)745-3159 or stop by our office (409 Potter Hall). I hope this helps.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2006-05-01(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I constantly have the urge to pick my eyelashes and can spend hours doing it especially when I know I have something important to do such as study or do homework. I have stopped for a month or two on occasions, but have struggled with this problem since I was probably around 4 or 5 years old. Is there any way I can get help for this? I am concerned because this is something I am told I can stop, but do not think I can stop; it just takes discipline. Is this true? I do not know what to do about it. I wish my eyelashes could regrow faster after the damage I do on them. They grow for a month or two; then they are nearly plucked away again. Is there any thing to treat this with, like an ointment I can put around my eyes, something? I have spent three or four hours in the library, supposed to be doing my homework, but putting it aside to surf the net looking for apartments and most of all picking my eyelashes. I think I have a lot of performance anxiety. I need some serious help.

ANSWER: Yes, you can get help and this behavior can be treated, but it takes more than "just discipline." It would be important to identify any triggers or events that precede the hair pulling so that you can be aware of situations that are particularly stressful. It is also important to develop some behaviors to counteract the hair pulling, behaviors that are less harmful or distressing that would serve as a replacement for the pulling. There are also ways to make your own impediments to the pulling to literally make it more difficult to do. One example would be to put on a pair of gloves when you feel the urge to pluck. That certainly is not a cure, but would be one of many things you might do to make your own barrier to the behavior you are trying to stop. It is important to develop a variety of alternative behaviors. An additional technique is to learn some relaxation exercises that you could use in the moment. Also with compulsions/impulses such as you describe, depression and anxiety is often present. If so, there are medications that would be helpful. It is important that you seek professional help to explore your particular stressors, to develop a repertoire of ways to combat the behavior, and to assess for possible medication needs. It is possible to get better, so I urge you to make an appointment with a counselor ASAP.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-04-10(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I am a graduate student and lately I have not been motivated to do my work for classes. I feel I am in a slump in school. I graduate this summer but my mind checked out last semester. I do not feel particularly engaged in my classes and really just see what I am doing in school now as a means to an end. When I do get around to my assignments, I do not put the effort into them that I should. It is hard to put effort into something I just do not care about. I used to love school but now it is just another thing I have to do. How can one find the motivation to do well in school and where do you find the spark for education that used to be there?

ANSWER: It is often difficult when we have nearly met our goal to stay focused, this is true for graduate students and graduating seniors. While it is sometimes difficult to complete assignments it is important to keep plugging away, and that is what it sounds like you have been doing. Be patient with yourself, what you are experiencing is burnout. Burnout makes it difficult for us to be as vigilant about issues that we were passionate about before (e.g., school), and it seems to require three times as much effort as it would normally take to accomplish a task. In some ways burnout is a normal part of preparing to graduate because it allows us to move on whether it is to a career/job or additional education. Once you have had a chance to rest from this experience and begin a new phase of your life your love of education will probably return. Hang in there. Here to Help

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-03-31(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:what can happen if u jackoff if your a boy

ANSWER: Well, for the most part, masturbation is a very normal part of sexual development for both men and women. It is not something to be ashamed of. However, masturbation habits can become unhealthy in situations where an individual neglects his or her daily life in order to masturbate (for example, skipping class or work, ignoring friends or family, not meeting your other daily responsibilities, etc.). It is also unhealthy to perform masturbation in public or in such a way that it is used to harm or intimidate others. Many people choose to masturbate to relieve stress, which again, is normal, but it can become a problem if you are turning to masturbation instead of confronting the source of your stress/anger/sadness/etc. Your question is “what can happen?” Masturbation, for both men and women, is relatively safe and harmless when practiced with some common sense. Those old wives tales about going blind and growing hair on your palms are completely false. If you masturbate frequently, you may experience some skin irritation in your genital area, but like I said, use some common sense. Do not do anything you know is going to be harmful. If you have medical concerns about masturbating, please do not be afraid to speak to someone in health services. They are located in the Academic Complex, room 139, and their number is 745- 5641. If you have other concerns or questions, or feel like you need to talk to somebody about this, please do not be afraid to contact our center and make an appointment. We are located in 409 Potter Hall and our number is 745-3159. Our hours of operation are Monday-Friday, 8:00-4:30.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-03-13(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:how do you overcome thoughts of suicide? I have thought about it several times this week. I have even attemted it last weekend. Can you help me get the help I need? I do feel ashamed about this matter, so I really have a hard time comeing in and talking with anyone. It is just really embarsing. I do not understand why I feel this way all the time. Thank You for you help...

ANSWER: It sounds like you have really been having a hard time, and are struggling to deal with your feelings. First, you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of feeling. Life is sometimes overwhelming and it is difficult to get our bearings. People often have fleeting thoughts of harming themselves. However, my concern is that you have gone a step further and attempted to harm yourself. It is really important that you speak to someone about what you are feeling. You mentioned that you would have a hard time coming into our office to talk with someone. Could you possibly talk to your residence hall director or RA? Or could you contact Health Services? They would get in touch with us and we would work out a way that you are comfortable with for you to see a staff member. I know that sometimes it is hard to make a telephone call to see someone. Remember we have have a counselor on call from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. You would not have to make an appointment at all, simply come to our office and we would see you as soon as possible. Which ever course of action you decide to take please do not attempt to harm yourself again and find a way to get to our office as soon as possible. Hope to hear from you soon. Here to help

Category: Academic Difficulties
Date Posted: 2006-03-07(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I am a 25 year old student, who has a GPA of 1.64. My chances of getting into Vet. School is really slim. I cannot think of anything else I would rather be doing. I love working with animals, but it has been diffcult for me to pass my classes. I have to work two jobs to pay for school, so I really do not get much time to study. I am just really worried that I will never get in Vet. School. Could you give me some pointers on how I can still get in? Thank You

ANSWER: I can certainly sense your frustration and your doubts. Let me suggest that we take this in steps. First, I would suggest that you go to The Learning Center in DUC ( TLC is part of the Academic Advising and Retention office.) and see if there might be ways to begin pulling up the GPA. Second, you might think about talking with a career counselor in the Career Services Center. The CSC is also in DUC. There are other careers that allow a person to work with animals. For example, vet techs do much of the hands on work with pets and other animals. They are very much involved in the care of the animals at the vets office. Finally, if you should really feel down and need some help in sorting out all this stuff, feel free to contact us at the Counseling & Testing Center, and we will be glad to help. Hope this has be helpful.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-03-01(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:What is the best way to overcome Low Self-Esteem?

ANSWER: First, begin by asking yourself why you think your self-esteem is low. What are the self-critical and self-defeating thoughts you have about yourself that mentally beat you up? Decide you are going to counteract that negativity with affirming and realistic appraisals about yourself. Then, ask yourself what your real strengths are. Do something on a regular basis to build on those. If you have trouble identifying your strengths, ask a close friend to help you pinpoint them. Focus on developing the positive instead of dwelling on the negative. Turn your thoughts outside yourself, too, by doing something for someone else. Healthy changes do not happen overnight, but they can happen when you give as much energy to building as you used to give to tearing down.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-02-28(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I was wondering if it is possible to take a medical leave of absence. My doctor said that he knew of some instances when WKU has granted them and I need to know the requirements. I have recently been diagnosed with depression and am beginning a medication regimine and beginning therapy. I am just trying to sort everything out and I am so far behind already that I do not think it is possible to catch up and even if I tried it really would not be beneficial to my mental health at the moment. Is there anything I can do???

ANSWER: You can make an appointment with someone on our staff who can explain how to proceed with a medical withdrawal. This involves obtaining a withdrawal form (most departmental offices have these on file, or you can get one from the Registrars office) and having your instructors sign off on it. Our staff can provide a letter that you can show to your instructors.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-02-22(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:i want to go home really bad. i thought about dropping out of college and just taking a break. my life is not working here. i feel like i have gotten all the help that i can, and yet i still do not feel happy. the one person that i would need to talk about this would be my brother and i am terrified to tell him because i do not want to disappoint him. but i am just not happy. what is the deal with the w thing? so i will not drop out, i would just take a w i do not understand how that works. i just want things to get better...how long does it take?

ANSWER: Sometimes the hardest thing for us to do is talk to those closest to us. That is because we are afraid they will be angry, hurt, or disappointed with us. The ironic thing is that often those closest to us, like your brother, often sense that we are not happy and are often waiting for us to tell them what is wrong. My suspicion is that your brother may already have an idea that you are not happy, but does not know how to help. My suggestion to lay it out for him. Explain how you have been feeling, that your life does not seem to be working right now. It would probably be a good idea to have some sort of plan in mind for what you want to do. For example, do you want to work for the next semester? Do you want to take a trip? Do you need a university closer to the people you love? Often family members will ask these types of questions when a student leaves college. That does not mean they are angry or disappointed, but they are concerned for your future. As you prepare to leave the university make sure that you speak with the Registrars Office (2nd Floor Potter Hall) so that you can have the appropriate forms filled out. If you are receiving financial aid you might want to speak with them as well about what needs to happen. They are located on the 3rd Floor of Potter Hall. When you withdraw from classes (that is what the W means) correctly you are making certain you can return here or another university on good terms. The process could take a couple of days to complete, but it will be worth it. Good luck.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-02-14(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Can you point me into the direction where I can find out WKU rules about professor and student relationships? What is the policy on having sex with a past professor? Help!

ANSWER: This is a really important question. The best place when looking for answers concerning this situation is the /WKU Student Handbook 2005-2006 /edition. The situation you are describing may be considered to be sexual harassment. Sexual harrassment is defined as "unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature. . . [that may substantially interfere with] an individuals work or academic performance by creating an intimidating, hostile or offensive working or educational environment" (p. 9). There are 12 staff and faculty members who serve as ombudsmen, or advisors, when a student is considering what course of action to take. Those names and contact information are available on page 11 of the student handbook. You may choose to contact any one of the ombudsman or deal directly with four "reporting officials" on campus. They are: Huda Melky of the Equal Opportunity/ADA Compliance office; Tony Glisson, Director of Human Resources; Howard Bailey, Dean of Student Life; and Dr. John Petersen, Office of the Provost. The reporting officials would investigate the situation by talking with both parties. The process for such an investigation is spelled out in the student handbook on page 11. Whatever course of action is taken remember the staff of the Counseling and Testing Center is here to provide support as well. Please feel free to make an appointment with our office if you feel you need someone else to speak to. Our office hours are 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. I hope this helps.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2006-02-10(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I read a question on this site from a long time ago that mentioned premature sexual experimentation, and it made me worry because I can remember starting to masturbate when I was 6, before I even knew what sex was...do I have a problem?...I am not like addicted to maturbation or anything, but I wondered if starting at such a young age was weird.

ANSWER: Many people are afraid that there may be something wrong with them if they began masturbating as children. Many parents also become afraid if they discover their child masturbating. Childhood masturbation, however, is considered to be a relatively safe and normal step in, not only sexual development, but also in a childs discovery of the ways their own body works. A child may discover that if they touch themselves in certain places, it feels good. And children want to naturally do things that make them feel good. Sometimes, a child who is dealing with certain pressures, anxieties, or sadness will turn to things that make them feel good for comfort (kind of like a security blanket). Other times a child may masturbate because they are simply curious or even bored. Masturbation becomes a problem, or could indicate the presence of a severe problem (such as child sexual abuse) when it begins to interfere with a child’s daily life, the child becomes preoccupied with sexual-type activities, and/or the child seems too sexually aware for their age. Here is a good website that can give you more information about normal child masturbation and abnormal child masturbation: (http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/yourchild/masturb.htm). I encourage you to read through it. If you have further questions or concerns, please feel free to call or come by our office to schedule an appointment. We are located in 409 Potter Hall. Our office hours are Monday-Friday, 8:00am-4:30pm, and our phone number is (270) 745-3159.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2006-02-01(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Does masturbation have any side effects on males that prctice it frequently?

ANSWER: It depends on what you mean by frequently. Obviously if you masturbate too frequently you will experience some painful wear and tear on your skin. It is generally felt that excessive masturbation can make it difficult for you to be good at making love with another person as you become to used to your own touch and have trouble becoming arroused by another persons touch. The biggest issue about frequency is if the masturbation has become addictive or compulsive. No set of rules to determine this, other than more than twice a day for more days than not is considered to be problematic. You might want to read more about excessive masterbation, and then make an appointment with the counseling center here on campus to talk more about your questions.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-01-30(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Is it possible to overcome shyness? I know it will not completely go away, but can I lessen it? It does not matter if it is 1 person or 5, I get nervous and I just close myself up. I might speak to them and ask them questions about themselves, but I do not often volunteer info about myself. I want to do so much but it holds me back. I have fought with this for so long, and it gets better temporarily and comes back. I am so sick of it.

ANSWER: It sounds like you are very frustrated with your shyness and are already beginning to take some steps toward changing. This is a positive step forward and I commend you on your decision to work toward overcoming your shyness. Sometimes shyness can come from a lack of confidence, low self-esteem, anxiety about what others may think of you, or just not knowing how to approach others socially. Many times it is a combination of these things, or it could be a result of other feelings or emotions you are experiencing. Regardless of where your shyness is coming from, sometimes getting “sick of it” is the first step in fighting it. Perhaps it might help you to explore you shyness and some possible ways of overcoming it by speaking with one of the counselors at our center. If you would like to set up an appointment, please call (270) 745-3159. Our office hours are 8:00am-4:30pm, Monday through Friday. Also, our center is currently in the planning process for a discussion group on shyness and anxiousness in social situations. Perhaps this is something you would be interested in attending. There will be more information available about this discussion group in the near future and you are welcome to call our office at the number above to inquire about it.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-01-26(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I feel i am the only one affected by bad luck all the time. all my friends are happy and get whatever they need even if they dont deserve. nowadays, problems at my job site have added to this. My boss overwhelms me with duty that is very hard. actually, work, that has to be done by 4 persons. i donno why it happens to me like this all the time. I have a lot of responsibilities and i donno how i ll perform them. i feel i should take a depression screening test. i am a physician actually from india. i cant adjust with my boss any more. i feel like reporting to the officials. please help me.

ANSWER: You are obviously feeling very stressed with your work and some relationships. When any of us feel discouraged, it is easy to think that everyone else is happy and problem-free. I encourage you to take a depression screening as you mentioned. You can do this online at the Counseling & Testing Center website. Afterwards, I recommend that you speak with a counselor about your concerns and about the depression screening results. You can call our Center at 745-3159.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-01-23(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I keep wanting to put my cat in the microwave. I have had this problem before,but I always manage to not do it. Now I think that I may actually do it, but I dont want to. This is a very terrible contradiction. What should I do ?

ANSWER: While animals and others sometimes push our buttons it is not acceptable to lash out at them in such a way to cause them harm. Therefore, for your sake and the cats sake it may be time for you to give the cat away to someone who could love it and take care of it. If you are unable to find someone who is willing to take the animal, the local animal shelter accepts animals who are surrendered by their owners. I know it is a hard decision but there are legal ramifications if you actually do harm the animal and you could end up in serious trouble for animal cruelty. You may also want to consider entering counseling. As a student you would be eligible for up 12 sessions for free during the academic year. However, given your description of the issue you may want to consider seeing who could be available on a more long-term basis.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2006-01-19(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been to the counseling center in the past. I have been having serious flashbacks of being raped. Sleeping walking has caused serious injurys to myself. I do not know how to stop these flashbacks and the sleep walking. I stop going to the CTC, because it was so hard for me to talk about my rapes. I just felt like I was wasting your time.

ANSWER: I believe you when you say the rapes are hard to talk about, but please let me assure you that your coming to the counseling center is not a waste of time for the counselor or for you. It is not unusual for persons who have been through trauma like rape to have flashbacks and to sleepwalk. Talking with a counselor should help to alleviate the memories and emotions your mind and body are trying to work through in the sleepwalking and flashbacks. I urge you to return to counseling which will provide you a safe atmosphere to say the things you need to say. I hope you will call for an appointment, 745-3159.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2006-01-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My problem is my son keep getting mixup with this girl who only calls him when she has no boyfriend. She breaks up with him then tells people he hits her or she calls the police andtells him he following her around when he is not he working and its her who follows him around He then gets so depressed I have to pick up off the floor and watch him because he wants to end live He start to feel good again she call he runs i told her before never call my house or go near him Im tired what do I do now?

ANSWER: It is really hard when someone you love makes choices and decisions you do not believe are healthy. From what you have said it sounds like your son has had a really difficult time with this young woman, but there is something that attracts him to her. At 18 he is considered an adult by society and the law. Your only option is to be there for him and let him know that you are willing to listen to what he wants to tell you, even if you do not agree with his choices. As parents the most important thing is for your child to realize that there is not one thing they can do to make you stop loving them. In the end he will have to decide when he has had enough of the situation. Do you have someone to talk to about your frustrations and fears for your son? A friend, a minister, a spouse, or even a counselor? It sounds like part of what is happening is that you are trying to solve this by yourself. A sounding board will not make you less worried about your son, but it would give you an outlet to your feelings. I hope this helps.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-12-16(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I am killing myself Dec. 20 @ 9:35 a.m. I just want WKU to know it is a great school. I feel I cannot go on with all this pain and sorrow. Mom and Dad I mailed you a letter, sorry this is no body falt. Love K>D

ANSWER: I imagine your pain and sorrow is horrible but I want you to reach out to someone now and let him or her help you. Your parents do not want you to die, and we do not want you to die. Call your parents, call our office (745-3159), call a friend, and ask for the help you deserve. We are doing everything we can on this end to find out where you are but we need your help. Please let us know you are okay....write back or call us and let us help you. I have worked with many college students who attempted suicide but did not die. Everyone of them was glad that their suicide failed. Everyone of them said they did not want to be dead, but they needed their life to change. We can help you change your life....just let us know who you are or where you are.

Category: How to Help a Friend
Date Posted: 2005-12-12(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Hey i am Kasie.. My firend wants to kill himself..He does not care about anything or anyone says to him.. He wants to do it because he played a really mean joke on me and i said i will give you another chance.. but he dont listen so what should i do to help him or can i get him any help??

ANSWER: Your friend is either very angry, sad, or selfish. Either way, he has made a serious threat that you need to take seriously. You need to tell other people that he is talkig about suicide. You should tell his parents, and if he lives on campus, you should tell his Hall Director. If you know that he is going to kill himself you should call the police. You can also tell him about the counseling center. We could meet with him and help him decide if he needs to go to the hospital.

Category: Academic Difficulties
Date Posted: 2005-12-01(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I am having a lot of difficulty my first semester. I am wondering about taking a semester off. Will I still have a credit, sort of, to my account since I paid tuition for a whole year? How should I go about telling my parents since they are helping pay for it and that I live at home?

ANSWER: You would need to speak with someone in the registrars office to find out how much of the tuition would be refunded. The best way to talk to your parents is to tell them the truth and for their help to make a decision. Taking a semester off is a good idea as long as you do something that semester to help you with the difficultly you are having now. Otherwise your problems will be here when you return. You do not specify what your difficulties are so it is hard to make a recommendation. Did you struggle with academic skills, emotional issues, or planning and studying problems? If you will write back with the type of problems that you had we could make more specific recommendations.

Category: How to Help a Friend
Date Posted: 2005-11-28(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:A close friend of mine is a composive lier. He will lie about his loved ones dying, about anything. Yet he is my closest friend and I want to help him. I always confront him when I catch him in a lie and gets made for awhile and starts up again. What brings a person to this? Is he wanting someone to fell sorry for him, attiction or is just a habit for someone to do this? Thanks for your help and hope you can help my friend.

ANSWER: You say that you catch him in lies and he does nothing about it, so I guess he will only stop telling lies when he wants to stop. There are many reasons why people tell these kinds of lies. The main point here is that whatever the reason the person will continue to do it now because there is nothing to stop him. He may stop when he fails a class or gets fired from a job. He may not stop until he is arrested. You have to decide what it is you value in a friendship with a person who has no trouble telling you a lie.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-11-28(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Last year I attended WKU and threatened myself with physical harm more than half way thru a semester. I guess I was involuntarily expelled, I am not sure I was way drunk and just remember the cops taking me to the ER where my parents collected me the next morning. Over a year later, I am doing better and have received treatment for my depression. Am I allowed to come back to WKU or would my application be rejected

ANSWER: On the information you have given me, the answer would be that it should not be a problem for you to return. However, other factors play into that including your academic history, your relationship with Housing and Residence Life, financial aid, etc. I would suggest contacting admissions office (745-2551) and explaining to them, briefly, what happened and ask them to check the status of your application. That is a good place to start. If they are not able to answer that question, then they should be able to direct you where you need to be. It is good to know that you are doing better and want to continue on with your education. When you return to campus, keep our office in mind in case you would like to utilize our office for counseling! Good luck to you, and we hope to see you back at Western!

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2005-11-21(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:What is the incubation period for Hiv? is it possible for aperson to be Hiv positive even though more than three testings came out Negative? Then what causes such person to feel body pains now and then even tremors which are not physically seen but felt inside the body.The persons believes that she is positive because she pricked herself with a needle while drawing out blood from a patient suffering from hiv while taking the blood to the laboratory

ANSWER: It is hard to tell if you are talking about someone else or yourself. Either way, it sounds like this person or you are very anxious about being HIV positive. If three tests following the only known exposure are negative, then it is very likely that this person or you are negative. You, or the other person, would probably feel better hearing this from a medical professional in person. I suggest you make an appointment with the health services to talk about these concerns. Occasional pains and even tremors that are not visible could be signs of anxiety or many other medical problems, not just HIV. A person who is HIV positive, and showing symptoms, would have more than aches and tremors. Talk to a physician as soon as possible to get your questions answered.

Category: How to Help a Friend
Date Posted: 2005-11-14(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: One of my friends has just recently admitted that she has an eating disorder. She says it has been going on since highschool, but has recently gotten alot worse. She is very thin and still continues to hide her eating habits. When we express concern, she becomes defesive saying, "i had a really big breakfast". Also she tries to turn it around, saying that our other friend doesnt eat that much either. What should i do?

ANSWER: People with eating disorders experience a great deal of anger and shame. They can be very good at deflecting other peoples comments. You should respect her dignity but not fall for her defensiveness. Given what you are saying, she should be working with a doctor or therapist. it sounds harsh, but you may want to tell her that if she does not work with a therapist you are going to talk with her family. People with eating disorders often want help but they do not want to ask for help.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2005-11-14(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: i feel like i am not capable of giving love or recieving. i lust for women, and say i want to be held and cared for. but when it actually happens, i feel nothing for them, even when they say they feel something for me. i have posted on here before, i think the last thing i said was that i like to put animals in the microwave. ive also started cutting myself alot and drinking vodka @ odd hour. what am i going to do, i feel like im turning into jeffry daumer.

ANSWER: It certainly sounds scary for you right now. There are reasons for people having violent thoughts and these reasons can be understood. Your cutting and drinking suggest you may really not like who you are or what you are going through. Sounds like you really want help. I hope you will call our center (745-3159) or call a therapist in town and make an appointment. Now is a good time to get help so you can control how you feel.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2005-11-14(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: My roommate tryed killing themself last night in the dorm on campus. They cut both of there wrist and I came in on them while they were doing it. They said if I said anything to anyone they would kill me. What should I do? Should I go to the police or come to your office or what? I am really scared.

ANSWER: You should immediately report this to your hall director. The threat to kill you is either a cover up or it is real. Either way, you should make a report to your hall director. Your roommate has a serious psychological problem and is unable to handle his or her problems in a responsible way. He or she needs help now. He or she is probably ashamed that you found him or her and made the threat but did not mean it. But if he or she did mean it, then he or she needs to be in treatment immediately before he or she hurts someone. Keeping this a secret is not good for him or her, it is not good for you, and it is not good for the other people in your residence hall. If you want help making this report to the hall director then you should call our office (745-3159) and ask to be seen on a emergency basis. Someone will meet with you immediately.

Category: How to Help a Friend
Date Posted: 2005-11-11(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My friend has an eating disorder *Question:* One of my friends has just recently admitted that she has an eating disorder. She says it has been going on since highschool, but has recently gotten alot worse. She is very thin and still continues to hide her eating habits. When we express concern, she becomes defesive saying, "i had a really big breakfast". Also she tries to turn it around, saying that our other friend doesnt eat that much either. What should i do?

ANSWER: : It can be very scary to see someone we care about hurting themselves. I completely understand your desire to help your friend overcome her eating disorder, and there are definitely some things you can do to let her know you want to help her. First of all, listen to her. Let her know that you are there if she wants to talk about what is going on, and then really ‘listen.’ Avoid passing judgment and telling her what she should and should not do and that what she is doing is wrong. This only leads to defensiveness. Instead, quietly listen to what she has to say and then calmly tell her that you are concerned for her and that her behavior is scaring you. Tell her that you care about her, are there for her, and are willing to help her through this. Let her know she has your support. The hard truth is that, despite how much you would like to see her stop doing this to herself, she has to make that choice on her own. You cannot make her change. But you can encourage her to seek help. Tell her about our center and encourage her to set up an appointment with one of our counselors. Our number is 745-3159 and we are located in 409 Potter Hall. Let her know that she is not alone and that there is help available.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-11-07(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: I have had a bad history. Since I was younger I have had an eating disorder, self injury, suicidal thoughts, a mood disorder, borderline personality, generalized anxiety.. The list goes on. Throughout most of it, I have helped myself through it, but there have been so many days I have thought about killing myself or hurting myself lately. Depression just does not seem to be lifting. I just recently had my 1 year anniversary since having been placed inpatient for being suicidal, and it was around this time that I considered getting help. The thing is, I would prefer to go to sessions twice a week until I feel okay enough to get them to once a week. I do not have five dollars to pay per session after the free ones run out, I am too ashamed to ask my parents for help, and everyone I have seen in the past (three therapists) has not helped me. They have all found some insignificant problem, fixed that, and claimed I am cured. I am beginning to think there really is no help for me...

ANSWER: Do not give up; as you grow older you will develop new skills that you can use to move past your depression. Each year of life brings more experience that you can use. I cannot promise anything, but I can say our staff is pretty good at working with college students that have had really rough lives. All the symptoms and disorders you describe tell me that you had a rough childhood and thoughts and emotions were put inside you when you had no power to resist them. Its good that you are looking ahead and anticipating the five dollar fee for a session. This comes after the free sessions....so you would have time to save up. The fee is also calculated on your ability to pay, so it may not be as high as five dollars. In other words, you do not have to have everything in place or lined up before you start working with someone on our staff. I understand that you feel ashamed to ask your parents for help, but they might be able to pay for the sessions once the billing starts. It would be a small price for them to pay for their daughters peace of mind. Let them do what they can...it will help them feel better too. So, I would suggest that you call and make an appointment and see what you think of our staff. Whoever you meet with the first session, be sure to tell him or her what you want and what you have been through.

Category: Alcohol & Drugs
Date Posted: 2005-11-04(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Im scared because I turn 21 in January and I will be able to buy alchohol at will. That means that I can get drunk whenever I want. I have a bad history with alchohol. Things have gotten better because I have seperated myself from the suppliers of the alchohol. Now I am about to become my own supplier, stores are everywhere with the stuff. And I crave it. =( What am I going to do, when Im drink Im a different person. I can never tell what my personality will be when drunk. Im either happy or sad or angry. Happy is fine, but it is more likely I will be sad or angry. When I am sad or angry, I will do things that I regret in the morning. I can deal with the regret because I am the only one who knows what I do. But if a person happens to be with me, I have to deal with them knowing.

ANSWER: It is actually a healthy sign that you are scared about turning 21 because it means you recognize the problem and struggle you have with alcohol. The personality changes you have noticed, the regret, and the shame are all red flags for you about drinking. You have taken a huge step in admitting these things. I encourage you to make an appointment with a counselor who can help you get a handle on coping with the urge to drink and who can help you explore further all your behaviors connected to alcohol. Our Counseling & Testing Center number is 745-3159. Also, Health Services on campus has lots of information on alcohol and cutting back/stopping. I am sure it was not easy to submit your question. I urge you to pursue getting help.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-11-01(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I like to put objects in my butt. Such as cadels, glasses, combs, and other things. I have been doing this since I was about 12, was wondering if this is okay to do or if I should stop.

ANSWER: I must admit when I first read your question I thought someone was playing a Halloween trick on me. But you are honest and open with this information so I will honor your request. I think there are two issues here. The first issue is your physical safety. While some people do enjoy stimulating the anus and rectum, sort of a sexual sensation, you must remember that these parts of your body were designed for one function only. Emptying your bowels is a necessary funtion and your colon, rectum, and anus are designed to push fairly soft material out of the body. These body parts are not designed or made to receive hard objects into the body. Anytime you put an object up into your butt you run the risk of scraping, tearing, or puncturing yourself internally. This can lead to infection, blood loss, etc. Some of the objects you mention can break apart while inside of you. The other issue is your psychological safety. Age 12 is a bit early to be experimenting sexually anyway, particularly with anal stimulation. I would wonder if you have been sexually abused as a child. Precosious interest in sexual matters can be one sign of abuse. You may have simply found a type of fetish that you find satisfying but has a number of health risks. A significant number of people show up in emergency rooms every year with something stuck inside. The remove proceedures can be painful, expensive, and could involve surgery which means missing class or work. I would suggest, since you asked the question, that you are worried about this behavior. If you are not worried, then I imagine this is only a prank. If you are worried, make an appointment with our center. Take one session to talk about why you like doing this and whay you want to do about it. No judgments, just listening and talking.

Category: How to Help a Friend
Date Posted: 2005-10-27(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:What would be the likely emotional impact on the college campus if i were to kill my self in my dorm ?

ANSWER: Please call the Counseling Center as soon as possible (745-3159) and ask to be seen immediately. Your question indicates that you have been thinking about killing yourself. The strong feelings that you have now make it hard to see a better future. But you are asking for help and we want to honor that request. Our services are confidential and free. Just come in once and talk with someone about how bad you are feeling. Let them help you understand why you feel so bad and what you can do to change it. If you do not feel comfortable coming in, you may want to ask us more questions. Please write again if you have other things you want to say. You might want to talk with your Hall Director or RA to have someone close by who will listen. You have taken the first step and that is good. Keep talking with us to see that we can be trusted.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-10-18(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:is it normal for a guy to shave his pubic hair ?

ANSWER: Off the top of my head, I would say yes it is normal for a guy to shave his pubic hair. Now, when I say normal I mean it would not seem to be destructive, delusional, or anti-social. I suppose it is not that common, but certainly heard of. Some guys do it for the erotic appeal just a some women also shave or style their pubic hair. Some may do it for the sensation which could be another erotic reason. I think some guys might do it if they have a lot of pubic hair. Thick and long pubic hair has a way of getting wound up and pinching. I do not know much about the practice but I imagine this guy would need to be careful as shaving a sensitive area of your body can lead to infection. The openings in the skin that the hair comes through can become infected with pubic shaving leaving little pimple like swollen areas that can be painful and unsightly. Some people would say if you want to remove public hair you might try an electric razor first on a very short setting. This removes most of the hair without irritating the skin. So, in short, I would say that shaving pubic hair is normal, meaning by itself it would not suggest a disorder or criminal intent. I understand some swimmers do a whole body shave to increase their sensitivity to how the water flows around their bodies.

Category: How to Help a Friend
Date Posted: 2005-10-10(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: My boyfriend really hates one of my friends because he thinks she is selfish and uncaring about everyone. I have known her for 14 years and regard her as a good friend I want to keep. This week she is coming to the city where I live and she had no where else to stay so I told her she could stay at my house for the weekend. My boyfriend basically told me not to let her stay with me, and became extremely upset and disraught because I would not tell her to stay someplace else. I do not want her to stay someplace else and I did not do what he wanted even though it was bothering him so much. The next day he said he was going to kill himself and that what I was doing this weekend had A LOT do with his emotional state and he kept asking me to not let her stay with me. Is it wrong for me to have my friend stay with me even though he is so bothered over this? Also he lives in another state and the only ways we can communicate are via phone and internet so we have never actually met in real life at all.

ANSWER: Inviting your friend to stay with you is certainly your right and your choice. Since you and your boyfriend have never met in person, I assume he also has not met your friend in person, but he appears to have a strong opinion of her. You might ask him why her spending the weekend at your house is so upsetting to him. It is possible that he feels that your friend will take your time that you might otherwise spend talking to him. In healthy relationships, each partner can maintain other friendships and outside interests. His threat to kill himself might be an attempt to manipulate you, however, any threat of suicide should be taken seriously. Encourage him to call 1-800-SUICIDE, his physician, or his community crisis line. You, too, can call 1-800-SUICIDE for a consultation with a trained crisis worker on how to refer your boyfriend for help.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-10-10(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I am staying with my daughter temporarily to help her with a new-born baby.She has had a troubled marriage because her husband is an alcohol and drug addict who refuses to admit that he needs help. She decided to leave him. We are confronted with a dilemma how to tell him that she is leaving him for good. We have planned the moving and relocation secretely (she is going to leave for another state) but we are undecided whether to tell him in advance or to have him return to an empty apartment. He has been extremely violent before and was in jail for domestic abuse two times. We do not want to be cruel but at the same time we are afraid that he might harm my daughter or the baby. I looked for support organizations in her city but so far I have only found legal help. We do not want to contact the police as their case is now closed. Thank you for your help! Elena

ANSWER: It is really difficult when someone you love is in a bad situation. You may want to consult with someone from a local center for battered women, locally that is the Barren River Area Safe Space or BRASS. They would be best able to give you advice about how your daughter should leave her situation. In addition, they would also be able to help to find assistance in the new town she moves to. The important thing is to keep everyone safe: your daughter, her children, you, and even her husband. Good luck and please be careful. Here to Help

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-10-10(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My friend is very depressed, almost to the point of suicide. They are a senior in college and everything seems to be going wrong for them. I was wondering if there was anything that I could do. My friends and I have talked about what there is to be done and we really do not know what to do. I know that she is calling out for help, and I want to help her but am unsure of how to do it. There are a lot of contributing factors, school, family, relationships, and her body image. These things have made it very hard for her, she has stopped going to classes, basically stopped caring about life. This is very different from her "normal" attitude.

ANSWER: It sounds like you and your friends are very concerned about the welfare of your friend. You are right, it does sound like she is depressed. Symptoms of depression include withdrawing from activities that you used to enjoy, feeling helpless and hopeless, interference with sleep (either too much or too little), interference with appetite (either too much or too little), tearfulness or irritability, having a difficult time being motivated, and having a difficult time with concentration. It would be best to get your friend to counseling as soon as possible. As a WKU student you may receive up to 10 sessions free. In order to set up an appointment just call our office at 745-3159 between 8 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. We also have a counselor on call each day during our regular business hours. That means your friend could be seen almost immediately. If you believe your friend is about to harm herself please inform a staff member if she lives in the residence hall, our office, or the police. This will enable her to get the help you believe she needs. Hope this helps.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-10-10(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:i graduated from western with a degree in math and i have nothing now. no one gives a hoot about my degree. i cant get a job and i really think that it is because i picked the wrong major OR that no one bothered to tell me not to major in math unless i planned to teach. now i work at block buster video along with 18yr old high school dropouts. what the hell is going on ? college is a business, and isnt the place to go to for new ideas or direction. thanks for listening i feel better. also, if i were to begin screaming and slashing my wrists in the middle of walmart what do you think would happen as a consequence ?

ANSWER: Sometimes the first job after college is really difficult to find. It may require that you move to another area or pursue a path that you had not counted on taking. You might consider talking with the staff in Career Services. They are really helpful in helping with resume writing and career searches. They may have ideas about avenues you have not even thought about at this time. They are located in the library and their office is open from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. As to the other issue sometimes you want people to pay attention to you. However, screaming and cutting your wrists may bring more attention than you counted on receiving. The cutting especially could be seen as a desire to harm yourself and may result in hospitalization. If you feel you need someone to talk with you might want to consider counseling. Hope this helps. Hang in there.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-10-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Somebody told me that there was once a person here but is no long among us. He isnt here anymore because he cracked under the pressure of college. This pressure was more than academic, it was the sum of everything in his life going wrong at once. Going to college was just a catalyst for what happened I know but I cannot help but ask my self "what if." If I/you had done more, my friend may still be alive today, I will not speak his name for fear of questions. But you know who he is, and his blood is on your hands (westerns)

ANSWER: It is always hard when someone we care about harms themselves. It is easy to try to assign blame to someone else or even ourselves. The truth of the matter though is that we each are responsible for our own actions. That does not mean that we refrain from doing everything we can to make sure the person is safe. If you suspect someone you are close is thinking about harming him/herself do not be afraid to ask if your suspicions are true. If they are, ask if they have a plan. If they have a plan let someone who has experience with this type of issue (i.e., a residence hall director, counselor, police, or the courts) know what is going on so that your friend can be helped.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-10-03(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My parents have just split up for the 4th or 5th time. They both have slept around on each other and cannot trust one another. When my mom left this time, she explained to my little brother, who is 12, that this was her fault. She had been accusing my dad and my aunt of sleeping together, so she told my brother that my aunt would probably watch him a lot and then told him she would make a good mom. My little brother is ADHD and I do not think he is going to take things very well. I think that he probably thinks that my parents will get back together but my dad is tired of her crap and he will not take her back. My question is how do I talk to my little brother and comfort him and explain this as to not hurt anyone?

ANSWER: It is sad that you and your brother are going through this. We all have to face the fact that some adults are not ready to be grown up, but we hope that we do not have to face this until later in life. You should be honest and open with your brother. He will sense if you are hiding something from him. He gets to want his mother back, so do not try to talk him out of it. He will figure it out soon enough. For now he needs to know that he has family members that will not leave him. At his age he may still want to blame himself, or get angry at Dad for not getting Mom to come back. ADHD or not, this will be hard for him, as I imagine it will also be hard for you.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-09-30(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:i was told by a friend that i could receive twelve free counseling sessions per academic year. i was just asking about that, because i really need to talk to somebody. i do not think that the people that have been listening to me are willing to anymore, so if i could get information regarding the time and place where counseling could occur would be helpful. thank you!

ANSWER: Your friend is correct that any WKU student can receive 12 free sessions per academic year. If more sessions are needed, there is a nominal fee of $5 per session. The Counseling & Testing Center is located at 409 Potter Hall, and we are open Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. - 4:30 p.m. Just call us at 745-3159 to make an appointment; we will work around your class/work schedule. I encourage you to call! Any of our staff would be glad to meet with you. It is often beneficial to talk through your concerns with someone who is not a family member or friend, so I hope you will contact us.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2005-09-28(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My father is an alcoholic, and my mother, well, she and I are not very close and she did not really...get involved a lot with my life. so, I would say that my family is dysfunctional. And it has affected me. I do not make friends easily, I am a perfectionist, sometimes I feel fake. I want it all to go away, and pretty much know I need help. But, I am afraid of it interrupting my classes and stuff. Would I just have to put that stuff on hold for awhile? Because this is really starting to get to me, and actually, probably has for awhile, but I am just now recognizing the problem. Everything I do now, seems kind of useless because I am having so many problems. And if I do get this stuff fixed, it seems like I would just have to start all over.

ANSWER: It sounds as though you may already have begun to answer your question about ". . . put that stuff on hold for a while?" From what you say about how you are feeling, about how these feelings are beginning to get to you, and about the self-insight that you are becoming aware of, it may be that its time to begin to deal with all that stuff. Let me strongly suggest that you consider making an appointment with a counselor here at the Counseling & Testing Center or at a place of your choice and spend some time getting more comfortable with your personal life situation. Hope you will follow through.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-09-28(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:my son mario who is now 14 yrs old and 8th grade.He have has been emtion angry inside and out of control.Soemtime he hit my other 2 sons insult etc..I am deaf and use sign language mother of my son mario.He and I are lack of communication because not know sign language that why he and I alway yelled and agrued each other and also angry each other.Sometime he dont getting along with his stepfather and me. I really need help for my son because he began trouble at school and suspend.I dont know what am i suppose becuase I am stress and struggle plm with my son.I hopeful u will able help our familys soon as possible becuase we need that before getting worse or whatever,Thank Yiu for listen what i say.Please help me!!!! Thanks Maria Amaya

ANSWER: It sounds like you may not understand the purpose of Here to Help. We provide services to the students, faculty, and staff of Western Kentucky University. You are describing a problem with your son, a minor who is in a public school. I would suggest you talk with your school counselor, school psychologist, or principle to see what assistance they have for you and your son.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2005-09-28(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:is masturabating a sign of mental illness ?

ANSWER: Simply stated, maturbating MIGHT be consider a sign of poor mental health if it is done excessively or it is done in an inappropriate setting or context. Otherwise, masturbation is considered to be a NORMAL activity. Most people do masturbate, and younger people masturbate more than older people, generally speaking. Most people, when they masturbate, do it privately. Most people do not miss class, work, or avoid friends and family just so they can masturbate. Excessive masturbation could be a sign of addiction, impulse control problems, and/or poor psychological development. What is excessive? That is hard to say. Some people may simply have more energy and interest in sexual stimulation, and three times a day may be normal. For others, once a week would be normal. It would be considered excessive if the person is masturbating due to a rich fantasy life, if the person is pulling away from work, school and social life just to masturbate, or if the person is masturbating as a form of aggression (exposing themselves while masturbating). I hope this gives you the information you are seeking. If not, write us again or call and make an appointment.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-09-22(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Why is it more socially acceptable to treat a victim of sexual abuse but not a perpetrator of sexual abuse? After all, the victim is more than likely a future perpetrator?

ANSWER: I do think people are more interested in treating victims than perpetrators simply because victims are by definition innocent. I would also add that many perpetrators are treated so I am not so sure that treating victims is more socially acceptable. Generally speaking victims want help and perpetrators do not want help. Believe me, if a perpetrator asks for help, he or she will get it. Let me add, too, that while perpetrators have often been victims of abuse, many victims do not become perpetrators. We often caution people to not mistake a correlation for a causal explanation. That perpetrators have been victims does not mean victims will become perpetrators. There are other factors that explain why a person becomes a perpetrator other than having been victim. Sure, being a victim of sexual abuse does pose certain risks, other events have to occur before a person decides to become a perpetrator, or is lead to become a perpetrator. I do admire your interest in seeing perpetrators receive treatment though. We cannot prevent abuse if we ignore the abusers.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-09-22(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Is there a psychological explanation for religion? Was Freud an atheist? There was a show on PBS last night and it suggested that God did not make us in his image, we made him in ours. I thought that was very interesting, religion is a form of mass hysteria and suggestion. Although I think religious people are generally happier and healthier than non-religious people, which is just because of the power of belief. A power of suggestion, there is nothing divine or holy about it. I am not trying to make any astute observation or speak above my station, I am just wanting a psychologists take and interpretation on organized religion.

ANSWER: Funny you should ask....just this semester there is a course being offered in the psychology department on the psychology of religion. Freud has been described as an atheist, but I have always suspected that he was religious but did not want to tell anyone. You will find many psychologists that discount religion; they would say that religious beliefs are ways for humans to feel safe or special. You will find many psychologists who are religious, and they have no problem integrating their faith with their science. So, in a nutshell, as a psychologist, I can tell you that psychology does not have an "official" view of religion. Most psychologists would probably tend to not impose their religious views on others, so it may appear as though the field is not "religious". And then you have the psychologists who think some religions are genuine and others are just shell games. So, to summarize again, some psychologists would say there is something Holy, others would say its all an illusion. Now if you really want to hear a good debate, ask psychologists about the value of chocolate. Serioulsy, you pose an interesting question. Maybe you could do some interviews on campus and write an article for the Herald.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2005-09-09(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have suffered from depression and anxiety for three years now but for some reason it has gotten extremly worse over the last month. I have had frightening thoughts of violence towards my girlfriend of three years and I love her dearly with all my heart. Why am I feeling this way and why I cannot get these dreadful thoughts out of my head.

ANSWER: Depression and anxiety can be frightening problems. Though it seems they remain the same over the years, the symptoms can change when we are under stress or other life events get in the way. The thoughts you are describing sound like that may be happening to you. It would be best for you to make an appointment with our office and come in to talk about what is going on as soon as possible. Our telephone number is 745-3159 and we are located at 409 Potter Hall. Our office hours are 8:00 to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. We have counselors ON CALL each day for emergencies so you can usually be seen that day. If you feel like you cannot stop from harming your girlfriend please make sure that get away from her. Take a walk, visit a friend, or come to our office. We are here to help.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2005-09-09(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:what questions i ask myself to start my on business

ANSWER: It is always exciting to start a new venture, but you are right there are questions you probably need to ask yourself. The first question is what are you interested in doing? Have you always had an interest in a certain type of business or product? You would need to conduct some form of research to see if there is a natural niche or place for your business. For example, if there are 500 of the same business you may have a difficult time distinguishing yourself and being successful. On the other hand it can also be difficult to break new ground if no one else is in your line of work. Secondly, how much money will it take for you to get started in that business? Hand in hand with that question is how much can you spend in starting your new business? Some ventures are quite pricey. Third, how much time are you willing to commit to your business? You will need to spend time making contacts with people in the community who can get the word out about your business and meeting potential customers, etc.. Fourth, how will you know if you have been successful? In other words what goals have you set for yourself and your business? Finally, it would be good to get a mentor, someone who has some experience in business. WKU has an office that helps small business people get started. It would probably be a good idea to contact the Ford Business College on campus to get more information about that service. Good luck. Here to Help

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-08-24(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I keep having fantasies about putting animals in my microwave alive to see what happens. I know its wrong but I keep thinking about it.

ANSWER: Many of us have occasional fantasies that are also frightening. A good parent may occasionally think about hurting his/her child. Sometimes these thoughts are simply our minds way of reminding ourselves of what we do not want to do. Sometimes we have these thoughts over and over because we are so scared about thinking them in the first place that we now obsess over something being wrong with us. This obsessive thinking can be the sign of an anxiety disorder. Finally, we might have these kinds of thoughts because we actually want to do it. Maybe we have been abused ourselves and we are struggling with bad memories of the abuse, so we channel them into violent acts against animals. If you continue to be bothered by these thoughts you might want to talk with a therapist to see what options you have. Therapy might help you reduce your anxiety and work through the thoughts. Medication might help decrease the obsessive thought. The main point I want to share with you is that is a healthy sign that you are asking about it. Please do not be ashamed. Make an appointment with our office if you would like to talk some more about it.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-08-19(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years now. It seems like there are very few times when we are truely happy. We fight almost everyday and I never feel like he really understands how I feel. Sometimes I would like to call it off, but he says he does not want to live without me, and he threatens to kill himself whenever I bring up not being together. I love him and I do not want to hurt him, but I feel like I am being hurt by trying to make something work that I believe cannot work. If something happened to him I would feel responsible. Any advice?

ANSWER: Your boyfriend may indeed have a serious psychological disorder, but that does not mean he can threaten you with his suicide. What he is doing is very unfair and probably stems from very serious depression and anger. If he choses to hurt himself, that is his choice, not yours. It will not be your fault if he hurts himself, you will NOT cause him to hurt himself. I would strongly enourage you to find the help you need to decide what you want to do. I would suggest you let his parents and family know how sad and angry he is, also. Our counseling center can provide you with assistance, as can the Barren River Area Safe Space as well as Hope Harbor. He is manipulating you in a very dangerous way. While we can feel sorry for him, we also should not play his game. He has no right to threaten you with suicide. Also, some people who threaten suicide in response to a break up can also become violent. Please make an appointment as soon as possible.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2005-08-15(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Are the counseling services capable of handling problems with Personality Disorders and Anxiety Disorders? Are these services offered by professors or by other individuals?

ANSWER: The Counseling and Testing Center, located in 409 Potter Hall, provides psychological/emotional counseling as a free service to students of Western Kentucky University. We have several licensed Doctorate and Masters level psychologists and counselors, with experience in a wide variety of areas. Some of our counselors do teach part time in the psychology department. If this is a concern for you, you are welcome to request a counselor who does not teach part time. We have both male and female counselors, and we will work with you to find a counselor that best meets your needs. If you are interested in setting up a confidential appointment, just call our office at 745- 3159.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2005-08-15(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Are there any Christian counselors on campus that are available to talk to? Dealing with possible depression and anxiety, and would rather talk to a certified Christian counselor.

ANSWER: There are several Christian counselors and psychologists on our staff, but none are certified Christian counselors. There are many campus ministers, each affiliated with his/her own denomination, but to my knowledge none are certified Christian counselors. I imagine you could find a certified Christian counselor in town. They are most likely found in the Yellow Pages. As I mentioned, a number of our staff are Christians, and we have not found that our professional training conflicts with our spiritual life. Maybe you could make one appointment and see if we have what you want.

Category: Academic Difficulties
Date Posted: 2005-08-11(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I just got my summer grades back today. I am already on acdamic probation and I have to meet with the Acadamic Comittee on Aug. 24th. I am worried as hell that they wont let me return the fall semester. What can I do to hopefully let me return this fall...

ANSWER: I am sure that your concerns can be overwhelming and put a lot of stress on you. When you talk to the Committee on the 24th be open and honest. Let them know how important it is to you to return to school and share with them some reasons why you might not have done as well as you hoped. You could talk to your advisor and also get some suggestions, or better even talk to academic advising on the 3rd floor of Potter Hall. Those can be excellent resources for you. Some say to "think the worse and hope for the best" in hopes to better prepare yourself for what could happen on the 24th. Developing a backup plan on the chance that you might not be able to return to school at this point, would be a good option. Perhaps even considering taking off a semester of school. This might not be what you want to do, but, think about it: what are some things that are going on that assisted with you not getting the grades you needed? Perhaps with those things in mind, it might be better to take a semester off. Feel free to contact our office for an appointment should anxiety or worry overwhelm you. Good luck to you!

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-07-29(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My dream came true when I got the chance to go away to college on a softball and academic scholarship. Unfortunetly, after two yrs I had to return home because I was diagnosed w/ Hodgkins Lyphoma. I took the news very well for someone who was told that their life was on the line. I find myself lucky in many ways that my doctor was able to notice something wrong w/o any real noticeable side effects. I went through the chemotherapy struggling quite a bit but always having hope that it will all work out. I had to w/draw the fall semester and then fail my classes the spring semester in order to keep my insurance. Now there is a chance that I am going to owe the tuition back because I had financial aid and scholarships. Furthermore, I lost my financial aid and have to take two more classes to get it back. Well thats almost 1400 dollars out of pocket along side all my doctor and medicine expenses. Well as soon as I could, I got a job to help out. Im not the same as I used to be. I require lots of sleep and tire out very easily. My brain doesnt work the same. I find it hard to concentrate and to learn things now. All side effects of chemotherapy. Now this summer I am tryin to take two classes on the internet and work. Well my teacher just told me that there was no way for me to make the grade that I need. Along side that I found out that I have pre-ovarian cancer and must get it taken care of right away. Stress is majorly loading in on me now. I feel physcially and emotionally drained. I dont want to worry about whats going to go on or whats going to happen but I do. Next semester I am going to have to pay for all of my tuition. But how I wonder? My parents are struggling already bc of my illness. I just feel like I failed everyone. I want my life back to how it used to be. Im tired and thoughts of just not being here occur. Just do myself in now and get it all over. All my life I have always been a very stressful person. But now its on overload. I just feel like I am constantly still having to pay for me having a disease that I had nothing to do with. I feel like no one understands what I went through and I am still going through. Its hard for me to express to my family my pain. My family has always counted on me to always excell and to be the strong, dependable one. And I just keep dissapointing them..specially my father. He never understands how hard all of it can be. I know that I didnt really ask a question to you, but it felt a little better to get some of this off my chest. I will still be interested in any comments or suggestions that you might have for me. Thanks you.

ANSWER: Wow, you really have been and are continuing to go through pure hell. With all of your medical, financial and academic worries, no wonder you are feeling stressed to the breaking point. I am glad we could be here for you to unload a little bit. However, my sense is that you could use someone "in your corner" on a more regular basis. My other sense is that you have difficulty sharing these frustrations with family and perhaps friends as well. My hope would be that you would give yourself a "time out" and come to the Counseling Center and see if we could not deal with these stresses together. Consider giving us a call at 745-3159.

Category: How to Help a Friend
Date Posted: 2005-07-18(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:How do I help her understand the fact that this relationship she has had over the last 2 and ½ years with a married man will never work???????? This will be the second time he has left his wife and son, and there is another guy very interested in her that she likes but she feels like she is trapped now because she has pushed him for so long to leave his wife… and now that he says he has she feels like she should stay with him!!!!! I have exhausted all of my feelings towards her she wont listen.

ANSWER: It is understandable that you are concerned about your friend’s relationship with this married man. You may not feel that this is right for her and that she’s making a mistake. It is important to realize, however, that these are your feelings, not hers. You asked how to help her understand the fact that this relationship with a married man will never work. This is an impossible question to answer because neither you, nor I, nor she knows for a fact where this relationship will end up. Regardless of this guy’s track history, and regardless of your feelings about this relationship, this is inevitably your friend’s choice. Despite how much you care and don’t want to see her get hurt, you have to be able to allow her to make her own relationship decisions. As a friend, though, you can let her know you care and that you will always be there for her regardless of what she decides. If your friend is expressing some difficulty or distress in making this decision, she is welcome to come speak with one of our counselors. She can reach our office at 745-3159.

Category: How to Help a Friend
Date Posted: 2005-06-30(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have a friend that seen her father kill himself, when she was four years old. Could this effect her now that she is twenty-four? Her father was twenty-four when he killed himself. She never says anything about her father and when asked she tells people to mind there own bussiness. She has never recived any counsloing over her fathers death and I'm just worried she's kept it inside long enough.

ANSWER: Thanks for your question. it's very obvious that you are concerned for your friend and that is very considerate and thoughtful. Having someone you love die suddenly, by either natural or self causing ways, can certainly be impacting on someone. As can seeing that death occur. That COULD without a doubt, affect someone. But something to consider would be that perhaps she just doesn't want to talk about this or is dealing with it in her own way. I appreciate your concern over her, but people heal in different ways and at different speeds. Perhaps you could talk to her about it and express your concerns and then go from there. If it's indicated she doesn't want help or doesn't feel she needs help, then you can accept that and go on, especially if she is not exhibiting any concerning behavioral signs of distress. Hope that is helpful! If there's anything else we can do, please feel free to contact our office!

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-06-29(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:my boyfriend's parents r really starting to piss my off...like today he wasn't allowed to go anywhere...he has a fever now becuz he had to work outside all day...what do I do to get his parents to let him have more lee-way?...

ANSWER: It is understandable that you would like to spend more time with your boyfriend and wish his parents would be more lenient. Keep in mind, however, that his parents may have their own rules and restrictions if he is living in their home. While you may not agree with their decisions, there may not be much you can do about them. You may ask yourself, though, why you are engaging in a struggle with your boyfriens's parents over control of HIS schedule. Are they really being unfair? Or is it because YOU are trying to get what YOU want? Does your boyfriend share your concerns, or is he ok with the way things are working now? In all actuality, this is your boyfriend's family and it is HIS choice and responsibility to talk to his OWN parents if he isn't happy... Not yours. But, if you and your boyfriend are both dissatisfied with the situation, and your boyfriend doesn't mind you being present, you might want to sit down together with his parents to discuss it. Be sure to take a mature stance on the situation and be willing to compromise. Yelling, whining, or accusing will not accomplish anything. His parents may be willing to give you both more freedom if they see you as mature, responsible, and respectful young adults. You also have to be prepared for the possibility that they might say "No." They are, in fact, the parents after all.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-06-15(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I can't seem to keep from feeling suicidal. I hate think this way and I don't really know why I think of suicide. Could you give me a little advice?

ANSWER: It's a little difficult for me to give you much specific advice without knowing more about these suicidal feelings. What do they mean? Where are they coming from? etc.? However, the thought of hurting oneself is certainly of concern. I would hope that you would talk to someone (friend, family member, pastor, doctor, etc) and let them help you to get the kind of help that might be needed. I would really hope that you would feel comfortable contacting the Counseling Center and setting up a time to talk over what's going on in your world. Finally, if needed, there is also a Help Line available at the following phone number 901-5000. Hope this is helpful.

Category: Adjustment to College
Date Posted: 2005-06-15(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I'm going to be attening WKU in the Fall. I'm scared to go, because I am 25 years old and just now starting college. My concetration is a Pre-Veterinary program and Animal Science. I have also thought about a teaching program. I do feel I'm to old to go into Vet studies and that I could be to old to start college classes this fall. I need some advice on getting adjusted to the ideal of going to college. I just didn't go to school after high school, because I didn't really have the money.

ANSWER: I hope you know that what you are feeling in very normal. Most people beginning college, whether traditional or non-traditional aged, have some uncertainties. Can I do the work?, Can I make the grades?, Have I made the right decision?, Have I choosen the right major?, Will I fit in? ---- These are all normal questions. My thought is that the answers to these questions do seem to "fall into place" once we begin our college careers. In the meantime, however, there are some things to consider. There is a non-traditional organization on campus which gives support to non-traditional students. Molly Kerby is the advisor for this group. Also, the Master Plan program for beginning freshmen is a good support group and good introduction to college life. The University Experience course (UC 175) is a course designed to help with the transition to college. Also, there are support bases in campus clubs and/or religious organizations. Finally, there is the Counseling Center staff who offer a place to work through some of these uncertainties. As I hope you are seeing, you are not alone in these feelings, and there are many resources available to you. Hope this has been helpful.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2005-06-13(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I can't seem to stop eating. I seem to never get full and I eat from the time I get up until I go to bed. I eat at work and college in my classes. I feel I'm addicited to food. What could be wrong with me? I hate how I look and over the past few years I've gained about 75 pounds. I always think other students or co-workers are talking about me. Sometimes I think about taking my life, but I know that's not the way out. I don't even won't to leave my room and I feel to ashamed to talk to a counslor. I don't understand why I've gained so much whight, I always was an active person in High School Sports.

ANSWER: I certainly sense your frustration and concern. I also hear your asking yourself a whole lot of questions. It's only natural that you would do so. However, in spite of your feeling ashamed to talk to a counselor, sometimes that's the only way to sort out the answers to many of these questions. I hope you will assert yourself and make an appointment with a counselor, either on- campus or, if you prefer, off-campus. Then the two of you can figure out what's going on and begin to "fix" it. Hope this is helpful.

Category: Adjustment to College
Date Posted: 2005-06-13(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:In high school I was real quiet and kept to my self. I would like to change this so that I may make more friends while in college.

ANSWER: I'm not sure exactly what you are wanting to know, but I'll give a little bit of suggestions and if it's not what you are looking for you could ask specific questions or state specific concerns. There are a lot of activities in college that you could get involved in to put yourself in a position to make friends. There is the Greek system where you could pledge a fraternity, either a social one or a service one. There are many different types on campus. That is something you can look at the first week that you are up here. If you are an incoming Freshman, I would recommend taking advantage of MASTER Plan if you can. This is the week prior to classes beginning, where it gives you an overview of college, but also has night time social activities that allows you to mix and mingle with others. Getting involved with clubs or organizations is another avenue. Many majors/departments have clubs geared specifically toward those in that major, and therefore creating getting to know people with similar interests. There are religious organizations on campus that often have activites for college aged students, as well as churches within the community who have a large college focused group. Sports are another avenue, either sponsored by the university or offered through the Intramurals Department at Preston Center. Classes are another area of meeting people. Take advantage of getting to know people who sit around you. These are some ways to meet people, along with many that I haven't even thought to mention. But another concern would be what do you do when you get in those situations to meet people and that becomes more difficult. Taking steps or changing behaviors to become more interactive with peers is not always easy. But simply practicing in buildilng social skills is the best thing to do! Hope this is helpful, if there's something more specific, please feel free to email another question and we'll get an answer posted as soon as possible!! Welcome to Western!

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2005-06-03(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Am I feeling the wrong thing when I know that I am being treated unfair? I was the tenth person in line and the other nine people have thier job duty for the day and nevertheless another person was placed in front of me. I really needed that money for that day for times are really down for me for that day. Now to me that was just not fair but am I right or wrong for feewling that way.

ANSWER: I guess I would begin by saying that no one, and that includes you, is wrong for feeling anything. Feelings are a part of our humanness. I have some difficulty responding to the specific situation you are referring to since I don't know the details. I do sense the frustration. It is sometimes good just to vent that fustration. At other times it is helpful to talk with a professional and maybe sort out what is going on and perhaps learn some different ways of handling these furstrating situations. I would encourage you to consider the latter. Hope this is helpful.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2005-06-03(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years. This past year we began talking about getting married. He is 25, and I am 24. We both have full-time jobs, and, until he graduated this spring, we both were taking college classes. When we first began talking last year, we decided that this coming September would be a great time to get married. We didn't get formally engaged, however, and he seemed very hesitant to share our discussions with his parents. When, after some months, he finally told them that we were talking about getting married, they reacted with negativity. They both had failed marriages, and had him (their only child) late in life. My parents, on the other hand, were fully supportive, because they see how happy I have been since meeting my boyfriend. After talking with his parents, my boyfriend started to veer away from the idea of getting married. We even broke up for a period of time, because it is hard for me to go back to "just dating" when it had been something more for so long. My boyfriend wasn't sure if he really loved me, because he didn't know if he knew what love was. When we got back together after our breakup, he said that he had realized that he really does love me. He even mentioned getting married in September We went to look at engagement rings about a week ago. The first night we went to look, he panicked and backed out. The next night we went at his suggestion, and we had a pretty good time. We weren't shopping for a ring...just looking. He has always felt like a failure in many venues. He didn't pass all his classes while in college. He works at a retail job where he feels that his degree is worthless. His parents have exacerbated things by telling him how he can't afford to live on his own and about how bad every job he considers applying for is. What do we need to do to make things work? I love him, but my patience is wearing thin.

ANSWER: Wow, you have raised many questions in my mind, and I gather they are being raised in yours as well. Let me first say that marriage is not based on love, it is based on trust and commitment. Why do you think your boyfriend is having some difficulty with commitment? That issue needs to be addressed in some way. The end result of his difficulty with commitment is likely to lead to your question of trust. My strong suggestion to you both is to get some couples counseling. If you are students, the Counseling Center is available to you both. If you are not students, you might begin by consulting with your family physician or your minister. Hope this is helpful.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2005-05-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My boyfriend doesn't really like talking about how he feels then he gets all upset and starts making a threat that he's going to kill himself. Nobody understands him but me. He has lived a hard life and more. How can I help him?

ANSWER: I can see that you would feel a bit frustrated in knowing what to do. The truth is that if he is talking about killing himself, then he is certainly talking about how he feels though not very effectively. It's difficulty for me to know, however, whether he is seriously considering killing himself or if he is using that threat to avoid talking more specifically about what's bothering him. You might try something like: "Are you really wanting to kill yourself , or is something really bothering you?" By approaching him in that manner, he may open up a little more. If you feel like he may be thinking about harming himself, it would be good to get him to some help. We at the Counseling & Testing Center are available if needed