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Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-06-18(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I get really depressed and anxious off and on throughout the year, but I do not want to go on medication. I was wondering if you advocate controlling depression through your diet. I have been researching and found that if someone has a good diet eating foods that contain things like dopamine, jerotonin, phenethylamin, and tryptophan can actually make them happier and help control their depression. In your experience, does eating right and excersizing, and doing things like eating 5 small meals instead of 3 big ones really help? I have started compiling a list of foods that will help me with this - bananas, avocados, almonds, spinach, salmon, black beans, cheddar cheese, whole wheat bread/carbs, and chocolate (small amounts), all of these in the right moderation. Is there anything on here you disagree with or any that you can add that you think will help. I apreciate any advice!

ANSWER: That is really great that you are actively exploring and researching ways to manage your depression and anxiety! Exercising and the foods you eat can defintely play a big part in how you feel. The foods that you eat can create high energy or lethargic feelings in you depending on what you choose to eat. That is great that you have started to compile a list of foods and are working on looking into your diet. Exercise is also a great way to increase your stamina and energy level and create an overall better feeling of yourself. Both of these also help to create less anxiety and depression because you just feel good about what you are doing! It certainly sounds like you are taking a very active approach in making things different for yourself. Please keep in mind though, that sometimes depression and anxiety are assisted in being controlled with medication. While diet and exercise are a great start, and perhaps are enough, pay attention to how you are feeling. If those do not seem to be working, or the depression or anxiety appear to be worsening, please consult a mental health specialist or a medical doctor! You also might want to consider counseling. It often helps to talk out your thoughts and feelings. Our services are free to WKU students. Our office hours are Monday - Friday from 8am to 4:30. Please contact the front desk at 745-3159 if you would like to talk to someone further about this! Good luck and thanks for contacting us.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-06-09(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I recently stopped taking my birth control pills because they make me too moody and were making me gain too much weight. Now, instead of feeling moody and irritable I feel very sad all the time, and I think I may be seriously depressed even though I do not have a real reason to be depressed. Did going off of my pills make me feel this way, or is it something else? Would stopping the pill suddenly cause a "chemical imbalance" or whatever? And if I went back on them, would it fix the problem or just add to it? I have heard Yaz really helps with the moodiness and weight gain, so maybe that would help all the problems...?

ANSWER: These are really good questions to be asking yourself; it sounds like you are very in touch with your body and your emotional state. I would suggest you talk to your physician first about the possible effects of discontinuing your birth control medication. If your doctor in out of town, you might consider going to the health services on campus. There are very good medical staff there who could answer your questions as well; and you ask to see a female staff person if you wish. It is certainly possible that the change in medication could leave you feeling depressed; starting and stopping medications needs to be done under a doctors advice and care.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-06-09(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have heard about Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I only ever hear that it affects people in the winter. I get down in the dumps every summer – it is like when things wind down and I do not have classes and work to keep me busy I just get depressed. This summer has been worse than any other so far. I have been very depressed, feeling hopeless, teary, and finding it hard to concentrate on things. I have no real reason that I can think of to feel sad – I have a great boyfriend, good friends to hang out with, I am doing extremely well in school, etc. Depression runs in my family – my mother is on antidepressants now and my father has been before. I guess I have a couple questions… 1. Can SAD affect you in any season, or is it just winter? (I have regular mental health throughout the year, except getting a little 2. If I go on medication temporarily for the summer, will it be easy to get off of it when school starts again? (I do not want to be stuck on a medication) 3. Also, I have been having an upset stomach for three straight days. I use to love eating and it was just one of those little things that made me happy, but now I feel like I never want to eat again… can depression make me feel this way, having a nauseated stomach? Or should I go to the doctor to see if that is something else?

ANSWER: What you are experiencing could very well be depression. Not like SAD which is thought to be dependent on the amount of sunlight available, and there are professionals that would argue that SAD can only occur in the far north, like northern Canada. You may be experiencing depression when, as you say, you are not busy with school and work. When things slow down you may be more likely to notice the depressed state within your body. Many younger people are able to keep depression at bay by staying busy but in time the depression needs to be addressed. I would certainly suggest you see a physician to talk about medication options; some people have been able to use medications for a while and then go off for a while. There really is not anything about a medication for depression that is addictive; you do not need to worry about being stuck on it. If depression runs in your family, you might have inherited a tendancy to become depressed, and medication would be a good idea (sort of like inheriting diabetes)...then again, if several people in your family are depressed, you might have grown up feeling anxious, afraid, helpless, or angry and that could leave you now feeling depressed, in which case counseling would be very helpful. I would suggest both for now; talk to a physician or psychiatrist about medication and make an appointment with a psychologist or counselor at our center to talk more about how you feel during the summer.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-05-27(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have often asked myself, why do I get so upset and freaked out about the littlest things. I do not the answer. Last week I was the worst week of my life, I could not wait for school to be over. I did not do so well in school this past semester and I freaked out and started hyperventalating. While this may be no big deal to others, it was huge deal to me. I was stressing myself sick! When I got my grades back on Tuesday I had calmed down some and had finally accepted my B, 4 Cs and one D. My GPA is going to suffer, yes but I am getting over it. My question to whoever this is going to is... why are my nerves so bad? I put on a good front like nothing bothers me, but inside, it really does. Someone could tell me that I am the worst writer in the world and I would act as if it does not bother me but in reality I will be analyzing it, thinking about my writing and why this person thinks I am a bad writer, then I will start doubting myself and my abilites. Why am I so neurotic? Do I need to be put on medication because it is getting out of hand to the point where it is affecting others around me. Any help would be most appreciated! Thanks!

ANSWER: Sometimes our biggest obstacles are the ones we create ourselves, and we all do it at times. Let me offer a couple of things for you to think about concerning the questions you pose. If you "put on a good front," does that help you to feel better? While it may hide your worry from others, the front suppresses your real emotions, which may just surface later in anxious feelings like freaking out and hyperventilating. It might decrease your anxiety if you go ahead and express your emotions when they occur, including voicing your frustration, etc., to others. Also, lets look at the example of someone criticizing your writing. First of all, why is that persons opinion any more valid than your own? An authors work is only as good as the next reader thinks it is. Your self-doubt does not improve your work if it paralyzes your efforts. I am guessing you over-analyze yourself or your writing. Ask yourself what purpose the analyzing, the freaking out, and the worrying serves. Some would say that worrying is like self-protection; if you have thought about every possibility, then you feel more prepared. However, chronic worrying gets in the way of creativity, of getting things done, and is a real drain mentally and even physically. Another question: what are you doing on a regular basis to de-stress, to unwind? Build in something every day, even if it is only for 10-15 minutes, that you enjoy that will allow you to mentally and physically exhale. Finally, you mention the possibility of medication for the anxiety. Speak with a doctor about this if you believe your anxiety has reached the level of really interfering with life. Medication can be a good tool, and is often needed only temporarily, but this is something for you and your doctor to decide. You may also want to speak with a counselor about ways to cope with anxiety, and can make an appointment at our center at 745-3159 if you so choose.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-05-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been in foster care for 8 years, and i havent seen my parents for about 6 of those years, but now that i am turning 18 i can see them. i do want to see them, but what do i say? how do i react to their love and affection.i am scared that i am going to hurt them really bad emotionally and dont want to i love them very much. i also want to invite them to my graduation but i am scared people will make fun of them and hurt them and my feelings. WHAT DO I DO????? I AM VERY LOST AND CONFUSED

ANSWER: It sounds like you are a very thoughtful person. The thing to remember is that your parents are probably nervous too. It would be best if both parties relaxed and got to know each other all over again. They are your parents and they will always be your parents, but you are a young adult now. They need to meet and get to know that person, the person you are now and will grow into as time goes on. Graduation is a time of celebration for everyone. The person whose wishes should count the most on that day is the person who is graduating. So if you want your parents to be at your graduation and they agree to come, that is your and their prerogative. I am not sure who would make fun of them on that special day, but remember just as you are an adult your parents are adults as well. They can take care of themselves. So rather than worrying about what will happen just enjoy the day for what it is. I hope this helps.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2008-04-23(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:How do you know if you are straight or gay if you have never been with anyone? How do I get together with someone? Does WKU offer dating services?

ANSWER: Hi, thank you for your question. As far as I know, WKU does not offer a dating service. However, there is a gay/lesbian/bisexual group on campus called the Outlet Alliance, which would be a great way to meet people. As far as knowing whether you are straight or gay, it is important to realize that sexual orientation can be complex. Some people are sure at an early, while others figure out their orientation later in life, sometimes after experimenting with their sexuality. You may also want to read about sexual orientation. A good place to start is a book called "Figuring it Out." It is readily available at Amazon.com If you would like to discuss this with someone, we regularly work with this issue at the counseling and testing center. You can reach us at 745- 3159.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-04-17(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I really do not know where to begin with my question... I am a nursing student, get good grades, have a boyfriend of 3 and 1/2 years (who is wonderful to me). It seems like I have everything going for me. But I feel so empty. My mom died two years ago, and since then my life has turned upside down. My dad started dating about 3 or 4 months after her death, and a woman moved in with us less than 6 months after her death. I cannot stand her, and it is a constant source of stress, because I live at home and commute to school. I deal by just not thinking about it, because it infuriates me and frustrates me because I do not have any choice but to live here at home. I do okay if I just do not think about it, but sometimes it is just so overwhelming, and I just cry for hours, and I feel so weak and guilty for feeling this way. I think it has started to impact other aspects of my life... my relationship with my boyfriend has been more strained... he is the love of my life, but I find myself getting irritated at him (and others for that matter) and lashing out and getting aggravated at him before I can stop myself. And, pardon me for being blunt, but our sex life just is not as great as it used to be. I just dont find it as enjoyable as it once was, which is something that is very important to me. Nursing school is adding more stress... I dont know. I feel like I can deal with everything if I just do not think about it, but then I hold it in for so long, and I feel like I just cant talk to anyone. I know I can talk to my boyfriend, but I just feel like I cant use the actual word "depressed". I once went to my doctor about 5 years ago and told him I felt like I was depressed, and he told me I was a teenager and just going through hormone and mood swings, and ever since I feel like I should just buck up and get over my problems, but I just cannot. And I just do not know what to do. I feel like I might be depressed, but I am afraid of going through that embarrassment again, of being told that there is nothing wrong with me.

ANSWER: It certainly looks like your life is filled with stress. Chronic stress often leads to depression and it sounds like you would benefit from further evaluation. You may want to consider coming to our offices and talking to one of our counselors. I can tell you that you will not be told to "buck up and get over your problems." Here we know that depression is not that simple and we do not think of it as a sign of weakness. In fact, it takes a lot of courage to ask for help. Please consider coming to see us. This is a safe and confidential place to discuss your concerns and feelings. We work on an appointment basis (execpt in times of crisis or emergency). We are located in Potter Hall 409 and you can call to make an appointment at 745-3159. Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any questions.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2008-04-17(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have received the regents scholarship since high school. So far I have had a 3.72 GPA, but this semester I fear I will make a C in one of my classes, which may drop my GPA very close to the 3.5 I must maintain. What would happen if my GPA dropped below this amount?? Would I have anytime to raise it back up before I lost my scholarship or would I just lose my scholarship?

ANSWER: I checked with the Financial Aid office and was told that once the scholarship is lost it cannot be regained. HOWEVER, if for example you fell below a 3.5 as a result of this spring semester, an option would be to take a summer class and bring your GPA up with a good grade in that summer class. You would not receive scholarship money to pay for the summer class, but then with the required 3.5 minimum you would keep the scholarship and have it for the fall, etc. You can also ask questions regarding scholarships at scholarships@wku.edu I hope you are able to keep the scholarship, but even if you were to lose it, you have obviously done a lot of hard work and done it well to keep the scholarship this long. You can be proud of that. And realistically, as courses get increasingly difficult, it is really hard to keep a 3.5 or better. With or without the scholarship, you deserve a pat on the back!

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2008-04-09(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and lately we have been having a lot of problems. We seem to fight over everything, and I just feel so distant. I feel like I am holding on to this relationship just because of the time that I have put into it. Despite him saying that I need to change how I see things and that not everything will ever be as perfect as I want it to be, I still care for him. We are currently on a break, but that has just seemed to make things worse. I have recently met someone new, but that did not work out. Now I just feel like I will never find the one who is meant for me. Is it possible that I just had "feelings" for this new person because I wanted to feel like someone was interested in me again? Or is it a sign that if I can have feelings for someone else other than my boyfriend, then maybe he is not who I am supposed to be with. How do you move on from someone you have loved for almost 2 years? And if I did start to date again, how will I be able to have a good relationship without bringing in all of my baggage from previous

ANSWER: As I read your message it occurs to me that so many people see relationships as mysterious events beyond their control. I would encourage you to see that your emotions are your emotions; you create them and you control them. No one can tell you why you feel what you feel; you are the expert on your self. Another thought that occurs is how we all tend to see relationships as investments; if we have invested two years then we are reluctant to start a new one. But people and money are two different things. Most people need at least two years to really get to know one another. And it only follows that after two years you might know someone well enough to know you do not want to be with them forever....I would encourage you to trust your feelings and to explore questions that might be scary. You could do this on your own or with a therapist at our center. The number to call is 270-745-3159.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-04-09(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been told by doctors that I am bulimic. I have an irregular heart beat, and have no enamel left on my teeth. I have been like this for 5 years and I am only 20. I am having a really hard time though because every time that I try to get help I am told that my weight is not too low, or I am technically considered to be "healthy". ( I am 5ft 8in and my weight fluctuates from 115 to 130) I am depressed and feel completely alone because when I want help and try to get it, I feel like therapists are saying that I am still too fat for them to care. It makes me feel like I have to become more sick to even get help. I fast every week from friday night until monday night, and when I eat on the other days I purge until I see blood, but I am still "healthy"??? I talked to a woman on campus from the counseling center, and she said, "well there is nothing wrong with your weight". That really hurts a person with an eating disorder. I feel like she was saying I am too fat. So as I sit here at home right now typing this I want you to know that you all are responsible for me no longer wanting help. If I am too fat for you all to care I guess I am just going to keep this up until I am too thin for you to even help me. I just wanted to tell you that you all suck and I really hope you do not get paid to do your jobs, because all you did for me was make everythig

ANSWER: If you told a therapist that you are purging, have no enamel, or have been diagnosed by a physician as bulimic, then the therapist should be working with you regardless of your weight....the weight is not the issue; the pain you are feeling is the issue. I hope you will consider making another appointment with our center; we have people on staff with specific interest and training in eating disorders. I cannot explain what happened during your last session. It sounds like the therapist did not know you were purging. Please consider making another appointment with our center; or call us for a referral to someone in the community.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-04-09(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been told by doctors that I am bulimic. I have an irregular heart beat, and have no enamel left on my teeth. I have been like this for 5 years and I am only 20. I am having a really hard time though because every time that I try to get help I am told that my weight is not too low, or I am technically considered to be "healthy". ( I am 5ft 8in and my weight fluctuates from 115 to 130) I am depressed and feel completely alone because when I want help and try to get it, I feel like therapists are saying that I am still too fat for them to care. It makes me feel like I have to become more sick to even get help. I fast every week from friday night until monday night, and when I eat on the other days I purge until I see blood, but I am still "healthy"??? I talked to a woman on campus from the counseling center, and she said, "well there is nothing wrong with your weight". That really hurts a person with an eating disorder. I feel like she was saying I am too fat. So as I sit here at home right now typing this I want you to know that you all are responsible for me no longer wanting help. If I am too fat for you all to care I guess I am just going to keep this up until I am too thin for you to even help me. I just wanted to tell you that you all suck and I really hope you do not get paid to do your jobs, because all you did for me was make everythig

ANSWER: Thank you for your note and sharing your concerns. We do take eating disorders very seriously, including bulimia. It sounds like there may have been a misunderstanding or some confusion on part of the counselor when you visited us. Regardless of your weight, bulimia is a serious condition that usually responds well to psychological treatment. I understand that you are angry but I would like to invite you to return to the counseling center for treatment for bulimia. Please make the counselor aware of your symptoms such as the irregular heart beat and lack of emnamel on your teeth. If you have other questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact us. The number to call is 270-745-3159.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-03-18(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have had an eating disorder (bulimia) since I was a sophomore at WKU. I am tired of it having control of my life and I am looking for help to overcome. Do you have any referrals outside of the campus for this. Even though it is supposed to be anonymous I am still concerned I will see someone I know or my friends will find out.

ANSWER: Unfortunately outside of our office there are no therapeutic resources that we are aware of locally. However, there is a local nutritionist Nikki Klein at 784-6473 who may be of help. Her office is located at 2235 Russellville Road. The closest therapeutic assistance would be through Vanderbilt. They offer in-patient and out-patient treatment along with support groups. Hope this helps.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-03-17(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been struggling my whole life it seems with different problems. I have been treated for depression, anxiety, ptsd, add, etc etc. No one Ive seen has ever been able to treat ME it seems - they treat A disease and only one at that. I know I have trouble with depression and anxiety, amongst other things, but its as though no one can help me deal with all of it. They want to treat one thing only and ignore the rest. Ive also been put on so many different drugs that I cant even recall all of them anymore. Nothing seems to work, and then the doctors and therapists get mad because nothing seems to help. I have also often been ignored when trying to find out about other things - for instance, I am almost positive that I have some form of Aspergers. I have only had one therapist who would listen to me when I asked about it, and agreed that I might have it; but their belief was that there was no point in getting tested as what could be done about it anyways since I was an adult. I had a similar experience when trying to find out about some of my dyslexic tendencies. I fear that some of these negative responses were more due to the fact that I did not (and still do not) have insurance as I am just a college To me it is important to find out what I actually do have and get help for it. I have not been to a therapist or doctor about any of this for a few years as nothing has seemed to work and I was tired of spinning my wheels. However, while I have been trying to cope and do what I can on my own, I dont feel like I can anymore. Its interfering with my life, my school work, everything. I know my depression and anxiety has been worse lately, and I am afraid its affecting my ability to do my course work and I dont want to do bad or worry about dropping I realize that this is probably more than just what your office can help with, but I do not even know where to begin or where to go to for help, especially as I am relatively new to the area. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

ANSWER: It is frustrating when it seems that others cannot or will not hear you. However, searching for a psychologist or counselor is very much like searching for a medical doctor you feel comfortable with seeing. You may have to try a few before you find the person you feel the most comfortable with. As a student you are entitled to counseling at our center and we do have at least one staff member who is well-versed in dealing with Aspergers. My suggestion would be to try at least one more time to get the help that you need and be vocal about what is working and what is not. Remember that counseling is a relationship where both parties have responsibilities. One of yours is to ask for what you need and see if the counselor can provide it for you. Hope this helps.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-03-03(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I am planning to become a therapist or a counselor. It is something that I have always wanted to do. Even in high school I was always the one that people turned to when things were rough and they needed advice or someone just to listen to them. However, its getting more and more apparent every day that perhaps I need some kind of therapy myself. But at the same time, the way I would always know what to do and tell my friends came from personal experience. My question is.. If I know that I have such a problem, should I automatically reconsider my career aspirations?

ANSWER: The short answer is no you do not have to reconsider your career aspirations. Everyone needs a helping hand from time to time, and therapists are no different. In fact, you may well be a better therapist because you understand what is like to be a client and a therapist. Hope this helps.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-03-03(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I feel like I am simply going through the motions in life. I thought the sky would burst into rainbows when I got accepted to a PhD program at a top university. For a while, it was great, but now that "high" has worn off. I feel like I dont care enough about anything to actually be successful at it. I procrastinate, go day after day without doing anything meaningful, and am questioning if I am even worth grad school. I still plan on going, but mostly because I want so badly to escape my life right now. Its not that I dont care about my research interests. I do care, but I find that I do not have the passion that I see in others. I feel overwhelmingly worthless. I just dont know why I dont care about anything. I hate feeling so apathetic. I am still going to grad school, because part of me wants it so much...I have been wanting this for so long, but that part of has faded throughout the past couple of years. I also feel very incompetent...a lot of the time,I just sit around doing nothing, and to honest, I feel better when I am alone. I never want to do anything, even if its fun with friends...so how am I going to make it in grad school? Are there any suggestions to find some motivation to push myself? It is frustrating to feel so apathetic all the time.

ANSWER: What you are feeling is common. People often feel if they could just get that promotion, win the lottery, catch that certain persons eye, lose weight or get into a graduate program all their problems will be solved. The thing is even if you get that one thing you think you want the problems that were there are still there. It sounds like you might be depressed, please call our office at 745-3159 between 8 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday, or stop by our office at 409 Potter Hall. If you feel like you just cant wait for an appointment we have a counselor on call during the week. Hang in there.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2008-02-28(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:If a person only thought they were depressed, I mean clinically depressed, would they truly be? Or are most people suffering from depression actually unaware of it?

ANSWER: Excellent question because people who are depressed do not feel good but many may not know they are depressed. That is what makes depression so harmful....it sort of creeps into your mind and slowly brings you down....many people dont see it happening....but their friends and family can usually tell something is wrong. Also, it is important to remember that depression comes in different forms and levels...a person can be mildly depressed most days of the year, or severely depressed for a few months at a time, or anything in between. Depression is not the same as being blue, sad, or frustrated. Depression is a psychological disorder with mental and physical symptoms. As the depression develops, the brain changes how it responds to neurotransmitters; this is what is often called a "chemical imbalance." The brain of a depressed person is not keeping a healthy balance of neurotransmitters; this is why medication is necessary for more severe depressions and anxiety. So if a person thought they were depressed it would be a good idea to visit with a physician and a psychologist/counselor/therapist. Talking and medication along with exercise are excellent ways to understand how depression started and how to reverse the depression.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-02-28(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:How does a person break out of their shell and become more outgoing? I have been struggling with this issue for quite a few years now. When I was younger I was outgoing but I moved to Bowling Green when I was in the 7th grade. When I got here not many people accepted me. They made fun of me and called me ugly. That caused my self-esteem to go down and have been quiet ever since then. I am better with my self-esteem issues now but I cant seem to get out of my shyness. If I am around just one or two friends it is easier for me not to be so shy but if it is more than that then I become a mute. I am even like this when I have a lot of family around. Now that I am in college and would like to get over this. How do I become more outgoing?

ANSWER: I think its important to know your real self; dont try to become outgoing if it is not your natural style. Its okay to be shy, reserved, or introverted. Shy people are in a minority in our society but that does not mean its wrong to be shy. If you want to make more friends and feel less anxious in groups, then lets do it. You can experiment on your own by doing a little more each day....ease your way into groups and just hang out for a while...dont force a conversation, just listen and give short answers...you will quickly become popular because people love to have an audience. This is also something a counselor could address. Your counselor would be like a coach, giving you ideas of things to try and supporting you along the way. Experiences from our past can haunt us; what is the old saying....once bitten, twice shy? But the great part about college is that you are surrounded by people who had it rough too back in middle school or high school. You are also surrounded by people who want to start living on their own terms. So take some chances....the worst that can happen is you meet some people you dont like....once you graduate you will most likely not see them again. But if you do take a chance, you will meet people that want to know you. Its like going off a diving board for the first time...very scary...but you get to a point where you stop thinking about it and just jump....dont worry about doing it right....there is no right way to meet people.....and like I said if you want some coaching from a counselor, call us and make an appointment.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-02-25(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I absolutley hate life right now. I am not suicidal or anything, but I really think I need to get help for my eating disorder. I was treated a couple of years ago, and I thought that I was over this, but I have recently lost the weight I gained in my recovery. I have not been eating except for once a day, and I have been purging everything I do eat. I am starting to play little games with myself to try and see how little I can get by on each day, and then trying for less the day after that. I keep comparing myself to the other people in my classes and I cant stop feeling like if I just lose 5 or 10 more pounds I would be happy and thin like they are. I am getting scared that I will not be able to stop these feelings. I feel depressed and I think I am starting to snap on people when they have not done anything wrong. I think that I am just too shy to actually talk to anyone about this in person. I want nothing more than to look scary skinny, but I hate having to live like this. Is there anything you think that I could try to maybe stop this?

ANSWER: It would be a good idea to get back into treatment. Eating disorders can be very resistant to change. This is not failure on your part. Lots of people do better, then slip back into old habits. If your previous therapist is still available, make an appointment. If you would like to work with someone at our office, please give us a call.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-02-06(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I really want to move out of my moms house. However, if I did, she said that we would no longer be mother and daughter--that basically, I will be out of her life. I still want to do it. I just dont want to lose all family ties. I do know, however, that I would still have my dad and sister. I just cannot stand all the fights we have anymore. We mostly fight about my dad and my choice of major. I am also not allowed to leave because I "owe her" money for when I was younger. When she said this, I got "smart" and said, "I will write you a big fat check with interest after I graduate and have a job." My fault, I know. She reacted by being physical using various things in the room, until she got pliers. I managed to wrestle them away from her as she was using it, but I guess you get the point. In a recent fight we had, she tore up my masters school list I made, and flushed it down the toilet. I spent days looking up deadlines, codes etc. Every time there is spring break, winter break, summer break, I get nervous. I never want to spend that much time home. I get insanely jealous of friends who "count down" the days. It has been like this for so long. I remember being in third grade, and getting more anxioius as school was about to be let out. My heart would start racing when I heard the garage door as a child. I know that part of it is probably my fault too, because I hate it there, and it probably shows. Any advice on what I should do? I need to decide whether I want to move out or not. I want to, but I am afraid that she will twist the story around to tell family members. I do not want to be seen in a bad light because nobody knows that she can get so angry. I do not want my aunts, uncles, her friends etc. to think I am a horrible, ungrateful daughter. What are some long-term consequences emotionally if I decide to move out? At the moment, I think it will be a good thing, but I just do not know anymore

ANSWER: Hi, thank you for writing and I hope that we can be of help to you. Your situation certainly sounds complex and based upon your note it does seem that there may be long term consequences between you and your mother if you move out. However, it sounds as if your mother can be emotionally and physically abusive at times, which concerns me. You certainly have the right to live in your own home without fear or feeling that you are walking on eggshells. My sense from your letter is that this is a confusing issue for you. I would like to encourage you to make an appointment with one of our counselors to further discuss this issue and your options. This may only take one visit for you but you are welcome to see a therapist for as long as you would like. Additionally, our services are free. Please give us a call at 745-3159 to set up an appointment or you can drop by 409 Potter Hall to schedule. If you do come in, I want to assure you that your information will be kept completely confidential. Also, please feel free to contact us or drop by our offices in the event of an emergency. Please let us know if you have further questions or concerns.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2008-01-31(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:What are the laws for release of mental health records? For example, if someone decides to commit suicide or something, will anyone ever find out if they have been to counseling, had past encounters with psychologists? You always hear in the media after someone kills themself, goes on a horrible murder rampage etc., that "so and so was depressed, was assessed at X place and such, on X drug." How do these people know that? I always thought it was confidential. For instance, if a student committed suicide, there may be a press release. Will any information ever be released regarding mental health (from on or off-campus counseling)? Or is it just those high-profile cases that tend to go around the law, make laws more lax? Is the "average person" safe from this? I guess my question is how private are records? Are they confidential even after a persons death? Can family members have assess to them? If so, is there any way to prevent anyone from accessing them? Is WKUs/university rules different than other mental health settings? Thanks.

ANSWER: Thank you for your question. Mental health law, especially regarding confidentialy, is often very complex and gray. In most cases, therapy records are kept confidential. However, when a student is actively suicidal or homicidal, counseling center staff have an obligation to report that the client is a danger to self or others. This may or may not involve contacting the persons family. This obligation is a Kentucky state law and is applicable in most other states. Nonetheless, when a person commits suicide or kills another person, confidentialy and privacy of records in maintained as much as possible. Generally, the information that you hear in the media is based upon police investigations and not the records of the client. When a student commits suicide on campus, the counseling center will determine if that person was a client. If so, parents are generally notified that their child sought psychiatric treatment. If parents request information, we will often sit down with the parents and discuss their childs concerns and issues but we do not share the clients records. However, parents can initiate court action and it possible for a judge to rule that the records must released to the family. As you can see, the process is often based on a case by case basis. You are asking some very insightful and good questions. However, these questions do concern me and I wonder if you are thinking of committing suicide. If so, please contact the counseling ASAP to arrange to speak with a counselor, you may also report to the nearest emergency room, or call a 24-hour crisis line. The crisis number is 1-800-223-8913. I realize that you may be asking these questions due to a class that you have taken or simply from curiosity. But I think it is important to make you aware of suicide resources. If you have further questions or concerns, please feel free to contact us.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-01-29(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:As I was lying awake, surfing the internet, at 3:37am instead of sleeping, I wondered upon this site. I have never been here before, did not even know it existed, but after reading some posts, decided to write. I am a junior, living on-campus, and am a first semester RA. I am also a semester behind on hours, which is no big deal, but kind of adds stress from my mom, and along with being a first semester RA, I do not need any more stress. I enjoy the job and the money, so I do not want to quit it. I just have so much on my plate, and I am only taking 12 hours this semester. On the outside, I appear to be a very organized person, even color-coding things. But on the inside, I am not very organized. I start, but then it falls through. I think I might have mild OCD also. I have little “ticks” that I do, and one of my friends who is OCD things I might have a mild case. She also is the cause of some of my stress. We have been friends since middle school, and just that. I do not really feel attracted to her, but she wants and keeps pushing for a relationship, which I just do not feel is right. Then she wants answers, why? I dont know why, I have no clue, it just does not feel right. I have never had a relationship, I dont know why. I have no clue. It really bothers me and some people think its just weird. But I just feel like between stress and mild OCD and her that my life has become so complicated. And then, I throw in ideas about possibly either changing my major or maybe double-majoring, because I dont know what I even want to do with my major or how happy I will be with it. I just need a little bit of help. Thanks for listening!

ANSWER: College can, without a doubt, cause a lot of stress. Especially if you are going through a lot of changes like: pressure for a relationship, a new job, thinking about changing your major path or adding more to it. Stress comes out in different ways like your not being able to sleep. I am not sure what you want, except someone to listen. We will be glad to do that, and perhaps help you come up with some ways to deal with stress or decrease your stress load! Feel free to contact our office to set up an appointment with one of our counselors. They can talk one on one with you to make sure that your needs are being met. We work on an appointment basis and are open Monday through Friday from 8am to 4:30pm. Just make sure and take care of yourself. Stress can be tricky and sometimes its better to decrease the stress a bit and do very well with it instead of taking on too much and not doing as well. We are located at 409 Potter Hall. Hope to hear from you soon.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2008-01-28(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:If I were to seek help for a "Cybersex Addiction", would it be put on my permanent record? If so, would it be available to potential employers? If the answer to both of these is yes, then could you tell me how I can quietly stop the addiction?

ANSWER: Counseling records, or case notes, are not a part of your educational records (transcripts, judicial records, etc.) Counseling is ethically and legally required to protect all client information except in cases where the client is immediately at risk for suicide, homicide, or in cases of domestic violence or child abuse. Many seek help for cybersex addiction; it is like any other abuse or dependency behavior. It can be changed and it will take time, faith, effort, and self-respect. The guilt and/or shame you feel can set you free but it also keeps you trapped. The longer you go without using it, the more faith you have that you do not need it. A counselor can help you with that....and there are also many things you can try on your own. Some think this dependency on cybersex is just like any other addiction and it has a neurochemical basis (like alcoholism). Some think it is a way of filling an emptiness that started in childhood. Either way, it is now a very strong habit that can be stopped, but you have to want to stop. Sounds simple, but it is not. That is where a counselor can help. Give us call, set up an appointment with one of our counselors to find out more. The number to call is 270-745-3159.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-01-10(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I consider myself recovered from an eating disorder. However, I still have a problem with "competing" with others in regards to food. For instance, my sister tries to eat very healthy, always orders salads at restaurants and everything, and I cannot help but be worried that she is going to be thinner than me because that brings up a lot of jealously. Whenever I am with her (during breaks), I feel like I need to get back into old habits to be "better than it" than her because she is very, very health conscious and I feel like I cannot eat certain foods. Because of cultural norms, using the typical suggested little talks with her is not going to work. Talking about emotions is a topic that is not discussed. I have been to therapy before, and as I said, I have improved to the point that I believe I am recovered. However, I still feel really competetive, especially with my sister. I worry that she will one day have an eating disorder, and take something away from me. It is hard to explain. Are there any suggestions on how to help myself get over it without talking to her and that her overly healthy eating is very triggering? Past therapists have not grasped the fact that I live with differnt cultural norms than most people, and it is frustrating because they keep suggesting what they think I should do, even after I tell them that I cannot.

ANSWER: I wish I knew more about the "cultural norms" to which you refer that prevent your talking to your sister. However, if you feel that is not an option, I respect that, so lets look at other options. When you are with her, you mentioned that you feel you cannot eat certain foods. What would happen if you allowed yourself to eat those foods while she is eating salad? Would she or others make comments? If so, you might respond that you are eating to be healthy, instead of starving to be thin, and that you have been working very hard to not let food rule your life. You also mention competing with others, including your sister. Do you think she feels she is competing with you? Before you achieved some measure of recovery, did you get lots of attention because of the weight loss? Could she be jealous of this? Could you be reluctant to lose that attention? When you were deeply into the eating disorder, what did you think being thin would do for you? What do you think now that being thin means? I realize I am asking lots of questions, but I am hoping thinking about the answers will help you to understand why competition is currently an issue. Actually, these feelings are normal as you learn to live without an eating disorder. It is also normal to feel that by not having the eating disorder, you have given something up, or that if your sister develops one, she has taken something away from you. These disorders are very personal, often secret, and sometimes sufferers feel that it is about the only thing they have that is all theirs, just for them. So it is very difficult to let go of something that has felt like both a friend and an enemy, because it had become familiar. Please think about these questions, and feel free to make an appointment with us to speak to a counselor about your concerns, 745-3159. I hope you will be patient with yourself, as you recover one meal at a time. Regardless of who might be with you when you are eating, remember that the goals of eating are to be healthy and to satisfy physical hunger, and that comparing your weight or your eating to others just gets in the way of being the unique person you are.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2008-01-04(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:When someone periodically hurts animals, does that mean that the person is a sociopath? I have done a few things that I would never share with people because nobody would ever suspect it. In public, with friends, family etc., I am known as a nice person, never been in a physical fight, no history of school suspensions, I volunteer and everything...I am very "normal" and am considered that sweet, nice girl. But I have put my roommates fish in a cup of alcohol when she left for home for no reason, and watched it. After it slowly stopped moving, I put it back. It actually survived, but that was a surprise and not really intended. In the past few years, I have done things take a fish out of water and wait for it to die, hit a dog with a belt/stick, poured hot water on a dog and watched it squeal. It gives me a sense of twisted pleasure and mostly a feeling of extreme control. I really do not like that I do this, and I want to stop but sometimes it just gives a rush of control, and a sort of "high" I guess and I feel better. I do not want to be a sociopath or anything, and would like advice on how to overcome these horrible urges. It is better now. When I was a little kid, I did this a lot more often (beat my sister a lot), and sometimes directed it to myself in various ways (I do not do that anymore). I try to find other things to do instead, but nothing measures up to inflicting pain and the power I feel that comes with it, and I need and want to stop because I am afraid that I will do something really bad one day. Please help.

ANSWER: First of all we try not to label anyone at Counseling and Testing. However, it sounds like you have felt powerless a great portion of your life and have taken your frustrations out on others (both humans and animals). One thing I would ask is where does this sense of powerlessness come from for you? Are there any other ways to take control of your life and situation without infringing on the rights and safety of others? One way to regain or gain control of your life is to seek therapy so that you can work on dealing with your urges. Our office is located at 409 Potter Hall and we are open from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. Our telephone number is 745-3159. Students at WKU may use our services for no additional cost. Please take that first step. Here to Help

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2008-01-02(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:what is the reasons of a man that stop love her partner a women of course after 10 months of love a real love and what are the solution to let him back as soon as possible

ANSWER: Let me know if I am not understanding your question. It sounds like you want to know why a man would leave you after a ten month relationship and what might you do to get him back? People end relationships for many reasons, and many people have trouble ending a relationship in an honest and open manner. You might want to start by asking this man to be honest with you and tell you why he left. It sounds like he did not feel the same amount of love towards you that you feel toward him. Relationships often go through low periods as each person gets to know the other at a deeper level. What might start out as a relationship based on physical attraction, friendship, or even status should turn, at some point, to a relationship based on intimacy, trust, hope, and promise. When people are at different needs in a relationship, they may toy with the idea of ending. I am not so sure you should try to get him back until you know why he wants to end the relationship. You would not be happy with someone that does not want to be with you. Relationships are not like possessions; you cant really own a person, and it is not healthy to want to manipulate someone into a relationship. Feeling lonely or rejected can really hurt, but there are solutions to these feelings that are healthy. Dating is a process that allows us to get closer to a person, but it is also a process that allows us to learn enough about a person to decide if we want to be with them forever. It might help if you do not blame yourself for his wanting to end the relationship. It was his choice; you do not have to change for him. He might want to come back or he might want to stay apart. Either way you will learn more about what you want in life. Most relationships end because the two people will not be happy together. That does not mean the two people are wrong; it just means they would be happier with someone else. --- the forwarded message follows ---

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2007-12-18(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been married for over 14yrs. I am the bread winner of a family of four. My husband has been out of work for a year 1/2. It is now the holidays and I would like to have money to pay presents and an extra income to start paying for student loans. My husband is going through an emotional state of his life where he does not know what to do next. He only holds a high school degree and has had a difficult time in maintaing and holding jobs. He says that he is seeking professional help but I am not sure if I believe him. At his 2nd visit he said that the therapist cancelled. Financially we are under budget and credit cards are beginning to be used again. I have come to the end of my 2nd degree, and I do not feel that my reward should be working overtime to start paying for the extra expenses. I am tired of waiting for my husband make up his mind. I sometimes feel that I need to give him an ultimatom (hoping that this will forced him to get a job). I am feeling that I am becoming more resentful. I dont know what to do, except that bills keep coming and I am not going to have a choice but to work extra to make ends met.

ANSWER: Especially during this difficult financial period, honest communication is essential between you and your husband. Is he aware of the level of your frustration? I ask this because while you have been the bread winner for a year and a half, he may have become used to you taking care of the worry and juggling of finances. What seems to prevent him from finding and holding a job? Is he possibly experiencing some depression? Remind him that he could work at a part-time or temporary job while he is deciding about long-term goals, which not only provides something to put on a resume, but also might result in contacts for a better job. Regardless of what his obstacles are, instead of issuing an ultimatum, I encourage you to make an appontment with a therapist (perhaps the one he says he has already seen once) and attend together for the sake of the relationship. It is not good for any of you if you are worn out, stressed, and increasingly resentful about your long hours, nor is it fair to you. Please do not delay in making that appointment.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2007-12-17(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: I was reading the post on BPD, and was extremely disappointed. I felt that your response was irresponsible. You are suggesting that the students problems came from a traumatic childhood experience. That can be a dangerous assumption. As a grad student in psychology, I am aware that you can implant "false memories" in someone. You did not even "suggest" that it was a possibility--you stated that it was the cause for it. The exact for BPD is unknown. While genetic and environmental factors do play a role, you assuming that the poster went through abuse can be playing with matches. Studies do not show that 100% of those with BPD have been abused...I am sorry that I am being critical, but please be careful when making such assumptions.

ANSWER: I appreciate your concern about my response to the student who was diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder. There has certainly been a great deal of concern about therapists misleading clients to create memories of abuse when in fact no abuse occurred. The research you mention is quite clear that all people with the BPD diagnosis did not experience abuse in childhood. Abandonment is also a critical factor in the development of a borderline personality disorder. There would also seem to be a disposition towards strong emotional regulations and difficulty regulating emotions. This disposition could be acquired early in life due to abuse/abadonment or it may well be inherited. So you are certainly correct in saying that abuse is not the only cause of a borderline personality disorder. Abandonment and emotional regulation factors are also implicated. Thanks again for your concern and interest in the etiology of this disorder. If you would like to continue this discussion, please feel free to contact me at karl.laves@wku.edu.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2007-12-14(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I think I might have social anxiety disorder. I have always had great difficulty speaking in class, or in large groups. I never participate in class, even when I am getting a grade for participation. I just worry too much about saying the wrong thing. It has been like this as long as I could remember. I was the quiet girl. When I do talk in small groups, I get nervous, and I talk very fast and stutter. I hate this, and I dont know if I will ever find a job, have "real" friends, or live a normal life. I dont have any leadership experience, and I had so much trouble asking for recommendation letters for the future. I was terrified to even send an email to ask for it. Now I cannot apply for anything. I come across as a girl with no opinions, no backbone, and someone who does not care. I really want to try medication for it, but I am afraid of even going in to a doctor to ask for it. I am afraid they will not believe me or think I just need to seek counseling. I have been to counseling before, but every session was the same...I sat there, the counselor asked me questions, and I would only answer with one or two words and be so embarassed. After months, I think they just gave up, because I could never feel comfortable. Do you think I should try medication? I just want to be more than the person that nobody notices, the girl that might as well not exist because she never voices herself.

ANSWER: It is never too late to try to rectify a situation. It sounds like you have been very persistent in starting the process of asking for assistance. Medication and therapy may very well be the answer for you. It would be important to consult with a physician about your options. I know that you are worried about others not viewing your issue seriously but I think that both the right physician and therapist would be understanding in helping you get the help you need. It would probably be best for you to contact Student Health Services and our office for a consultation. Good luck. I really hope you take the next step. Here to Help

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2007-12-10(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Okay, so here is the deal. My current boyfriend and I initially started dating two years ago and we dated for 4 months, successfully. Then, we broke up and were off and on for a year or so. Now, that we are in college together we have started dating again. Its like we could never completely get over one another and move on. The problem is he has recently started saying and showing jokes and behaviors of racism, something I am completely against. This really seems to be something that could potentially end our relationship. The thing is he just started being like this since coming to college and kind of learning all of this from his "Rebel Pride" roommate. All I know is i cant be with someone who has a passionate hatred for some people they dont even know. Also, whenever we talk about this, actually yell, he tells me he cant change that and he wont change. I do not know if this is something that I should just work with and accept or if he really is not the person for me. Am I wrong for wanting to be with someone who is like me and has the same beliefs and morals? Thanks for your help.

ANSWER: Personal values probably play a greater role in long term relationships and marriages than any other variable. It is normal and healthy to want to be with someone who shares your values. It is healthy and normal to end a relationship because of different values. One might argue that dating is a process through which we come to know the true and deep values of the other person. It can take a while to get to know what a person believes and many relationships do end when the two people realize they are not in agreement on an important issue; in your case it sounds like the two of you do not agree on racial equality. Trust your gut on this one; if you would like some support from a neutral party, then call our office and make an appointment.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-12-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: Let me just start my explaining my situation lately. Since August 2006 I have gotten divorced, moved to 3 different states, worked 4 different jobs, lost my uncle in March of this year, my mother is June, my father has battled prostate cancer and now has been diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. I have no family in KY and only a few people that I would actually dare to assume are my real friends. I find myself feeling extremely lonely and needy much of the time. This is ruining every chance at a relationship I get because I find myself smothering this "awesome" guy because of my need to not be alone. It is the only time I find myself happy is when I am in a relationship. Why is this and what can I do about it? Any

ANSWER: Any person who is afraid enough will become needy. Do not beat yourself up about being needy. Fear and anxiety make us want to go back to being a child and having someone take care of us. That is normal, but realistically we have to be able to take care of ourselves when we are not in a relationship. First I would suggest you make some more friends. Not deep friends, just people to can hang out with to take your mind off your pain from time to time. Volunteering can help as well. Lots of ways to volunteer on campus and in town. You can go to the Humane Society and walk the dogs if you want; thats a nice way to get calm and centered. Second, use prayer, meditation, keep a diary, etc. to stay in touch with the people that love you and have died. Find that spiritual connection with your Mom and uncle and let their memories continue to give you support. Sounds like you have moved around a lot; maybe your were confused, maybe you had no choice. For what ever reason, I would suggest getting grounded. Take time each day to do nothing; just sit and feel grounded. Calm down, let the world stop spinning. Find a favorite place on campus and just sit there each day. Watch the world around you, relax. Have a relationship with yourself and the community. Do not put all you time and effort into one man. Date around, go out a lot, join groups like a church, a club, or a team. Meet more people; let them know you. Its okay to get into relationships, but watch out for a man that want you to smother him. He will end being more like a son than a husband to you. Being needy will push most people away; but being needy is an illusion. Working with a counselor can help you see that you will be okay, you dont have to have someone to take care of you.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-12-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Due to this I tend to bottle things up and explode at little annoyances. After I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I attended therapy sessions about 5 or 6 years ago but every time I had an appointment, I was having a good day so I dont feel it helped me at all. I have never learned how to deal properly with my emotions. I feel that some of my problems stem from the death of my father when I was 15. I never fully dealt with it. Never saw a counselor or had therapy or anything of the sort. I am not really sure I explain things well about this either. do you think I should seek counseling? or that it would even help me?

ANSWER: Borderline personality disorder is most often a way to survive and cope with early loss and abuse. While your fathers death could certainly affect you and how you deal with strong emotions, it would not cause you to have a borderline personality disorder. Counseling or therapy can help; but you have to go even when you are feeling good. Medications can also be very helpful to take the sting off of feelings of rejection and anger. People with borderline personality disorder worry a lot about being abandoned and they sometimes have a hard time feeling real. It is not their fault. Again, borderline personality disorder is caused by early childhood abandonment and/or abuse along with an inherited tendancy to have strong emotional reactions. There is help. I would suggest you find a therapist, someone that can see you for a while. Ask around where you live, or, if you want to come to our center, call and make an appointment. You can also find a lot of good information about dealing with BPD at healthyplace.com Now all this assumes that your diagnosis is correct. It would help to have a second opinion. Sometimes psychologists, counselors, or physicians are quick to give the BPD diagnosis.

Category: Other Questions
Date Posted: 2007-12-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION: I wasnt really sure what category my question would go under, but here goes. My dad passed away unexpectedly last year, and sine then I have had to be the strong one in my family. I was not even 20 when he died, and now I am having to be the "perfect" daughter for my mom. She pressures me to get As in all my classes when I have never been an A student. I know that she wants me to have a good successful life, but all this pressure has caused me to lose control. I have noticed that I am always "on edge" and snappy when I dont mean to. I dont know if its because of the pressures of finals or never dealing with my Dads death, but I am starting to question continuing college, my major, honestly my life. I am not suicidal, but sometimes I think escaping to some small town where no one knows me would be great! I am not really sure what my question is, but I was wondering if you had any advice.

ANSWER: I am sorry to know that your father passed away. This is a very hard loss for you and your family. Mom might not know what to do right now, and parents often worry about the wrong things for the right reasons. I am sure your Mom knows deep down that the best thing is to not pressure you but she is hurting too and may be in a bit of a panic right now. Grief is hard; it helps to have someone who will work with you as you go through this change in your life. Please consider making an appointment with our staff to have your own private place to talk about your loss and your pressure. Do not let anyone rush you to deal with your Dads death. This kind of loss can take several years to grasp. You get to do it at your own rate; there is no right way to do it.

Category: How to Help a Friend
Date Posted: 2007-12-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My sister used to date this guy off and on for about two years, and he was always a jerk, like standing her up and never following through of their plans. They finally really broke up about this time last year, but have remained friends, or at least until last April. During last semester, she had a couple of her friends over and him along with two of his friends ended up stealing a bunch of things from my family, keying my moms car, and smashing the windows to my sisters car and taking her cd player. I know this was a very traumatic experience for her because he betrayed all trust she had put in him, and trust is not easy for us anyway thanks to our dad, but she still is not over it. I know these things take time, but she still cant talk about him without breaking down, and ignoring what happened is not going to help either. Do you have any suggestions of how I could help her, besides just letting her know that I am here for her?

ANSWER: Its hard being with a family member who is hurting, but sometimes family members are too close to the problem. Someone from outside the family might be able to help your sister talk about her feelings of anger and shame. Suggest to her that she talk to a neutral friend, a minister, or a counselor to see how she can disconnect from the pain of this event. --- the forwarded message follows ---

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-12-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:This is really not so much a question as it is just me needing some clarification or light shed on my situation...Basically, I think I drive myself crazy...I am by no means an insecure, unhappy person, and I do not think it shows that I do this to myself, but I am constantly questioning myself...I am so so so critical of everything that I do whether it be school/work related. In a sense, I think I even take on too much, because I feel like that is what I "should" do. Another thing that I do is compare myself to other people, not in a physical way like she has a nicer butt, but like when I am at work or in class--I will compare my paper to theirs or the length of their speech..Its like I am constantly looking for gratification that Iam doing what I "should" be doing, when I think I should just do it and not think about it. Sometimes I feel like its anxiety, other times I think it is just stress. All I know is that it comes in cycles. I will be breezing through not worrying or thinking and then BAMM-it hits me really hard and I am overwhelmed, depressed, miserable, etc. This has been going on for a year now or since I started grad school. I am almost finished with grad school, so I think that one contributing factor could be eliminated and I would get better. All I know is that with the end of this semester, it has gotten the worst it has ever been. I have been to the point that I felt incapable of doing anything school and/or work related..like I just wanted to curl up and forget about the world...What is wrong with me? I am convinced I am my own worst enemy!

ANSWER: Many of us have become our own worst enemy. Grad school is particularly good at stirring up anxiety about doing what you "should". Karen Horney wrote a lot about the tyranny of the shoulds. Maybe when you are out of grad school you will not compare yourself to others so much, but you could also take a look at it now before you graduate. Western society is full of double standards, like how being good enough is never good enough. Perfection is impossible for humans but we think we should strive for it anyway. Comparing yourself to others might stem from privately feeling inferior, but it could also stem from feeling superior. Either way, it might help for you to talk more about why you feel a need to compare and what you think the rest of the world is doing with that comparison. Maybe make an appointment and chat with one of our staff.

Category: Academic Difficulties
Date Posted: 2007-12-05(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I dont understand myself. I have always been "gifted". I score in 99th percentile on most standardized exams and can do well in school with very little effort. However, I am doing poorly. I dont go to class. I do not do assignments. I have work piled up and I procrastinate and procrastinate further. I make up excuses and manipulate my teachers into granting extensions, but time eventually runs out. I want to go to grad school and make something of myself, but unless I can conjure some motivation, I fear it will never happen. Any thoughts on WHY I am so unmotivated and any advice on making a change?!?!?

ANSWER: Intelligence and motivation are often unrelated. Having ability and using ability are independent. There are many reasons that college students dont go to class or do their work. Some may not really want to be here, but feel forced to be here. Some fear failure, evaluation, or scrutiny; they are bright but dont want to risk being tested. Some may be very anxious or depressed. There are many reasons and you might need to talk with someone who can help you figure out why you are denying yourself success. It could be a good friend or a mentor, or someone on our staff.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-12-03(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I am applying to graduate schools. I know you may not think it is a big deal, but I have to get in. I have to, and I dont want to take a year off, work, and then reapply--or anything because I need to get in on my first try to avoid feeling ashamed. I hate it when people say that not getting into grad school is not a thing to stress over because I can reapply or get a job. I need to get in--they dont understand. Its my last chance to prove myself before throwing in the towel. I am considering suicide if I dont get in. Its not really the only reason I am doing it. Its just going to be the "last straw." But I dont want to hurt my family or friends. Sometimes that makes me so angry...that I cant even have control of my own life because I have to worry about them and how they will react. I have been feeling this way for a while from various reasons, and I just feel that I am going to kill myself eventually, so why drag it out. I just want to do it so much, and it makes me angry that I have to think about others...like I am living for other people. I want to just make everyone hate me, so I can finally do what I want. You probably will not answer this, but I was wondering what would help people get over suicide of a loved one? Like, how much time? I want to give up, but I do not want to hurt anyone...but I do not want to stick around with these deep feelings of self-hatred just for the sake of someone elses worries. I hate that people consider suicide selfish and start guilt-tripping. Another reason I have not done it yet or have trouble thinking about it is trying to figure out the best way to do it. I want to do it effectively, like with pills and then a gun, but I dont want anyone to find me because that would be a traumatic experience. Again, I am tired of living just to keep others happy. Any advice would be appreciated on how to deal with these feelings that do NOT include in counseling. I do not do individual counseling. Thanks.

ANSWER: I honestly cannot think of anything that you could do to make your suicide less painful for your parents, family, and friends. People that survive the suicide of a family member tend to carry that guilt, shame, anger, and sadness for the rest of their lives. I understand that you do not want to hurt others but you want control of your life. Control feels good. Sounds like control has been taken from you before. I also understand that you do not want to do counseling. My guess is that it has not worked for you; too many people telling you that you are wrong for wanting to die. We do not want you to die, but we would want to be with you while you figure out a way to not take yourself out of the picture. It sounds like if you get into grad school you will feel better about yourself...like you are not a failure? If so, let us help you get into grad school. We know some things about grad school applications. We want to help, but we want to help on your terms. We do believe that you should not have to live to keep others happy; but we also believe that you can find your own happiness, and live. I know that is scary, and it probably makes you really mad just reading this. But everyone gets to be happy, somehow, and no one should have to be responsible for other people and their happiness. I wish people would not guilt trip you for being suicidal....I wish they would let you hurt and let you be angry....so that you too could find happiness. Please wait longer; make an appointment with us, or any other professional that you think will work with you. Think of it this way...you feel so burdened to keep others happy...so you can either kill yourself or you can kill the burden...you do not have to die to get rid of the burden...we could take your side and talk to your family if that would help. Thanks for contacting us; I hope you will give us a call and make an appointment.

Category: Adjustment to College
Date Posted: 2007-11-08(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:My roommates have always been terrible since I came to Western. I could write a short book on everything that my first roommate did that made me want to punch him in the face. The staff at the residence hall did NOT help me out at all either. The roommate I have now is becoming the same way. He snores so loud and furiously that I have had to go sleep in the study room because my iPod would not get loud enough to drown him out. Not only that, but he does not realize that he has terrible body odor, so he just sits in his own sweat all day long. The parking lots on campus suck, and I work late so I usually have a good 20 minute walk from my car back to my room. All I want to do is come back to my room and relax after a hard days work. But there have been times when I have walked in the room and had to walk right back out because the smell was so bad. I tried to ask Dr. Ransdell if he knew any ways I could get help (like getting another room or roommate), but he did nothing. I probably would not be sad if my roommate fell of the face of the earth. Is there anything I can do to help out my situation?

ANSWER: If possible, _tactfully_ talk to your roommate about his snoring and lack of hygiene. Maybe he just needs a reminder that his own habits affect those around him. If you cant do this or it does not help, you may want to request a private room. With your late hours due to work and desire for some peace and quiet, this may be the best solution for you, and well worth the higher cost. Contact Housing at 745-4359 or talk to your RA or Hall Director about how to make this request. If you do not request a private room, do not depend on random assignments for a roommate in future. Choose someone yourself with whom you think you could get along and could talk through the irritations that arise.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2007-11-06(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I dated the same guy since my sophmore year in High School. We have been broken up for over a year now but we lived together during the time we were broken up. During the whole time he gave me the impression that we were going to get back together but kept saying that he just needed some time and did not really want a relationship. Now that we do not live together anymore he now has someone else. I do not understand why he told me he did not want a relationship and now does. I keep feeling that something is wrong with me and that I am not good enough for him. I dont know how to get over him after so long.

ANSWER: Unfortunately, there could be a lot of reasons why he told you that he did not want a relationship and now has one. It could be that simply because you two were in close proximity at the time, he did not want to hurt your feelings or felt it would make things easier with you two having to live together. It could also be that he did not know what he wanted and he thought perhaps you two would get back together. I do not know the answer to that. But I do know that breaking up is difficult and often times when that happens we tend to blame ourselves and look at what we did wrong instead of what we might have done right. It is important to take the positives and the negative out of relationships and look at those to make ourselves grow for future relationships. You deserve someone who is honest and kind and treats you with diginity and respect. Someone who wants to be with you just the way that you want to be with them. No one should feel undervalued, or not good enough, for someone else. You two have been together for some time so it is difficult to "get over" someone you cared about quickly. Time is a good healing factor in that. If you would like, you could make an appointment with one of our counselors to talk about your feelings regarding this relationship. Our number is 745-3159. Hope this helps.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-10-19(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:This is kind of ridiculous because i am graduating in December but I am thinking about a second degree as a therapist and I was just wondering how I would go about doing that and how much more school I would have to complete to obtain this degree. I am a marketing major now and I believe as I get closer to graduation that being a Therapist is something more that I would like to do. If you would just please let me know what you think.

ANSWER: There is nothing ridiculous about thinking about another line of work. This often happens for people as they realize their interests have changed. If you are interested in becoming a therapist my suggestion would be to take some psychology courses at the undergraduate level to prepare you. Some relevant courses might be Intro. to Psychology (PSY 100), Personality Theory (PSY 450), Abnormal Psychology (PSY 440), and Interviewing Skills (PSY 442). Those courses would give you a good basis to make your decision. You should be aware that in order to become a therapist you will need at least a masters degree and possibly even a Ph.D. One of the best ways to find out if this is the field for you is to interview or shadow a therapist. Whatever course you take, good luck. Here to Help

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-10-16(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I think I am confused and questioning my sexuality. I am in my late 20s and have only seriously dated one guy in my life and that was a while ago. I enjoyed our intimate times and definately enjoyed sex with him, but I have never really been the kind of girl that sees a "hot" guy and thinks about him sexually. I think guys are cute but Ive only been sexually attracted to a guy after I really get to know him and I know that he is attracted to me too. As for my concerns about being attracted to women, I have been approached more than once by a lesbian as if I am a lesbian myself, and Ive also been assumed to be homosexual by many male gay friends and acquaintances. I do sometimes find women attractive but the idea of being intimate with them beyond kissing is not something I am that comfortable with. I am not sure where the question is in all this, but I guess I am just wondering if it is normal to still be questioning yourself at this age. I thought everyone pretty much knew what they "were" by their early 20s. Thanks.

ANSWER: In a perfect world we would all know who we want to be with romatically and sexually around puberty. In the real world, many people revisit who they are in their 20s, 30s, and on. It is easy to confuse affection, arousal, desire, and romance. It is normal to have strong feelings toward men and women. Knowing whether you are straight, gay, or bisexual is not always a simply or clear process. Talking to others could help; talking with a counselor could help. The staff at our center would work with you so that you could become more certain of who you are as a sexual being.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-09-20(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:since starting college, i have been feeling overwhelmed, confused, and somewhat lonely. I feel uneasy and dont know what will make me happy. I have considered talking to someone, but i feel like i am being a hypocondriact an EVERY freshman feels this way. I feel silly saying i think i am depressed but at times i feel very distressed. What is normal? How do i know if my feelings are something that will pass or something i should seek help on?

ANSWER: Let me assure you that your concerns are not silly, nor do they mean you are a hypochondriac. Getting comfortable with college is a huge adjustment that does not happen overnight, and its normal to feel overwhelmed, etc., at times. If these concerns begin to interfere with your concentration, eating, sleeping, and relationships and seem to linger over time, I encourage you to check in with one of our counselors. You can reach us at 745-3159, and we work around your schedule of classes or work. Be patient with yourself, and know that you are welcome to come talk to us!

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-09-18(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:recently...my life has seemed so crazy. i am getting to the point to where i feel like i cant do anything right. i have always been one to let out my problems and vent to my friends - but i havent been lately and its killing me holding everything inside. some of it has to do with my childhood past, my last relationship, and losing people close to me. i have had bad thoughts - and my friend told me to seek counseling, that maybe it would help me. my friends are worried about me - and i just want to be happy again.

ANSWER: Life can certainly throw you curves. That is good that you have been one to vent to your friends and to get things out. It sounds like for whatever reason, you are wanting to vent but arent comfortable doing that your friends at this point in your life. It is good that you have a support system with your friends and you care about them and they care about you. Counseling could give you that opportunity to share and express your thoughts and feelings in a safe, comfortable environment. Our counselors are there for you and you alone, which is sometimes better than the emotional attachment of friends. I am not sure of the "bad thoughts" you mentioned, but that concerns me. Please consider calling and making an appointment with our office at 745-3159. We work on an appointment basis, Monday - Friday 8am to 4:30. Also please know that a counselor is on call during that time as well for emergencies or crisis.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2007-09-12(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I had been dating this guy for almost 2 years. He was very mean to me and cussed me out all the time. He put me down and made me feel bad about myself constantly. He was also very jealous--telling me what to wear and how to act. I felt so close to him and would not break up with him because he took my virginity. Finally after a huge fight, he broke up with me. he wanted me back and i refused him, and got another boyfriend. Then my new boyfriend broke up with me. Now my old boyfriend wants me back, and promises he will change. So far he has changed but I dont know whether to give him a second chance or if I just dont want to be lonely anymore???? will he go back being mean after a few months or what?? any advice?

ANSWER: Often, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, so dont spend much time hoping this guy will make permanent changes. He shows several of the signs of an abuser: being constantly critical, cursing at you, jealousy, wanting to control you. It sounds like while heis trying to get you back, he is making it look like he has changed, but dont count on it. This guy has done some damage to your self-esteem, but you can improve that as long as you are not under his verbal abuse. And although you do not mention any physical abuse, someone who treats you as you describe is likely to take that abuse to the next level. While you might be temporarily lonely without a boyfriend, that is much healthier than being with an abuser. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect. Dont let your history with this guy suck you back in. If you would like to speak with a counselor about any of this, please contact our office at 745-3159. Stay strong!

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-08-29(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I have a friend who I really think needs some help, and I have done all that I think I can do. I told her I would take her to the counseling center on campus, but honestly I do not know where to take her, or even if you all can help, so if this is even the correct e-mail address, could you please tell me where I should bring her, or just any advice would be helpful. Thank you very much!!

ANSWER: It sounds like you have been a great friend. Our office is located at 409 Potter Hall and our office hours are from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. Students can access our service one of two ways. One you can call our office at 745-3159 to make an appointment for a specific time with a specific counselor. Or two, we have a counselor on call each day for crisis or emergency if your friend would prefer to just stop by rather than make an appointment. Either way I hope this helps you and your friend.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-08-06(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Hi, I am going to be a freshman in the fall at WKU. I am very excited about startiing college but am worried my eating disordered behavior will likely get worse without parents or friends watching when/what I eat. I have gotten therapy before for anxiety, but never an eating disorder. I was just wondering if there were any programs or ways to get help on campus.

ANSWER: Welcome to Western. We are very excited that you are coming here. We do have a counseling center on campus for WKU students. The first 12 sessions are free per academic year. After that, there is a minimal charge of $5.00 per session. Our counselors can meet with you and talk about your concerns. Please feel free to call 745-3159 to make an appointment. Our office hours are Monday - Friday; 8am to 4:30pm. Good luck to you.

Category: Emotional Health
Date Posted: 2007-08-01(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:Hello- I have been doing a lot of research on O.C.D. lately because I think I may have the disorder. I was wondering if Westerns Counseling and Testing Center offers any programs related to O.C.D. If not, is there someplace locally I can go to in order to seek help. Thank you very much!

ANSWER: We often offer programming throughout the academic year depending on the request from groups and/or classes on campus. So that would be a way that OCD information could be offered through a program. However, unless the request is there, its not offered. We do offer individual counseling to meet each individuals needs. This could be the opportunity you are looking for regarding discussing your concerns regarding this disorder. If there are further questions, please feel free to contact our office and speak to someone regarding more information that you might need, or call and make an appointment to discuss concerns. Our office hours are Monday - Friday, 8:00am to 4:30. Our number is 745-3159. Hope this helps.

Category: Relationships
Date Posted: 2007-05-29(yyyy-mm-dd)

QUESTION:I was scared to death when I came to WKU last Fall for the first time, I didnt want to leave home or stay at all. That quickly changed when I started making friends and I met my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I became very close, supporting each other and growing by leaps and bounds as people. Our home lives are awful...completely awful. My parents wont let me do ANYTHING. I grew up in a very controlled environment, they wont even let me get a job for heavens sake. They give me a credit card and say manage it when they never taught me about budgeting. We are in financial position to do whatever we wanted but we live in a house where you cant drink the water and there is no shower, just an old bathtub. They wont give me any privileges or accept my boyfriend visiting no matter how nicely I explain it. My dad is passive aggressive and my mom is codependent. I just want to run away. Seriously. With my grades Im almost certain I could get financial aide or grants without a problem. Ive gotten to the point that I need to start thinking about getting out of here...quickly. Do you have any suggestions or advice? Either would be greatly appreciated.

ANSWER: