Here to Help Questions & Answers prior to May 5, 2005

 

Question:
My boyfriend doesn't really like talking about how he feels then he gets all upset and starts making a threat that he's going to kill himself. Nobody understands him but me. He has lived a hard life and more. How can I help him?

Answer:
I can see that you would feel a bit frustrated in knowing what to do. The truth is that if he is talking about killing himself, then he is certainly talking about how he feels though not very effectively.   It's difficulty for me to know, however,  whether he is seriously considering killing himself or if he is using that threat to avoid talking more specifically about what's bothering him.  You might try something like:  "Are you really wanting to kill yourself , or is something really bothering you?"  By approaching him in that manner, he may open up a little more. If you feel like he may  be thinking  about harming himself, it would be good to get him to some help.  We at the Counseling & Testing Center are available if needed.

Question:
Subject:*  flunking out *Question:*  I have a boyfriend that lives 226 miles away and ive been visiting him a little to much... long story short i skipped to much class and now im going to fail... how do i tell my parents?? Its caused so much emotional stress that sometimes i wish that i would get hurt ( not killed) but to the point where i couldnt take my finals.... how do i tell my parents... help!!!

Answer:
Be honest with yourself.  If you were really worried about failing you would not have spent so much time away from campus.  You chose to be with him instead of going to class.  You don't have to be ashamed, but you do have to be honest.  You are an adult, and adults get to decide how they will live their lives, but adults also have to face the consequences of their choices.  If being with your boyfriend meant more to you than succeeding in school, so be it.  Don't be ashamed of your choice.  But now that you might fail your classes, you need to own up to your choices.  Just tell your parents the truth.  Let them know you are not finding college to be meaningful.  Maybe they would work with you to come up with a plan to set out a semester and see where your talents would be best used.

I think this is only way to handle your situation without making it worse.  If you don't control your life, other people will try to control it for you.  Call your parents and let them know what is happening.

Question:
i am what they call a homosexual what can i di to get rid of it i cant take it anymore

Answer:
I'm afraid that you've ask for a simple answer to a not so simple question.  The first question in my mind is "Who is the 'they' that you refer to?"  Is your sexual orientation your idea or that of others?  If you are personally struggling with who you are as a sexual being, then that is something that we all deal with in different ways.  It is usually good to get with a counselor and talk through what is going on, how our thoughts and feelings developed, and how we can begin to come to terms with who we are.  As you can see, THE ANSWER is very personal and unique to you as a person.  Hope you will give serious thought to getting with a counselor and exploring yourself.

Question:
Over the past four weeks i haven't felt my best mentally. It started after Easter. I started having Panic attacks and now i'm always focused on breathing, clearing my throat, and yawning to "catch" my breath. I think about these things all the time. I've had them before and have gotten over them in the past. But now i don't know if i have gotten over them or just forgotten about them. Can you point me in the right direction of some resources out there to help with this? Is it normal?

Answer:
You can always go get things checked out physcially.  Your body changes over time and perhaps you've developed something physically.  Health Services on campus is a great resource for that.  Another avenue would be to address why you are having these symptoms and perhaps to develop some techniques to help you overcome this and focus on other things.  Perhaps seeing a counselor, either on campus or in the community, would be beneficial to you.  I would definetly recommend one of those two avenues, if not both, to start out!  Good luck!

Question:
I am an emigrant and I wil do my best in wraithig,please be OK with theat I have an problem all my life,and I realy need help.I blaym my past for evrything it hapened to my,and I know is rong.Haw can I gat over my past and bee able to live like an normal person.I drink evry time when I feel bad and if I dont feel bed I find an excuse to drink.To be honest I love the taste of red wine in my mauth, I jeast have to drink a hole batlle not only one glas or two and most of the time i drink an hole botlle,and I know it is realy rong.Please sombady can anser to0 my measege?

Answer:
Sounds like much is going on in your life at present.  It also sounds like you don't feel that you have much control over all this "stuff" that is going on.  My primary concern would be that the wine is the only thing that seems to make you feel better.   I would personally like to see you be able to find other things, both inside you and outside of you, to make you feel better.  Hope you will get with a counselor, either here on campus or off campus and begin to look at some better ways of feeling good.

Question:
i would like to work on campus next semester something like give campus tours is that possible?

Answer:
Yes it is possible to get involved with campus tours, but there is quite a bit involved in the process.  You are interested in becoming a Spirit Master, or a student who conducts the campus tours.  You would need to contact the Spirit Masters office at 745-5811 for specifics.  However, be aware you would need to complete an application and be interviewed.  The process has already begun for the upcoming academic year, but it is never to early to plan for academic year 2006-2007.  Good luck!

Question:
Subject:*  Suicide *Question:*  A friend of mine is thinking of suicide. She has never said it to anyone, but I have seen it in her Journal. She has seeked help before, but I don't think it has helped. In her writing she has two plans on how she's going to do this. I called the police, but she informed them she was ok. I want to help her, but she has told everyone she is doing fine. She has a date and time set..is there anything else I can do?

Answer:
What you are describing is a potentially dangerous situation.  It sounds like you have really reached out to your friend.  I would first of all suggest that you insist on getting her to the Counseling & Testing Center and even indicate that you will go with her.  If she refuses, then I would suggest that you get in touch with her parents and inform them of the seriousness of the situation.

Question:
i am a freshman from detroit michigan and i came down here knowing no one and now that i have been here i feel that i dont fit in, its not that i dont have common interest with people, but more that the people that i have a common interest with i think they are dumbasses, i dont know if i am comeing back next semester or if i should tranfer to a school in michigan, i gusses that it is hard for me to meet people that i would like to hang out with its not hard to meet poeple just to meet people that i like, you tend to hang out with people that are like you and no one here is like me what can i do? and i need to get tested for STDS how much dose that coast?

Answer:
Sounds like an impossible situation for which there is no solution.  Anyone with the same interests as you is, as you say, a dumbass.  I wonder what made coming here seem so attractive and why you now feel so alone.  Sometimes when we are angry or afraid we send out mixed signals to people and find ourselves alone.  Making an appointment with the counseling center is one way to change how you present yourself to others.  This might help you make friends.

You can find out about STD testing by contacting W.K.U. Health Services.

Question:
the longer i stay in this city of this shitty state the more i want to go home, the people here are something eles i dont know what to say about them, i dont feel like this is the place for me but i still want to be here, i think i would feel better if i had more friends its not that it hards to make friends but its that the people i meet i feel that they are just not for me. and when it comes to girls wow i see all these couples walking around and i want that for me but i can seem to talk to any girls because i think that i am ugly and that no girl would want to be with me what should i do?

Answer:
Like I said before, sometimes when a person feels afraid or angry, he/she sends out mixed signals.  These mixed signals might push other people away.  It is interesting that you see yourself as so ugly but you are also very picky about your friends.  I wonder if being picky is just a way to keep from being hurt.  I hope you will consider using our counseling services, or finding someone elso on campus to talk to.

Question:
i know that all college student have trouble with what they want to do with treir life, but i am a little more confused then most, i have not clue what i wnat to be, i mean i have no clue what i want to do for money for the 50 years,i would love to teach and coach but the money is just pennies, and i dont even know how i am going to pay for next semster i know that i can get student loans but i will most likely that i will end up work at the locial walmart or some factory pay off the loans, the thing is that i dont want to live pay check to pay check, and i come from a family that is no help in any way dont get it wrong my mom is there for me and would do anything that she can for me but there is not she can do. is there any way you could help? (and dont tell me to go talk to some advisor or counseling services)

Answer:
I would advise you to talk with a counselor.  You sound very confused and angry and you need to settle your financial arrangements for next semester soon.  You may also want to talk with someone in financial aid to see what options you have in addition to loans.

Question:
what is up with wku's diversity program? something like 80% of wku students come from the state of kentucky and like 80% of kentucky is white, how divers can you get? and what is up with the drop out rate something like 49% of my dorm is on probation and 10% droped out after the first semester?

Answer:
I'm not sure what you are asking regarding WKU's diversity program.  Are you saying that the program is not doing enough or that since Kentucky is so white, nothing much can be done?

The probation rates and drop out rates you mention are not uncommon for public institutions of higher education.  Many students choose to come to college without the basic skills needed to make passing grades.  While Western offers a variety of services for students who are academically underprepared, the responsibility belongs to the student to catch up.  It is rather sad so many come here and cannot do the work.  I wonder if you have any ideas of how we could get more of these students to get the help they need to stay in school?

Question:
Subject:*  NEED ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENCE STUDY QUESTIONS *Question:*  I am a 30 year old disabled woman living on social security. I cannot leave my home, but would like to further my education. I have been looking into the correspondence study and have applied for financial aid. But I still don't know if I can get what I am looking for. Are there ANY exceptions for the correspondence study where I can do ALL of my classes this way? Desperately need answers.

Answer:
I think you will find many of your answers at the office of correspondence study.  I have included an email address that you may use to contact this office (amanda.wilson7@wku.edu).

Question:
What should i do if my mother is stressed out and speaks of committing suicide?

Answer:
It's hard when people we love are in so much pain.  The important thing is to make certain your mother, and anyone who is talking about suicide, is safe.  There first thing you can do is find out how seriously she is thinking about harming herself.  Questions that will help you get to that are:  does she have a plan; what would she use; when would she do this.  Asking these questions will not encourage your mom to harm herself, but will assure her that she is being heard and that you are concerned about her.  Once you have the answers to those questions get help for her.  If she is in immediate danger contact the police or a physician.  Either can help her by placing her in the hospital.  Contacting a crisis line if the danger is immediate is also an option.  In this area the crisis line number is 843-4357 or (800) 223-8913.  If the danger is not quite so immediate make sure that she gets in to see a therapist as soon as possible.  The important thing to understand is that your mother is asking for help.  You can start the process for her.  Good luck.  Remember we're here to help.

Question:
*Subject:*  need help *Question:*  i have a friend. she is a good friend of mine.But i Am getting physically attracted towords her. I dont know what to do.please help.

Answer:
I'm not sure what kind of help you are asking for.  Are you not wanting to be attracted to her? Are you wanting to get involved in a romantic relationship with her? What exactly are you looking for.  If you could give us more information to work with, we'll be glad to try to help.  However, being attracted to someone is not necessarily a bad thing and it happens often, even to good friends.  Good luck..and let us know if there is anything else you'd like to share.

Question:
I was wondering about what you all do for depression.  I have gone about 6 days with about 3 hours of sleep, cant eat, not been going to class etc., and I am really afraid now that I am going to fail and my mom asked that I contact you all which doesnt sound like that bad of an idea.  If you all could pleas e-mail me back about times, prices, etc.  Thank you

Answer:
As indicated on our "Here to Help" page, all of our replies will be posted to the website.  To maintain confidentiality, we do not respond to individual email addresses.  You have mentioned concerns regarding depression and by your descriptions, those could be signs of that.  I would recommend you call our office, 745-3159 and make an appointment with a counselor.  The first 12 sessions are free to Western students.  We can also give a list of resources if you are not interested in coming on campus.  Appointments are made Monday-Friday from 8am -4:30 and are made on an individual basis that works with your schedule.  There is also the option of contacting your doctor for a possible medication evaluation.  I would also recommend, with it being so late in the semester, to contact your professors to see what you can do to make up work or what can be done to salvage your situation.  Depression is not something to take lightly and if you feel this is something you are experiencing, it really would be beneficial to seek help! Hope things work out for you!

Question:
Subject:*  tuition *Question:*  How much does in state tuition cost?

Answer:
I'm afraid that you have ask the wrong office this question. However, we can get you to the right office.  Contact the Office of the Registrar, 216 Potter Hall, Phone 745-3351

Question:
*Subject:*  Housing and residence life *Question:*  I am a freshman, and I feel like I can not stay on campus, due to an aversion to other people whom I don't know. I don't mind meeting people, but I would feel severly uncomfortable living anywhere near other people. Also, I am an independant student, my parents don't provide financial support, and I am completely financially independant. Sometimes this makes me a little more stressed than most people, but it also makes me really proud of myself in that I can support myself even though I am only 19. Here is my question: Why is it that the H&R people can be such morons? I know that is strong language, but I honestly feel like the University's policy about housing is the most bull-headed thing I've ever heard. They quote studies at me that say that I will do better in school if I live on campus, but charge me $1800 to stay off campus, making my life that much harder. I can't afford them keeping my 1800, and I need it back, but everytime I try to talk to them I get so frustrated I want to scream. What can I do?

Answer:
I can certainly see your frustration with what seems to you to be unreasonable. I guess two things come to my mind as to what you might do.  The first, which you may already have done, is to go throught the appeal process in Housing and Residence Life. You could present your position and ask for some consideration for an exception to the rule. The second thought is, perhaps not as easy to swallow, but an option nevertheless, is to do some  "mind adjustment."  By that I mean allowing youself to say to yourself something like . . ."Well, I can't change this situation, and I sure as hell don't like it one bit.  However, I refuse to let this interfere with the others parts of my lfe.  So I'm going to choose to grin and bear it."  As I say, this latter option may not be your first preference, but it is still one that you can choose.  Hope this is helpful. 

Question:
Gender:* Female
*Classification:*
*Subject:* Unreasonable parents
*Question:* Now I am not a rebellious child. I have always listened and obeyed my parents rules, and respected their authority. I am 19 years old, and they treat me as if I am an irresponcible and wild 16 year old. I am a good student, I mostly just sit around and do my homework and study everyday. I talk on the phone with my boyfriend/best friend, and that is about it. So last summer I decided that for spring break this year I wanted to do something on my own. Every year for spring break I have spent with my family either on vaction or at home. They are extremely boring and we always do what my parents want. I wanted to just be a normal college kid, and go somewhere with my friends. Well they didn't so much approve when I told them pretty much a year ago. But it is what I wanted to do so there have been no arugments until about 3 days before. My dad was calling me and asking me for details, which is not a big deal, but he was just mad about it because I had not planned every single second. I had maps, and money that I had been saving on my own, planed everything about what we would do and that we needed to stop and rest when driving, bringing snack food and drinks and whatnot. Well after the phone calls and inquires about every tiny detail. My parents decided that they wanted to do their best to convince me not to goand emailed me. My dad emailed me that he was disappointed that I had not planned better, that boys were going, and that I was just going along with everyone else, worried that I would let my boyfriend drive my car, worried that I would be drunk and crazy, and ranting on about all of this. My mom sent me an email the same day of her supposed spring break trip that her parents didn’t approve of, but decided that if along the way she visited her and her friend’s relatives that it was okay. The whole story the relatives say not to go, and they end up not going. In a way to manipulate me into thinking that well it will be better if I go and stay with my mom, because I can come and go as I please ( not true, I will have a curfew, and I don’t have a key, which she thinks that I have one), and that I won’t have to hang out with her, well I will because I hardly ever see her and I will feel so guilty if I do not. This just made me furious. I am responsible and way too serious and mature for my age. I always do what I want, and I respect my parent’s wishes, but when they are accusing me of doing all of these things mostly because they don’t like my boyfriend, it is absolutely My parents are incredibly strict and protective, to the point that it is ridiculous. I had to get away from them to go to college even if it meant leaving the person that I love, because they do this all day when I am home. I understand worrying, and that they love me and care about me but this is way beyond that. They have made it to where I don’t want to be anywhere near them most of the time. Mostly because they don’t know me, I don’t talk to them about personal things, because they twist everything I say into some weird and completely opposite situation. For example my boyfriend, I love him so much he is so sweet, kind, loving, caring person. Very deep and insightful, and he is my best friend. He dresses like a “thug”, but my parents assume that it means gang. He is definitely not in a gang. Well ever since that they just take any possible way that I can talk about him to make it into him doing something bad. Now he doesn’t even want to be around my family at all because they will just put him down and try every way possible to get me to think twice about him. They encourage me to have fun, because they know that all I do I sit here and talk to him, but when I do, they find some way of telling me that it is wrong. Well I have had it they have treated me this way all of my life and it has seriously messed me up, and created a barrier between me and my parents. I don’t know what else to do I have tried talking with them, yelling at them, not talking to them, been mean to them, but I feel like I am the only one who seems to care about their feelings as well as my own. Please help me I just want to live my life, but it is hard to do that with your parents are paying for your college. I want to respect their wishes as I always have, but they are being completely unreasonable, and don’t respect me or who I am. They just want me to date some rich guy, which will take care of them when they need it, and for us to be all buddy-buddy. Which I don’t believe will ever happen if they don’t start accepting me and my boyfriend, and my friends. I leave for spring break tommorrow and I don't want to call them every singlew day, I don't want to even talk to them because they couldn't tell me this to my face, or before I decided to do this. I am feeling so guilty which I know that they are not because I am going to end up not going and doing again what they are trying to manipulate me to do. I have always tried to walk in their shoes before making judgements upon them and I wish that they would do the same for me. I guess the best thing to do is tell them how I feel, but I always get intimidated by them and I always end up feeling guilty for fighting with them. And I don't want to fight with them right now because my dad is having surgery next friday and I don't want anything to happen to him and the last thing that we say to each other be in anger. I can't figure out what to do and I need help. Thank you for reading all of this I just am stuck in a situation that I don't know how to deal with.

Answer:
Wow! Sounds like you are having a really tough time in dealing with your parents. I can respect that, especially when you are at a point in your life where you want to be more and more independent and have difficulties with that because of them assisting with school payment. It's a tough time for them too, from a different point of view. Especially with your relationship changing because you aren't needing them or as dependent on them as you were when you were living at home, etc. The thing remains that you have no control over what they do, only how you react to their actions. Then they in turn will react to your actions, which can definetly create a nasty pattern if nothing changes. It sounds like you feel you've exhausted all your efforts and ways of behavior, so perhaps thinking of things in a different way. Meaning, working on not feeling guility and allowing them to manipulate you. You've got to decide what is good for you and decide what priorities you want to take in your life. Unfortunately this hasn't happened overnight and will take more than overnight to "fix" things. It certainly sounds as if you do want to be respectful to your parents and care about them very much, as they do you. But perhaps figuring out how much you want them to control your life and how much you are going to allow that to bother you is the best avenue. Sometimes venting helps as well as a different perspective on things. I certainly hope you have someone to talk to you, but perhaps you should consider counseling...because counseling will allow someone who is not emotionally involved be there for you! As a Western student, you would be eligible to come to counseling and testing center (4th floor, Potter Hall, 745-3159). If you don't feel comfortable with that, then consider something in the community. Hope this helps!

Question:
Adjustment to College *Gender:*  Male *Classification:*  sophomore *Subject:*  sports in college *Question:*  My son started at a small private college. He has done well academically, but recently is convinced that he will never have a position on the baseball team. He seems very upset, sad ,amd angry as he has worked so hard at this game and now he feels it has all been for nothing. He says he is miserable and would leave now if he could...how can I best help him. I have never known him to be this depressed and angry in his whole life.

Answer:
It sounds like your son is facing a very challenging situation that will affect many college athletes.  I would suggest that he contact the counseling center at this college, or someone in the local community there, and spend a few sessions talking about what he is going through.  Many people do not realize what pressure college athletes face and how threatening it can be when an athlete cannot play his/her sport.  College students in general, athletes and non athletes, face a lot of "firsts" while they are in college.  See if he would like to talk with a counselor or therapist to lay out his options and goals.

Question:
I'm a junior journalism major at WKU and am wondering if there is a CLEP examination for English 300. If not, would the English composition CLEP exam count as a liberal arts and sciences elective? Thank you very much.

Answer:
There isn't a clep test for English 300.  There is a departmental exam and you have to register through the Registrar's Office to take it.  You can check with the English department to get information about what is on the test.  You cannot take the clep English Composition as it awards credit for English 100.

Question:
I've dated my boyfriend for a year. We're pretty close and do everything together. We hardly keep anything from each other. Recently, we both got jobs working at the same place. Now, he seems real distant. He won't act like he used to, he won't talk like he used to. Tonight, he got mad because it was 2am and we didn't have time for sex. Lately, I feel that's all he wants. I talk to him about how I'd rather cuddle and tell him how much I love him but he gets angry saying that I'm breaking a promise. I'll tell him that we might have sex later and if we don't, he gets mad and yells. Tonight, he said I was a liar and I break promises, that I'm a bad girlfriend and that all we do is argue. That's not true. I was trying to talk about how I feel so distant from him and how I want to be close again and all he could do is get mad because we didn't have sex. Now, he won't even answer my phone calls. Please help. How can I get him to be not mad?

Answer:
Relationships are very difficult in the best of times and when stress gets in the way, they are even more difficult.  It sounds like things might be going on for him that have become difficult to talk with you about.  This doesn't mean it's your fault but just that sometimes things change and are different.  Working together and being together "all the time" can create some strain too.  Sometimes having time for yourself is a good thing.  It sounds like he is putting an emphasis on sex and that's not where your priority is.  I think it's awesome that you are trying to talk to him about it and it's hard to deal when he won't communicate with you like you think he should.  I'm not sure the question is how can you get him not to be mad.  What about what can you both do to make things different?  You can't control his actions and get him to do things he doesn't want to do.  You only have control over your own stuff.  Hope this is helpful, and know that there are counselors at the center who are willing to talk things through with you in a more indepth level, so feel free to call and make an appointment!

Question:
how do u get over some one that u loved so much and dated for so long then they just give up on ya

Answer:
One of the biggest challenges we all face as we grow up is to accept that people "fall" in love with an idea before they fall in love with a person.  If someone can give up on you then that someone never really loved you.  That someone may have been in love with the idea of loving you or that someone may have loved a fantasy image of you, but that person did not love you.
One reason we have a hard time getting over someone is that we don't want to see how we were playing the same game.  Anger can keep you missing someone long after the fantasy of love fades away.  A lot of what passes for sadness after a break up is really vengeful jealousy.  Some of us like to suffer just to show the other person how mad we are.

Then again, sometimes we are fooled by another and it hurts when he/she pulls away.  The trick to accept that you would rather be alone than with someone who was fooling you.  Some of us aren't ready to accept this idea though.  Some of us would rather be in a bad relationship than be alone.

So, how do you get over someone?  By getting over them.  You have to start doing things without them.  Start dating again, go out with friends, fill your day with activities, but don't let yourself sit around and pout.  Pouting just makes it worse.
If you continue to have problems controling your own feelings, please think about making an appointment with the counseling center.

Question:
Art Teacher, Elementary Teacher, Hotel, Restraunt, and Tourism Management, Finnacial Planner, Print Journalism, How do you decide on your life? I have been struggling with this for a while now. I want to do so many things but I don't at the same time. I want to work when I am at work, and play in my free time. And all that i like is so different and confusing. I have already completed all of my general education requirements and started in my major, but I don't know if this is what I really want to do, in some ways I want to help children learn, and in others I just want to do my job and make a minimum wage and go home and have a kickball game with my friends or a barbeque. But I can't decide, every time I do, I change it again, and I don't want to be here forever, I want to chose a major and get it over with. But what if I get out there and hate my job? Will I be able to work in other fields that are not at all related to my college degree? This university needs more minors! AHhh... please help me. no one has be able to so far and I just want to move on, I have researched for the past 2 years and not one inventory can tell me anything because I am basically equal in everything, and I don't mind working, or doing anything, from a desk job, to outdoors to practically anything. It is just so hard to do this and once I get out of school and 4 years of hard work behind me and have to come back for something else and never use my Bachelor's degree. I don't know what else to do, I have done absolutely everything that every counselor, advisor and parent, professor, and friend has told me to do to figue this out and all I want is 1. to make a reasonable amount of money 2. be able to get promotions 3. work at work, and have time for myself and family 4. I am a horrible salesperson 5. I don't like medical fields 6. Not wonderful with computers, but able to use one

Answer:
Wow, you do seem confused and perhaps a bit discouraged as well.  What do I do with so many options.  You have raised so many questions that it would be very difficult for me to  answer them all, particularly over the email.  You seem to have some idea of what you want and don't want, can do and can't do, like and don't like .  This is a good start.  My recommendation would be for you to make an appointment with the Counseling & Testing Center, 745-3159,  Potter Hall, Room 409, and begin to get some help in sorting out all of these options.  Hope you will follow through on this recommendation.

Question:
*Subject:*  marriage not working *Question:*  I have a emotional up & down relationship with my husband of 11 years. We were always fighting about not having enough money, but now that's not the problem. We both have great paying jobs. My husband works all the time. I feel that he never has time to talk with me. We do work together, but work is no place to talk about our lives. When he gets home he just watches tv. I hate to say it, but when we make love, that seems to be the only time he would put his hands on me or even pay any attention to me. He also talk after that. I feel this is not right. I feel he should talk to me no matter if there is a problem or not. I have noone to talk to about this. Some say it's just cause he is a man, other say he'll get over it. I say, if he hasn't changed his ways for 16 year he's not. I should be able to just settle with his way's, but I can't. I feel that a relationship needs to have great conmunication. Please help in any

Answer:
Your situation does sound unfullfilling to say the least.  I agree with you that work is no place to tell family secrets. My experience certainly has been that relationship problems can only be addressed in a relationship situation.  By that I mean in couples counseling.  I hope that,  for your sake, you will strongly consider getting some help. Suggest to your husband that you would like for the two of you to get some help to improve your relationship. If he is hesitant, you may need to start with yourself and hope that your husband will later join with you.   We in the Counseling & Testing Center are available to students and spouses.  Hope you will avail yourself of this help.

Question:
*Subject:*  behavorial changes in sexually abused children *Question:*  I may have some knowledge about a person I know to have been sexually abused. But it is a tricky subject to ask about, and I know this person well enough to know that they wouldnt have gotten any form of counseling for it. What would be some noticeable changes that an outside observer would be able to pick up on? The person was possibly abused at the ages 5-9 and now this person is 25 years old. I think that maybe these past issues will resurface again in a more violent way and I'd like to work with the person in resolving those issues.

Answer:
Unless you are a mental health professional I would not recommend that you "work with the person in resolving those issues".  In fact, as you suspect that past issues will come up again only in more violent ways, I would strongly suggest you assist this person in finding a mental health professional he/she will trust.
I am a bit confused by your question though.  It sounds like you are asking about the signs or symptoms that might occur as the person becomes more aware of his/her past abuse.  There are many signs or symptoms, and they will vary with each person.  Generally speaking you will see symptoms of numbing or intrusion.  Numbing symptoms include lack of concentration, sleepiness, lack of emotions, substance and alcohol use, or other activities that are distracting.  Intrusion symptoms include restlessness, flashbacks, nightmares, startling easily, irritability, and excessive emotions.

Please encourage your friend to find help, either at the counseling center or with a professional in the community.  There are some groups in the community for survivors of sexual abuse.  There are many excellent web sites on this subject also.
Do be open and honest with your friend.  Don't beat around the bush or hint at the problem.  Be straight forward.  This person has endured more pain than most of us can imagine.  He/she is not fragile or helpless, so treat him/her like he/she could fall apart at any moment.  People who carry a lot of shame are very sensitive to pity; they don't like it at all.  If you want to help, you need to know what to do.

Question:
At a loss with my anger
Question:  for the last few weeks, months, im not quite sure, i have begun to feel emotions like never before. my anger level has increased dramatically and sparks up very often, which it never has before. i used to be deep and play guitar, always smiling, helping people, relaxed, and able to handle a busy schedule. now i cant attain any of that because i stress over nearly everything that happens, putting a lot of pressure on my life, and im not sure if its a mental problem. i never was like this until recently, and i think it is sort of a depression. im mean towards my girlfriend, im grumpy, and i also get annoyed by a lot of people, for simply the things they say, even if they are not mean. i do not like the way i have changed and wondered if it was something i should talk to a doctor about or if i will grow out of this "anger phase"

Answer:
There could be a lot of explanations for your feelings of anger or experiences of new emotions.  Coming to college itself can be a change that can evoke feelings never felt before and other situations that are changed through being at college creates stress as well.  If you don't like the way things are going for you right now, I definetly would recommend you doing something about that.   You really have taken the first step in making changes by realizing that you don't like the behaviors you are doing.  I would recommend talking to someone about that whether it be coming in to the counseling center or even talking to a doctor with whom you feel comfortable.  People have periods of adjustment all throughout there life, and they often learn how to deal with those changes.  However, if your "anger phase" continues to get worse, I would recommend talking it over with someone sooner rather than later! Good luck!

Question:
I am a graduate student here at WKU and I work part-time on campus. I was in therapy in the past dealing with issues related to years of sexual abuse. I have been taking medication for PTSD since college. I have been feeling great and everything has been fine up until a few days ago. I have been having really bad flashbacks and have been shaking and feeling like I want to hide in my room and never come out. I don't want to come in for one-on-one counseling because I feel like I should be healed. I really just want some advice on how to survive the flashbacks and all the emotional baggage they bring along. Thanks for the help.

Answer:
Let me first say that having flashbacks now after feeling good for a while does not mean you are not healed.  Your body has a way of knowing what you can handle and when.  You did heal in therapy, and maybe you are strong enough now to do some more.  Don't fear or be ashamed of the flashbacks; they are your body's way of making sure you will heal completely.
I hope you will consider making an appointment; starting therapy again is not a sign of weakness or failure.  If you don't want to work with a therapist right now I can only recommend that you trust the flashbacks and make use of them.  Keep a diary or journal of what you see, what is happening in the flashbacks, so you know that they are real.  The flashback is your body's way of slowly showing you something that you needed to forget when it happened.  There are no rules or deadlines for healing.  It is done when IT is done.  Many people who were abused need to take time between remembering, so they will go for years feeling good and then have new flashbacks.  This is normal, it is healthy, you are not going backwards.

Question:
I am married and feel like my husband is cheating on me, because he looks at porno sites on the internet and he masterbates while watching these sites.He has admiting doing this and says he will not do it again but does. I get very upset is this cheating or not

Answer:
It sounds like you think this is cheating, at least you say it feels like your husband is cheating.  Healthy adults, married or single, do masturbate.  The question we all have to answer is how often, when, where, etc. do we masturbate.  You have shared your concern with your husband and it sounds like he says he will stop but doesn't.  Have you shared why this bothers you with your husband?  It might help him to know if you are jealous, sad, or angry about what he is doing.  In other words, are you concerned that he is cheating or are you concerned that he has a sexual addiction.   You might ask what he feels he gets from the Internet that he does not get from real life.  Hope these ideas help to get you started.  Let us know if you have more questions.

Question:
Is there a place on the campus that does DNA Paternity Test?

Answer:
No there is not an office that handles DNA testing.  Paternity testing is a legal issue that usually requires a court order.  As a result you would need to hire an attorney to assist with this.  The county attorney's office may be able to provide you with a list of attorneys who could be assistance.  In addition, there are genetic counselors available at Vanderbilt. However, in order to have reliable results all parties need to take part in the testing.  This may require a court order.  Hope this helps.

Question:
When you take a physical do you have to pee in a cup? why do they do this?

Answer:
The types of screenings vary from physician to physician.  Often urine tests are used to determine if you have an infection.  My suggestion is to speak with your doctor prior to the exam to determine what kinds of tests might be performed and question his/her rationale for each.  Hope this helps.

Question:
I was diagnosed with depression when I was 15. I've seen a psychologist and taken anti-depressants since then. My parents divorced when I was 13, so I lived with my mom and we were really close. In the last year, my mom has gotten a new boyfriend. Right before my freshman year at WKU started, my mom moved us in with him without even asking me. Since then, whenever I visit, he calls me horrible names, makes jokes about my weight and appearance. My mom just agrees with him and laughs. I have a hard time telling people how I feel. But finally, I opened up to my mom and told her how this was hurting me and she said that I was being a "spoiled brat" and to suck it up. Since then, we haven't really spoken. She wouldn't even help me pay for this semester's tuition. I asked her and she said "You're 18. I don't have to help you." So, I had to borrow the money from my grandparents. I don't understand this. We were so close and now, since she's met him, she said she didn't care if she ever saw me again or not. What happened? What should I do, just forget about Also, I've had a cutting problem for a long time. When we get into arguements, I find myself wanting to cut. I was sent away to a behavorial hospital for treatment when I was 16. So, instead of cutting, in fear of being that messed up again, I take a marker and mark real heavy lines on my forearms, so that it has the sensations of cutting. Is this crazy?

Answer:
 First off, no you are not crazy.  I'm glad that you have found alternative ways for cutting.  That's good to know that you are concerned yourself about the cutting and are looking for different ways to make things better for you.  I'm glad the treatment when you were 16 helped.  Next, on to your mom.  I highly recommend that you make an appointment at the center to be able to talk to someone.  A loss like a close relationship (especially with your mom) can be very trying and difficult to adjust too.  Sounds like there have been a lot of changes in your life in the last  year and talking to someone can help you adjust with that.  I don't konw your mother or how she typically is, but it's really hard when someone you love says hurtful things and doesn't cherish your relationship like you do.  That was very courageous of you to talk to your mom about her boyfriend and how he treats you. I'm sorry that it didn't go very positively.  Sometimes people don't always think of how the other person will feel.  Perhaps she's simply trying to foster your independence and is looking for happiness of her own.  But, by what you said, it could have been done in a more positive manner.  I do strongly encourage to make an appointment and talk more in depth about things.  There's also other resources such as your RA or Hall Director if you don't feel comfortable coming to the center right off.  Good luck!

Question:
Where do I go to sign up to take the ACT on campus? I have to retake it to get admitted to the Teacher Education program, I got a 20 the first time I took it, but I have to get a 21 or above for it to be useful.

Answer:
You have several options.  The next general testing date is February 12th.  However, you must register with ACT by January 21st, and there is a $45 late fee.  A second option is to take the next testing date exam which is April 9th. You register with ACT and pay the $28.  A third option is to take the residual ACT which is scheduled on January 24th.  The fee is $53 and you go to the Counseling & Testing Center web page and register on line.  The residual ACT is administered at the Counseling & Testing Center in 409 Potter Hall.  The February and April tests are in a group, whereas the January 24th is given individually.  If you have any questions, call Sharon Ercey, Coordinator of Testing, at 745-3159.

Question:
This is hard for me, but I need to talk to someone in your office. At a young age I was raped by my father. I always have felt that it was my falt that I let this happen. The first time he did this I was 4 and he contiuned to do this till I was about 10 years old. I've always had trouble in relationships and feel that I can't get close to anyone. I'm 25 now and I feel that this issue has went on to long. My niece lives with my father know and I'm just scared he will contiune. I can't say anymore.......but I would like to talk to someone in person. Can you give me info about your thanks

Answer:
As I listen to your question, I think I am aware of  your personal pain and of your concern for your niece.  I am also struck with how what you are experiencing is so normal.  This kind of experience is difficult to deal with and usually is best resolved with the help of a caring, objective other person.  I hope that you will call the Counseling & Testing Center at 745-3159 and schedule an appointment with one of our counselors.  I would suggest that you request to see a female counselor.  Hope this has been helpful.

Question:
I've been a student at WKU since 2000. I pay for school out of my pocket, so I just take a class or two every semester. My GPA has fallen to a 1.6 and it will take me a while to get it back up. I want to apply to Vet School, but I feel that's going to never happen with my grades. I feel that I should just quite school all together, but I'm not a quieter. With my jobs I can't just take off for school, so I don't have time for much activity with the school. I feel that I'm just stuck in a rut. Can you guys give me a little

Answer:
Sounds like you might need to take some time and come up with a long range plan that will address your career and personal needs.  Our center is one place you might find help to assess your career goals and find ways to make them happen.  If interested, please call our front desk to make an appointment (745-3159).

Question:
My best friend lyies about everything. I want to know why he dose this. He tells one lye after another and it's like he can't stop. He don't only lye to me, but his proffesors on campus, exc. I want to help him. What would make him do this? How can I help Thanks for your time......

Answer:
There are many reasons why people tell lies but those who lie usually do so because they feel superior to others (they don't think they have to play by the rules) or they feel inferior to others (they feel they have to lie to keep up with others).  Either way, the best way to deal with your friend is to honest and open.  If you think he is telling a lie, say so.  People tend to lie only when they think they can get away with it.

Question:
I had extra credit for Pyschology by going to counseling sessions. I was wondering, since I heard that I could continue them, how do I set-up more and where do I go to do that or possibly a number to contact?

Answer:
It sounds like you might have taken part in the services that are sometimes offered by the clinic in the psychology department.  You would need to contact Dr. Rick Grieve at 745-2695 to determine if those services are available this semester.

There is another option for obtaining servivces available to students at the university.  As a WKU student you are also eligible for counseling services at the Counseling and Testing Center.  We offer up to 12 free sessions during the course of the academic semester, after that there may be a small fee.  Our office is located in Potter Hall (Room 409).  You may also reach our office by calling 745-3159 between 8 a.m. and 4:30 p.m.  Monday through Friday.

Hope this helps.

Question:
I love children and want to be a teacher. Occasionally I smoke weed. I would NEVER EVER work like this or be around children like this, because I personally would not want to be high when I am working. I have a 3.8 grade point average and it has never effected my life badly except for it is illegal. I think drinking is worse than smoking, because of the way people act, but that is my personal opinion. But I am so terrified that people will think that I am a drug addict, because I am not. I can stop, I have stopped for several months to prove it to myself. I never want to be high all of the time. I just feel like if I were to be a teacher that people would misjudge me because of this, thinking that I do so when I am teaching, and responsible for their children, and I completely understand which is why I will never do so. Every once in a while I smoke, like people drink. I just feel so confused and lost. I know that it is illegal and only used for medical reasons, but if drinking was illegal I know people would feel the same way that I do now.

Answer:
You state that you are feeling confused.  As I read your comments, I get the feeling that you are arguing with yourself, and trying to convince yourself that the occasional marijuana use is okay.  You obviously feel strongly about teaching, and at some level fear the marijuana jeopardizes this.  For someone who is able to stop, even for months at a time, I'm wondering if the pleasure you get from it is worth all this worry.  I think it's time to find a method of relaxation that is not substance related.  If you do, I think you'll save yourself a lot of worry.

Question:
Hi. I am an International Student and this culture is new to me. I love learning new culture and that is also a reason I am here in US. Dating culture in not common in my country but I want to date some one. I dont know where to start with and how to go with it. Do you have some links for good dating so that I can learn about

Answer:
You have asked a wonderful question that has so many answers.  I cannot recommend a particular link or website, and I would caution you about using some links or sites as they tend to view dating as a competitive activity.  Fortunately we have an excellent staff at the Office of International Programs that could help you find what you are looking for.
While dating customs vary across cultures, they do seem to share some common goals and values.  In America is it customary to meet people informally and get to know them before asking for a date.  Classrooms, clubs, dining facilities even libraries and gyms are good places to interact with people on a casual basis.  Men and women in America are more likelty to ask one another out now compared to twenty years ago.  They are also more likely to split the cost of a date now.  One piece of advice I would offer is to not make any assumption about the other person.  Some people date to find a life partner, while others date just to have fun.  Some people expect very little from the person they date while others expect quite a bit up front. I would suggest you talk with the staff at the Office of International Studies and see what they have to share.  You could also go on-line and look for websites that discuss American dating rituals and customs, but just remember that there is a wide variety of customs among Americans.

 

Question:
Hi I am from a country where we value the family relations a lot. We do not believe in relations before marriage. Now away from the family I feel so lonely that I am getting addicted to yahoo chatting in public chat rooms. This eats away a lot of my time. I do not want to chat, but I do. How can I help myself. I have good friends here as well but even then.

Answer:
I imagine it is very hard to be away from your family. It does sound as if you are close to them and being in a new environment without things that are familiar to you can create some questions and stress.  It's good that you have friends here.  Perhaps if you are not wanting to chat and spend time in those public chat rooms you could find other things to occupy your time.  That choice would be up to you if you feel like chatting is not what you need.  Perhaps finding a hobby or getting involved in campus activities that will allow you to meet new people as well as keep your mind off other things.  But it's also ok to be involved in relationships that are are not sexual in nature.  So spending time with people you like is ok as well.  If you feel you'd like to talk further, please feel free to contact our office for an appointment.  Hope this helps and good luck!

Question:
I have a question about Math 116, in the course catalog it says that I can enroll in it if I have a C or better in Math 100.  I currently believe I have a C, and wil maintain it, however my teacher tells me I have to get an A or B  in Math 100 to go to Math 116, or I will have to go to Math 116E, which i really dont want to go to.  I just want know which information is right because I dont want to enroll in a class that meets 5 days a week.  thank you so much.

Answer:
Dear Confused, It's hard when you get conflicting information.  I would check with my advisor.  He or she will be well versed in your degree requirements and should be able to guide you in the right direction. Hope this helps. Here to Help

Question:
I recently applied to attend WKU in the Spring of 2005. My major will be nursing. I am very excited about continuing my education. But I get really nervous around a large group of people and tend to shy away or avoid situations where I would have to speak or be noticed. I am smart and love to learn. I am a mother of a five year old and have been married almost seven years. I want to overcome my anxiety of being around people (people I don't really know). How can I do this? I want to do my best in school and make good grades. I graduated high school with a 3.62 GPA and I graduated B.G. Tech with a 3.8, so, I know I can do it. It's just getting started and getting myself into a routine. I am determined to become a R.N., it's very important to me. I'm just stressing over getting started. Any advice for me would be great. Thanks.

Answer:
Dear Anxious,
It is normal to be a bit nervous about any new situation.  It sounds like you know you can excel academically, which is a huge plus.  First, remember that everyone else is nervous like you, although they may be more adept at hiding it.  Don't allow yourself to feel out of place.  Second, try to meet and become friendly with one person at a time.  This will allow you to control how and when you meet people.  My bet is that pretty soon you'll find that you have a wide circle of friends, or at the very least colleagues.  Finally, if you find that you just can't get the hang of meeting new people remember the staff at the Counseling and Testing Center is available to work with you on an individual basis.  Good luck.
Here to Help

Question:
Western Kentucky University is a very evil school. The school's evil teachers would rather fail a whole class of students, than even have to look at a whole class of students. Rarely ever does the school let anyone graduate. There is a very high percentage of seniors who are still trying to pass the freshman introductory classes. The teacher's are stealing millions of taxpayers dollars every semester. The school's students will be old enough to draw social security, before the school will let them

Answer:
You certainly sound angry and I am guessing you are in a class in which you think many students are going to be failed, or you have been in a class in which this has happened.  Many students do graduate from Western every semester, as evidenced by the large number of students who are given diplomas at graduation each semester.  Most seniors are not still trying to pass introductory classes, as you can not be a senior if you have failed several introductory classes.  I don't doubt your anger but I do question your perception of seniors and graduates.  Anger makes it hard to be calm, and it sounds like you may have a reason to be angry.  I hope you will share your concern with the appropriate people including the faculty and department head of the class you think you are failing or have failed.  You may wish to talk to the Dean of the college if you are not satisfied with your discussions with the faculty and department head.  Students have a right to express themselves and seek resolution if they have been treated unfairly.  I encourage you to take advantage of your rights and responsibilities as a student here at Western.

Question:
I am a graduate student here at WKU. Two years ago, during my senior year of college, I was raped. I tried to go to counseling afterwards, but I just wasn't in the right place to talk about what happened. Thank goodness I had some wonderful friends who were very supportive. I woke up this morning and realized that this week is the two year mark. I don't feel depressed or sad, just have a heavy heart and find my mind wandering. I was wondering if this is a normal reaction to rape?

Answer:
What you are describing is a perfectly normal reaction to the trauma of rape.  Anniversaries of traumatic events bring a variety of feelings and thoughts; they can be painful and empowering.  I'm so happy to hear you had sensitive and strong friends to be with you.  Should you want to try counseling again I think you will find the staff here very understanding and supportive.  One of our staff members is also the coordinator of sexual assault services and education.  Take care, and let us know if we can help.

Question:
I know everyone in college puts things off, but I seem to do it more than most. No matter how early I sit down to write a paper or study for an exam, I seem to goof off until the last minute. I pull way to many all-nighters which leds to exhaustion and stress. Perhaps part of the problem is that my grades are okay even if I finish the paper an hour before it is due or only study a few minutes before the test. I am sure my luck will run out eventually, especially as my classes get harder. I want to know what I can do to stop procrasting and get my stuff done and get some sleep.

Answer:
Let  me respond to your question in what might seem like an odd manner.  I think you hit the nail on the head when you suggested that you probably procrastinate because you can.  I think, for most people, that procrastination is NOT a sign of laziness.  I think most people procrastinate because they can.  That is, nothing too horrible has happened yet.  Procrastinating lets you do other things that may be  more enjoyable at the moment and in some cases in buys you time as you put your thoughts together.  However, you mention exhaustion and distress from pulling "all-nighters".  Even if it works, you are wearing yourself out.  I agree that as your classes become more demanding, this strategy of procrastinating might start to backfire.
Without sounding glib, one solution to procrastinating is to not procrastinate.  Sure, you might ask how, but the answer is so simple that it is can be difficult.  You have taught yourself to procrastinate, it has become a habit and a style.  To change you have to start slowly and begin to do a little work each day on a paper or test instead of doing it all at the last minute.  It might help to use a calendar, and count back one or two weeks from each due date or test date.  Tell yourself you will spend at least fifteen minutes a day on each paper, test, or assignment.  You can always spend more time, but the trick is to spend at least fifteen minutes each day.  This will get you in the habit of doing something everyday instead of doing it all the night before.
Some people struggle with procrastination because they are distracted.  In this case you might want to use reminders that cannot be ignored.  Make large charts and tape them to your wall.  Tie brightly colored yarn to your calendar or put stickers on your dashboard, room door, fridge, etc.  Anything and anywhere that will remind you to do a little each day.
The trick is overcoming procrastination is to treat it for what it is.  It is NOT some powerful force outside of your control.  It is nothing more than a habit and habits can be changed, it you go at it slowly.
Some of us procrastinate because we just don't get anxious enough about deadlines.  Another trick to end procrastination is to "scare" yourself.  Picture yourself not graduating, or working in a boring and low paying job.  Picture people at your job gossiping about how you never get things done on time.  Find a picture from a magazine, or a piece of artwork that symbolizes this fear and put it up in your room.  Use humor, but imagine the worst possible outcome and elaborate it in your mind.  This might make doing something everyday more meaningful. I hope these ideas work.  If they do not, please make an appointment with our center for more suggestions.

Question:
a very bad year *Question:*  I'm on academic probation and this semester I'm not going to be able to meet the grade point average I need to go to school next semester. I'm a senior and I was wondering is there any way to change my major to some type of general studies where I would have enough hours to get some type of basic degree? I'm burnt out and I'm having financial troubles.

Answer:
The direct answer to your situation is "yes."  It may very well be possible to reconfigure your classes to date to get a Bachelor of General Studies.  I would suggest that you contact the Academic Advising and Retention Office on the third (3rd) floor of Potter Hall, phone  745-5065. Hope things work out for you. 

Question:
I think I may have bipolar personality disorder. I've always had a pattern in relationships but I do not know if it's BPD or if I just have an extremely difficult time letting go although I know in my mind I have to. I get anxious when he doesn't return my phone call or when he doesn't reply to my IMs. I always give myself a week to be nice to him and act happy and I tell myself that after that week I'm letting him go for real. Is this normal?

Answer:
Bipolar disorder is characterized by extreme swings in mood.  Fear of abandonment and not wanting to "let go" are not symptoms of bipolar disorder.  They are among a variety of symptoms of borderline personality disorder, buy many people who do not have a borderline personality disorder have trouble letting go.  Some people are simply more sensitive, dependent, or passionate and need more time and support to move on in relationships.  Some men, this might surprise you, have this problem as well.  It is not gender specific.
The borderline personality disorder is one of the more interesting disorders and it is one of the least understood of the personality disorders.  I think it is admirable that you are concerned with your behavior and you want to take an honest look at why you do what you do.  I would caution you to not leap to conclusions about a diagnosis, and we have to struggle with relationships to learn what we value in another person.  Many of the people who come to counseling center do so to talk about relationships.  I hope you would consider making an appointment to learn more about what you want in a relationship.

Question:
I'm a freshman living on campus this year. I like school, but I'm seriously thinking that I want to commute next semester. I just got offered a really great job that's willing to work around my school in Elizabethtown, and I miss living at home with my family. Also, the expenses of living on campus are a little too much for me right now. Is it possible for me to commute next semester? If so, how do I go about doing that? And if I commute do I still have to buy a meal plan?

Answer:
The office of housing and residence life would be the best source of answers to your questions.  I would suggest talking with your RA or Hall Director first.  If they cannot answer your questions, they can direct you to the administrators who are in charge of these decisions and policies.
The decision to live on campus or commute is one that many students face at some point in their college experience.  The Universitys generally recommends, and requires, that students live on campus to establish the necessary peer, faculty, and staff relationships that are known to promote retention and graduation.  The data is clear that students who create friendships on campus and are a part of the campus life learn more and graduate with the skills that employers seek.  The financial issue must not be ignored, however.  Talk with your Hall Director to find out your options.

Question:
I am interested in making an appointment to discuss some issues I have been having throughout the semester.  Please contact me about available dates and times.

Answer:
You may call our office, or drop by, to make an appointment (745-3159).  When you come in for your first appointment we will ask you to fill out a brief information packet  and read over a form that describes your rights and responsibilities as a client.

Question:
OUr son, who is a freshman at WKU, has written home that he is flunking all his classes, is depressed, doesn't like Bowling Green, and wants to quit school. We live here in Louisville so have a hard time keeping up with him. What can we do to help him? Is there somebody on your staff who can get in touch with him and see what we can do to salvage the semester?

Answer:
This certainly sounds like a time of great concern for you.  It would probably be a good idea for your son to come see us at the Counseling and Testing Center.  He can call and ask to be seen on an emergency basis.  I would also suggest that you continue to speak with him daily by phone and encourage him to get help.  Not knowing the details, it is hard to say if he can salvage the semester but his mental health would come first.  Under legal and ethical principles, no one from our staff could contact him directly unless we had first hand knowledge that he was imminently at risk to harm himself.  The hall staff has a bit more flexibility when it comes to checking on students.  You could call his hall director and share your concern and ask that someone check on your son.  Given the proximity of Louisville I would also suggest you come down and visit with your son to see how he is doing.  While you are here you could determine if he is capable of finishing the semester.  Please let us know if we can be of further help.  You may call and speak with our staff at 745-3159.  You  mentioned that he has written you.  I would take that as a good sign that he wants your help.

Question:
I was directed to this department by my advisor.  I am having problems concentrating in class and it is becoming a problem that is reflecting my grades.  It's mainly in classes where we dont follow the book much.  If I can look at the book at my own pace I am able to do quite well, but if it's a lechture setting I'm less than adequate.  Who should I talk to?  Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Answer:
What you are describing is a common problem for many college students.  There are many reasons for this problem.  College courses are often more complex and move at a faster pace than highs school classes so many college students have to "learn" how to learn.  It is possible that you are a visual learner and you have a harder time learning material that is presented in an auditory manner.  It could be that your lectures are not well organized and it is simply difficult to follow along with the instructor or professor.  You could make an appointment with our center and talk with someone on our staff to get some ideas of how to get more out of your class.  You might want to visist the learning center and see what they have to offer as well.  I would also suggest you make an appointment with your instructor and see if he or she has some ideas of how you can make better sense of the lectures.  Some students learn more from books than lectures.  Some do better with lectures than books.  The important thing here is to not beat yourself up.  College will expose you to many different instructional styles.  Think of which suggestion offered here makes the most sense to you and try that one first.

Question:
I need help now! The other day I cut for the first time in three years it was really bad, however, nobody knows because i hide it on my hips. I couldn't take it anymore, with the combination of stresses from school, friends (or lack of), sucky social life, and sleep deprivation (cause of my job). I have thought about commiting suicide and really considered it, I was even thinking about doing it when my roommate was away last weekend. I dont know where to go that is cheap..i'm not insured and my family does not have medical insurance...help before i go over the edge...

Answer:
The University Counseling and Testing Center offers counseling and therapy to students at no charge.  We work closely with the Health Services Center and the Medical Center (a local hospital) should you need medication or hospitalization.  You may call our office at 745-3159 to make an appointment.  If you are in crisis, you may walk in and be seen immediately.  You have gone three years without cutting so you know you can make it, but it sounds like you need some help with all the stressors you are facing.  Please think about making an appointment with our office.

Question:
My son is a freshman at the school and is very frustrated at this time because he doesn't know where to go to get questions answered. I told him to go to his counselor and he says he doesn;t know who that is and how to find out who it is. He wanted to drop a class and didn't know how to do it and he knows there is no chance he will pass it. Can he just get out of the class. He can't understand the teacher because she is Asian and he just is so frustrated he's ready to quit school altogether which I don't want him to do of course. Can you help me to help him?

Answer:
The transition from high school to college is always a difficult one because it is sometimes hard to know how to navigate the system.  Has your son declared a major at this time?  If he has, his advisor will be a faculty member in that department.  Since he is unsure of who that person might be the easiest thing to do is to talk with the departmental office associate.  If he has not declared a major yet he will be advised by someone in the Academic Advising Office located on the third floor of Potter Hall.  Unfortunately the university deadline for dropping classes has passed.  However, if there are extentuating circumstances your son might be able to withdraw from the class.  The best place for him to start is to talk with someone from the Academic Advising Office.
I hope this helps your son,
Here to Help

Question:
Is there a place in town/on campus that is best for getting tested for STIs/STDs?

Answer:
The Health Center in Academic Complex on campus is an excellent resource which you can use.  The medical staff there frequently does such testing.

Question:
I’ve been having problems focusing throughout my life but lately it’s getting to be more than I can deal with. As a kid most people seemed to think I was just a daydreamer or weak-willed and I guess I must have thought they were right, but now I’m starting to think I might have ADD. The problem has gotten much worse over the past three years to the point that it torments me. Sometimes I’ve spent as much as a day trying to get through a 30-page reading assignment because my mind keeps leaping all over the place. My grades are very important to me and I’ve done very well, but this year I’m afraid everything is going to fall apart because my classes have gotten harder and my attention span shorter and I just don’t have anymore time to sink into it. I skip nights of sleep every week and pretty much don’t get to talk to anybody because I spend so much time trying to get my work done. Sometimes I don’t even get it done. It feels like I’m going blind I spend so much time staring at books or my computer screen trying to pay attention. I can’t even have passengers when I’m driving because they tend to distract me so much. My brain feels like its one big confused jumble and I have trouble remembering things, especially for the long-term. I’ve been leery of the idea of getting medication because I worry about what it will do to my prospects of getting a job and medical insurance, and trying to explain to my parents the need for it. But I can’t deal with this anymore and I need help of some kind. What do you recommend that I do? Thanks for your time.

Answer:
Your use of the phrase"confused jumble" does strike me as a good way to describe what I am hearing you say. You indicate that you have good grades and thus obviously have been able to concentrate in the past. But now that ability to focus and stay focused seems to be lost. That can certainly be disturbing and sometimes depressing. I'm not sure what might be going on, but I'm wondering, since you indicated that you are a senior, if maybe there is some uncertainly about "what do I do after I graduate," or "what do I want to do with my life." That is certainly a fairly normal feeling for those who are looking at graduation. As I said, that's just a thought. If you would like to talk, sort out some of the confusion, and maybe explore some more, feel free to contact the Center at 745-3159 and arrange to see one of us. Hope this is helpful.

Question:
I often feel very weird when I look back on the time when my hormones were raging and trying to rid myself of the feeling when I was in middle school, From age 10-12 I often feel very ashamed for this. I know that growing up you everyone has sexual tendencies but I feel like my hormones were ten times stronger than others and feel really weird about it. I was not molested and don't do strange things now. i am perfectly normal. It is just when i look back on it I feel so ashamed it. I think that I obsess over little things, but this has been hanging on my mind for a while now.

Answer:
I think many of us are uncomfortable when we think back to the time in our life that we discovered our sexual impulses and feelings.  This is a part of life that many cultures choose to not talk about openly with young men and women, so many of us grow up in silence and wonder if we were normal.  You could make an appointment with our center and talk to someone about your adolescence and discover what was going on then.  Some of us do have a stronger sexual drive and this is normal.  I guess the main question is what do you want to do now with your memories.  We can't change the past, and I am not saying you should.  But we can decide in the present what the past means.  Talking with a counselor, talking with friends, or even reading more about sexual behavior can help you put your own memories into perspective.  Please think about calling our center, or post another message with your questions.

Question:
I recommend adding a link:  http://www.testprepreview.com/gre_practice.htm to your website.  It has online GRE practice tests for no charge.

Answer:
I will forward this link to our Director of Testing.

Question:
I am a transfer student to WKU and I live in Glasgow. I attended a school in Nashville last year and while i was there I started to try and find help for an eating disorder that I have had since my sophomore year of high school. I went to a doctor this summer at Vanderbilt and was diagnosed a manic depressive with bulimia nervousa. When I moved back home I thought I was going to be able to start improving on my problems and would not allow them to effect my class work. I have always been a 4.0 student and I went to Belmont on an academic scholarship, but the disorders have gotten out of hand and I am allowing them to come before my schoolwork, family, and friends even. I didn't know who I should conact about my problem, I don't want to fail my classes but some days it feels like all I am able to do is lay around and cry. I would appreciate any information you could give me.

Answer:
We understand the tremendous struggle that comes with an eating disorder and a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.  These are disorders that can be managed with therapy and medication, but anyone with these disorders would need continuous support for several years to develop his or her own coping style.  It sounds like you have taken excellent steps towards finding your self and your own coping style.  The staff at our center could continue this work with you so that you can have the college experience you deserve.  If you can no longer work with the professionals in Nashville I would suggest you make an appointment with our center.  You can meet with a staff member and discuss your options.  Please give us a call.

Question:
how do i handle a spiritual problem that alway affect my academic career this kind of spiritual probem i alway ran away from my hostle

Answer:
I understand you have a spiritual problem that affects your academic career, but I guess I don't understand the specific problem.  You mentioned running away from a hostle.  Are  you talking about a hostel, as in lodging, or a hostile, someone who is angry?  Please write back or give our center a call if you would like to discuss this problem further.

Question:
I'm thinking about coming into the health center because I believe I may have an eating disorder, and I am also a cutter. I really don't want my parents to find out but I am under my father's health insurance and they mail letters home whenever I see a physcian of any sort. (to let him know what our insurance is paying for, as well as to show we have covered our co-pay) I also get very, very stressed out quickly and generally feel "blue", and as though I'm just drowning sometimes. I'm worried about my parents finding out about my problems, and even more worried about what would happen if I needed medication and had to pay for it, or something. Would counselling go to my insurance, and if I needed medication of some sort would it reflect on my insurance? Thanks for any help you could give me.

Answer:
Cutting and an eating disorder are very serious problems and I hope you will make an appointment with our center or other service providers and find out how we can help.  I understand you are reluctant to involve your parents.  Our center does not use insurance so no bills would be mailed to your parents.  What fees we might charge are very small.  Medication, if prescribed, could be expensive and might involve your insurance provider, but that is a decision that you could make.  I hope you will consider calling our office and making an appointment.

Question:
I dont exactly know where to start or what type of help I am actually needing but here goes. I have been having emotional problems for a few years now and have been putting off treatment just as long. I keep having anxiety attacks and paranoia is getting the better of me. About six months ago I have the mother of all anxiety attacks and finally go to see a dr. I keep telling people that my medication is for anxiety only but I also have some for depression. I dont like to tell many people that I am "depressed" because I feel ashamed of it and am still having trouble dealing with it. I am having so many "depression causing events" that I cant keep up with. Once I feel like I finally get my head above water something else drags me under. My financial situation is unbelievable, once I think I finally have my bills undercontroll I end up sick and in the hospital. So there are a few more thousand dollars in debt. I have, no had, been dating the same guy for six years and right after I am finally put on medication for my "depression" he breaks up with me. We broke up four months ago and I still cant seem to get my bearings. I had to take this semester off from school and now they are messing with my studen loans, my campus e-mail account and my financial aid. I feel like I just keep getting hit over and over again and am never given a chance to recover. My Dr. has already doubled my medication and I still feel like crying all the time. I dont want to ask her to increase it again but I just dont know how to deal with everything. Please help, if you can understand my ramblings. Thanks

Answer:
Sounds as though alot is going on in your life.  It is probably going to be difficult to sort this all out by yourself.  My suggestion would be to get to a service that can provide both medical and psychological help.  In the South Centeral Kentucky area, Lifeskills is a very good resource.  They have a sliding scale that can help with your financial  situation.  Hope this has been helpful.  If you should return to school, we in the Counseling & Testing Center are available for you. 

Question:
Ever since I was young I have had a hard time dealing with my emotions(all types), I used to cry, scream etc...just so I could express myself but lately(last two years) that hasn't seemed to work. I have began making small cuts on my arms and legs (anywhere really). I used to be able to control this but recently I feel like I am so out of control and that I am completely addicted to cutting just for the heck of it. I try to stop but the thought continually races through my head. I feel so alone b/c there are very few people that know my secret and every time I do it I feel like I am in some weird way letting them down. I know this behavior is not normal but what are some ways in which I can begin controlling it? Let me point out that I am in therapy and have been in and out of the hospital but I am desperate for a quick solution. I have no intention of killing myself but I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this and not causing permanent damage(emotional, physical,

Answer:
First let me say that I am certainly glad that you are already in therapy.  That's a very positive step.  Unfortunately, there is no quick solution to this problem.  This did not happen overnight and will not be easily "fixed" overnight.  Have you been honest with your therapist about your cutting? If not, I would strongly recommend this.  If the therapist does not have a complete picture then it's hard to address issues.  Is there a particular time of day that you prefer to cut? Finding a preoccupation of time could help with that or finding an alternative to cutting could alleviate some tension until the desire to cut has passed.  This is a very difficult thing that you are dealing with and I think it's awesome that you are facing this head on.  That takes a lot of strength on your part.  Another thing to really focus on would be address the underlying reason why you are cutting.  I hope this has been helpful and please, be open with your therapist so they can deal with things.  Good luck!

Question:
is it possible or either partner to get a STD from intercourse if neither one of us have any?

Answer:
Thanks for asking a very responsible question that everyone who is sexually active should ask.  If two people are having intercourse and both people do NOT have STD's (no infection, virus, etc.) then they would not be able to pass a disease to each other.  BUT....and this is an important point, many people may have an STD without showing signs or symptoms of the disease.  Without testing, it would be risky to say you don't have an STD just because you feel okay and are not showing symptoms.  So the crux of your question is how it is you know that the two of you are disease free?  Testing for STD's is available through University Health Services.  Couples that choose to be sexually active would do well to be tested to be sure.

This is why it is so important for people to be aware of sexual transmitted diseases.  You could have had a sexual encounter years ago that exposed you to a disease and you would only know it if you were tested.  Some STD's have a dormant period with no symptoms.  People with these diseases might feel it is safe to have sex but they could still pass the disease on to another partner.  There are some people who feel angry that they are infected and take out their anger by letting other people be exposed to the disease.  Sort of like "I didn't want it but I got it, so why should I care if someone else gets it".  Again, another reason it makes sense to know someone well before having sex with him/her.  The University Health Services also provide an enormous amount of literature to students that can be helpful to read before deciding to be sexually active.

Question:
I feel so alone sometimes. I feel that people around me have such different values and they don't support me because they do not understand me. SOmetimes I just want to cry because I just want someone to vent to, someone who understands me to encourage me that dedication to causes and class work is better than the whole party scene. I have lots of stress because my family needs my support, and me being at college means that they can't adiquately support themselves, and maybe this makes me a bad person, but then again I want a better life and I have aspirations and dreams. I want to have the carefree life of a normal college student, but I know that is not an option to me, and finding people who understand my dedication is so hard. I am not really sure what my question is. Maybe just ahelthy way to deal with my stress and emotions when I become over whelmed. I am a transfer student and finding support from anyone even close to who I am has seemed impossible, and I consider myself to be very outgoing. I have lots of aquaintences, but true freinds I cannot find.

Answer:
Isn't it strange how we can be surrounded by people but still feel lonely?  I think part of the problem is that as we get older we become more particular about our friends.  When we were six years old, we could enjoy being around anyone who was six, but as college students we tend to be more selective.  It sounds like you have not found your group or niche here at Western.  You say you are a transfer student so you may just need more time on campus to find people like you.  I talk to students all the time who are not into the party scene and feel a responsibility toward family back home.  I would suggest talking to your hall director if you live in the residence hall.  Hall directors can help you find people with similar values.  There are also a lot of campus organizations whose members are less interested in partying.  You can find out about these organizations through the campus web page or by dropping in on the second floor of DUC at the student activities office.
The other thought that comes to mind is that if you are troubled about being in college, you may be holding back when you meet people.  Other people might not know you are feeling bad.  They may just think you want to be alone.  Or you may be trying too hard to meet people, which can make other people pull away.  Making chit chat is a very important skill that we all have to learn by trial and error.
What you are describing is a very common concern among college students.  Many students have come to the counseling and testing center to talk about this very same issue.  Please consider making an appointment to talk with someone on our staff.

Question:
Besides the university who else offers on-line

Answer:
If you are asking who else offers on-line advice like Here to Help, I must admit that I am not aware of any other service.  I am sure it exists, but I have yet to come across advertisements.  I suppose a basic search  (e.g. Google) would reveal some sites.  I would caution you however to know the training and intent of anyone offering on-line advice for psychological concerns.
Perhaps you are asking about on-line courses.  Again, there are many providers, and most universities now offer some courses on-line. You could also go to the KYVU website. (http://www.kcvu.org/home.htm).  Please write again if I have misunderstood your question.

Question:
couldnt i just come in and talk 2 someone about my suicidal thoughts without giving my name? This way its casual conversation and my parents wouldnt find out.

Answer:
I appreciate your worry about your parents finding out but to be honest with you a conversation about suicidal thoughts is never casual.  Thoughts of suicide indicate a serious psychological problem and need to be treated with respect.  As we discussed before, your parents are only brought in if there is reason to believe their presence would be helpful.  That is something we would talk about before deciding to contact them.  I strongly suggest you make an appointment with our center, or any other mental health professional, and begin working with someone to bring a sense of peace back into your life.

Question:
I am 29 years. Since I was 17, I always think about the unnecessity of life and think about suicide. But the fear of suicide is hell-freightening me. When that thought comes,my body shrinks backwards and a groan comes from my mouth out of fear. I haven't ever thought about it seriously. But that thought coming to my mind every now and then. I have a good and supportive family set-up (though there are some financial problems). Moreover we are very religious. For the last 12 years I have overcome this tendency by telling myself that "this thought is from evil, not good for u, skip it". But is there a way that I can eliminate this evilish thought? (the thought about Unncessity of life is not anymore, but suicidal thoughts prevail) I want to be 100% a god-fearing man. So, evenafter I get counselling from psychiatrists, this urge to be a pure god-fearing man is going to dictate the terms of my mental peace. So, will there be a conflict? What should I do?. What is my problem?.

Answer:
It seems to me like the last three questions that you ask are very important to you.  I'm not sure however that I understand what you are asking.  It sounds like you expect conflict even after you finish counseling, but I am not sure what kind of conflict you are describing.  Are you worried that the counseling will conflict with you desire to be a God-fearing man?  Maybe you are worried that even with counseling you may still think of suicide from time to time.  I guess none of us can predict the future, but counseling has worked for many students and it does not have to conflict with your religious beliefs.  Have you already found a counselor or psychiatrist?  Would you want to come to our center and hear how we do counseling?  Please give our center a call to find out more.

Question:
i want 2 join the swim team, where are the try outs? What is the process? who can I contact? Thanks!

Answer:
If you are interested in swimming for WKU the best place to start would be to contact the swim coaches.  Their offices are housed in the Diddle Arena complex.  You can also reach the swim program by telephone at 745-6075.  Coach Bill Powell is the director of swimming.  Bruce Marchionda is the assistant coach and Bob Benson is the diving coach.  They can provide  information about where tryouts are held and when.  Good luck to you!

Question:
I am having trouble with a former friend and his wife. My mom owns the place were my husband and I live and they have taken it from her and have her believing just because they helped her when her husband died and saved the house they think even though they do not own it they can take it over and destroy it. My mom is believing that she owes them. They are very abusive to her she is a handicap and needs our help. I now I should do something but, we do they other poeple will kick us out and my mom says no but, they don't listen to her. What can be done. We don't have much time. We live in Nutrioso Arizona. Can you please tell me what I can do. I hope to here from you soon.

Answer:

First let me say that this service is for students attending Western Kentucky University, so I am limited in the advice I can share with you.  I am not familiar with the law concerning rental property in Nutrioso, Arizona, but I would assume that people can not move into property and "take over" without risking police involvement.  It sounds though that the core problem is that your mother wants to provide lodging for this other couple and she does not understand that damage is being done to the property.  I am not clear when you say the other people will kick you out.  If they do not own the property they cannot kick you out.  I would suggest you contact the local police or a lawyer to find out what rights your mother has in this situation.

Question:
a friend and i would like to get tested for AIDS; what is the cost? where can this be done?

Answer:
A convenient way for students to be tested for AIDS (or any other medical concern) is to make an appointment with Student Health Services.  You may call 5-3806 and ask about the current cost for this test.  Their services are professional and confidential.  I hope you will give them a call.

Question:
I was just wondering if Dr. Greer was still there and if he did one on one counseling.

Answer:
Yes, Dr. Greer is here and he does see people for individual counseling.  Please give our center a call if you would like to set up an appointment.

Question:
my family has a history of manic depression. i am having major mood swings, one moment i'll be on top of the world and the next i'm lying in the mud. i want to come in and talk to someone, but i have problems opening up with anyone new. i mean, my friend and i were just talking and i was estatic about my life and then something as simple as a guy not getting online to talk to me tonight sent me into an almost sucidal mood. i'm scared. the smallest things depress me and i never know how i will react to things around me. i do want to come in, but i'm scared

Answer:
Sometimes mood swings are just a part of everyday life, and sometimes they can be more debilitating. It's often helpful to talk with someone who can help you sort out whtich is more true in your situation.  Getting some assistance with this can also be a bit scary.  That, too, is normal.  Hope you will give yourself a chance to sort this out .  We at the Counseling & Testing Center are available should you need us.  Hope this has been helpful.

Question:
I am a woman that is drowning in debt. I feel like life is crashing in on me. My son is in college and we have not been able to qualify for financial aide. My credit is bad and I can not qualify for a loan and my husband seems to be oblivious to my depression. What can I do? Is there no hope?

Answer:
Sounds like several things are coming together at the worst time.  Your son's college costs are compounding your debt problem and your husband does not seem to understand your depression.  We could help you with your depression and we might start with talking about what you can do now about your debt (financial advisement, debt consolidation, etc.).  The staff at the Office of Financial Aid might also be able to give you suggestions about alternative sources of aid.  The Yellow Pages list several agencies that offer help to manage debt as well.

Depression can be hard to understand and it can lead to increased tension within a marriage.  Your husband's choice to be oblivious may not deliberate.  He may not understand how depression develops or he may be afraid to talk about it.  We could also help you be able to talk openly and clearly about your stress.  This may help him become more helpful.  Please think about making an appointment with our Center.

Question:
My family has a history of mental health problems and I have always been afraid that I may have them myself. I had a very vivid dream the other night that something horrible was happening to my body, but such that it manifested itself when i woke up and I could not stop feeling it for days at a time. I have had emotional issues in the past and I know the family history and co-morbidity may suggest that this incident may only be a sign of worse things to come. I am terrified to have to talk to someone about this in person and I am not sure if this is something I should be worried about.

Answer:
A family history of mental health problems does not always mean you will have mental health problems.  While some disorders have a genetic component that may be passed on to children, many disorders are learned and not caused by an inherited biological cause.  Even if a disorder is inherited, it can still be treated by therapy, medication, or a combination of both.
Your dream could mean many things or nothing at all.  Our fears and worries often show up in our dreams.  Worrying about having a disorder could show up in a dream, but that would not mean you have the disorder.
Talking with someone could help you put your worry into perspective and give you a sense of control.  Its sort of like finding a strange lump on your body.  Seeing a physician could help you know what to do.  Fear of the lump might keep you from seeing the physician, but the lump is still there and you will still worry.  Since you are going to worry anyway about the lump, might as well see a physician.
I suggest you make an appointment with our center.  We could hear your family history and help you estimate the seriousness of your concerns.  Asking us about your worry is a good sign that you won't let your problems take over your life.  Please give us a call.

Question:
i smoke pot about once a week. I want to quit now that im here at WKU. But its hard cuz the stuff seems to find me where ever i go. Is there a amnesty thing or somethin I could do to stop.

Answer:
Wanting to quit is the first step and I congratulate you for making this decision.  Especially since you have discovered that quiting is hard.  This could mean you have already developed a dependency.  I want to encourage you though to not think of the pot as something that finds you whereever you go.  It doesn't find you, you find it.  To get past the power it has over you, you hav