Here to Help Questions & Answers prior to May 5, 2005

 

Question:
My boyfriend doesn't really like talking about how he feels then he gets all upset and starts making a threat that he's going to kill himself. Nobody understands him but me. He has lived a hard life and more. How can I help him?

Answer:
I can see that you would feel a bit frustrated in knowing what to do. The truth is that if he is talking about killing himself, then he is certainly talking about how he feels though not very effectively.   It's difficulty for me to know, however,  whether he is seriously considering killing himself or if he is using that threat to avoid talking more specifically about what's bothering him.  You might try something like:  "Are you really wanting to kill yourself , or is something really bothering you?"  By approaching him in that manner, he may open up a little more. If you feel like he may  be thinking  about harming himself, it would be good to get him to some help.  We at the Counseling & Testing Center are available if needed.

Question:
Subject:*  flunking out *Question:*  I have a boyfriend that lives 226 miles away and ive been visiting him a little to much... long story short i skipped to much class and now im going to fail... how do i tell my parents?? Its caused so much emotional stress that sometimes i wish that i would get hurt ( not killed) but to the point where i couldnt take my finals.... how do i tell my parents... help!!!

Answer:
Be honest with yourself.  If you were really worried about failing you would not have spent so much time away from campus.  You chose to be with him instead of going to class.  You don't have to be ashamed, but you do have to be honest.  You are an adult, and adults get to decide how they will live their lives, but adults also have to face the consequences of their choices.  If being with your boyfriend meant more to you than succeeding in school, so be it.  Don't be ashamed of your choice.  But now that you might fail your classes, you need to own up to your choices.  Just tell your parents the truth.  Let them know you are not finding college to be meaningful.  Maybe they would work with you to come up with a plan to set out a semester and see where your talents would be best used.

I think this is only way to handle your situation without making it worse.  If you don't control your life, other people will try to control it for you.  Call your parents and let them know what is happening.

Question:
i am what they call a homosexual what can i di to get rid of it i cant take it anymore

Answer:
I'm afraid that you've ask for a simple answer to a not so simple question.  The first question in my mind is "Who is the 'they' that you refer to?"  Is your sexual orientation your idea or that of others?  If you are personally struggling with who you are as a sexual being, then that is something that we all deal with in different ways.  It is usually good to get with a counselor and talk through what is going on, how our thoughts and feelings developed, and how we can begin to come to terms with who we are.  As you can see, THE ANSWER is very personal and unique to you as a person.  Hope you will give serious thought to getting with a counselor and exploring yourself.

Question:
Over the past four weeks i haven't felt my best mentally. It started after Easter. I started having Panic attacks and now i'm always focused on breathing, clearing my throat, and yawning to "catch" my breath. I think about these things all the time. I've had them before and have gotten over them in the past. But now i don't know if i have gotten over them or just forgotten about them. Can you point me in the right direction of some resources out there to help with this? Is it normal?

Answer:
You can always go get things checked out physcially.  Your body changes over time and perhaps you've developed something physically.  Health Services on campus is a great resource for that.  Another avenue would be to address why you are having these symptoms and perhaps to develop some techniques to help you overcome this and focus on other things.  Perhaps seeing a counselor, either on campus or in the community, would be beneficial to you.  I would definetly recommend one of those two avenues, if not both, to start out!  Good luck!

Question:
I am an emigrant and I wil do my best in wraithig,please be OK with theat I have an problem all my life,and I realy need help.I blaym my past for evrything it hapened to my,and I know is rong.Haw can I gat over my past and bee able to live like an normal person.I drink evry time when I feel bad and if I dont feel bed I find an excuse to drink.To be honest I love the taste of red wine in my mauth, I jeast have to drink a hole batlle not only one glas or two and most of the time i drink an hole botlle,and I know it is realy rong.Please sombady can anser to0 my measege?

Answer:
Sounds like much is going on in your life at present.  It also sounds like you don't feel that you have much control over all this "stuff" that is going on.  My primary concern would be that the wine is the only thing that seems to make you feel better.   I would personally like to see you be able to find other things, both inside you and outside of you, to make you feel better.  Hope you will get with a counselor, either here on campus or off campus and begin to look at some better ways of feeling good.

Question:
i would like to work on campus next semester something like give campus tours is that possible?

Answer:
Yes it is possible to get involved with campus tours, but there is quite a bit involved in the process.  You are interested in becoming a Spirit Master, or a student who conducts the campus tours.  You would need to contact the Spirit Masters office at 745-5811 for specifics.  However, be aware you would need to complete an application and be interviewed.  The process has already begun for the upcoming academic year, but it is never to early to plan for academic year 2006-2007.  Good luck!

Question:
Subject:*  Suicide *Question:*  A friend of mine is thinking of suicide. She has never said it to anyone, but I have seen it in her Journal. She has seeked help before, but I don't think it has helped. In her writing she has two plans on how she's going to do this. I called the police, but she informed them she was ok. I want to help her, but she has told everyone she is doing fine. She has a date and time set..is there anything else I can do?

Answer:
What you are describing is a potentially dangerous situation.  It sounds like you have really reached out to your friend.  I would first of all suggest that you insist on getting her to the Counseling & Testing Center and even indicate that you will go with her.  If she refuses, then I would suggest that you get in touch with her parents and inform them of the seriousness of the situation.

Question:
i am a freshman from detroit michigan and i came down here knowing no one and now that i have been here i feel that i dont fit in, its not that i dont have common interest with people, but more that the people that i have a common interest with i think they are dumbasses, i dont know if i am comeing back next semester or if i should tranfer to a school in michigan, i gusses that it is hard for me to meet people that i would like to hang out with its not hard to meet poeple just to meet people that i like, you tend to hang out with people that are like you and no one here is like me what can i do? and i need to get tested for STDS how much dose that coast?

Answer:
Sounds like an impossible situation for which there is no solution.  Anyone with the same interests as you is, as you say, a dumbass.  I wonder what made coming here seem so attractive and why you now feel so alone.  Sometimes when we are angry or afraid we send out mixed signals to people and find ourselves alone.  Making an appointment with the counseling center is one way to change how you present yourself to others.  This might help you make friends.

You can find out about STD testing by contacting W.K.U. Health Services.

Question:
the longer i stay in this city of this shitty state the more i want to go home, the people here are something eles i dont know what to say about them, i dont feel like this is the place for me but i still want to be here, i think i would feel better if i had more friends its not that it hards to make friends but its that the people i meet i feel that they are just not for me. and when it comes to girls wow i see all these couples walking around and i want that for me but i can seem to talk to any girls because i think that i am ugly and that no girl would want to be with me what should i do?

Answer:
Like I said before, sometimes when a person feels afraid or angry, he/she sends out mixed signals.  These mixed signals might push other people away.  It is interesting that you see yourself as so ugly but you are also very picky about your friends.  I wonder if being picky is just a way to keep from being hurt.  I hope you will consider using our counseling services, or finding someone elso on campus to talk to.

Question:
i know that all college student have trouble with what they want to do with treir life, but i am a little more confused then most, i have not clue what i wnat to be, i mean i have no clue what i want to do for money for the 50 years,i would love to teach and coach but the money is just pennies, and i dont even know how i am going to pay for next semster i know that i can get student loans but i will most likely that i will end up work at the locial walmart or some factory pay off the loans, the thing is that i dont want to live pay check to pay check, and i come from a family that is no help in any way dont get it wrong my mom is there for me and would do anything that she can for me but there is not she can do. is there any way you could help? (and dont tell me to go talk to some advisor or counseling services)

Answer:
I would advise you to talk with a counselor.  You sound very confused and angry and you need to settle your financial arrangements for next semester soon.  You may also want to talk with someone in financial aid to see what options you have in addition to loans.

Question:
what is up with wku's diversity program? something like 80% of wku students come from the state of kentucky and like 80% of kentucky is white, how divers can you get? and what is up with the drop out rate something like 49% of my dorm is on probation and 10% droped out after the first semester?

Answer:
I'm not sure what you are asking regarding WKU's diversity program.  Are you saying that the program is not doing enough or that since Kentucky is so white, nothing much can be done?

The probation rates and drop out rates you mention are not uncommon for public institutions of higher education.  Many students choose to come to college without the basic skills needed to make passing grades.  While Western offers a variety of services for students who are academically underprepared, the responsibility belongs to the student to catch up.  It is rather sad so many come here and cannot do the work.  I wonder if you have any ideas of how we could get more of these students to get the help they need to stay in school?

Question:
Subject:*  NEED ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENCE STUDY QUESTIONS *Question:*  I am a 30 year old disabled woman living on social security. I cannot leave my home, but would like to further my education. I have been looking into the correspondence study and have applied for financial aid. But I still don't know if I can get what I am looking for. Are there ANY exceptions for the correspondence study where I can do ALL of my classes this way? Desperately need answers.

Answer:
I think you will find many of your answers at the office of correspondence study.  I have included an email address that you may use to contact this office (amanda.wilson7@wku.edu).

Question:
What should i do if my mother is stressed out and speaks of committing suicide?

Answer:
It's hard when people we love are in so much pain.  The important thing is to make certain your mother, and anyone who is talking about suicide, is safe.  There first thing you can do is find out how seriously she is thinking about harming herself.  Questions that will help you get to that are:  does she have a plan; what would she use; when would she do this.  Asking these questions will not encourage your mom to harm herself, but will assure her that she is being heard and that you are concerned about her.  Once you have the answers to those questions get help for her.  If she is in immediate danger contact the police or a physician.  Either can help her by placing her in the hospital.  Contacting a crisis line if the danger is immediate is also an option.  In this area the crisis line number is 843-4357 or (800) 223-8913.  If the danger is not quite so immediate make sure that she gets in to see a therapist as soon as possible.  The important thing to understand is that your mother is asking for help.  You can start the process for her.  Good luck.  Remember we're here to help.

Question:
*Subject:*  need help *Question:*  i have a friend. she is a good friend of mine.But i Am getting physically attracted towords her. I dont know what to do.please help.

Answer:
I'm not sure what kind of help you are asking for.  Are you not wanting to be attracted to her? Are you wanting to get involved in a romantic relationship with her? What exactly are you looking for.  If you could give us more information to work with, we'll be glad to try to help.  However, being attracted to someone is not necessarily a bad thing and it happens often, even to good friends.  Good luck..and let us know if there is anything else you'd like to share.

Question:
I was wondering about what you all do for depression.  I have gone about 6 days with about 3 hours of sleep, cant eat, not been going to class etc., and I am really afraid now that I am going to fail and my mom asked that I contact you all which doesnt sound like that bad of an idea.  If you all could pleas e-mail me back about times, prices, etc.  Thank you

Answer:
As indicated on our "Here to Help" page, all of our replies will be posted to the website.  To maintain confidentiality, we do not respond to individual email addresses.  You have mentioned concerns regarding depression and by your descriptions, those could be signs of that.  I would recommend you call our office, 745-3159 and make an appointment with a counselor.  The first 12 sessions are free to Western students.  We can also give a list of resources if you are not interested in coming on campus.  Appointments are made Monday-Friday from 8am -4:30 and are made on an individual basis that works with your schedule.  There is also the option of contacting your doctor for a possible medication evaluation.  I would also recommend, with it being so late in the semester, to contact your professors to see what you can do to make up work or what can be done to salvage your situation.  Depression is not something to take lightly and if you feel this is something you are experiencing, it really would be beneficial to seek help! Hope things work out for you!

Question:
Subject:*  tuition *Question:*  How much does in state tuition cost?

Answer:
I'm afraid that you have ask the wrong office this question. However, we can get you to the right office.  Contact the Office of the Registrar, 216 Potter Hall, Phone 745-3351

Question:
*Subject:*  Housing and residence life *Question:*  I am a freshman, and I feel like I can not stay on campus, due to an aversion to other people whom I don't know. I don't mind meeting people, but I would feel severly uncomfortable living anywhere near other people. Also, I am an independant student, my parents don't provide financial support, and I am completely financially independant. Sometimes this makes me a little more stressed than most people, but it also makes me really proud of myself in that I can support myself even though I am only 19. Here is my question: Why is it that the H&R people can be such morons? I know that is strong language, but I honestly feel like the University's policy about housing is the most bull-headed thing I've ever heard. They quote studies at me that say that I will do better in school if I live on campus, but charge me $1800 to stay off campus, making my life that much harder. I can't afford them keeping my 1800, and I need it back, but everytime I try to talk to them I get so frustrated I want to scream. What can I do?

Answer:
I can certainly see your frustration with what seems to you to be unreasonable. I guess two things come to my mind as to what you might do.  The first, which you may already have done, is to go throught the appeal process in Housing and Residence Life. You could present your position and ask for some consideration for an exception to the rule. The second thought is, perhaps not as easy to swallow, but an option nevertheless, is to do some  "mind adjustment."  By that I mean allowing youself to say to yourself something like . . ."Well, I can't change this situation, and I sure as hell don't like it one bit.  However, I refuse to let this interfere with the others parts of my lfe.  So I'm going to choose to grin and bear it."  As I say, this latter option may not be your first preference, but it is still one that you can choose.  Hope this is helpful. 

Question:
Gender:* Female
*Classification:*
*Subject:* Unreasonable parents
*Question:* Now I am not a rebellious child. I have always listened and obeyed my parents rules, and respected their authority. I am 19 years old, and they treat me as if I am an irresponcible and wild 16 year old. I am a good student, I mostly just sit around and do my homework and study everyday. I talk on the phone with my boyfriend/best friend, and that is about it. So last summer I decided that for spring break this year I wanted to do something on my own. Every year for spring break I have spent with my family either on vaction or at home. They are extremely boring and we always do what my parents want. I wanted to just be a normal college kid, and go somewhere with my friends. Well they didn't so much approve when I told them pretty much a year ago. But it is what I wanted to do so there have been no arugments until about 3 days before. My dad was calling me and asking me for details, which is not a big deal, but he was just mad about it because I had not planned every single second. I had maps, and money that I had been saving on my own, planed everything about what we would do and that we needed to stop and rest when driving, bringing snack food and drinks and whatnot. Well after the phone calls and inquires about every tiny detail. My parents decided that they wanted to do their best to convince me not to goand emailed me. My dad emailed me that he was disappointed that I had not planned better, that boys were going, and that I was just going along with everyone else, worried that I would let my boyfriend drive my car, worried that I would be drunk and crazy, and ranting on about all of this. My mom sent me an email the same day of her supposed spring break trip that her parents didn’t approve of, but decided that if along the way she visited her and her friend’s relatives that it was okay. The whole story the relatives say not to go, and they end up not going. In a way to manipulate me into thinking that well it will be better if I go and stay with my mom, because I can come and go as I please ( not true, I will have a curfew, and I don’t have a key, which she thinks that I have one), and that I won’t have to hang out with her, well I will because I hardly ever see her and I will feel so guilty if I do not. This just made me furious. I am responsible and way too serious and mature for my age. I always do what I want, and I respect my parent’s wishes, but when they are accusing me of doing all of these things mostly because they don’t like my boyfriend, it is absolutely My parents are incredibly strict and protective, to the point that it is ridiculous. I had to get away from them to go to college even if it meant leaving the person that I love, because they do this all day when I am home. I understand worrying, and that they love me and care about me but this is way beyond that. They have made it to where I don’t want to be anywhere near them most of the time. Mostly because they don’t know me, I don’t talk to them about personal things, because they twist everything I say into some weird and completely opposite situation. For example my boyfriend, I love him so much he is so sweet, kind, loving, caring person. Very deep and insightful, and he is my best friend. He dresses like a “thug”, but my parents assume that it means gang. He is definitely not in a gang. Well ever since that they just take any possible way that I can talk about him to make it into him doing something bad. Now he doesn’t even want to be around my family at all because they will just put him down and try every way possible to get me to think twice about him. They encourage me to have fun, because they know that all I do I sit here and talk to him, but when I do, they find some way of telling me that it is wrong. Well I have had it they have treated me this way all of my life and it has seriously messed me up, and created a barrier between me and my parents. I don’t know what else to do I have tried talking with them, yelling at them, not talking to them, been mean to them, but I feel like I am the only one who seems to care about their feelings as well as my own. Please help me I just want to live my life, but it is hard to do that with your parents are paying for your college. I want to respect their wishes as I always have, but they are being completely unreasonable, and don’t respect me or who I am. They just want me to date some rich guy, which will take care of them when they need it, and for us to be all buddy-buddy. Which I don’t believe will ever happen if they don’t start accepting me and my boyfriend, and my friends. I leave for spring break tommorrow and I don't want to call them every singlew day, I don't want to even talk to them because they couldn't tell me this to my face, or before I decided to do this. I am feeling so guilty which I know that they are not because I am going to end up not going and doing again what they are trying to manipulate me to do. I have always tried to walk in their shoes before making judgements upon them and I wish that they would do the same for me. I guess the best thing to do is tell them how I feel, but I always get intimidated by them and I always end up feeling guilty for fighting with them. And I don't want to fight with them right now because my dad is having surgery next friday and I don't want anything to happen to him and the last thing that we say to each other be in anger. I can't figure out what to do and I need help. Thank you for reading all of this I just am stuck in a situation that I don't know how to deal with.

Answer:
Wow! Sounds like you are having a really tough time in dealing with your parents. I can respect that, especially when you are at a point in your life where you want to be more and more independent and have difficulties with that because of them assisting with school payment. It's a tough time for them too, from a different point of view. Especially with your relationship changing because you aren't needing them or as dependent on them as you were when you were living at home, etc. The thing remains that you have no control over what they do, only how you react to their actions. Then they in turn will react to your actions, which can definetly create a nasty pattern if nothing changes. It sounds like you feel you've exhausted all your efforts and ways of behavior, so perhaps thinking of things in a different way. Meaning, working on not feeling guility and allowing them to manipulate you. You've got to decide what is good for you and decide what priorities you want to take in your life. Unfortunately this hasn't happened overnight and will take more than overnight to "fix" things. It certainly sounds as if you do want to be respectful to your parents and care about them very much, as they do you. But perhaps figuring out how much you want them to control your life and how much you are going to allow that to bother you is the best avenue. Sometimes venting helps as well as a different perspective on things. I certainly hope you have someone to talk to you, but perhaps you should consider counseling...because counseling will allow someone who is not emotionally involved be there for you! As a Western student, you would be eligible to come to counseling and testing center (4th floor, Potter Hall, 745-3159). If you don't feel comfortable with that, then consider something in the community. Hope this helps!

Question:
Adjustment to College *Gender:*  Male *Classification:*  sophomore *Subject:*  sports in college *Question:*  My son started at a small private college. He has done well academically, but recently is convinced that he will never have a position on the baseball team. He seems very upset, sad ,amd angry as he has worked so hard at this game and now he feels it has all been for nothing. He says he is miserable and would leave now if he could...how can I best help him. I have never known him to be this depressed and angry in his whole life.

Answer:
It sounds like your son is facing a very challenging situation that will affect many college athletes.  I would suggest that he contact the counseling center at this college, or someone in the local community there, and spend a few sessions talking about what he is going through.  Many people do not realize what pressure college athletes face and how threatening it can be when an athlete cannot play his/her sport.  College students in general, athletes and non athletes, face a lot of "firsts" while they are in college.  See if he would like to talk with a counselor or therapist to lay out his options and goals.

Question:
I'm a junior journalism major at WKU and am wondering if there is a CLEP examination for English 300. If not, would the English composition CLEP exam count as a liberal arts and sciences elective? Thank you very much.

Answer:
There isn't a clep test for English 300.  There is a departmental exam and you have to register through the Registrar's Office to take it.  You can check with the English department to get information about what is on the test.  You cannot take the clep English Composition as it awards credit for English 100.

Question:
I've dated my boyfriend for a year. We're pretty close and do everything together. We hardly keep anything from each other. Recently, we both got jobs working at the same place. Now, he seems real distant. He won't act like he used to, he won't talk like he used to. Tonight, he got mad because it was 2am and we didn't have time for sex. Lately, I feel that's all he wants. I talk to him about how I'd rather cuddle and tell him how much I love him but he gets angry saying that I'm breaking a promise. I'll tell him that we might have sex later and if we don't, he gets mad and yells. Tonight, he said I was a liar and I break promises, that I'm a bad girlfriend and that all we do is argue. That's not true. I was trying to talk about how I feel so distant from him and how I want to be close again and all he could do is get mad because we didn't have sex. Now, he won't even answer my phone calls. Please help. How can I get him to be not mad?

Answer:
Relationships are very difficult in the best of times and when stress gets in the way, they are even more difficult.  It sounds like things might be going on for him that have become difficult to talk with you about.  This doesn't mean it's your fault but just that sometimes things change and are different.  Working together and being together "all the time" can create some strain too.  Sometimes having time for yourself is a good thing.  It sounds like he is putting an emphasis on sex and that's not where your priority is.  I think it's awesome that you are trying to talk to him about it and it's hard to deal when he won't communicate with you like you think he should.  I'm not sure the question is how can you get him not to be mad.  What about what can you both do to make things different?  You can't control his actions and get him to do things he doesn't want to do.  You only have control over your own stuff.  Hope this is helpful, and know that there are counselors at the center who are willing to talk things through with you in a more indepth level, so feel free to call and make an appointment!

Question:
how do u get over some one that u loved so much and dated for so long then they just give up on ya

Answer:
One of the biggest challenges we all face as we grow up is to accept that people "fall" in love with an idea before they fall in love with a person.  If someone can give up on you then that someone never really loved you.  That someone may have been in love with the idea of loving you or that someone may have loved a fantasy image of you, but that person did not love you.
One reason we have a hard time getting over someone is that we don't want to see how we were playing the same game.  Anger can keep you missing someone long after the fantasy of love fades away.  A lot of what passes for sadness after a break up is really vengeful jealousy.  Some of us like to suffer just to show the other person how mad we are.

Then again, sometimes we are fooled by another and it hurts when he/she pulls away.  The trick to accept that you would rather be alone than with someone who was fooling you.  Some of us aren't ready to accept this idea though.  Some of us would rather be in a bad relationship than be alone.

So, how do you get over someone?  By getting over them.  You have to start doing things without them.  Start dating again, go out with friends, fill your day with activities, but don't let yourself sit around and pout.  Pouting just makes it worse.
If you continue to have problems controling your own feelings, please think about making an appointment with the counseling center.

Question:
Art Teacher, Elementary Teacher, Hotel, Restraunt, and Tourism Management, Finnacial Planner, Print Journalism, How do you decide on your life? I have been struggling with this for a while now. I want to do so many things but I don't at the same time. I want to work when I am at work, and play in my free time. And all that i like is so different and confusing. I have already completed all of my general education requirements and started in my major, but I don't know if this is what I really want to do, in some ways I want to help children learn, and in others I just want to do my job and make a minimum wage and go home and have a kickball game with my friends or a barbeque. But I can't decide, every time I do, I change it again, and I don't want to be here forever, I want to chose a major and get it over with. But what if I get out there and hate my job? Will I be able to work in other fields that are not at all related to my college degree? This university needs more minors! AHhh... please help me. no one has be able to so far and I just want to move on, I have researched for the past 2 years and not one inventory can tell me anything because I am basically equal in everything, and I don't mind working, or doing anything, from a desk job, to outdoors to practically anything. It is just so hard to do this and once I get out of school and 4 years of hard work behind me and have to come back for something else and never use my Bachelor's degree. I don't know what else to do, I have done absolutely everything that every counselor, advisor and parent, professor, and friend has told me to do to figue this out and all I want is 1. to make a reasonable amount of money 2. be able to get promotions 3. work at work, and have time for myself and family 4. I am a horrible salesperson 5. I don't like medical fields 6. Not wonderful with computers, but able to use one

Answer:
Wow, you do seem confused and perhaps a bit discouraged as well.  What do I do with so many options.  You have raised so many questions that it would be very difficult for me to  answer them all, particularly over the email.  You seem to have some idea of what you want and don't want, can do and can't do, like and don't like .  This is a good start.  My recommendation would be for you to make an appointment with the Counseling & Testing Center, 745-3159,  Potter Hall, Room 409, and begin to get some help in sorting out all of these options.  Hope you will follow through on this recommendation.

Question:
*Subject:*  marriage not working *Question:*  I have a emotional up & down relationship with my husband of 11 years. We were always fighting about not having enough money, but now that's not the problem. We both have great paying jobs. My husband works all the time. I feel that he never has time to talk with me. We do work together, but work is no place to talk about our lives. When he gets home he just watches tv. I hate to say it, but when we make love, that seems to be the only time he would put his hands on me or even pay any attention to me. He also talk after that. I feel this is not right. I feel he should talk to me no matter if there is a problem or not. I have noone to talk to about this. Some say it's just cause he is a man, other say he'll get over it. I say, if he hasn't changed his ways for 16 year he's not. I should be able to just settle with his way's, but I can't. I feel that a relationship needs to have great conmunication. Please help in any

Answer:
Your situation does sound unfullfilling to say the least.  I agree with you that work is no place to tell family secrets. My experience certainly has been that relationship problems can only be addressed in a relationship situation.  By that I mean in couples counseling.  I hope that,  for your sake, you will strongly consider getting some help. Suggest to your husband that you would like for the two of you to get some help to improve your relationship. If he is hesitant, you may need to start with yourself and hope that your husband will later join with you.   We in the Counseling & Testing Center are available to students and spouses.  Hope you will avail yourself of this help.

Question:
*Subject:*  behavorial changes in sexually abused children *Question:*  I may have some knowledge about a person I know to have been sexually abused. But it is a tricky subject to ask about, and I know this person well enough to know that they wouldnt have gotten any form of counseling for it. What would be some noticeable changes that an outside observer would be able to pick up on? The person was possibly abused at the ages 5-9 and now this person is 25 years old. I think that maybe these past issues will resurface again in a more violent way and I'd like to work with the person in resolving those issues.

Answer:
Unless you are a mental health professional I would not recommend that you "work with the person in resolving those issues".  In fact, as you suspect that past issues will come up again only in more violent ways, I would strongly suggest you assist this person in finding a mental health professional he/she will trust.
I am a bit confused by your question though.  It sounds like you are asking about the signs or symptoms that might occur as the person becomes more aware of his/her past abuse.  There are many signs or symptoms, and they will vary with each person.  Generally speaking you will see symptoms of numbing or intrusion.  Numbing symptoms include lack of concentration, sleepiness, lack of emotions, substance and alcohol use, or other activities that are distracting.  Intrusion symptoms include restlessness, flashbacks, nightmares, startling easily, irritability, and excessive emotions.

Please encourage your friend to find help, either at the counseling center or with a professional in the community.  There are some groups in the community for survivors of sexual abuse.  There are many excellent web sites on this subject also.
Do be open and honest with your friend.  Don't beat around the bush or hint at the problem.  Be straight forward.  This person has endured more pain than most of us can imagine.  He/she is not fragile or helpless, so treat him/her like he/she could fall apart at any moment.  People who carry a lot of shame are very sensitive to pity; they don't like it at all.  If you want to help, you need to know what to do.

Question:
At a loss with my anger
Question:  for the last few weeks, months, im not quite sure, i have begun to feel emotions like never before. my anger level has increased dramatically and sparks up very often, which it never has before. i used to be deep and play guitar, always smiling, helping people, relaxed, and able to handle a busy schedule. now i cant attain any of that because i stress over nearly everything that happens, putting a lot of pressure on my life, and im not sure if its a mental problem. i never was like this until recently, and i think it is sort of a depression. im mean towards my girlfriend, im grumpy, and i also get annoyed by a lot of people, for simply the things they say, even if they are not mean. i do not like the way i have changed and wondered if it was something i should talk to a doctor about or if i will grow out of this "anger phase"

Answer:
There could be a lot of explanations for your feelings of anger or experiences of new emotions.  Coming to college itself can be a change that can evoke feelings never felt before and other situations that are changed through being at college creates stress as well.  If you don't like the way things are going for you right now, I definetly would recommend you doing something about that.   You really have taken the first step in making changes by realizing that you don't like the behaviors you are doing.  I would recommend talking to someone about that whether it be coming in to the counseling center or even talking to a doctor with whom you feel comfortable.  People have periods of adjustment all throughout there life, and they often learn how to deal with those changes.  However, if your "anger phase" continues to get worse, I would recommend talking it over with someone sooner rather than later! Good luck!

Question:
I am a graduate student here at WKU and I work part-time on campus. I was in therapy in the past dealing with issues related to years of sexual abuse. I have been taking medication for PTSD since college. I have been feeling great and everything has been fine up until a few days ago. I have been having really bad flashbacks and have been shaking and feeling like I want to hide in my room and never come out. I don't want to come in for one-on-one counseling because I feel like I should be healed. I really just want some advice on how to survive the flashbacks and all the emotional baggage they bring along. Thanks for the help.

Answer:
Let me first say that having flashbacks now after feeling good for a while does not mean you are not healed.  Your body has a way of knowing what you can handle and when.  You did heal in therapy, and maybe you are strong enough now to do some more.  Don't fear or be ashamed of the flashbacks; they are your body's way of making sure you will heal completely.
I hope you will consider making an appointment; starting therapy again is not a sign of weakness or failure.  If you don't want to work with a therapist right now I can only recommend that you trust the flashbacks and make use of them.  Keep a diary or journal of what you see, what is happening in the flashbacks, so you know that they are real.  The flashback is your body's way of slowly showing you something that you needed to forget when it happened.  There are no rules or deadlines for healing.  It is done when IT is done.  Many people who were abused need to take time between remembering, so they will go for years feeling good and then have new flashbacks.  This is normal, it is healthy, you are not going backwards.

Question:
I am married and feel like my husband is cheating on me, because he looks at porno sites on the internet and he masterbates while watching these sites.He has admiting doing this and says he will not do it again but does. I get very upset is this cheating or not

Answer:
It sounds like you think this is cheating, at least you say it feels like your husband is cheating.  Healthy adults, married or single, do masturbate.  The question we all have to answer is how often, when, where, etc. do we masturbate.  You have shared your concern with your husband and it sounds like he says he will stop but doesn't.  Have you shared why this bothers you with your husband?  It might help him to know if you are jealous, sad, or angry about what he is doing.  In other words, are you concerned that he is cheating or are you concerned that he has a sexual addiction.   You might ask what he feels he gets from the Internet that he does not get from real life.  Hope these ideas help to get you started.  Let us know if you have more questions.

Question:
Is there a place on the campus that does DNA Paternity Test?

Answer:
No there is not an office that handles DNA testing.  Paternity testing is a legal issue that usually requires a court order.  As a result you would need to hire an attorney to assist with this.  The county attorney's office may be able to provide you with a list of attorneys who could be assistance.  In addition, there are genetic counselors available at Vanderbilt. However, in order to have reliable results all parties need to take part in the testing.  This may require a court order.  Hope this helps.

Question:
When you take a physical do you have to pee in a cup? why do they do this?

Answer:
The types of screenings vary from physician to physician.  Often urine tests are used to determine if you have an infection.  My suggestion is to speak with your doctor prior to the exam to determine what kinds of tests might be performed and question his/her rationale for each.  Hope this helps.

Question:
I was diagnosed with depression when I was 15. I've seen a psychologist and taken anti-depressants since then. My parents divorced when I was 13, so I lived with my mom and we were really close. In the last year, my mom has gotten a new boyfriend. Right before my freshman year at WKU started, my mom moved us in with him without even asking me. Since then, whenever I visit, he calls me horrible names, makes jokes about my weight and appearance. My mom just agrees with him and laughs. I have a hard time telling people how I feel. But finally, I opened up to my mom and told her how this was hurting me and she said that I was being a "spoiled brat" and to suck it up. Since then, we haven't really spoken. She wouldn't even help me pay for this semester's tuition. I asked her and she said "You're 18. I don't have to help you." So, I had to borrow the money from my grandparents. I don't understand this. We were so close and now, since she's met him, she said she didn't care if she ever saw me again or not. What happened? What should I do, just forget about Also, I've had a cutting problem for a long time. When we get into arguements, I find myself wanting to cut. I was sent away to a behavorial hospital for treatment when I was 16. So, instead of cutting, in fear of being that messed up again, I take a marker and mark real heavy lines on my forearms, so that it has the sensations of cutting. Is this crazy?

Answer:
 First off, no you are not crazy.  I'm glad that you have found alternative ways for cutting.  That's good to know that you are concerned yourself about the cutting and are looking for different ways to make things better for you.  I'm glad the treatment when you were 16 helped.  Next, on to your mom.  I highly recommend that you make an appointment at the center to be able to talk to someone.  A loss like a close relationship (especially with your mom) can be very trying and difficult to adjust too.  Sounds like there have been a lot of changes in your life in the last  year and talking to someone can help you adjust with that.  I don't konw your mother or how she typically is, but it's really hard when someone you love says hurtful things and doesn't cherish your relationship like you do.  That was very courageous of you to talk to your mom about her boyfriend and how he treats you. I'm sorry that it didn't go very positively.  Sometimes people don't always think of how the other person will feel.  Perhaps she's simply trying to foster your independence and is looking for happiness of her own.  But, by what you said, it could have been done in a more positive manner.  I do strongly encourage to make an appointment and talk more in depth about things.  There's also other resources such as your RA or Hall Director if you don't feel comfortable coming to the center right off.  Good luck!

Question:
Where do I go to sign up to take the ACT on campus? I have to retake it to get admitted to the Teacher Education program, I got a 20 the first time I took it, but I have to get a 21 or above for it to be useful.

Answer:
You have several options.  The next general testing date is February 12th.  However, you must register with ACT by January 21st, and there is a $45 late fee.  A second option is to take the next testing date exam which is April 9th. You register with ACT and pay the $28.  A third option is to take the residual ACT which is scheduled on January 24th.  The fee is $53 and you go to the Counseling & Testing Center web page and register on line.  The residual ACT is administered at the Counseling & Testing Center in 409 Potter Hall.  The February and April tests are in a group, whereas the January 24th is given individually.  If you have any questions, call Sharon Ercey, Coordinator of Testing, at 745-3159.

Question:
This is hard for me, but I need to talk to someone in your office. At a young age I was raped by my father. I always have felt that it was my falt that I let this happen. The first time he did this I was 4 and he contiuned to do this till I was about 10 years old. I've always had trouble in relationships and feel that I can't get close to anyone. I'm 25 now and I feel that this issue has went on to long. My niece lives with my father know and I'm just scared he will contiune. I can't say anymore.......but I would like to talk to someone in person. Can you give me info about your thanks

Answer:
As I listen to your question, I think I am aware of  your personal pain and of your concern for your niece.  I am also struck with how what you are experiencing is so normal.  This kind of experience is difficult to deal with and usually is best resolved with the help of a caring, objective other person.  I hope that you will call the Counseling & Testing Center at 745-3159 and schedule an appointment with one of our counselors.  I would suggest that you request to see a female counselor.  Hope this has been helpful.

Question:
I've been a student at WKU since 2000. I pay for school out of my pocket, so I just take a class or two every semester. My GPA has fallen to a 1.6 and it will take me a while to get it back up. I want to apply to Vet School, but I feel that's going to never happen with my grades. I feel that I should just quite school all together, but I'm not a quieter. With my jobs I can't just take off for school, so I don't have time for much activity with the school. I feel that I'm just stuck in a rut. Can you guys give me a little

Answer:
Sounds like you might need to take some time and come up with a long range plan that will address your career and personal needs.  Our center is one place you might find help to assess your career goals and find ways to make them happen.  If interested, please call our front desk to make an appointment (745-3159).

Question:
My best friend lyies about everything. I want to know why he dose this. He tells one lye after another and it's like he can't stop. He don't only lye to me, but his proffesors on campus, exc. I want to help him. What would make him do this? How can I help Thanks for your time......

Answer:
There are many reasons why people tell lies but those who lie usually do so because they feel superior to others (they don't think they have to play by the rules) or they feel inferior to others (they feel they have to lie to keep up with others).  Either way, the best way to deal with your friend is to honest and open.  If you think he is telling a lie, say so.  People tend to lie only when they think they can get away with it.

Question:
I had extra credit for Pyschology by going to counseling sessions. I was wondering, since I heard that I could continue them, how do I set-up more and where do I go to do that or possibly a number to contact?

Answer:
It sounds like you might have taken part in the services that are sometimes offered by the clinic in the psychology department.  You would need to contact Dr. Rick Grieve at 745-2695 to determine if those services are available this semester.

There is another option for obtaining servivces available to students at the university.  As a WKU student you are also eligible for counseling services at the Counseling and Testing Center.  We offer up to 12 free sessions during the course of the academic semester, after that there may be a small fee.  Our office is located in Potter Hall (Room 409).  You may also reach our office by calling 745-3159 between 8 a.m. and 4:30 p.m.  Monday through Friday.

Hope this helps.

Question:
I love children and want to be a teacher. Occasionally I smoke weed. I would NEVER EVER work like this or be around children like this, because I personally would not want to be high when I am working. I have a 3.8 grade point average and it has never effected my life badly except for it is illegal. I think drinking is worse than smoking, because of the way people act, but that is my personal opinion. But I am so terrified that people will think that I am a drug addict, because I am not. I can stop, I have stopped for several months to prove it to myself. I never want to be high all of the time. I just feel like if I were to be a teacher that people would misjudge me because of this, thinking that I do so when I am teaching, and responsible for their children, and I completely understand which is why I will never do so. Every once in a while I smoke, like people drink. I just feel so confused and lost. I know that it is illegal and only used for medical reasons, but if drinking was illegal I know people would feel the same way that I do now.

Answer:
You state that you are feeling confused.  As I read your comments, I get the feeling that you are arguing with yourself, and trying to convince yourself that the occasional marijuana use is okay.  You obviously feel strongly about teaching, and at some level fear the marijuana jeopardizes this.  For someone who is able to stop, even for months at a time, I'm wondering if the pleasure you get from it is worth all this worry.  I think it's time to find a method of relaxation that is not substance related.  If you do, I think you'll save yourself a lot of worry.

Question:
Hi. I am an International Student and this culture is new to me. I love learning new culture and that is also a reason I am here in US. Dating culture in not common in my country but I want to date some one. I dont know where to start with and how to go with it. Do you have some links for good dating so that I can learn about

Answer:
You have asked a wonderful question that has so many answers.  I cannot recommend a particular link or website, and I would caution you about using some links or sites as they tend to view dating as a competitive activity.  Fortunately we have an excellent staff at the Office of International Programs that could help you find what you are looking for.
While dating customs vary across cultures, they do seem to share some common goals and values.  In America is it customary to meet people informally and get to know them before asking for a date.  Classrooms, clubs, dining facilities even libraries and gyms are good places to interact with people on a casual basis.  Men and women in America are more likelty to ask one another out now compared to twenty years ago.  They are also more likely to split the cost of a date now.  One piece of advice I would offer is to not make any assumption about the other person.  Some people date to find a life partner, while others date just to have fun.  Some people expect very little from the person they date while others expect quite a bit up front. I would suggest you talk with the staff at the Office of International Studies and see what they have to share.  You could also go on-line and look for websites that discuss American dating rituals and customs, but just remember that there is a wide variety of customs among Americans.

 

Question:
Hi I am from a country where we value the family relations a lot. We do not believe in relations before marriage. Now away from the family I feel so lonely that I am getting addicted to yahoo chatting in public chat rooms. This eats away a lot of my time. I do not want to chat, but I do. How can I help myself. I have good friends here as well but even then.

Answer:
I imagine it is very hard to be away from your family. It does sound as if you are close to them and being in a new environment without things that are familiar to you can create some questions and stress.  It's good that you have friends here.  Perhaps if you are not wanting to chat and spend time in those public chat rooms you could find other things to occupy your time.  That choice would be up to you if you feel like chatting is not what you need.  Perhaps finding a hobby or getting involved in campus activities that will allow you to meet new people as well as keep your mind off other things.  But it's also ok to be involved in relationships that are are not sexual in nature.  So spending time with people you like is ok as well.  If you feel you'd like to talk further, please feel free to contact our office for an appointment.  Hope this helps and good luck!

Question:
I have a question about Math 116, in the course catalog it says that I can enroll in it if I have a C or better in Math 100.  I currently believe I have a C, and wil maintain it, however my teacher tells me I have to get an A or B  in Math 100 to go to Math 116, or I will have to go to Math 116E, which i really dont want to go to.  I just want know which information is right because I dont want to enroll in a class that meets 5 days a week.  thank you so much.

Answer:
Dear Confused, It's hard when you get conflicting information.  I would check with my advisor.  He or she will be well versed in your degree requirements and should be able to guide you in the right direction. Hope this helps. Here to Help

Question:
I recently applied to attend WKU in the Spring of 2005. My major will be nursing. I am very excited about continuing my education. But I get really nervous around a large group of people and tend to shy away or avoid situations where I would have to speak or be noticed. I am smart and love to learn. I am a mother of a five year old and have been married almost seven years. I want to overcome my anxiety of being around people (people I don't really know). How can I do this? I want to do my best in school and make good grades. I graduated high school with a 3.62 GPA and I graduated B.G. Tech with a 3.8, so, I know I can do it. It's just getting started and getting myself into a routine. I am determined to become a R.N., it's very important to me. I'm just stressing over getting started. Any advice for me would be great. Thanks.

Answer:
Dear Anxious,
It is normal to be a bit nervous about any new situation.  It sounds like you know you can excel academically, which is a huge plus.  First, remember that everyone else is nervous like you, although they may be more adept at hiding it.  Don't allow yourself to feel out of place.  Second, try to meet and become friendly with one person at a time.  This will allow you to control how and when you meet people.  My bet is that pretty soon you'll find that you have a wide circle of friends, or at the very least colleagues.  Finally, if you find that you just can't get the hang of meeting new people remember the staff at the Counseling and Testing Center is available to work with you on an individual basis.  Good luck.
Here to Help

Question:
Western Kentucky University is a very evil school. The school's evil teachers would rather fail a whole class of students, than even have to look at a whole class of students. Rarely ever does the school let anyone graduate. There is a very high percentage of seniors who are still trying to pass the freshman introductory classes. The teacher's are stealing millions of taxpayers dollars every semester. The school's students will be old enough to draw social security, before the school will let them

Answer:
You certainly sound angry and I am guessing you are in a class in which you think many students are going to be failed, or you have been in a class in which this has happened.  Many students do graduate from Western every semester, as evidenced by the large number of students who are given diplomas at graduation each semester.  Most seniors are not still trying to pass introductory classes, as you can not be a senior if you have failed several introductory classes.  I don't doubt your anger but I do question your perception of seniors and graduates.  Anger makes it hard to be calm, and it sounds like you may have a reason to be angry.  I hope you will share your concern with the appropriate people including the faculty and department head of the class you think you are failing or have failed.  You may wish to talk to the Dean of the college if you are not satisfied with your discussions with the faculty and department head.  Students have a right to express themselves and seek resolution if they have been treated unfairly.  I encourage you to take advantage of your rights and responsibilities as a student here at Western.

Question:
I am a graduate student here at WKU. Two years ago, during my senior year of college, I was raped. I tried to go to counseling afterwards, but I just wasn't in the right place to talk about what happened. Thank goodness I had some wonderful friends who were very supportive. I woke up this morning and realized that this week is the two year mark. I don't feel depressed or sad, just have a heavy heart and find my mind wandering. I was wondering if this is a normal reaction to rape?

Answer:
What you are describing is a perfectly normal reaction to the trauma of rape.  Anniversaries of traumatic events bring a variety of feelings and thoughts; they can be painful and empowering.  I'm so happy to hear you had sensitive and strong friends to be with you.  Should you want to try counseling again I think you will find the staff here very understanding and supportive.  One of our staff members is also the coordinator of sexual assault services and education.  Take care, and let us know if we can help.

Question:
I know everyone in college puts things off, but I seem to do it more than most. No matter how early I sit down to write a paper or study for an exam, I seem to goof off until the last minute. I pull way to many all-nighters which leds to exhaustion and stress. Perhaps part of the problem is that my grades are okay even if I finish the paper an hour before it is due or only study a few minutes before the test. I am sure my luck will run out eventually, especially as my classes get harder. I want to know what I can do to stop procrasting and get my stuff done and get some sleep.

Answer:
Let  me respond to your question in what might seem like an odd manner.  I think you hit the nail on the head when you suggested that you probably procrastinate because you can.  I think, for most people, that procrastination is NOT a sign of laziness.  I think most people procrastinate because they can.  That is, nothing too horrible has happened yet.  Procrastinating lets you do other things that may be  more enjoyable at the moment and in some cases in buys you time as you put your thoughts together.  However, you mention exhaustion and distress from pulling "all-nighters".  Even if it works, you are wearing yourself out.  I agree that as your classes become more demanding, this strategy of procrastinating might start to backfire.
Without sounding glib, one solution to procrastinating is to not procrastinate.  Sure, you might ask how, but the answer is so simple that it is can be difficult.  You have taught yourself to procrastinate, it has become a habit and a style.  To change you have to start slowly and begin to do a little work each day on a paper or test instead of doing it all at the last minute.  It might help to use a calendar, and count back one or two weeks from each due date or test date.  Tell yourself you will spend at least fifteen minutes a day on each paper, test, or assignment.  You can always spend more time, but the trick is to spend at least fifteen minutes each day.  This will get you in the habit of doing something everyday instead of doing it all the night before.
Some people struggle with procrastination because they are distracted.  In this case you might want to use reminders that cannot be ignored.  Make large charts and tape them to your wall.  Tie brightly colored yarn to your calendar or put stickers on your dashboard, room door, fridge, etc.  Anything and anywhere that will remind you to do a little each day.
The trick is overcoming procrastination is to treat it for what it is.  It is NOT some powerful force outside of your control.  It is nothing more than a habit and habits can be changed, it you go at it slowly.
Some of us procrastinate because we just don't get anxious enough about deadlines.  Another trick to end procrastination is to "scare" yourself.  Picture yourself not graduating, or working in a boring and low paying job.  Picture people at your job gossiping about how you never get things done on time.  Find a picture from a magazine, or a piece of artwork that symbolizes this fear and put it up in your room.  Use humor, but imagine the worst possible outcome and elaborate it in your mind.  This might make doing something everyday more meaningful. I hope these ideas work.  If they do not, please make an appointment with our center for more suggestions.

Question:
a very bad year *Question:*  I'm on academic probation and this semester I'm not going to be able to meet the grade point average I need to go to school next semester. I'm a senior and I was wondering is there any way to change my major to some type of general studies where I would have enough hours to get some type of basic degree? I'm burnt out and I'm having financial troubles.

Answer:
The direct answer to your situation is "yes."  It may very well be possible to reconfigure your classes to date to get a Bachelor of General Studies.  I would suggest that you contact the Academic Advising and Retention Office on the third (3rd) floor of Potter Hall, phone  745-5065. Hope things work out for you. 

Question:
I think I may have bipolar personality disorder. I've always had a pattern in relationships but I do not know if it's BPD or if I just have an extremely difficult time letting go although I know in my mind I have to. I get anxious when he doesn't return my phone call or when he doesn't reply to my IMs. I always give myself a week to be nice to him and act happy and I tell myself that after that week I'm letting him go for real. Is this normal?

Answer:
Bipolar disorder is characterized by extreme swings in mood.  Fear of abandonment and not wanting to "let go" are not symptoms of bipolar disorder.  They are among a variety of symptoms of borderline personality disorder, buy many people who do not have a borderline personality disorder have trouble letting go.  Some people are simply more sensitive, dependent, or passionate and need more time and support to move on in relationships.  Some men, this might surprise you, have this problem as well.  It is not gender specific.
The borderline personality disorder is one of the more interesting disorders and it is one of the least understood of the personality disorders.  I think it is admirable that you are concerned with your behavior and you want to take an honest look at why you do what you do.  I would caution you to not leap to conclusions about a diagnosis, and we have to struggle with relationships to learn what we value in another person.  Many of the people who come to counseling center do so to talk about relationships.  I hope you would consider making an appointment to learn more about what you want in a relationship.

Question:
I'm a freshman living on campus this year. I like school, but I'm seriously thinking that I want to commute next semester. I just got offered a really great job that's willing to work around my school in Elizabethtown, and I miss living at home with my family. Also, the expenses of living on campus are a little too much for me right now. Is it possible for me to commute next semester? If so, how do I go about doing that? And if I commute do I still have to buy a meal plan?

Answer:
The office of housing and residence life would be the best source of answers to your questions.  I would suggest talking with your RA or Hall Director first.  If they cannot answer your questions, they can direct you to the administrators who are in charge of these decisions and policies.
The decision to live on campus or commute is one that many students face at some point in their college experience.  The Universitys generally recommends, and requires, that students live on campus to establish the necessary peer, faculty, and staff relationships that are known to promote retention and graduation.  The data is clear that students who create friendships on campus and are a part of the campus life learn more and graduate with the skills that employers seek.  The financial issue must not be ignored, however.  Talk with your Hall Director to find out your options.

Question:
I am interested in making an appointment to discuss some issues I have been having throughout the semester.  Please contact me about available dates and times.

Answer:
You may call our office, or drop by, to make an appointment (745-3159).  When you come in for your first appointment we will ask you to fill out a brief information packet  and read over a form that describes your rights and responsibilities as a client.

Question:
OUr son, who is a freshman at WKU, has written home that he is flunking all his classes, is depressed, doesn't like Bowling Green, and wants to quit school. We live here in Louisville so have a hard time keeping up with him. What can we do to help him? Is there somebody on your staff who can get in touch with him and see what we can do to salvage the semester?

Answer:
This certainly sounds like a time of great concern for you.  It would probably be a good idea for your son to come see us at the Counseling and Testing Center.  He can call and ask to be seen on an emergency basis.  I would also suggest that you continue to speak with him daily by phone and encourage him to get help.  Not knowing the details, it is hard to say if he can salvage the semester but his mental health would come first.  Under legal and ethical principles, no one from our staff could contact him directly unless we had first hand knowledge that he was imminently at risk to harm himself.  The hall staff has a bit more flexibility when it comes to checking on students.  You could call his hall director and share your concern and ask that someone check on your son.  Given the proximity of Louisville I would also suggest you come down and visit with your son to see how he is doing.  While you are here you could determine if he is capable of finishing the semester.  Please let us know if we can be of further help.  You may call and speak with our staff at 745-3159.  You  mentioned that he has written you.  I would take that as a good sign that he wants your help.

Question:
I was directed to this department by my advisor.  I am having problems concentrating in class and it is becoming a problem that is reflecting my grades.  It's mainly in classes where we dont follow the book much.  If I can look at the book at my own pace I am able to do quite well, but if it's a lechture setting I'm less than adequate.  Who should I talk to?  Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Answer:
What you are describing is a common problem for many college students.  There are many reasons for this problem.  College courses are often more complex and move at a faster pace than highs school classes so many college students have to "learn" how to learn.  It is possible that you are a visual learner and you have a harder time learning material that is presented in an auditory manner.  It could be that your lectures are not well organized and it is simply difficult to follow along with the instructor or professor.  You could make an appointment with our center and talk with someone on our staff to get some ideas of how to get more out of your class.  You might want to visist the learning center and see what they have to offer as well.  I would also suggest you make an appointment with your instructor and see if he or she has some ideas of how you can make better sense of the lectures.  Some students learn more from books than lectures.  Some do better with lectures than books.  The important thing here is to not beat yourself up.  College will expose you to many different instructional styles.  Think of which suggestion offered here makes the most sense to you and try that one first.

Question:
I need help now! The other day I cut for the first time in three years it was really bad, however, nobody knows because i hide it on my hips. I couldn't take it anymore, with the combination of stresses from school, friends (or lack of), sucky social life, and sleep deprivation (cause of my job). I have thought about commiting suicide and really considered it, I was even thinking about doing it when my roommate was away last weekend. I dont know where to go that is cheap..i'm not insured and my family does not have medical insurance...help before i go over the edge...

Answer:
The University Counseling and Testing Center offers counseling and therapy to students at no charge.  We work closely with the Health Services Center and the Medical Center (a local hospital) should you need medication or hospitalization.  You may call our office at 745-3159 to make an appointment.  If you are in crisis, you may walk in and be seen immediately.  You have gone three years without cutting so you know you can make it, but it sounds like you need some help with all the stressors you are facing.  Please think about making an appointment with our office.

Question:
My son is a freshman at the school and is very frustrated at this time because he doesn't know where to go to get questions answered. I told him to go to his counselor and he says he doesn;t know who that is and how to find out who it is. He wanted to drop a class and didn't know how to do it and he knows there is no chance he will pass it. Can he just get out of the class. He can't understand the teacher because she is Asian and he just is so frustrated he's ready to quit school altogether which I don't want him to do of course. Can you help me to help him?

Answer:
The transition from high school to college is always a difficult one because it is sometimes hard to know how to navigate the system.  Has your son declared a major at this time?  If he has, his advisor will be a faculty member in that department.  Since he is unsure of who that person might be the easiest thing to do is to talk with the departmental office associate.  If he has not declared a major yet he will be advised by someone in the Academic Advising Office located on the third floor of Potter Hall.  Unfortunately the university deadline for dropping classes has passed.  However, if there are extentuating circumstances your son might be able to withdraw from the class.  The best place for him to start is to talk with someone from the Academic Advising Office.
I hope this helps your son,
Here to Help

Question:
Is there a place in town/on campus that is best for getting tested for STIs/STDs?

Answer:
The Health Center in Academic Complex on campus is an excellent resource which you can use.  The medical staff there frequently does such testing.

Question:
I’ve been having problems focusing throughout my life but lately it’s getting to be more than I can deal with. As a kid most people seemed to think I was just a daydreamer or weak-willed and I guess I must have thought they were right, but now I’m starting to think I might have ADD. The problem has gotten much worse over the past three years to the point that it torments me. Sometimes I’ve spent as much as a day trying to get through a 30-page reading assignment because my mind keeps leaping all over the place. My grades are very important to me and I’ve done very well, but this year I’m afraid everything is going to fall apart because my classes have gotten harder and my attention span shorter and I just don’t have anymore time to sink into it. I skip nights of sleep every week and pretty much don’t get to talk to anybody because I spend so much time trying to get my work done. Sometimes I don’t even get it done. It feels like I’m going blind I spend so much time staring at books or my computer screen trying to pay attention. I can’t even have passengers when I’m driving because they tend to distract me so much. My brain feels like its one big confused jumble and I have trouble remembering things, especially for the long-term. I’ve been leery of the idea of getting medication because I worry about what it will do to my prospects of getting a job and medical insurance, and trying to explain to my parents the need for it. But I can’t deal with this anymore and I need help of some kind. What do you recommend that I do? Thanks for your time.

Answer:
Your use of the phrase"confused jumble" does strike me as a good way to describe what I am hearing you say. You indicate that you have good grades and thus obviously have been able to concentrate in the past. But now that ability to focus and stay focused seems to be lost. That can certainly be disturbing and sometimes depressing. I'm not sure what might be going on, but I'm wondering, since you indicated that you are a senior, if maybe there is some uncertainly about "what do I do after I graduate," or "what do I want to do with my life." That is certainly a fairly normal feeling for those who are looking at graduation. As I said, that's just a thought. If you would like to talk, sort out some of the confusion, and maybe explore some more, feel free to contact the Center at 745-3159 and arrange to see one of us. Hope this is helpful.

Question:
I often feel very weird when I look back on the time when my hormones were raging and trying to rid myself of the feeling when I was in middle school, From age 10-12 I often feel very ashamed for this. I know that growing up you everyone has sexual tendencies but I feel like my hormones were ten times stronger than others and feel really weird about it. I was not molested and don't do strange things now. i am perfectly normal. It is just when i look back on it I feel so ashamed it. I think that I obsess over little things, but this has been hanging on my mind for a while now.

Answer:
I think many of us are uncomfortable when we think back to the time in our life that we discovered our sexual impulses and feelings.  This is a part of life that many cultures choose to not talk about openly with young men and women, so many of us grow up in silence and wonder if we were normal.  You could make an appointment with our center and talk to someone about your adolescence and discover what was going on then.  Some of us do have a stronger sexual drive and this is normal.  I guess the main question is what do you want to do now with your memories.  We can't change the past, and I am not saying you should.  But we can decide in the present what the past means.  Talking with a counselor, talking with friends, or even reading more about sexual behavior can help you put your own memories into perspective.  Please think about calling our center, or post another message with your questions.

Question:
I recommend adding a link:  http://www.testprepreview.com/gre_practice.htm to your website.  It has online GRE practice tests for no charge.

Answer:
I will forward this link to our Director of Testing.

Question:
I am a transfer student to WKU and I live in Glasgow. I attended a school in Nashville last year and while i was there I started to try and find help for an eating disorder that I have had since my sophomore year of high school. I went to a doctor this summer at Vanderbilt and was diagnosed a manic depressive with bulimia nervousa. When I moved back home I thought I was going to be able to start improving on my problems and would not allow them to effect my class work. I have always been a 4.0 student and I went to Belmont on an academic scholarship, but the disorders have gotten out of hand and I am allowing them to come before my schoolwork, family, and friends even. I didn't know who I should conact about my problem, I don't want to fail my classes but some days it feels like all I am able to do is lay around and cry. I would appreciate any information you could give me.

Answer:
We understand the tremendous struggle that comes with an eating disorder and a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.  These are disorders that can be managed with therapy and medication, but anyone with these disorders would need continuous support for several years to develop his or her own coping style.  It sounds like you have taken excellent steps towards finding your self and your own coping style.  The staff at our center could continue this work with you so that you can have the college experience you deserve.  If you can no longer work with the professionals in Nashville I would suggest you make an appointment with our center.  You can meet with a staff member and discuss your options.  Please give us a call.

Question:
how do i handle a spiritual problem that alway affect my academic career this kind of spiritual probem i alway ran away from my hostle

Answer:
I understand you have a spiritual problem that affects your academic career, but I guess I don't understand the specific problem.  You mentioned running away from a hostle.  Are  you talking about a hostel, as in lodging, or a hostile, someone who is angry?  Please write back or give our center a call if you would like to discuss this problem further.

Question:
I'm thinking about coming into the health center because I believe I may have an eating disorder, and I am also a cutter. I really don't want my parents to find out but I am under my father's health insurance and they mail letters home whenever I see a physcian of any sort. (to let him know what our insurance is paying for, as well as to show we have covered our co-pay) I also get very, very stressed out quickly and generally feel "blue", and as though I'm just drowning sometimes. I'm worried about my parents finding out about my problems, and even more worried about what would happen if I needed medication and had to pay for it, or something. Would counselling go to my insurance, and if I needed medication of some sort would it reflect on my insurance? Thanks for any help you could give me.

Answer:
Cutting and an eating disorder are very serious problems and I hope you will make an appointment with our center or other service providers and find out how we can help.  I understand you are reluctant to involve your parents.  Our center does not use insurance so no bills would be mailed to your parents.  What fees we might charge are very small.  Medication, if prescribed, could be expensive and might involve your insurance provider, but that is a decision that you could make.  I hope you will consider calling our office and making an appointment.

Question:
I dont exactly know where to start or what type of help I am actually needing but here goes. I have been having emotional problems for a few years now and have been putting off treatment just as long. I keep having anxiety attacks and paranoia is getting the better of me. About six months ago I have the mother of all anxiety attacks and finally go to see a dr. I keep telling people that my medication is for anxiety only but I also have some for depression. I dont like to tell many people that I am "depressed" because I feel ashamed of it and am still having trouble dealing with it. I am having so many "depression causing events" that I cant keep up with. Once I feel like I finally get my head above water something else drags me under. My financial situation is unbelievable, once I think I finally have my bills undercontroll I end up sick and in the hospital. So there are a few more thousand dollars in debt. I have, no had, been dating the same guy for six years and right after I am finally put on medication for my "depression" he breaks up with me. We broke up four months ago and I still cant seem to get my bearings. I had to take this semester off from school and now they are messing with my studen loans, my campus e-mail account and my financial aid. I feel like I just keep getting hit over and over again and am never given a chance to recover. My Dr. has already doubled my medication and I still feel like crying all the time. I dont want to ask her to increase it again but I just dont know how to deal with everything. Please help, if you can understand my ramblings. Thanks

Answer:
Sounds as though alot is going on in your life.  It is probably going to be difficult to sort this all out by yourself.  My suggestion would be to get to a service that can provide both medical and psychological help.  In the South Centeral Kentucky area, Lifeskills is a very good resource.  They have a sliding scale that can help with your financial  situation.  Hope this has been helpful.  If you should return to school, we in the Counseling & Testing Center are available for you. 

Question:
Ever since I was young I have had a hard time dealing with my emotions(all types), I used to cry, scream etc...just so I could express myself but lately(last two years) that hasn't seemed to work. I have began making small cuts on my arms and legs (anywhere really). I used to be able to control this but recently I feel like I am so out of control and that I am completely addicted to cutting just for the heck of it. I try to stop but the thought continually races through my head. I feel so alone b/c there are very few people that know my secret and every time I do it I feel like I am in some weird way letting them down. I know this behavior is not normal but what are some ways in which I can begin controlling it? Let me point out that I am in therapy and have been in and out of the hospital but I am desperate for a quick solution. I have no intention of killing myself but I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this and not causing permanent damage(emotional, physical,

Answer:
First let me say that I am certainly glad that you are already in therapy.  That's a very positive step.  Unfortunately, there is no quick solution to this problem.  This did not happen overnight and will not be easily "fixed" overnight.  Have you been honest with your therapist about your cutting? If not, I would strongly recommend this.  If the therapist does not have a complete picture then it's hard to address issues.  Is there a particular time of day that you prefer to cut? Finding a preoccupation of time could help with that or finding an alternative to cutting could alleviate some tension until the desire to cut has passed.  This is a very difficult thing that you are dealing with and I think it's awesome that you are facing this head on.  That takes a lot of strength on your part.  Another thing to really focus on would be address the underlying reason why you are cutting.  I hope this has been helpful and please, be open with your therapist so they can deal with things.  Good luck!

Question:
is it possible or either partner to get a STD from intercourse if neither one of us have any?

Answer:
Thanks for asking a very responsible question that everyone who is sexually active should ask.  If two people are having intercourse and both people do NOT have STD's (no infection, virus, etc.) then they would not be able to pass a disease to each other.  BUT....and this is an important point, many people may have an STD without showing signs or symptoms of the disease.  Without testing, it would be risky to say you don't have an STD just because you feel okay and are not showing symptoms.  So the crux of your question is how it is you know that the two of you are disease free?  Testing for STD's is available through University Health Services.  Couples that choose to be sexually active would do well to be tested to be sure.

This is why it is so important for people to be aware of sexual transmitted diseases.  You could have had a sexual encounter years ago that exposed you to a disease and you would only know it if you were tested.  Some STD's have a dormant period with no symptoms.  People with these diseases might feel it is safe to have sex but they could still pass the disease on to another partner.  There are some people who feel angry that they are infected and take out their anger by letting other people be exposed to the disease.  Sort of like "I didn't want it but I got it, so why should I care if someone else gets it".  Again, another reason it makes sense to know someone well before having sex with him/her.  The University Health Services also provide an enormous amount of literature to students that can be helpful to read before deciding to be sexually active.

Question:
I feel so alone sometimes. I feel that people around me have such different values and they don't support me because they do not understand me. SOmetimes I just want to cry because I just want someone to vent to, someone who understands me to encourage me that dedication to causes and class work is better than the whole party scene. I have lots of stress because my family needs my support, and me being at college means that they can't adiquately support themselves, and maybe this makes me a bad person, but then again I want a better life and I have aspirations and dreams. I want to have the carefree life of a normal college student, but I know that is not an option to me, and finding people who understand my dedication is so hard. I am not really sure what my question is. Maybe just ahelthy way to deal with my stress and emotions when I become over whelmed. I am a transfer student and finding support from anyone even close to who I am has seemed impossible, and I consider myself to be very outgoing. I have lots of aquaintences, but true freinds I cannot find.

Answer:
Isn't it strange how we can be surrounded by people but still feel lonely?  I think part of the problem is that as we get older we become more particular about our friends.  When we were six years old, we could enjoy being around anyone who was six, but as college students we tend to be more selective.  It sounds like you have not found your group or niche here at Western.  You say you are a transfer student so you may just need more time on campus to find people like you.  I talk to students all the time who are not into the party scene and feel a responsibility toward family back home.  I would suggest talking to your hall director if you live in the residence hall.  Hall directors can help you find people with similar values.  There are also a lot of campus organizations whose members are less interested in partying.  You can find out about these organizations through the campus web page or by dropping in on the second floor of DUC at the student activities office.
The other thought that comes to mind is that if you are troubled about being in college, you may be holding back when you meet people.  Other people might not know you are feeling bad.  They may just think you want to be alone.  Or you may be trying too hard to meet people, which can make other people pull away.  Making chit chat is a very important skill that we all have to learn by trial and error.
What you are describing is a very common concern among college students.  Many students have come to the counseling and testing center to talk about this very same issue.  Please consider making an appointment to talk with someone on our staff.

Question:
Besides the university who else offers on-line

Answer:
If you are asking who else offers on-line advice like Here to Help, I must admit that I am not aware of any other service.  I am sure it exists, but I have yet to come across advertisements.  I suppose a basic search  (e.g. Google) would reveal some sites.  I would caution you however to know the training and intent of anyone offering on-line advice for psychological concerns.
Perhaps you are asking about on-line courses.  Again, there are many providers, and most universities now offer some courses on-line. You could also go to the KYVU website. (http://www.kcvu.org/home.htm).  Please write again if I have misunderstood your question.

Question:
couldnt i just come in and talk 2 someone about my suicidal thoughts without giving my name? This way its casual conversation and my parents wouldnt find out.

Answer:
I appreciate your worry about your parents finding out but to be honest with you a conversation about suicidal thoughts is never casual.  Thoughts of suicide indicate a serious psychological problem and need to be treated with respect.  As we discussed before, your parents are only brought in if there is reason to believe their presence would be helpful.  That is something we would talk about before deciding to contact them.  I strongly suggest you make an appointment with our center, or any other mental health professional, and begin working with someone to bring a sense of peace back into your life.

Question:
I am 29 years. Since I was 17, I always think about the unnecessity of life and think about suicide. But the fear of suicide is hell-freightening me. When that thought comes,my body shrinks backwards and a groan comes from my mouth out of fear. I haven't ever thought about it seriously. But that thought coming to my mind every now and then. I have a good and supportive family set-up (though there are some financial problems). Moreover we are very religious. For the last 12 years I have overcome this tendency by telling myself that "this thought is from evil, not good for u, skip it". But is there a way that I can eliminate this evilish thought? (the thought about Unncessity of life is not anymore, but suicidal thoughts prevail) I want to be 100% a god-fearing man. So, evenafter I get counselling from psychiatrists, this urge to be a pure god-fearing man is going to dictate the terms of my mental peace. So, will there be a conflict? What should I do?. What is my problem?.

Answer:
It seems to me like the last three questions that you ask are very important to you.  I'm not sure however that I understand what you are asking.  It sounds like you expect conflict even after you finish counseling, but I am not sure what kind of conflict you are describing.  Are you worried that the counseling will conflict with you desire to be a God-fearing man?  Maybe you are worried that even with counseling you may still think of suicide from time to time.  I guess none of us can predict the future, but counseling has worked for many students and it does not have to conflict with your religious beliefs.  Have you already found a counselor or psychiatrist?  Would you want to come to our center and hear how we do counseling?  Please give our center a call to find out more.

Question:
i want 2 join the swim team, where are the try outs? What is the process? who can I contact? Thanks!

Answer:
If you are interested in swimming for WKU the best place to start would be to contact the swim coaches.  Their offices are housed in the Diddle Arena complex.  You can also reach the swim program by telephone at 745-6075.  Coach Bill Powell is the director of swimming.  Bruce Marchionda is the assistant coach and Bob Benson is the diving coach.  They can provide  information about where tryouts are held and when.  Good luck to you!

Question:
I am having trouble with a former friend and his wife. My mom owns the place were my husband and I live and they have taken it from her and have her believing just because they helped her when her husband died and saved the house they think even though they do not own it they can take it over and destroy it. My mom is believing that she owes them. They are very abusive to her she is a handicap and needs our help. I now I should do something but, we do they other poeple will kick us out and my mom says no but, they don't listen to her. What can be done. We don't have much time. We live in Nutrioso Arizona. Can you please tell me what I can do. I hope to here from you soon.

Answer:

First let me say that this service is for students attending Western Kentucky University, so I am limited in the advice I can share with you.  I am not familiar with the law concerning rental property in Nutrioso, Arizona, but I would assume that people can not move into property and "take over" without risking police involvement.  It sounds though that the core problem is that your mother wants to provide lodging for this other couple and she does not understand that damage is being done to the property.  I am not clear when you say the other people will kick you out.  If they do not own the property they cannot kick you out.  I would suggest you contact the local police or a lawyer to find out what rights your mother has in this situation.

Question:
a friend and i would like to get tested for AIDS; what is the cost? where can this be done?

Answer:
A convenient way for students to be tested for AIDS (or any other medical concern) is to make an appointment with Student Health Services.  You may call 5-3806 and ask about the current cost for this test.  Their services are professional and confidential.  I hope you will give them a call.

Question:
I was just wondering if Dr. Greer was still there and if he did one on one counseling.

Answer:
Yes, Dr. Greer is here and he does see people for individual counseling.  Please give our center a call if you would like to set up an appointment.

Question:
my family has a history of manic depression. i am having major mood swings, one moment i'll be on top of the world and the next i'm lying in the mud. i want to come in and talk to someone, but i have problems opening up with anyone new. i mean, my friend and i were just talking and i was estatic about my life and then something as simple as a guy not getting online to talk to me tonight sent me into an almost sucidal mood. i'm scared. the smallest things depress me and i never know how i will react to things around me. i do want to come in, but i'm scared

Answer:
Sometimes mood swings are just a part of everyday life, and sometimes they can be more debilitating. It's often helpful to talk with someone who can help you sort out whtich is more true in your situation.  Getting some assistance with this can also be a bit scary.  That, too, is normal.  Hope you will give yourself a chance to sort this out .  We at the Counseling & Testing Center are available should you need us.  Hope this has been helpful.

Question:
I am a woman that is drowning in debt. I feel like life is crashing in on me. My son is in college and we have not been able to qualify for financial aide. My credit is bad and I can not qualify for a loan and my husband seems to be oblivious to my depression. What can I do? Is there no hope?

Answer:
Sounds like several things are coming together at the worst time.  Your son's college costs are compounding your debt problem and your husband does not seem to understand your depression.  We could help you with your depression and we might start with talking about what you can do now about your debt (financial advisement, debt consolidation, etc.).  The staff at the Office of Financial Aid might also be able to give you suggestions about alternative sources of aid.  The Yellow Pages list several agencies that offer help to manage debt as well.

Depression can be hard to understand and it can lead to increased tension within a marriage.  Your husband's choice to be oblivious may not deliberate.  He may not understand how depression develops or he may be afraid to talk about it.  We could also help you be able to talk openly and clearly about your stress.  This may help him become more helpful.  Please think about making an appointment with our Center.

Question:
My family has a history of mental health problems and I have always been afraid that I may have them myself. I had a very vivid dream the other night that something horrible was happening to my body, but such that it manifested itself when i woke up and I could not stop feeling it for days at a time. I have had emotional issues in the past and I know the family history and co-morbidity may suggest that this incident may only be a sign of worse things to come. I am terrified to have to talk to someone about this in person and I am not sure if this is something I should be worried about.

Answer:
A family history of mental health problems does not always mean you will have mental health problems.  While some disorders have a genetic component that may be passed on to children, many disorders are learned and not caused by an inherited biological cause.  Even if a disorder is inherited, it can still be treated by therapy, medication, or a combination of both.
Your dream could mean many things or nothing at all.  Our fears and worries often show up in our dreams.  Worrying about having a disorder could show up in a dream, but that would not mean you have the disorder.
Talking with someone could help you put your worry into perspective and give you a sense of control.  Its sort of like finding a strange lump on your body.  Seeing a physician could help you know what to do.  Fear of the lump might keep you from seeing the physician, but the lump is still there and you will still worry.  Since you are going to worry anyway about the lump, might as well see a physician.
I suggest you make an appointment with our center.  We could hear your family history and help you estimate the seriousness of your concerns.  Asking us about your worry is a good sign that you won't let your problems take over your life.  Please give us a call.

Question:
i smoke pot about once a week. I want to quit now that im here at WKU. But its hard cuz the stuff seems to find me where ever i go. Is there a amnesty thing or somethin I could do to stop.

Answer:
Wanting to quit is the first step and I congratulate you for making this decision.  Especially since you have discovered that quiting is hard.  This could mean you have already developed a dependency.  I want to encourage you though to not think of the pot as something that finds you whereever you go.  It doesn't find you, you find it.  To get past the power it has over you, you have to stop giving it the power.  It is probably going to feel weird for a while, so trust that it will feel better and stop looking for pot where ever you go.  You could make an appointment with our office and work with a counselor or psychologist to make a plan for quitting.  There are also several really good Narcotics Anonymous groups in town that will give you a lot of support while you go through the process.  I know of one that meets at First Christian Church on Wednesday nights. The people there are very positive and would welcome you.

Question:
I don't know what it is with me, but for like the last three years i ge mad over the smallest things. I take my anger out on the people that are closest to me. Some expamles would be if i had planned something out and one part didn't go my way i would very upset. When im at work and people do something that doesn't make sence or just mess something up for no reason i get pissed. I can't go a single day without getting mad. The only thing that helps is for me to go to bed right after something pisses me off, but its not like i can do that all the time. What should i do?

Answer:
Anger is a very natural emotion.  The problem comes in when we express our anger in ways that aren't appropriate.  It's very typical that we take it out on the people that we love or are close to as well.  That's not saying that's right, but that is something that a lot of people do.  It sounds like developing some coping skills for your anger as well as determining what is making you angry is a good place to start.  You could utilize an activity to replace you going to bed, because as you said that can't always happen.  Hope this has been helpful and please remember that you can make an appointment here at the counseling center for developing coping skills as well as talking about why you get so angry.

Question:

What I can’t say through speech is easily said through the keyboard and the click of a mouse. Even so, I find myself stuttering with my finger tips. Not so eagerly pressing in the keystrokes.With my mouse I submit the words which taken as a whole are by far the most unusual thoughts I have ever experienced. I encourage your honest insight, but ask you to reframe from spitting on me. I think about suicide every time something doesn’t go correctly. School, halo, girls…….whatever. I cut myself once with a box cutter once as I was opening a box containing tennis balls (I was a stocker at a store once). It kind of hurt but I indulged in the sting of the blade while letting the blood run onto the floor to make neat little puddles. I left the blood there in my area for several hours until the janitor saw them. He told my boss about the blood and they asked me about it. I told them it was the fake blood that you can buy for Halloween. I think they didn’t buy it because my termination from the store shortly followed along with my next paycheck. That was the first time I felt the need to do that. I quit doing it but I matured into fantasies of killing myself. Throwing myself off the waterslide at my new job for example.Sad but people would probably pay more attention to my dead corpse than they currently do to my living flesh. I don’t want to get off topic, but I’ve just been reminded by the buzz of my cell phone that I have yet another tale of woe. This guy, who is currently sending me PCS shortmailis a real piece of work.We will call him “Billy bob thorton”. BBJ left me stranded out in the middle of nowhere the other night because I was freaking out after smoking chronic. In retrospect I think the bud was laced with smack because it gave me a panic attack. By panic attack I mean was freaking out completely. Instead of helping me out he grabbed the camera to capture the moment. Then he said he would escort me home. What he really did was shut off his lights and loose me on a country road. Crap, dinners ready, gota go..............but quickly........I’m coming over to your school on August 15, gona live in that real tall PFT place. I want to know if these issues are worthy of some one-on-one time with a professional. I already know the answer, but I need to hear an affirmation.

Answer:
It certainly sounds as if you have had a lot to think about. Not sure what type of response you were expecting but I do certainly want to affirm that you are worthy of one-on-one time because you deserve to feel better about yourself and your situations. I'm glad that you are coming to WKU and I would certainly recommend you make an appointment with our center. We'll be here in August as well, as a matter of fact we're here now.

Question:
I'm going back to WKU this fall for my third semester there. I'm nervous for a lot of reasons. I'm not a social  person and never have been. I've had a small amount of friends throughout my life but they've all faded away. There are  things on campus that I am interested in getting involved with i.e. psych club, english club and some others. My roblem is I  get so nervous, anxious and unbelievably self-conscious in social situations esp. around strangers. It's not so bad say if I'm at  a bookstore but at school it feels different. I'm not outgoing, tend to be withdrawn and have been told many a time that I am   aloof, stuck up and unpleasant to be around. When really I'm just frightened of being rejected, saying something stupid or
  just not ever knowing what to say. I mean I literally hardly ever know what to say. I hate small talk and it annoys me when   someone asks how I am b/c I know honestly they do not care. It's all out of common courtesy. I just wish I had some friends or one or two close friends. Those that I have become acquainted with, I hardly like anymore. I just get so disappointed with people and being that I am pretty negative, no body sticks around me very long. I just don't know what to do. I saw a counselor at the university last semester and will see one again this fall. It's just that I am in such need of answers. I don't want to be someone that people stear clear of b/c of these "vibes" I give off. I know I show people that I don't want to be bothered but honestly I do want friends, honest, good ones. Those are hard to come by esp. since I don't party and do all those college things. I don't know how to socialize! It feels so overwhelming! Well, I've written way too much. I'm just really interested in any sort of advice or something to help me out. Thanks. 

Answer:
you seem to have a very good understanding of your situation, and that's good.  I am wondering, however, if maybe you are not anticipating a bit.  By that I mean, you are anticipating problems in the fall and its just now summer.  Let's wait until the fall to be concerned about the fall.  You mentioned that you saw a counselor earlier and plan to continue in the fall.  That
sounds good.  We do have counselors during the summer.  If you would rather not wait until school starts in the fall, feel free to contact our office and set up a time to start getting some answers to your questions.  Otherwise, just pick up with your counselor in the fall.  Hope this is helpful.

Question:
I am a junior and still do not know what I want to do! Before I transferred to WKU fall 2003, I'd taken those  inventory things or personality profile quizzes to see what I'd be good at. All to no avail. I have no idea what I want to do with my life as far as work is concerned. I don't even want to deal with anymore tests or inventories or even researching
  careers. I've done all that and nothing has sparked my interests. I don't have many hobbies and those I do have I dont want   to make a profession out of. I feel like I am wasting my time in college even though it is where I would like to be. It is so   discouraging when I Find all these other students who know what they want and they're getting there. While I'm here STILL
  at 21 not knowing what to do. I do have a major, only b/c I don't know what else to major in. My major is psychology but I def. do not want to be a psychologist! I need something that keeps me busy, on my feet and not around a whole lot of   people. Noisy places and environments make me nervous. Plus I have a bit of a vision problem so that sort of puts a damper
  on things. I've been struggling with this issue since I started college in 2001. It's nearly 2005 and I'm just at a loss. I could stay in school forever and not know what i want to be. It is also hard b/c I cannot talk to my mom about this issue (i live at home when not in school). She wants me back home and go to college in my home town where it's cheaper. She just wants that b/c she wants me near her. I do not want that. My homelife has been less than pleasant to put it lightly. I want out and I
  feel pressure from her, myself and everything else. Please help!

Answer:
You sound like you have been doing a whole lot to find out what you want to do with you life but maybe not how you want to live it.  There is a big difference between these two.  I would suggest that you make an appointment with one of us in the Counseling Center and see if together we can address the questions that I hear you asking yourself.  Hope this is helpful.

Question:
 i have a boyfriend who does drugs. hes been doing em ever since n before i met him. Weve been going out a while n he always says hes gonna quite but never does... i want him 2 quite n i told him if he didn't quite then it might not last 4 us. But also i am a big religious person n he also doesn't believe n god. i don't kno if its gonna work between us. Basically i
  need help... i wanna kno how 2 make him quite tha drugs, how 2 make him love god, n i wanna kno if i am able 2 do it, n if this relationship will last even though its going down this road... i kno theres suppose 2 bumpy roads n a relationship... but r they suppose 2 b like this?

Answer:
My initial response to you is very simple GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP.  The two of you have totally different value systems. Relationships can not work if the value systems are not compatible. If you feel the need for some assistance with this decision, feel free to contact the counseling center and set up an appointment. Hope this has been helpful.

Question:
I have recently having headach feel like my chest is full. I have a lot of muscle cramps.When its time for me to go to work I start feeling dizzy and wondering how people is going to treat me on the job.I cry a lot and the least thing someone say to me negative I think they a picking on me and I cry again. I donot sleep at night not at least a full night sleep. I do not go anywhere because I do not like crowds. Is this a problem I need to correct with a physician.

Answer:
It certainly sounds as if things are a little stressful for you.  There are some medications out there to help with
depression and anxiety.  A physician can assist with the prescription.  Another avenue to consider would be what is the underlying cause of these things you have expressed.  Have you considered talking to anyone (like a counselor) regarding this?  Please feel free to call our office and make an appointment.  Our services are free and confidential to WKU students.  If that is something that you aren't interested in, or at least not right now, I would strongly recommend you get checked out by your physician.  Health Services on campus is available for that purpose.  Good luck!

Question:
well lately I have been having a few issues where I have got grounded countinously because I cant stop fighting with my family. my parents are starting to want to send me to a boys home and all I want is just some privacy and my parents tell me that I must be a "responsible adult first" I mean my parents wont even let me have a girlfirend and I am 15! I have a step-dad and my biological father while he was going out with my mom had me a the age of 15 my mom was 14 at the time and personally I think my mom believes I'am going to follow in his shoes! I'm not I am more responsible then that and I can keep my snake in it's cage! I just want to have some family time where we dont fight and have issues all the time and yes I do mean ALL THE TIME! MY sister tells me that she hates me and wants me dead 24/7/365 and to be honest it's making me very sick! I cant even sleep at certain nights because my family issues are so bad! SO PLEASE I BEG OF YOU READ THIS AND GIVE ME AND ANSWER FAST because I need help.

Answer:
Being 15 is a difficult age.  It's also difficult for me to answer this as this is primarily geared toward students at Western Kentucky University.  However, have you tried talking to your parents about your concerns?  I mean talking calmly and maturely as they feel you need to be?  I know it's summer, but I would certainly recommend going and talking to your guidance counselor at school regarding this.  But until then, is there an adult that you feel you can talk to about your concerns? As for your sister, are your parents aware she is saying those things to you? That can be very hurtful to hear from someone you care about and who is "suppose" to care about you.  Talk openly to your mother about your concerns and how you feel she thinks you are following in your biological dad's footsteps.  If you can, try talking to your stepdad or whoever you might be closer too.  I know this can be
extremely overwhelming especially when it seems to be coming all at once.  I hope this has helped and I wish you luck.

Question:
Subject:  problems with parent

Question:  Hi, this is me again writitng about my mom not letting me stay on campus. Now things are getting even worse. My boyfriends mom told my mom that she thinks I call him to come over for sex, which is not true. Of course my mom believes everything that other people tell her instead of me. She thinks that the only reason I want to live on campus is him when really it has nothing to do with him. My classes are during the day and I work at night and on weekends plus he is in high school marching band so all his time will be spent with that. Talking to my mom doesn't help anything because I don't get to talk. She yells and I have to listen, if I say anything she tells me to shut up. Please help me I don't know what to do

Answer:
Hello again.  Sorry things aren't getting any better for you.  Is there another parent on the scene that you can talk to?  There must be some reason that your mother feels she is doing the things that she is doing, whether you see that reason as right or wrong.  You can continue to try and talk to your mother or perhaps you can do just as she tells you to do.  You need to
determine if it's worth continuing to try and talk to mother about, with attempts at different ways to approach her.  At this point, I'm assuming that you aren't 18 yet and are still considered a minor.  In any case, 18 or not, you will always be considered the child and she the parent.  When you get older your relationship will evolve into something different hopefully.  I wish you luck and hope this has helped a little bit.

Question:
Hi, I am 17 years old and will be a freshman this fall. I am supposed to be staying in a dorm room. I have already payed the $150.00 deposit and my mom signed the form. I have gotten my room assignment, talked to my roomate, and bought stuff for the room. Now she has decided that I don't need to stay on campus because i'm just gonna end up pregnant.
She has no reason to think this because i am a good person, I make good grades, and I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years and have not gotten pregnant yet. I will be 18 in September and she still will not let me do anything or go anywhere unless it is to work. Everytime I try to talk to her she says I am being disrespectful even if I am talking to her in a nice way. What should I do, I was really looking forward to staying on campus with all my friends!

Answer:
Sometimes it's very difficult for parents to let go and allow their child to grow up.  It sounds as if she really wants what is best for you or what she thinks is best for you.  You sound like you are doing the right thing by talking to your mother and I would recommend you continue to do so.  Have you tried asking her what you might be saying that is being disrespectful? Sometimes getting clarification helps.  Another way to look at it might be that she is saying that even when you aren't being disrespectful because she might be concerned about you and simply doesn't want to talk about things.  Sometimes we like to protect ourselves and our feelings as well.  Hope this has helped.  Feel free to continue responding if it's not getting the information you need.  Good luck.

Question:
my question is i have a sister that out of a blue one day just started haveing sezuires at work. she has been haveing them for about two months now, and she has being see by a neraligist head doctor a few times and ran diffenet test and every test they do it come's back neg- nothing wrong with her, but she has sezuires at least a few every two weeks, she gets them bad too full body movement too, so doctor gave her a med to prevent sezuires she was haveing a head ach tonight at work and feeling dissy so she took a pill like told to by doctor, but sezuires got worst,got rushed to hospital, they think mental emtional prob she has something going on with her head some where in side, they can not find any thing wrong with her so they want her to go see a mental doctor but she don't want to because she don't understand what is going on she is not mental she really is a happy go lucky girl not undersyanding y this is happening to her,so if u would plz take your time to read my note and get back to me on your thought i would be gratefull very much thank you

Answer:
First, I'm sorry to hear your sister is going through these things.  That is very difficult for anyone to have to go through. Second, I'm not exactly sure what your question is.  However, perhaps it would be a good idea for your sister to see someone (a mental doctor as you called it) to see what their assessment on the situation is since the medical doctors say they are unable to find anything physically wrong with her.  It couldn't hurt her to do that and at the absoulute least could indicate if it were a physical or psychological problem.  I wish her luck..and you to in dealing with your concerns regarding your sister.

Question:
hello,i wish to avoid chat coz i hate this but i cant do it because i use chatrooms due to loneliness but i cant leave to use net so what should i do plz help me

Answer:
I"m not sure exactly what you are asking.  I hear you say that you don't like to chat but you are lonely and using that to interact with people.  It's difficult sometimes to interact face to face with people because you are afraid of rejection or other reasons. Have you thought about joining some type of club or activity that allows you to interact socially with others?  There are some religious organizations on campus as well as academic clubs, sports clubs, etc.  Is there some sort of interest/hobby that you have that might put you in contact with others with that same common interest?  If you'd like to talk to someone, I'd encourage you to contact the counseling center to make an individual appointment.  I hope this answers your question or helps.  If it doesn't, please feel free to ask again or to make an appointment.

Question:
What do you do when you feel like you are falling in love with your male therapy person and you are a male also?

Answer:
In any therapy situation, it is hoped that a bond of trust is formed which allows the atmosphere for growth during the counseling process. It may be that you are confusing feelings of being "in love" with a normal positive reaction to being accepted unconditionally by your therapist.  It's possible that you have never had, from another male, the acceptance or concern you receive from your therapist.  Although you might find it difficult, it would be appropriate to bring up this issue in session.  The two of you can explore where these feelings are coming from, and how they may be connected to experiences with significant people in your past.  If it would make it easier for you, take your question and this response with you to your session. What you are experiencing is not rare, so I encourage you to talk it about for your own growth.

Question:
I'm a student at a branch campus of WKU and I'm having a real hard time keeping my cool about Christianity invading every class I've taken at this college. I am not a Christian and I feel that religion does not belong in my classes. Do my instructors not realize that not everyone is a Southern Baptist? I should not have to announce to my classes that the discussion
is making me uncomfortable....because this is a PUBLIC university. If I had wanted Christianity in my college courses, I would have enrolled at Lindsey Wilson or Brigham Young. I understand that most people in this area are very vocal about their religious preferences, but I am not. I do not feel comfortable defending myself in Literature class when my professor announces that non-christians are wrong. I should not have to deny a bible outside of the college's front door either. How can I let this branch realize that church and state must be seperated when we enter the front door? If this campus doesn't become more careful, there will be someone who gets extrememly offended and then it will be lawsuit time. Signed - Fed up

Answer:
You raise an interesting issue here.  I think it was just last week that a student wrote a letter to the Herald complaining that he felt persecuted because he was a Christian and you are complaining that you feel persecuted because you are not a Christian. I suppose there are "pockets" on all campuses in which one may feel on the outside.  I would certainly encourage you to speak up in class.  Not to prohibit expression, but to be sure you are sharing your views as well.  I doubt you are in the minority, but it is easy to feel like you are the only one if the instructor has made such a harsh generalization about the opinions of non-christians.  I would suggest you speak with the instructor privately and ask him/her if your grade will be threatened should you express views contrary to the class.  I would think the instructor would appreciate a more lively class discussion that
comes when students with differing views are willing to speak openly without animosity. If you feel threatened, I would suggest you speak with the Dean of Students and find a safe way to challenge the attitude of the instructor.  I must admit I can appreciate the position you describe.  I am often amazed at how some people use their faith to
push people away.

Question:
well, this is pretty stupid but its pissing me off. Well, I am 16 I am able to drive and go out and do things but my mom wont let me do anything. Like just the other night i asked if i could into town with my best friend and hangout with other people and make some new friends. Well, she said NO. Which i kind of knew she was going to because she always says No.
The only thing she lets me do is going to the store with my friend but i have to come right back. The last time I went with my friend to hangout was about two weeks ago. And the only reason she let me go was because i lied to her and told her that we were going to my friends bf dads house to talk to his little sister. I know you thinking well if you lied to you mom then she soundnt trust me but I desperate I wanted to go out and have fun. I think the most reason why i am mad is because all i do if she dont let me go is sleep. So you would think she would let me go so i wouldnt be sleeping all day. But no she wont. Just some info for you I dont know if this will help you to give me an answer or what but I have 6 older brothers and they were all trouble makers they did drugs they drank they smoke they got into a lot of trouble. I dont do any of that because I play sports and if i get cought i will get kicked off the team. and I dont want that to happen so i dont do that stuff. Also my mom got pregnant when she was my age I think that has a lot to do with her not letting me do anythind. She has nothing to worry about there because she wont let me have a bf, When a boy calls for me i get introuble. I get asked every ? in the book. who was that? why were they calling you? and so on. Sometimes when and boy calls for me and they ask me who it was i tell them it was my bf and there like it better not have been or youll be grounded. I called my dad and told my dad about all of this and he told me to just tell my mom that i am not my brothers so dont treat me like them and untill i make a mistake they should let me go out and be a teen. For the most part my life dont suck its just I want to beable to go hangout and make new friends. So if you have any ideas on what i should do i would greatly appreciate it Thank you Jessica

Answer:
From several things you have said it sounds like you are in high school.  If this is the case, I would suggest talking with a guidance counselor or teacher that you trust.  It does sound like your mother is doing the wrong things for the right reasons. What I mean is that she does sound worried about you and she wants you to have a better life, but she may be coming on too hard.  Trust and respect must be earned, so while it is important that you not lie to her, it is also important that she begin to trust you.  Maybe a counselor or teacher could help you talk with your Mom and suggest she begin to slowly loosen up on her rules so you can have the opportunity to prove that you can be trusted.

I think it is great that you are wanting to be more than your brothers.  It is hard to keep a strong faith when so many people around you don't believe in you.  Keep taking the high road; don't do anything just to prove them wrong, do things to prove you are right.

Question:
A friend of mine is deeply depressed. She lost the guy she was engaged to in Jan. in a car wreck. Her grandmother died in Feb. and in March she had a friend commit suicide. During Spring Break she was in a car wreck herself. She is failing all of her classes. Her professor's have suggested she get counseling, but she hasn't yet. Her friends have not really been there for her and believe it or not her parents have tried everything possible to hurt her. There in jail know for threatening her. I told her this was a lot of things to deal with at one time. I believe she has started drinking every night. Even though she still goes to class. Her mind is somewhere else. She has even thought about suicide. She's my best friend and I really won't to help her. Is there any advice you can give me on helping her. Or anything you guys can do to help her. Please Help! Thanks

Answer:
 It certainly sounds as if your friend is going through a lot right now.  This must be a very difficult time for your friend as well as you to see her going through so many things.  I would strongly encourage her to seek counseling at our center, or even with a community agency, as long as she seeks counseling.  The best thing you can do is be supportive and listen to her while encouraging her to seek help.  But during this time, remember, you can't make her do anything she is not willing to do! This will probably be the most difficult thing for you to understand.  If you feel she is an imminent risk to herself then you can call someone for help.  You didn't say if she lives on campus or off, but a hall director is a contact as well as the Police if you feel she is imminent risk.  Hope this is helpful. Let us know if there is anything we can do!

Question:
 I met "Tom" in 1999 and we started dating. I had just gotten divorced. Tom gotten divorced a couple of years before I did. He had only been married for 9 months - no children. My dating relationship with Tom was a roller coaster ride. We would date and break up (usually Tom would do the breaking up) however, even when we weren't dating we would stay
in touch either by long phone calls or email. And we would eventually begin seeing each other as 'friends" (which means we continued to sleep together). A couple of years ago I was ready to call it quits when Tom professed his love for me - took me on a wonderful vacation as a Christmas present and told me that he wanted to marry me. Since I had been married once before I was relunctant to agree to marriage, but I did agree to move in with him. We had a wonderful romance for about 18 months. I was on cloud nine! I had never had so much attention and adoration in my life! Then we went on vacation this summer and it was a disaster! The weather was horrible - for example - driving in a down pour on the interstate made me nervous (although I did not complain) and camping out was not a luxury in the mud (again, I didn't complain). There were some good points to the vacation, but on the trip home Tom was quiet and defensive. By the time we got home he would not talk to me and when I tried to communicate he snapped at me and said that he didnt' want to talk. (We had never fought before). I thought everything would eventually blow over but it didn't. He stated to go out by himself leaving me at home. He wouldn't tell me where he was going - when he would be home, etc. He eventually told me that he was rethinking our relationship. I asked him if he had met someone else and he assured me that he had not. In January he told me that I should move out. He told me that he was not cut out for long term relationships. I am taking this very personal - thinking that I had said something or done something wrong - I look in the mirror and wonder what it is about me that made him change his mind. I continued to live with him until in March - it took me that long to find a place. During that time our relationship had changed into roommates - although he continued to want to have sex. I am very depressed - I just can't figure out what happened.

Answer:
Well, let me start by asking what you want to do with the answer to your question.  That is, when you figure out what happened, what do you want to do with what you know.  It sounds like you want to know what you did to make Tom pull away, but do you want to change?  Or do you want to make Tom change? You mentioned twice that you were upset but did not complain on the trip.  Do you think Tom could sense you were upset? Maybe he does not know what to do in a relationship after the "attention and adoration" changes.  I also noticed that even when you were "roommates" he still wanted to have sex.  Sounds like he sees a relationship as convenient, and you go along with it for fear of being alone. His pattern after he professed his love to you was not at all different from when he dated you.  Many men enjoy the excitement and sex of a relationship but do not know how to add committment (or they just don't want to).  Sadly, they tend to not have trouble finding women who will stay with them hoping some day the men will change. Working with a counselor might help you figure out what you do in your relationships, but there are also many good self-help books that address this topic.  If you would like to make an appointment, please call our center.

Question:
me and my roommate got into it know we don't speak and we don't share anything but the phone not that I care   but she is so two-faced and she always running around talking about problems she need to be talking to me about.Long as   she don't saty out of my way then i'm cool.What should i do?

Answer:
It's a bit difficult to answer your question specifically without knowing more details.  However, roommate problems are not unusual.  In fact, families are roommates, and we know how differences of opinions arise in families. Residence Hall personnel are trained to assist with roommate problems and differences.  I would suggest that you check with
your RA or your hall director and go from there. Hope this works out.

Question:
Over the past three or four months, we have discovered that our friend does nothing but lie to us and his family. We don't know what has got into him. He tells me one story, then another friend a different story. We have not confronted him about this. What we are trying to do is find out what we can do to help. We are hoping that you may have some good words of advise and maybe tell us where we can do some online research online. We really think he has a problem and can not help himself. We feel the only way he can make himself happy is to lie to all of us.

Answer:
The best way you can help your friend is to be honest with him and tell him that you are uncomfortable with the lies he tells you.  Tell him you understand he may be afraid or angry but you cannnot continue to trust him if he lies to you. People often tell lies when they feel they are not being valued or appreciated.  Being honest with him is one way to show you
do respect him and want him to be himself when he is around you.  Sometimes people lie because they are hiding something. He may be afraid that if you know the truth you will not want to be around him.  Either way, the more time you spend not talking about his lies, the more he will lie.

If he does not want to talk to you about the reasons behind his lies, maybe he would be willing to make an appointment with our center.  You can tell him that we will work with him to find a way to more honest with himself and others.

Question:
I am a married person and unfortunently i had a sex. Luckly the other side had carried out the HIV test. The result was Do i need to worry and can i sleep with my wife and have a baby. Regards

Answer:
I can certainly understand how you would be concerned since it sounds like you cheated on your wife and may have picked up a sexual transmitted disease.  Unfortunately your question is missing a variety of words so it is hard for me to give you definitive response.  I assume when you say you "had a sex" you are describing a sexual encounter or that you had sex with someone other than your wife.  It is not clear if the other person had an HIV test before or after the two of you had sex.  You did not indicate whether the results of the test were positive or negative.

You asked if you need to worry.  My first thought is yes.  Engaging in sex with someone other than your wife can create a number of problems that you need to deal with if you want to have a healthy relationship with your wife.  You may want to clear up your feelings about your wife before you have a baby with her.  As I said before there are too many unknowns in your question to give you a clear answer.  I would suggest you make an appointment with someone on our staff to help you understand how you feel about your wife.

Question:
My ex girl friend and I have confessed how much we love each other. We have a special bond because we were friends before we started dating and remained friends after. This fall she is going to college in Alabama. We both want to get back together but at the same time she says that she doesn’t know if she could handle a serious relationship being far away
from each other. Everyday I get sick to my stomach because I miss her a lot now and I don’t know what I am going to do come this fall. Lately I have just had bad feelings about us and even waiting to be with her. Four years is along time to go without dating someone. At time me just as if I am tourchering myself by hold off and waiting to see what happens. I want to
be with her all of our friend’s say that we act like a married couple. I wish that it was true but its not. I don’t know how I can tell her because in the past I have been the one to break things off between us. So should I keep what we have and date other people without telling her, or should I tell her we need to see other people and if we are destine to be together then we will.

Answer:
It sounds like you are afraid or anxious to be alone.  That is a common feeling for people your age.  It is part of learning what is, and what is not, love.  You asked if you can keep "what you have" and date others here without telling her.  If you date without telling her, then you won't keep "what you have".  Even she sounds unsure about having a long distance relationship. Maybe the two of you should take some time talk about the future.  Be honest, and don't try to protect each other.  If both of you try to not say anything that will hurt the other, then you will both be hurt.  It sounds like you are open to dating other people as well as having a long distance relationship with her.  Maybe she feels the same way.  I guess the important thing here is for the two of you to treat each other like humans and not objects.  Relationships are not like bank accounts; you can't put one on hold while you invest more in another.  You say you have broken up several times, but are still in love.  How is that possible?  Don't confuse being alone with being in love.  See what she has to say about it.  If you continue to struggle with your feelings, give us a call and set up an appointment.

Question:
I can study for hours for a test. I know I am smart, but I do not do well on the test. I do not need to study more than I do. How can I do well on my tests? I do not get overly anxious. I just do not pick the right answers, and on essay tests I do not write enough info down. I forget information. How can I remember the stuff I

Answer:
It sounds like you're pretty frustrated because your grades do not reflect your effort.  Sometimes it not about the number of hours you study, but how you study.  For example, how do you learn the best?  For some people it's re-copying their notes and for others it's having someone ask a question and they explain the concept or some do best by simply re-reading their book and notes.  You need to find out what works best for you.  Also, where are you studying?  Are you studying in the library where's it's really quiet or are you studying in your residence hall where there's a bit more noise.  For some people it is easier to remember material if they study in an environment similar to their testing environment.  So if your testing room is so quiet that you can hear your heartbeat maybe that's the type of environment you need to create for yourself when you study. Since I don't know the specifics of your situation I can't give specific advice.  I would suggest that you consult either the Learning Center or the Office of Diversity Programs.  Each office has a study skills specialist who can help you develop the best strategy for studying.  I hope this helps.

Question:
Who can i turn to iam being treated unfair at school by my teacher and the school councler? My parent works at the school and if she gets involved they will fire her. It is so unfair. Iam a good student an honor student at that. But for some reason there seems to be a problem. My parent has spoke to each of these teachers for issues concerning not allowing us to
use the bathroom as needed and caused us embarrasment and also yelling at us and when i say yelling i mean yelling several teachers witnessed the event and told my parent of the yelling. Since my parent confronted the teachers they are taking out on us and being hateful. Please help!!!!

Answer:
You don't specifiy what you are being treated unfairly about.  Is it about using the bathroom as needed?  (Are you a college student?) Whatever the issue, it's time for a calm conversation between you and the instructor involved, without parents being involved.  You might even begin the conversation with "Could we talk about this calmly and find a solution that is good for everyone?"  Keep in mind that the only behavior you can control is your own.  If others have an anger problem, don't let it become yours.

Question:
I am feeling so down right now and I need advice. I have got more bills than money. I spent too much on credit cards and now I'm worried about how I'll even make it through the month. It's so bad that I even considered just dropping out of school. Everything just seems so helpless and I don't know what to do. I only work Friday-Sunday and I work out of town.
I don't know about switching jobs, because I don't know if I can find anything in Bowling Green. I look through the ads and never see anything that I really qualify for. I also don't know if I can work anymore hours than I already work due to studying and stuff. I just feel so depressed right now and I don't know what to do. I had thought about debt consolidation through one of those agencies that pays your bills, but I have heard negative things about them. I'm just so depressed and I don't know what to

Answer:
I recommend that you stop using the credit cards because every charge increases the problem, and use cash only for your purchases.  You could also contact the businesses from which you receive bills and see if you could work out a feasible payment plan.  Ask at your bank for a referral to a financial planner who can help you with budget, payment plans, and even give you information about loans with lower interest rates than that of your credit cards.  Check with financial aid about student loans, too.  Try not to let embarrassment stop you from asking for help, lots of people are in the same situation that you're in, and you'll be relieved when your finances are better under control.  You may feel like you're in a bottomless pit, but this really is a hole you can dig yourself out of.

Question:
I am all around great girl, I don't want to say Pretty, but I think so. Been told so, been told I have a wonderful smile and personality. I have tired dating all kinds of different guys. I would like to date someone longer then a few months, Maybe I am just the type that is suppose to never had any kind of relationship any longer then that. I have a friend that tells me that I am to consumed with guys. I don't think I am, but a few dates every now and then would sure make life a little more happy. I am a happy person, that last thing sounded like I get down and depressed. I don't. I do keep an eye open, what is the harm in that. Guys do it too. I just have a few standards, what person doesn't. I guess my question is, why do guys just sit around doing nothing if they 'say' they have feelings for you? Yeah this is all a mess of information. So i am going to end this. Thanks RR

Answer:
Dear RR,
You're asking a question that women have pondered since the dawn of time.  It sounds like you are ready for a longer term relationship at this time.  However, the issue is that the college years are often a time when males are dealing with the tug of wanting to be close to someone in a relationship and needing their own space.  That may be part of the reason why your relationships have not ended up where you would like.  Be patient and don't give up, eventually you both will be in the same place.  In the meantime stay positive about yourself and realize that life can be full without a romantic relationship.  Hope this helps.

Question:
I am having a hard time dealing with people that I work with. Throughout my life, I have always had issues with how to communicate with people. I am a good job of character and I can see when I will have a problem with someone. What I hate, is that I must be an open book!! I am very easy-going and laid back. I have people think that I am a doormat when
really I am not. When I come to a new situation, I am quiet, but I smile and say hi. In this place people look and barely speak. Then I heard two girls talking about me and calling me weird and laughing about me. What should I do? I have to work with them? This happened before and I left the job. I had an ex-boyfriend talk about are relationship and how he really felt about me and things weren't good. The person that found out told everyone. So people would laugh at me and not talk to me anymore or would sometimes talk to me. So I am also afraid that others that know him he has told these stories about me. I am afraid to go anywhere. With the new job, I think someone knows him, this girl that was talkin about me boyfriend kept staring at me and smiling. I didnt see his face good, but when she got in the car, he just sit there, so I wouldn't turn my head but I guess he made who I was. So I quit the job in case there is bad things that will go around about me, or wait to see? and if bad things are said about me, should I leave then.

Answer:
Let me see if I understood your question.  Your ex-boyfriend has something going on with another woman at your place of employment?  Sometimes she and another woman laugh at you?  You are wondering whether you should stay at the job and see if they stop laughing or leave now?

Sounds like you have to decide how important it is to work there, because it sounds like it is not fun.  Some people do not want to grow up.  They spend their whole lives playing junior games of jealousy and spite.  Your ex sounds like he is not very grown up either, if he makes a point to be seen with another woman.  The sooner you are away from these people the better. The only way to win is by not playing the game.  If you try to beat them, then they win.

Question:
 i have just recently become a christian, through baptism in to christ.i have a problem stress, and anger, the minister at my coc congergation says that i am facing a lot of emotional and spiritual stress. i am agood person and a friendly one, but i seem to get angry and stressed out alot, and most of the time it is over little things. i have a pretty good family life, but there are ssome problems there too. how can i control the spiritual\emotional stress better? and how can i get my angerunder control . i need

Answer:

It sounds like you are struggling in a variety of areas.  You would be welcome to come to the counseling center to explore the different concerns, and I encourage you to do so.  A counselor can help you discover where your stress and anger come from, and how to cope in healthy ways.

Question:
All of my friends say that I am a wonderful person with a great personality. This s flattering at times, but I always feel that they don’t really like me at times. I am an only child and I am use to being by myself but I just hate the feelings that I get when my friends don’t answer my phone calls. I know that they could be at work or doing home work; but for some
reason I can help to think that they don’t want to talk to me. What can I do to try and get over this

Answer:
I think we all tend to be selfish, and it can be normal.  Thinking of ourselves can help us to be aware that we can offend others without trying.  Too much selfishness can leave you with feelings of disappointment and worry.  You ask what you can do to get over feeling bad when a friend does not answer the phone.  I would suggest calling more often so you can have experiences of someone not answering.  Sort of like how a person gets over his/her fear of water; he/she gets in the water a lot, and over time becomes less anxious.

When you call someone, tell youreself as you dial that he/she may not be home, this prepares you for the disappointment. Picture that person in your mind and imagine all the things he/she could be doing when you call.  If you think of how busy he/she is, you are less likely to take the "no answer" personally.  Ask yourself how many times people call you and you don't answer.  It happens a lot.  You might try keeping a list of the times you call and someone does answer.  One trick to life is to pay more attention to the good times than the bad times.  We all have bad times.

If this continues to bother you I would suggest you make an appointment with our center.  Working with a psychologist might help you get over your feelings of entitlement or being special.  Then you can tolerate disappointments without taking them personally.

Question:
my girlfriend broke up with me today she wont talk at all to me.i feel very anxiety ridden how do i deal with it. i thought we were in love. my constant prying and questioning finally ended it.I feel like i will never get over it. can you give me some

Answer:
Breaking up is very hard especially when you aren't necessarily the one who wanted to be broken up.  There's lots of changes probably going on right now with this as well as lots of different feelings and emotions.  I'm sure your anxiety level is very high. I would suggest talking to someone you trust about this, either a friend or a parent or even a staff here at the counseling center. It's sounds like you might tend to be jealous (by your statement of constant prying and questions).  Although some jealously is a natural feeling, it can also be very unhealthy in a relationship.  You can't push her to talk to you if she doesn't want to. Perhaps time will allow that to happen.  Good luck and I hope this helps!

Question:
Sorry about not coming out and giving a good question. I would really like to spend the rest of my life with this girl. However I
feel like I am cheating myself by not dating other girls. I am the jealous type and I don’t think I could handle seeing her with another guy. We are friends now and we don’t want to have a long distance relationship because that would make things even harder. The problem is sometimes I want to see other people but when I am with others all I do is think about her. So should I just wait things out and hope for the best or date others until she is done with school. Oh and she also says that when she dated other
guys, I was always on her

Answer:
I appreciate you responding back.  First, I want to let you know that what you are experiencing is ok.  It hurts when breakups happen and sometimes we feel a loss how to handle things.  I can't really answer the question for you about whether or not you should date other girls because that is a choice that you are going to have to make.  However, at some point you are going to have to decide when is the right time.  Does dating someone mean that you don't still love the person you were with? No, it doesn't.  Just make sure that both parties involved in the dating relationship are dating for the same reasons. Does that make sense?  I hope this helps and please know that the someone at the counseling center is willing to talk with you about this!

Question:
Subject:  this kid pussed me at my junior high school Who should i talk to what should i do will you guys give me someone i can talk to will you be on my side

Answer:
First let's talk about your question.  As I read it I get the impression that you might still be in junior high school.  Is this true? Are you still in junior high school?  If you are then it would be a good idea to talk to your guidance counselor, principal, or a teacher that you trust.

This web page is set up for college students at Western Kentucky University.  We would rather you use the people at your school for advice.  They are trained to work with young people and have a better idea of what your situation is like. If you are a college student and you are still angry about someone who pushed you in junior high, then I would suggest you
make an appointment with our center.  You can talk to one of us and discover why this anger is still with you.  No one likes to be pushed around, especially if it is a bully doing the pushing.  Bullys are people who are so afraid of other people that they put on a tough act.  You need adults who can help you understand how to deal with a bully.  Please make an appointment with us if you are a Western student.

Question:
All through out grade school I didn’t have a problem making friends. About my junior year of high school I had a hard time keeping them. Some of my closest friends starting to drink and smoke bud all the time. I just couldn’t handle the hanging out during school nights and smoking and drink before school even started. I pulled myself away from them thinking
that it would be a good thing. Only to find out that I would have one close friend out of the four of us. During that year I kept telling myself this is for the good and your only go to get stronger from this. Well come senior year I was still with my only close guy friend. We both had been through hard times he lost a girl and I lost some close friends. He then got into a new relationship with this girl but things wouldn’t last long with them. Over the summer we all became good friends and in August this girl and I would become close. I told my best friend about this and he didn’t have a problem with us dating. We first built a good friendship then we took things to the next level. After we dated for about 5 months I broke up with her only, because she was grounded for months for getting drunk which lead to her best friend getting raped. We are still good friends and after dating other people we can’t seem to forget about each other. We confessed our love for one another this past November. She is a senior in high school and next year hopes to go to the University of Alabama. I trust her but I get so depressed when I think about her going off to school. All I think about is will we be together for another 4 or 5 years. We both know we are too young to even talk about marriage. Although I would marry her right after school and she said that she wants too that, but I just have a hard time dealing with the present. She is the only thing that really makes me happy and I don’t know why. Our own friends seem to think that we will get married one day, because they say we act like a married couple. I like that idea but it also
makes me feel abnormal I see my peers in my dorm going out to party and I sit here thinking about her. What should I do about this problem? She means the world to me and I don’t want to lose her, but at the sometimes I can’t handle 5 years of sleepless nights this is the first one.

Answer:
I'm sorry I'm not exactly sure what question you are asking. You gave me a lot of great background information. Are you asking if you should marry her? Or are you abnormal because you think about her all the time?  Of course no one can tell you what you should or should not do.  It sounds like you care about this girl very much which often puts a lot of stress on making decisions.  However, people put different priorities on different things.  If you weren't thinking about this girl would you be out partying with people in your dorm?  That might not be a priority to you in the first place.  If you would like to call the counseling and testing center, we can certainly make an appointment to talk further and more indepth about this. At least please post to help me better understand what you are asking.

Question:
I'm currently a sophmore here at Western. I just resently got saved again a few weeks ago. I'm have been trying   to make good of all the things that I did over the past few months. I don't know really how to state this. It makes me feel bad   on the inside, although I did not do this directly, I saw who did. It's been eating at me for along time now and I'm not sure
  what to do. The other day when I went to my friends room and I saw the object that he had stolen. It made me think of that   night. He had stolen letter that belonged to the university. They use to hang on DUC before they did the remodeling. He took   3 or 4 letters that I know of and said he had got others before. How should I handle this. My beliefs tell me that what he did   was wrong and that the letters belong to the university. I don't really know if the letters were important to the building, but he   did take them. One of the letters is in his dorm room right now. I fighting a battle between good and evil. I know I need to   do the right thing, but how do I do it. I watched him take the letters, but I had nothing to do with that. It is wrong, I'm   confused on how to handle this. I must live the right life and I feel the proper people should

Answer:
I surely do sense the "torn" feelings inside of you. That is what I think you mean by ". . . a battle between good and evil."  I guess I believe that one of the healthiest things, both from a psycholgical and spiritual standpoint, that a person can do is to forgive his own imperfections. You mention that you have recently had a renewal of your spiritual self.  Maybe a talk
with your minister might be helpful.  Regarding the specific situation with the letters, you might just mention to your friend that you feel it would be better if he were to return them.  Then it is up to him. Please remember, we are responsible only for our own behavior -- not the behavior of our "brothers."  They are responsible for their own behavior.  Hope this is helpful.

Question:
I moved in with my high-school sweetheart my sophomore year of college. I guess we were never "walking on sunshine", but lately things have turned for the worse. I type this at 3:45 in the morning because I woke up and he isn't here. This morning I was telling him how I wanted to do something with him because I have been shoved to the back for weeks. He gave
me a hug and reassured me that I wasn't forgotten. When he came home, I asked him what he wanted to do. He cleverly avoided the question and started getting dressed to go out. He said he would be home by one and here it is -- almost four. This is almost an everyday thing. He is hanging out with his new friends. When he's not with them he is with his old friends so they don't feel left out. I really don't think that he is cheating on me, but it still hurts to ALWAYS come second. I can't mention it to him because he always ends up making me feeling like I just want too much attention or am jealous. What should I do?

Answer:
It hurts to be taken for granted and to always feel in last place.  You said that you "can't" mention it to him because it gets twisted into your appearing jealous.  However, you "can" discuss this situation and it's time to do so.  As you describe it, his behavior illustrates the old saying "he wants to have his cake and eat it, too."  It's not selfish to make healthy choices or to be assertive when the situation results in consistent loneliness.  Sometimes relationships lower our self-esteem, and you may want to explore this with a counselor.  You don't have to remain on the back burner!

Question:
How do you get over a boyfriend who had sex when you were on a break when you didn't? You no that it is o.k. but can't get over it.

Answer:
If I am reading this right, your current boyfriend has sex with someone else and you want to know how to get over it?  You may want to start with understanding why you want to get over it.  Does this mean you want to forget that he cheated and hope he won't do it again, or are you asking how do you get over him?

Cheating hurts, and it is important to know that while cheating is personal, you should not take it personally.  We sometimes think that the other person cheats because we are not "good" enough.  That is not true.  People cheat because they are not ready to commit to a relationship.  Some times people feel guilty after cheating and they can commit, and some times a person who cheats keeps on cheating.

Many people come to counseling center to understand what they want in a relationship and to figure out when to stay and when to leave.  I hope you will make an appointment with our staff if his behavior continues to bother you.  I also hope you will insist that he prove he did not contract a sexual transmitted disease before you have sex with him.

Question:
I have this guy friend that means the world to me. I have heard the the guy that he is dating has a STD from a friend. I know that you can't really go on everything someone says. However, this friend said they use to date and that he got his STD from that guy. I care for my friend dearly, but he is very stubborn and don't listen. What can I do to help him from
getting an STD. I know the guy he dates sleeps around. Many of my gay friends have been with him. I don't want this guy that means so much to mean to contact anything like this. So far my friend says they have not been doing anything. I just know that something will happen. This guy is what he tells my friend. I don't want to be the guy to tell my friend about this. I love him to death, but I don't want him mad at me. I've talked to him before about this stuff and he only gets mad saying that this guy couldn't be like that. But I know other wise, I've seen him at parties and with guys. He sleeps around. Please help me!

Answer:
That is a tough situation.  You feel angry and you want your friend to wake up but he seems to not want to know the truth. Maybe he knows already, but wants to make up his own mind.  People like to be right, but most of us have a hard time being told what to do.  You have a right to speak up about the danger, but he has a right to make his own decisions.  If you keep shaming him, he may have to stop listening.

I wonder if this is also about you.  Your concern for him is strong but  a friendship can look like a parent-child relationship quickly. We would be happy to talk with you to find a solution to this problem.  If you would like to meet, give our office a call.

Question:
I'm always the last person to be picked in games,people I thought were my friends to aviod me and they also call me names! One kid even told me I shouldn,t be at the school and I should be in anger managment! Should I tell a teacher?

Answer:
It may be time to take a good hard look at why these things are occurring.  What happens in your interactions that would make others want to avoid you?  Are YOU aware of often becoming angry?  Choose the friend that you are most comfortable with and express that you often feel avoided or unwanted.  Be careful not to blame others, this conversation is for you to ask this friend what he/she has observed in your actions that might make people have these reactions to you.  Also ask this friend's observations about your anger.  It could also be helpful to do some in-depth investigating into your own behavior with a counselor.  Insight into our own behavior can be difficult to accomplish alone.

Question:
My parents and I got into a argument and I'm scared that my dad is in a mood were he HATES me! Is this
normal?

Answer:
Arguments with parents are very normal.  When people have differing opinions, what begins as a conversation can escalate into heated arguments or even shouting matches.  What is important is that after a while everyone calms down and can reach some sort of resolution.  Your father may need some time to cool off, but I doubt that he hates you. He may be having difficulty with your transition from being his "child" to his "adult daughter."  A little patience from both sides will go a long way.  Hopefully the two of you can talk it out very soon.

Question:
I am a senior in high school, and I plan on attending WKU in the fall. My family supports my decision, but my best friends parents arent sure that they want their child coming to WKU. He is my best friend and we both will be in crappy financial situations. Who can we talk to about finding on or off campus jobs (we live in the Owensboro area and will need a
job to pay for our bills upon arrival at WKU {30-35 hrs/week}) Also what could he do to help persuade his family that this is a smart choice?? Thanks!!

Answer:
If you qualify for financial aid, you might be able to get a work-study job.  The financial aid office could tell you more about this; you can find them on WKU's web page.  The campus and the city offer a lot of part time jobs for students, but to find one you would probably need to come here and spend a day or two looking around.  The local paper keeps a good listing, and the University posts openings on the web (look under Human Resources).  It might help if you had particular jobs in mind (landscaping, retail, food services, or hospital work, for example).  You could also email our Career Center and see if they have listing for local employers.

As far as your friend is concerned, we would need to know why his parents are not wanting him to come to WKU.  Parents can have many different concerns.  Maybe his parents would like to write us with their questions; we would be happy to give them honest answers.

Question:
 I am an honor student who is involved in numerous organizations around campus and hold leadership positions. I   have a loving supportive family and boyfriend of two years who goes out of his way for me. But since the tenth grade I think   I may have been suffering from depression. I often feel worthless as if nothing will get better for me. Although I am an active   student from a loving family, I seem to have everything going for me, yet I never feel happy. I don't like being around my   peers because I feel like I will damper them with my mood no matter how hard I try to hide my sadness, it's always there. I   mask my emotions constantly and I am tired of feeling this way. I don't like feeling like this and no matter how hard I try I   can't get over this! I don't want to talk to my parents because I am afraid of what they may say. Can you please help me and   tell me if I am suffering from depression? I would like to make this internal pain go away but I can't seem to get over this.

Answer:
It's difficult to diagnose a clinical depression without seeing the person.  However, your feelings are certainly real to you.  From the way you describe your life, feelings of being unfulfilled are not that uncommon.  Sometimes people feel that they "have it all" and yet something is missing or the "having it all" is not enough.  Oftertimes a person can just talk it out with another and get a different perspective and thus relieve some despondency. If you would like to talk it out with one of us in the Counseling & Testing Center, just give us a call. Hope this is helpful.

Question:
hello I'm 20 yrs old and I have problems keeping my anger low and and I really don't know how to handle this problem any more..I used to bottle it all in until it comes all out. But lately I can't control it and me and my girlfriend split cause of this and I was wondering how I could control this factor in my life. with out paying high dollars.

Answer:
Just like you said, bottling up anger doesn't work, it always comes out eventually.  Hard to say what makes you angry, everyone has his/her reasons.  There may even be a good reason to be mad at your girlfriend, or maybe you are mad at yourself.  The thing about anger is that like any other emotion it has meaning, and you don't want to get rid of it until you know
why you are mad.  Making an appointment with our center is one way to begin understanding where the anger begins.

Question:
ok...here's my question...why do I get up set all the time over the smallest thing and how can I control my anger

Answer:
That is hard to say, there are many reasons why we become angry, but usually when small things lead us to explode, there is a deeper underlying reason.  You may feel anxious or inferior, you may feel that you have been wronged, or you may be among a significant group of men who become angry quickly probably due to an inherited predisposition.  One good place to start is to ask yourself when you are angry why you are angry.  Ask yourself what is happening and then ask what do you think is happening.  Anger is always a bad thing, it could be a signal that something is hurt.  Talking with a counselor on our staff is a good way to figure out what is making you mad.

Question:
I am a 22 year old female. I came out about 1 year ago when I got into a serious relationship after that my life seemed to start going down the drain. I have not really had too much trouble with people accepting my orientation but my mom. She has just now seemed to finally accept me. My ex girlfriend started to beat me and what not so I called my mom in
turn she quickly got her a plane ticket and sent her away. After that during Christmas break someone broke into my apartment and did 45,000 dollars worth of damage to it. I just lost my job, because I had no place to live. I thought it would make things easier to start dating a guy in return it just left me with more misery. I broke up with him after a month or so and my mom got extremely pissed. I dont want to dissapoint her anymore, but I have to do what is right for me. I decided to come back to BG to finish up my school since I only have 3 semesters remaining. I dont want to go to class. I just sit at home and cry all the time. I take pills to go to sleep. I went to my doctor and they put me on anti-depressents for my panic attacks, but now I feel no motivation to do anything at all. I need to find a job and get back on track, but all I really want to do is find someone to love me. There is no one around here for me. I cant find a girlfriend. I cant really find a friend that would stick with me through all this drama. I dont want drama in my life, but it keeps following me. Its kind of like I have a black cloud over my head that wont stop raining on me. Can you help?

Answer:
Coming out is hard even when your family and friends will support you.  Sounds like you have made several big decisions in a short period of time.  I understand you want to find someone who will love you, but I also hope you will find yourself.  There is a program on campus that can offer support for gay and lesbian students.  It is called The Outlet.  Making an appointment and talking to someone on our staff could also help along with the medication you are taking.

Question:
 I am now 24yrs old I,ve gone through 4 rapes and a family that really didn't care that I was there. I was almost givin up for adoption twice. I've had to deal with eveyone around me doing hard drugs. I'm just so angry and sad inside I don't know what to do sometimes. I just cry and cry. What do I do? How do I do this without having to take some pill to just mask
the pain? Please give me any information that you can, it will be well appreciated.

Answer:
I appreciate your concern about not taking medication to mask the pain.  Fortunately most medications used today for depression and anxiety do not mask pain (they are not sedatives).  They aid the nervous system but keeping strong negative feelings from getting worse, but they do not make you "feel good".  Think of it this way; if you break a bone you have a cast
put around the break.  The cast does not heal the fracture; your body does that.  The cast just helps the body get the job done.  Medications for depression and anxiety can help the brain get back to its usual function which results in a more stable and positive mood.  Our staff, and the staff at the student health center, can help you make a decision about using medications. People who have survived childhood abuse are remarkable humans.  Despite the sadness and anger you feel now you have an incredible journey in your life and we respect what you have done.  Many people who have survived childhood abuse have found great help in group and individual therapy.  Having a group, or an individual therapist. gives you a place to slowly begin healing in a place where you will be believed.

There are also many excellent books and web sites that contain the stories of other survivors.  Reading these stories can help you feel valued and normal.  Please consider using our center for therapy.  There is no obligation.  You can make an appointment and see what it is like.  I wish you well as you continue to find your place in this world.

Question:
hello my brother is 4 1/2 years old he's mother is in jail for drug charges and for theft..my brother now thinks that cops are bad and evil.. anyways cole goes to jail to see his mother when he is 4 1/2 years old i do no think this is right and he also can't even sing his abc's or recognize the letter a when i have went over and over with him..my dads girlfriend thinks there
is also something wrong with this...should cole beable to see his mother in jail will this effect him emotionally? to me i think it is he comes home acting very mean,saying hateful things..what is going on inside his head?

Answer:
It sounds like you do not want your brother to see his Mother while she is in jail.  I would guess he comes home angry and upset because he does not understand why his Mother has to be away.  Visiting his Mother could be reassuring for him even if Mom is teaching him to hate police officers.  He may need you to explain that police are not evil.  There are so many
unknowns in your situation which makes it hard to give you a simple reply.  Please feel free to make an appointment with our office if you would like to talk more about what you are going through.

Question:
I am 22yrs,and married to a man who was married before and from that marriage he has a 6yearold boy. When we have his boy, it just seems like all they want to do is watch movies or tv,it's to the point that the tv has to be on even if the two are in a different room. I would make suggestions like play games or color or go outside, it just doesn't work.My husband
even lets his boy watch very violent grewsome movies that are totally inappropriate for a child but now that's all the child wants is to watch that crap. I'm worried that this may have a bigger impact on my husband's boy than my husband knows. His boy will display some disturbing behavior ie,bitting himself, banging his head on things,hitting himself and not playing well with others. I have suggested looking into this behavior to my husband,only because I work with people that have mental illnesses and I see this in his boy. His response is that his boy is just being a typical kid.please help I feel as though I'm losing my mind.

Answer:
The behaviors you describe (e.g. biting himself, banging his head) are certainly not typical for a six year old boy.  Your husband must want to think his boy is okay, and is hoping that nothing is wrong.  I hope nothing is wrong, too, but it would be good to talk to a pediatrician or psychologist about his son.  Perhaps your husband would let you make the appointment.  It also sounds like you care for this boy but he is not your son.  That makes it hard to be a wife but not his mother.  Does your husband want you to be a part of the boy's life?  The two of you should talk about whether you will become a step-mother. Let us know if you need help; our center is available for students with family, and if we can not help you we will help you find someone who can.

Question:
hi, i happen to browse your site. i hope you can help me. i am a 41 yrs. old working wife and my husband is 45 yrs. old.we have two great daughters, 15 and eight yrs. old.they're doing great in school. we migrated here 2 yrs. ago. my problem is about my husband. i find him sending email with his former secretary before in our country.he might be chatting with
her. this happen last year until early this year. i confronted him about this but he denied and was very angry. he even told me he will go back to our country. i noticed starting middle this year he kept on searching for the email address of the girl. he is jobless now for 6 months. he spent most of his time searching sex babes in the computer and chatmates. i'm bothered. help

Answer:
Your husband's behavior could indicate any number of concerns and they all affect your marriage.  He may have trouble expressing himself to you but I would suggest you make an appointment to discuss the tension in your marriage.  We can give you names of counselors and psychologists off campus if you would feel more comfortable seeing someone in town.
Otherwise you may call our office (745-3159) and make an appointment for you and your husband.

Question:
i am 47 and my son is a senior at western, his mother and i divorced in march of 03 and now my son will not return my calls or connect in any way. i hoped christmas would bring him around. i just miss him and love him & would like to give him his christmas present and be in his life. i know he is bitter and i don't blame him. i have asked for forgiveness and told him i
am sorry for anything i have done, but would like to start over. please help.

Answer:
It certainly sounds like this is hard for you.  Even adult children can have a hard time with the divorce of their parents.  My first thought is to give him time and understand that it may be several more months before he is ready to talk to you.  Emotional wounds are similar to physical wounds.  Both have a healing period during which it is best to not disturb the injury.  Keep in touch with him, but do not insist that he reply.  Let him know your door is open when he is ready.  He may have some questions for you that will be painful.

Question:
I am always said to be a great person, friendly, caring and all around great girl. But I sure alway seem like I don't   always have friends, they are only around when they want something- so I am starting to see it as I attract people that like to   use other people. I know that we all use people in some shape and form, but that seems to be the only people that i have been
  friends with all through my life and I have just gotten to a point where I am sick of doing everything for everyone else, and   would love to have someone or something done for me for no reason. Right now, my problem is that I don't know how to tell   these people, users, what I want. This may sound weird, but these are friends and nothing more. I hate to hurt anyone. Then I   think that if I lose these people as friends then I really won't have any friends and should just deal with it anf forget about it, that   is life. I just wish I know how to meet more people and guys- i do not seem to attract guys. I have been told that I pretty but it   is never by anyone that I have any feelings for. I never attract them, what is wrong with that? Well I have said way to much, is   there any help you can give me? Thanks

Answer:
 You may feel that no one else ever experiences what you are.  However, your situation is not that uncommon. Sometimes we just need to learn how to assert ourselves with our own needs.  Our thoughts, feelings and opinions do matter and are important. Just just go ahead and assert yourself. After all, what do you have to lose. As to your situation with guys, I'm not as sure since I don't have sufficient information. Could it be that you are looking for "Mr. Perfect?" Could it be that you  are trying too hard? Could it be that you are not looking in the places that have the most potential?  These are some questions that come to my mind. Sometimes its good to talk this kind of thing over with an objective outsider. If you would like to do that, just call the Center and we can set up an appointment.  Hope these ideas have been helpful.

Question:
Why is it that even when I resolve to be socially rounded , I always / sometimes get out of control with people   cause I think they are disrespecting me or prejudicing me. I then seek intellectual ways of reducing them to tears or playing on   their weekness. I see myself as a outsider in soceity- and feel that people are against me.

Answer:
You have asked a "Why Question" that is difficult to answer without knowing more about you and your situation. However, some thoughts and/or questions do come to mind. Where does this feeling that people are against you come from? Where does this feeling that you are an outsider come from? What are you doing that is working? What are you doing that is not working? Have you asked any close or trusted friend to give you some feedback?  If you can begin to ask yourself some of these questions, maybe some possible answers will begin to come to you.  Hope these thoughts are helpful.  If you would like to explore yourself a bit more, fell free to contact us at the Center.

Question:
A week after I started college my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. He has been through the Chemotherapy treatments and they have been extrememly hard on him. Last weekend he almost died because he couldn't catch his breath and noone was home to help him. I also have a sister in a wheelchair, who is a handful. My mother is trying desperately to take
care of all of us, but she can't do it alone. I was wanting to know if there is anyway to drop a semester in college and still recieve KEYS money or other scholarships when you return? How do you go about ddropping a semester. Right now my father is most important to me and my mother really needs help. I want to go about dropping the semester the right way and
check out all the downfalls of doing so, because I do plan to return next year. Thank you, this is very important to me.

Answer:
You certainly have a lot on your shoulders right now, and I understand that family matters need to be your priority.  To withdraw, contact the Registrar's office at 216 Potter Hall, 5-3351.  Concerning questions about your KEES money, contact the Financial Aid office at 317 Potter Hall, 5-2755.  I hope it all goes smoothly for you.

Question:
My parents got a divorce when I was 13 years old, and I have lived with my Mom ever since. I was always a Daddy's girl, and, once they were divorced, I rarely saw him. I still rarely see him, although I communicate with him more now that my Mom isn't around to eavesdrop. There was a period of time while they were going through the divorce that I didn't get
to see my Dad unless under supervision. He's remarried now with two younger kids. I just can't accept the idea that these kids have the life I never had. My parents DESPISE each other, and I'm lucky if I can get through a week without some drama happening between my Mom and my Dad's new wife. This may sound silly, but I've never really gotten over their divorce, and it effects me each and every day. I think it's also had an effect on other aspects of my life, such as trusting people. I just can't seem to find happiness. I believe that if I could accept my family problems, I would be able to deal with the other problems my life. I want some sort of resolution in my life, and I sometimes think that, if I could just talk to someone about how to deal with it all, I would feel a lot better and begin to appreciate life. It's not like my parents will ever find a solution to their hatred. My parents don't see it that way. I think my Mom views counseling as something weak people receive. When I tried to talk to a doctor about how I wasn't happy, she just gave me St. John's Wort. (She doesn't believe in medication, either). I don't want to make her out as a mean person. She's been through a lot, and I think my Dad had an affair. Does it sound as if I could use someone to talk to, or am I just having a pity-party for myself?

Answer:
No, I don't think you are having a pity party.  What you are describing is a very common problem that brings students to the counseling center.  Parents are human, but that does not excuse their inability to raise their children to feel competent and calm.  While you can find fault in your parents' behavior, the blame must stop so you can become the person you want to be. Blaming parents keeps you trapped.  It creates a bind in which you feel you can not be happy until they change.  They may never change.  That is sad, but it does not mean you are trapped.  You sound very aware of your feelings, and that is a good start toward your freedom.  I would suggest you think about making an appointment with our center.  It could help you move above the drama created by the "grown ups" in your life.

Question:
I cant find my teachers email address and I really need to contact her can you help.

Answer:

I hope we can help, but by the time you read this you may have already been to class and asked your teacher for her address. From the WKU home page you can access faculty and staff directories; these will include the Western email addresses for instructors.  You could also call the department office and ask for your instructor's Western email address.   There are some other possibilities here but I can not tell from your message if they apply.  If this is an on line class, you may have other ways to communicate with your instructor in addition to email.  Your instructor might choose to not use a Western account so it would be hard to find her email address.  You could always call your instructor's office and ask for the address.

Question:
Hello, I recently had a pretty hard break up with my girlfriend of 2 years. She decided that she needed time to find out where she fits in at college and really see other people I guess. I'm glad thashe wants to do this because it was making her upset that we didn't see each other enough here at school. I mean classes and football take up a lot of time. My not being there
was because i am committed to my education and to my team. But i am glad she is meeting new people and overall that she is happy. It's just really hard to get over it because I'm still in love with her. (It's like the old saying'if you love something set it free, if it comes back it's your if it doesnt it was never meant to be. That is kinda what we are doin but it really hard for me to let go of something I love so much. And it really hurts to think of her with other guys. I am really happy for her and tell my self that thousands of times but it still hurts. i guess it would all be easier if i had more freinds besides her. Because now without her i feel like i have no one to go to or be with. I mean she is still there as a friend but i need other friends and maybe someone else who is more than a friend. I guesss I really want to know how and where to meet good people who are like me. I don't really like to drink and party that much. I hate my residence hall (keen) and I don't really know where to meet people who are like me. I guess I'm supposed to be good friends with the guys on the team but I'm yet to find friends there that i like to be around outside of football. Plus football and studies take so much time it's hard to meet people with out any free time to dedicate to making friends. i guess i just need some advise on where to meet people like me and how to get over this break up. I know my feelings are just normal but it's still pretty hard. I'm am still in love with her but i just want her to be happy and if she's happy with out me than that's what i want for her. But it's still hard to accept. So any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Answer:
Yes, it is hard to break up and what you are describing is quite normal.  I guess it is sort of like going to two a day workouts; it really hurts, but you know the pain means you are growing, getting stronger.  Sadly, you and I live in a world where men tend to think that they are weak if they hurt emotionally.  Strong men do hurt and are not afraid to hurt; the pain teaches us valuable lessons about the importance of our values and our desire to be with others.

What you have shared really makes sense.  Now is a good time to expand your friendships and not build your world around one person.  You may not enjoy the other students in your residence hall, but my guess is that there are some people there just like you.  They don't stick out, they don't call attention to themselves.  Try hanging out in different places in the hall and on campus.  Do some reading or easy homework at DUC, Java City, the library, you know, other places students are hanging out.  I would also suggest going to the variety of free programs on campus.  Just pick one and go; see who else is there.  You could drop in on your hall director and ask for some suggestions.

Hang in there and know you are not alone.  A lot of good men changed their relationships while in college.  Another old saying is that it is better to have loved, and lost, than to never have loved at all.  It is rare to stay with someone all the way through college.  I'm not saying it can't happen, but so many of us are still growng while we are in college, and our relationships change as we grow.  If your personal values are built around religious beliefs, you might want to also visit the many different spiritual/church groups on campus.  You can write back here if you would like to know more about them. Take care of yourself, meet new people, and give yourself, and your friend, time to grow.  If the pain begins to get in the way
of your daily life, think about making an appointment with our center.  What you are describing is a very common reason for students to visit with our staff.

Question:
I know that anyone can start a club at wku, but how do start a club?

Answer:
I would suggest you contact Charlie Pride with Student Activities.  He can explain the official process involved in starting a club.

Question:
my husband and i have an autistic son which takes all my time and energy just to deal with him& his sister,my husband is a truck driver and is on the road,when he's home all he does is eat and watch t.v.. he has more than doubled his weight. me ive gone from 140 to 105! i feel like im gonna die if something doesnt change. a friend of mine is a minster and has
said hes hiding behind our daughter so he doesnt have to deal with the problems we are having. since we have been going thru this i know i have changed, he doesnt believe in talking to counclers , he says its quackery. he doesnt do anything.we moved into this house in 1997,nothing has been done,no painting,no fixing no nothing.sex is no more,i feel like im wrestling the staypuff marshmallow man! i deserve a comfortable,not intimadating sex life.i have been propositioned.i came so close to having an affair,but i didnt.exactly how long am i supposed to wait ? i have no intentions of spending the rest of my life with him sitting on his butt while im doing everything else.dealing with the kids,the house,the animals keeping track of everything! the dr. that labeled my son autistic said im going to fry with information over load what do i

Answer:
I am sorry to hear your husband does not want to use counseling to improve the situation the two of you are in right now.  He may be feeling a lot of frustration; sometimes men feel like failures when they can not fix a bad situation.  I hope he will at least try one session.  In the meantime, it sounds like you are ready to use counseling to make things happen in your life.  Please consider making an appointment with our Center.  You might want to talk more with your minister if you are unsure about coming here for an appointment.  An autistic child can be a blessing and a great challenge; you should not do it alone.

Question:
hi. I guess my problem is that I don't ever fit in. I've kinda felt this way for as long as I can remember and I'm getting tired of it. I use to down play it by working like 60 hours a week in high school and about 40-50 hours a week during college. I alwasy feel like I'm standing outside the circle. It's like I'm holding a glass ball that contains the world and I'm watching everyone have fun and enjoy life but I'm stuck outside and can't be a part of it even though I desperatley try. I guess I work so much so I don't have to face that I don't fit in. I've also always felt extremely intemidated by other guys. I don't know why they really don't have anything I don't but it's like in my mind they are better than me. I use to do whatever I thought everyone wanted me to do just to be liked but it never worked. I used to just deal with it but it's getting to the point now that when I'm with my so called friends and I feel left out I'm starting to get deffenseful, and I put them down or wish harm on them to make me feel better. I don't want to be like this but I can't help it. I don't know what to do. i just want to start enjoying life and feel like I fit in for once. Please help!

Answer:
You seem to have good insight about filling up your time to avoid thinking about not fitting in.  It's not uncommon to criticize or feel angry toward others when you feel so down about yourself; doing so gives us an unhealthy way to build ourselves up. Sounds like you are ready to address this self-criticism.  I encourage you to seek counseling to explore this--improvement is possible.

Question:
I have a problem with trust. i have had trouble trusting every guy i have dated in my life. i have now been with my boyfriend for over a year and it is starting to hurt our relationship that i do not trust him. my dad left my mom and i when i was younger and i had a boyfriend in the past who gave me reason not to trust him. my boyfriend now has given me no reason not
to trust me and is upset that i take things that happened in the past out on him, and he is right. i have tried to trust but i have such a hard time. what can i do?

Answer:
Trust should never be automatic in a relationship.  Trust must be earned by actions, not promises.  It is hard to say whether you have a trust problem or your boyfriend has a trust problem.  Maybe he did things in the past that would make it hard to trust him.  What would you do differently in the relationship if you did trust him?  It is true that past experiences can make us afraid to take risks, but if we don't take risks we can not have the life we want.  The trick is to be strong in yourself so even risks do not hurt you.  Sort of like knowing that no matter how good you are at skiing, you will fall down from time to time, but that doesn't keep you from skiing. Talking to a psychologist at our center might help you feel more comfortable about when you will trust him.

Question:
How can I help with a mental health person about his mom's .this person heres voices & depression

Answer:
I am not quite sure what you are asking.  It sounds like you want to help a friend who is grieving over his mother.  The person you want to help is depressed and is hearing voices?

Grief is a very complex experience and can include hearing or seeing the person who has died.  Hearing voices can also be a sign of a more serious psychological disorder.  I would suggest you just listen to what your friend has to say about the pain and sadness of losing a loved one.  You can always encourage the person to see a physician or mental health professional if the depression is making it hard for the person to get through the day.  A physician or mental health professional could also have a better understanding of whether hearing voices is a concern. Please have your friend contact us, if he/she is a student.

Question:
What is the difference between a graduate degree and an undergraduate degree?

Answer:
An undergraduate degree is awarded upon completion of either a two-year or a four -year course of specified study.  If a two-year the degree is called an Associate's Degree and the four-year is called a Bachelor's Degree.  A graduate degree is for one, two or more years of work beyond the Bachelors and is in a specific area of study.

Question:
How do you cope with failing a class? I am a junior here at WKU. I started off this fall believing that I could   make at least a 3.0 this semester. I study every day and feel like that is all I do. But, when it comes time to take the test I fail.   I have tried just about everything. Even went to other teachers study sessions. I am not sure if I am capable of completing
  college and I feel as though maybe I should quit now. But, I don't want to let anyone down. I have never had trouble before   now. I talked to my teacher and he said maybe I should contemplate changing my major. I don't know what else to do.   When I walk into class I feel as though my chest will explode and that there is no hope. Please tell me of a way to deal with   my anxiety and how to do well.

Answer:
The answer to your question is not a simple one.  I can not tell if you are experiencing specific test anxiety or a more generalized anxiety.   The answer to your question depends upon which is more apparent.  Have you tried the Learning Center for some academic assistance?   They are located in Helm Library Room 8.  Try that for starters.  If the uncertainty
remains, I would suggest that you contact us at the Counseling & Testing Center, Potter Hall 409, and let's see if we can figure out what might be going on and work out a solution.  Hope this is helpful.

Question:
Okay, How do you get a guy to notice that you are flirting with him. This is my first year of college and it has been pretty hard to meet new people. Now there is this guy in one of my classes that is really nice and funny. We talk all the time and I can't tell if he is flirting back or what. I just want to get to know him a little better and don't know how to go about
doing that. I don't want to be straight forward about it.

Answer:
Why not?  You can be assertive and just let him know that you think he is nice and funny and would like to spend some time with him.  What have you got to lose.  It is sometimes not easy to be assertive, but the rewards can be well worth it.  I would suggest you try. Hope you will let us know how it turns out.

Question:
I have had many arguments with my fiance over the past eight and half months druing my pregnancy and i feel that my best bet is to leave him and move back in with my mom. I love him to death and i don't want him not to see this child. He already has a son that is seven years old and is now getting him on a regular basis and i know that makes him very happy and i
don't want to have to put him through all of that again. But i just can't handle the emotional stress anymore and more of the problem is his mother is living with us and i am getting to the point where that is more stressful on me and with me about to give birth in the next few weeks i just don't know what to do could you please help me. I have tried a councling services through work but they never got back to me on who to talk to or where to go and i thought i had everything under control after my first fall out but i guess i don't. I am 22 and this is my first child and i am so afraid i will remain depressed and not give my child the proper care he or she will need.

Answer:
You say you feel out of control but it sounds like you have some good ideas for you and your baby that will also help your fiancé.  Living with your Mom while you are having this baby might help you get the rest you need.  Sounds like you and your fiancé have a lot to talk about including parenting and family.  You can make an appointment with our center if you would like to talk about getting your life under control.  Your fiancé is welcome to come too.

Question:
I have a friend who has a really bad sex problem. I don't know if it is that she can't say no or what. She has   already had sex with a number of guys. It doesn't seem to bother her, but I am worried about her? I try to talk to her about   it, but she gets mad everytime. Sometimes she will ask me for advice with a relationship she is in but when I tell her what I
  think, she gets mad.(its not what she wants to hear.) All the guys she gets with feel her head with the "I really like you" crap   and then when she gives in (so easily) she gets her feelings hurt. What can I do to help her from this problem without her   getting mad. I'm only looking out for her.

Answer:
The short answer is that you cannot guarantee that your friend will not get mad at you.  All you can do is express your concern that her behavior can get her in trouble and that you are personally concerned and care for her.  Beyond that, all decisions are hers and hers alone.  Hope this is helpful.

Question:
I am a 37 year old student who has a four month old baby. Although my husband is supportive, I still feel   overwhelmed by all the responsibility of home, work and school. I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating and I just want to   be alone and left alone. Am i starting to get depressed?

Answer:
I cannot answer if you are getting depressed without seeing you.  However, if you are feeling and thinking "depressed," then you may very well be.  Your situation is not unsual given all of your responsibilities. It sometimes helps to talk to a friend who would be understanding and supportive. Also, we in the counseling center are available to help give support
and work through these sometimes overwhelming responsibilities.  Give us a call if you feel that we might be helpful.

Question:
I was the one who had the friend who was having trouble with his past qith sex. The one who is being haunted by sexual actions that was done by his family. Well any way we had talked about it. He says that sometimes it overwhelems him and he needs to get rid of the tension so he goes to chatrooms. He knows that this could overcome him one day. He wants to
know what he should do to make the first move. Please help. He may be to ashammed because if this ever got out in the public, it would ruin him and his life. If that happened he would rather die or just cope with the problem. Thank you.

Answer:
Please ask you friend to make an appointment with the Counseling Center.  He will have a private and supportive conversation with a psychologist who can help him make the changes and get past the guilt.

Question:
I am a 22yr old freshmen here at Western. I am also a divorced mom of a three year old, a full time student and I work at least 45-50 hours a week between two jobs. I have been on my own since I was 17 yrs old and have had to deal with a lot through my childhood and even up until now. (Bad childhood, bad marriage.) I have also tried to deal with things on my
own and put things in the back of my head no matter how rough they get somethings. I always think I have to do everything perfectly and sometimes I feel like I am not good enough. I thought I was doing okay until here recently. I have been experiencing days where I get to where I can not breathe, I feel nervous, I can't eat, and my sleeping habits are very bad. I
keep trying to be ok, but it is really starting to effect my everyday life. I usually am a very happy person, but here lately I have been having bad mood swings, and just don't seem up to par. I know this has to be affecting my son, as well as school, my current relationship with my boyfriend, and work. I have missed a few classes already this semester. Everyone keeps wanting me to get help, because they are noticing the problems I have been trying to hide. (I no longer can fool them.) I feel ashamed if I have to seek help, even though I hate feeling this way and no I can't handle this on my own anymore.) I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next month, because I know now I can not deal with this alone. I need help and this service was recommended to me-can you help me?

Answer:
Yes, I think we can help.  A visit to a psychiatrist is also helpful as medications can be very effective in helping you take control of your down mood and anxiety.  Our center can provide a safe and supportive place to talk about how you are feeling and how you can get back to feeling effective and in control.  As you mentioned, you have had a rough life and there is no shame in using counseling to overcome the neglect you have experienced.  Being in counseling does not mean you are weak.  Counseling is hard work.  I hope you will call our office and make an appointment.

Question:
Hello I am the friend again. Can you tell my friend what to do. We have talked about it. He wants help. But if it gets out he is ruined. friend

Answer:
Your friend only has to call to make an appointment.  He does not have to describe his problem when he makes the appointment.  Only the staff psychologist will hear what he has to say about his problem, and all of us are bound by law and ethical standards to keep what a person says confidential.

Question:
What is the difference in a undergraduate and a gradute students? This may seem dumb however, i feel that if you do not know then ask. Thank you.

Answer:
Not a dumb questions at all. An undergraduate student is someone in college who is working toward an Associate Degree or a Bachelor Degree. Each of these two degrees require a certain number of classes to be completed successfully.   A graduate student has already earned a Bachelor Degree and is working toward a Master Degree or a Doctoral Degree.
 

Question:
Hello. I have a friend that is going through a difficult time in his life. He has a bad problem with sex. He loves it, but when he was younger both his mom and sister had come on to him and let him see them naked. This has in one way or another affected him that still haunts him to this day. He goes to chatroom and spends hours chating to people (Mostly women) about having sex with family members). The talking about it thrills him. But deep inside him he knows it is wrong. He is trying to stop thinking about it and not going to any chatrooms at all. Because if he goes back to a chatroom then the subject will come up. He spends so much time with the chatroms he doesnt spend anytime with his family. Please tell me what i can do to help him. Maybe you can give me the info to tell him or he can at least read in on here. I know this is a subject that allot of people dont like but it is one that affects a good number of our homes today and we dont know it.

Answer:
Your friend is fortunate that you care so much about him.  I think it will be helpful for you to speak openly with him about this behavior that he too wants to change.  Sexual behavior can indeed be influenced by early childhood experiences and it can be difficult to change for many reasons.  Sometimes we become fascinated with the very thing we don't want to do as a way to understand and then overcome it.  Please tell your friend that he can find help at the Counseling Center.  He will not be judged or treated like he is weird.  If he wants to move past the shame, guilt, and/or curiosity he can, and we can help.

Question:
I have read some books about the power of the mind, and I am really amazed because it seems that there is no limits to our mind. I would like to know if our mind can change or improve physical problems, for instance: There is a person who is short but he wants to be taller, can he get heigth? I want to know all that we can do with the mind..

Answer:
I can't say that I have heard of someone lengthening his or her body via mental concentration.  People certainly have accomplished some amazing tasks by auto-suggestion or self-hypnosis.  Whether this has to do with harnessing some mysterious portion of our brain or just taking advantage of the natural power of trance and concentration is a topic for lively
debate. The mind, much like any muscle in the body, can be trained to exceed normal limits.  I think the training is what you address in this question.  I can't make any specific suggestions, perhaps as you continue to read you will come across some techniques.

Question:
This is my second semester at WKU and I was just wondering what is a good way to meet people if I'm not interested in being in a fraternity?

Answer:
Good question, and one I hope everyone will ask from time to time.  It is quite common for college students to join then leave groups of friends each year they are in school.  As your interests and talents are developing you will want to meet new people and lose interests in others.  This is not being selfish; this is how it is in college.

I would suggest finding a hangout.  Find some place on campus that you enjoy and spend time there each day.  Let those who also hang out there get to know your face.  After a few days, it will be easy to strike up a little chit chat.  It may be Jave City, a section of the library, a table in the food court area, or the Preston Center.

Also remember that people tend to look for natural, not forced, friendships.  You could join SGA, or become involved in committees for Student Activities.  Residence halls can also offer groups, committees, etc. I would also suggest picking up a Sunday paper and read about all the public meetings, programs, get toegethers.  Local churches are also listed.

In short, making friends requires that you be seen by others, so getting out on campus is important.

Question:
HELP!! i have this problem...i cant stop lying. i lie to everyone whos anyone and i cant stop. i dont know what my problem is either. i am loosing all of my friends and i have lost my boy friend of two years. they all keep giving me second and third chances. and i keep screwing up and i cant stop. i need alot of help.

Answer:
Lying can become a habit.  As a habit, lying can be stopped, but it takes some work and it helps to have a professional who can serve as a coach to teach you ways to stop.

People lie for different reasons.  Some people lie to get what they want and they do not care who they hurt.  Some people lie to get what they want but they do care if they hurt someone.  Either way, there are reasons we lie, and working with someone on our staff could help you find out why you lie and how to stop.  Please call our office (745-3159) and make an appointment to find out more about how you can stop lying.

Question:
I presently have a 14 year old son that has a consistent problem controlling his anger. he is very intelligent and whenever something does not go the way he feels it should he gets angry as exhibited by stomping thru the house, throwing clothes toward the wall, pulling the ceiling fan pull out of the fan, etc. he has a wonderful opportunity to be very successful in
life but i am afraid that this behavior will continue and consistently interfer with his success. i currently feel that he should attend an anger management class or counseling for this problem. do your services offer anything to help us?

Answer:
No one on our staff is trained to work with children, but we could help you develop effective ways to deal with your son's angry outbursts.  We could also recommend people in the area who do work with children.  I think its great that you see your son's potential and that you want him to learn how to control his anger.  Please contact us if you would like to talk more about what you can do.

Question:
Are there any support groups here on campus for people who self-harm? If so, could you please tell me when and where it meets?

Answer:
I am not aware of a support group on campus for those who self-harm.  The Counseling Center does not have a group like that either.  Self-harm, or self-injury, is not as simple a behavior, like a phobia for example, and we prefer to work with people who self-harm on a one to one basis.  There may be a group in the community but I have not heard of one recently.  The local paper, Sunday edition, lists a variety of self-help groups.  You may want to check each Sunday to see if a group is starting. We believe that self-harm is a serious behavior that reflects very strong and conflicting emotions.  We do work with students who self-harm to give them a place to understand those strong emotions and find ways to make peace with the conflict without ignoring the meaning of the harming behavior.  Please contact our office if you would like to talk more about self-harm.

Question:

  hello i have a friend that was involved in a car wreck and three of her friends died that horrible night. now she   seeks help from me and i am completely clueless and was gonna suggest counseling but got scared she would ´blow up at   me and i don`t want that. how can i make her feel more comfortable?

Answer:

I'll bet you do feel in a bit of a bind.  My suggestion would be just to assertively say to your friend that you are concerned about her and think that it would be helpful to talk things over with  a person who might be more of an outsider.  If this person is a student, the Counseling & Testing Center is available.  If she is not a student, talking with a minister or a
counselor in the community would be helpful.  Hope this is helpful for you.

Question:

  Lately I have been really stressed out. I had things under control at least for 3 years. Im depressed and Im   experiencing mood swings. And I dont really know why. I have a busy school schedule but that usually keeps my mind off my   problems. I use to have low self esteem, and be suicidal, but I thought I got beyond that. I dont know what is wrong with me

Answer:

To your credit, you seem to be in touch with yourself. That is a good sign.  Sometimes just talking things out with a friend can help us sort out our stresses.  On the other hand, sometimes we may feel the need to have someone whom we believe might be a bit more objective to talk things over with.  If we can be of help in the Counseling & Testing Center feel free to give us a call to set up an appointment. Hope this helps.

Question:

  I know this sound silly because 3 year olds are up and down and i already have two other children. But my   daughter has tons of little perks she screams if i wet her hair and it's all back on her face she said she looks like a stupid boy   then she won't wear underwear, no clothes can have tags on the back it bothers her, socks drive her mad if they are not just
  right. forget about shoes it's almost impossible to buy her a new pair. She pretty much wants to stay home naked and watch   TV. She starts school in September i'm very concerned if this is just a kid thing or do i have a problem here... thank you   concerned mom

Answer:

The way you describe the behavior of your 3-year old does sound a little out of the norm.  I'm wondering if you have talked with your pediatrician to see what he or she might think. Perhaps some minor medical and/or psychological evaluation would be helpful as a starting point.

Question:

  My friend, who is 16, has an alcholic mother. She goes out to the casinos and drinks then one night calls her son   to come and pick her up. Lately I've noticed his fasination with drinking. He has an older sister, in college, who is home for   the summer. I think he mostly just drinks for show, but im afraid it will turn into something more. I know that alcholism is
  hereditery, so i hate to see him head in that direction. Tonight I went over to his house and his siter was there, and when I   walked into the kitchen the first thing he went for was the alchol and poured it. Though he only took 1 or 2 sips of it while i   was there, and he probably didn't even finish it. I just don't know what to do. I think it's because his sister was there, and she   is a big drinker, and it was for show, but if this is how it is when he is 16, how is it going to be when he is older?

Answer:

You are right in wanting to prevent some major problems later.  I would suggest that you speak directly to your friend and express your concern.  Remember, however, that it must ultimately be his responsibility.  All you can do is express concern.  You cannot change his behavior.  Only he can do that.

Question:

  My daughter is dealing with the death of a child that she was very close to. This child died in a car wreck were   there were two deaths of which she knew all the people in the car. The child was killed on inpact. She went to the hospital   and help the brother of the child indentfy the body. It took a while to find the mother. She has been dating the brother of this
  boy for about a year but the relationship has been very abusive. Now she is afraid to leave him because of every thing that   has happened.

Answer:

Your daughter has certainly gone through a really traumatic experience. It is not unusual for someone who has experienced what she has to want to "hang on" to something or someone in order to get back some security and certainty.  I would suggest that she be encouraged to take some small steps to move away.  It's sort of like getting back on a horse after
having been thrown off  the horse. If, however, she gets "stuck" and is having major difficulty moving on after a couple of months, I would suggest that she get some professional help.

Question:

 i have a weekend job and get very nervous before hand often worrying all week. i have had panic attacks when   someone i recognise sees me there and i cannot talk in classroom discussions anymore. if i were made to do a class   presentation i dont know if i would be physically able to do it and i worry very much before exams and i had a panic attack in
  one once. i want to know why this is happening to me because im starting to hate myself for it and i cant control this. help

Answer:

If you are truly having panic attacks, I would first suggest that you consult your family physican or the health service on campus.  Panic attacks can easily be treated with medication.  Also, some counseling along with the medication is very effective.  We in the Center are available should you choose to see  us.

Question:

  I have been in a relationship w/the same person for almost 4 years off and on (mostly on)...He's a nice guy but he   was recently incarcerated for his 3rd DUI. That's not the issue, however, because he's a typical guy that likes to hang out and   drink occasionally w/his buddies but every time he drives after having a few beers he's always the one that gets caught. Since   he's been in jail, we've been communicating through letters and I go to see him every Tuesday for 35 minutes and we get to   visit every other Friday...What my concern is-I don't know what his plans are after he gets out of jail. I don't know if he   wants to try this relationship again (even though he sure acts like it), or if he doesn't want a relationship...The only problem   w/having the relationship after he gets out (which is July 23rd) is that I'm going to be super busy this fall w/classes and school   has got to come first. I need to confront him about what his feelings are and give him a fair warning about how busy I will be.   However, he hates confrontation and talking about things like this because it makes him feel uncomfortable for some reason.   His biggest fault is his lack of communication w/other people. Should I talk to him about this in a letter or should I try to talk   to him about this face to face?

Answer:

 Sounds like there are certain questions in your relationship.  The first one is: "What in you keeps you in a relationship with someone who consistently gets DUI's?"  also, "What does it say about a relationship when one person is afraid of hearing the other's opinion, thought or feeling?"  As to your specific question,  asserting oneself is usually better done in person.  Hope this is helpful.

Question:

A very good friend of mine is having some family problems. He wont tell me what is going on, just that i shouldnt  worry about it. Whatever is going on with his family is now causing problems in our friendship. He wont be open with me,  and tries to play it off as if nothing is wrong. What should i do. Should i try to talk to him about it even more, or should i avoid
 bringing up the subject when i am around him?

Answer:

I'm wondering if maybe the way your friend is relating to you is not also indicative of what may be going on in his family; that is, an unwillingness to communicate on his part. I would suggest that some very direct "We need to talk" message might get him to share what is going on.  I would suggest that you focus on his unwillingness to talk about your relationship and not on his unwillingness to talk about his family relationship.  If he is unwilling to talk about your relationship then maybe you need to reassess the quality of that relationship.  Hope this helps.

Question:

I am currently enrolled at Western for the Fall semester of 2003 and I am also going to be a part of MASTER Plan in hopes to make new friends and learn the campus before this semester actually starts. Although I'm nervous about going to a place where I know only a few people, I think this experience is going to be great. I am curious about where people usually hang out on weekdays and weekends....both on and off campus. And as for Greek life, I am thinking about eventually joining a sorority. However I can't find out any information about them on the WKU website. I was curious about costs, rush week, each sorority's purpose, etc.Do you have any inside info to help point me in the right direction of a great social life here at WKU? :) Thanks

Answer:

 First of all, let me welcome you to Western. I'm sure you have been "welcomed" several times, but wanted to add my "welcome" to the list.  Glad that you are participaating in MASTER Plan.  This will be a great way to meet friends and to find out all that goes on at WKU -- weekdays, weekends, greek life, etc.  As to specifices regarding sororities, let me suggest that you email Charlie Pride, Greek Affairs Coordinator at   Charlie.Pride@wku.edu   Charlie will be able to provide you with all information regarding Greek life at WKU.  Again, welcome.

Question:

 I have been looking on the internet for days and i have yet to find what im looking for so im gonna try to do this. I grew up a near perfect life. Spolied if you will. My dad and mom did rugs so i was adopted by my grandparents at 6 months old. i Have never realised anything wrong with ymself i thought i grew up perfect with my conditions but i find my self attacking
all that i love for instance. I like to make my girlfriend feel bad if i feel bad just to make her feel worse. our conversation this night through text messaging. she asked if i had her phone(she left it in my pocket) i said no dont get you pantys in a bunch over you phone. then she called me and i did not answer then i told her to call me again. she did not. i then told her that i did have her phone and she told me "i love you" til lno call. i told her"fuck you" then i wrote her an email saying im so sorry. I cant help myself i love to make others feel bad and i cant stop it. but i dont want to do it. I need help. I wrote her and said"just remind me when i start doing that and i should be able to stop" i keep myself up at night. please someone tell me whats wrong with me and what i can do to change. I really love this girl and dont want to lose her.thank you

Answer:

Wow, you really sound concerned.  You are on the right track by asking her to tell you when you are getting rude, it may take a while before you can catch yourself and calm down.  It's hard to say why you are doing this.  You might need several sessions with a counselor to figure it out.  A lot of us are rude to the people close to us because we feel no need to be polite and we think they will forgive us if we are wrong.  Sometimes we are rude to those we love because we carry old feeling of shame or guilt.  And being spoiled can be another reason.  People who are spoiled hardly ever have to be responsible for their own actions or emotions, so they get into the habit of saying the first thing that comes to their minds.  The reason you do this may not be as important anyway.  Whatever the reason, the solution is stopping yourself when you start to feel angry or annoyed and calming yourself down.  That is the sort of thing a counselor can help you do.  Give our office a call and set up an appointment.

Question:

I am a 23-year old grad student that attends Western. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years and had been discussing marriage. Recently I found out that I am pregnant (we haven't even told our parents yet) and this news has really changed our relationship. He definitely intends on being there for the baby, but I feel like we do not know how to handle everything that's going on. Since finding out about the baby, we have broken up (I broke up with him) and he has taken back the engagement ring he bought that I didn't even know he had. I was just wondering if there is anyone I or we can talk to about our situation, including how to handle the pregnancy. The only problem is that we do not have very much money for counseling services so these services would have to either be free or at a low cost. I would really appreciate any advice or help you have to offer.

Answer:

You could use our services at no charge.  Someone on our staff could help you as you go through this difficult time.  Issues of the pregnancy, the relationship, and your family could be discussed as you wish.

Question:

I have some questions about my degree and maybe attending Western in the future but I don't know who to contact here about my questions. Could u please help me? Thanks.

Answer:

You can contact Academic Advising at 745-5065, your assigned advisor if you have one, and the Registrar's Office at 745-3351.  This combination of offices should get your questions answered.  Have a good summer!

Question:

I just wanted to know if I could just recieve person to person councling? If so how do I go about this? Is there a certain person to contact? Is this free of charge?

Answer:

Yes, person-to-person counseling is what we offer, and this is a free service to students.  Just call our office at 745-3159 to make an appointment.

Question:

I am engaged to a great guy, and even when things are going perfect, I often create conflict, become highly agitated over very minor things for no apparent reason at all. Sometimes I recall the entire episode, other times I only recall fragments of the episode, and there are times when I recall nothing at all. I often recall how totally irrational I was and feel badly, but I can not stop it and don't understand why this happens. I have a great job and I have never done this at work, it seems to happen only with guys I date. I really love this guy and want to stop this behavior before I lose him. Am I mentally ill? Is there a test I can take to see why I do this and why I seem to black-out or block some of the episodes from my memory?

Answer:

Even though you don't want to lose this guy, you may be creating conflict in order to test his commitment to you or because you may be afraid to let him get too close emotionally.  In addition, it sounds like you may be experiencing a fear of success.  At times we all struggle with a fear of failure, but a fear of success brings with it the expectations to continue to make something work, which can be stressful.  Although painful, are failed relationships familiar territory for you?  It is a paradox that something that is not the best for us is often a comfort to us.  So a successful, serious relationship may be moving you out of your comfot zone, and the conflict you create is a reaction to this stress.  But you can work on catching yourself in these behaviors and move toward accepting that it is all right for you to be happy in the relationship.  You may want to talk to a professional to investigate:  (1) what is so scary for you about relationships; and, (2) the memory blocks, which may be occurring due to a high degree of stress.
 

Question:

My boyfriend and I have been together 10 mon. He moved in with me in mid December. We have a great relationship. We have fun together, have a lot in common, are both enjoying living together, and have great communicaton. As we get closer to going to the next level he starts to think of things from the begining of our relationship and he can't move
forward. During the first month of our relationship I was still in the process of breaking up with my current boyfriend. My boyfriend now feels like he had to share me, the first girl he has ever been in love with. He wants to move forward and marry me, but every time he thinks about it thoughts of how we started fill his head. Please tell me how to help him go forward.

Answer:

I guess my first thought is what is the rush?  You have been together ten months, most couples need that much time and more to determine if they are in love and want to commit.  You say he is reluctant to go to the next level because he still remembers how you were with him while you were breaking up with someone else.  His concern sounds healthy.  Maybe he needs to know you only think of him now.  Sounds like the two of you need to spend more time where you are, not where you want to be.  But the bottom line is you can't make him go forward, that is his choice.  Love is based on where a person is, not where you want him to be.  If either of you wanted to talk more about this with someone on our staff, you should call to make an appointment. Maybe you would both like to come in as a couple?  Love is based on patience too.  He has to find a way to be okay with your style of breaking up.
 

Question:

I recently have been having a problem with self confidence - sometimes ime on top of the world and some people think ime the most confident person but even with my close friends who i totally love, i feel kind of unable to just relax and enjoy thi times i have with them - i focus on every word i say and basically get totally trapped on this treadmill of worrying
about the little things ime doing - some of them are mates that ive grown up with. I also loose myself like wont be able to just be who i am - I am very good on superficial levels - the bell of the ball but as soon as it gets a bit deeper i just shut people out and go to another place - why is this? - do others feel the same or am i alone in this weirdness? - Ime now just avoiding my friends who i just love with all of my heart?

Answer:
 

I think a lot of people have the same experience that you describe.  And most of them keep it to themselves, like you are doing, so it never comes out.  There is a term for this, we call it pluralistic ignorance.  Not a nice sounding term, but it simply means it is human nature to think that no one has experienced what you are experiencing. Particularly during the senior year, when many seniors start to think of graduation and being "out on their own", this feeling of self-consciousness can increase.  You may also be thinking about how you will lose contact with some of these friends after graduation, and it is natural to pull away from them. Transitions is life often trigger anxiety, and anxiety tends to make us question all the little things.  Moving, graduating, changes in relationships, etc.  are all triggers for anxiety.  I would encourage you to talk with your friends.  You might be surprised how
many of them feel the same way. What you are experiencing sounds like a normal part of the college experience.  If this worry should continue, and if it gets in the way of your daily activities, you might want to make an appointment with our staff to talk about it.

Question:

I suffer from depression, and I have missed a lot of class!! I have had to drop several classes, and I have added a bi-term class to keep me at 12 hours. I informed my teachers about what is going on, and most were sympethetic and are working with me to catch myself up academically. However, one teacher is not being helpful. Because I have missed four
classes she is going to drop my grade a letter grade. I need to keep my G.P.A. up, but I feel that I cannot drop this class. I get KEES money, and if I go below 12 hours I will lose it! Also, I am worried that the school will still bill me for 12 hours. I feel that I could add another bi-term, but there isn't one that is open that I can take. This class that I am struggling in is not a
requirement for my major. Please HELP!

Answer:

It might help if you worked with a counselor or therapist to communicate your situation with your instructor.  If you are not currently working with a counselor or therapist, you could make an appointment through our center.  You and someone on our staff could work together to salvage your semester and make plans that would allow you to continue with your education. Please think about giving us a call.  

Question:

Sometime in June 2002 I had sex with a sex worker, unfortunatelly my condom slipped off. I do not know if it slipped off when I pulled the penis out or it had happened before. The point is I am really SCARED of having a HIV POSITIVE result. I know that I will not be able to go through a life with AIDS. As a consecuence, I just moved to Sweden where my wife and my daughter moved after our separation, but I do not want to have sex with her because my problem. She has noticed my depression moments and my changes in my actitude but .... I do not what to do!I do not have motivation for living anymore because I assumed that I will HIV POSITIVE if I get tested. Could you help me please? Thank yo
 

Answer:

I understand your worry about being HIV positive, and in frightening times it can help to use facts instead of fear.  If the person you had sex with also carried HIV, then a slipped condom could increase your risk of being exposed to HIV.  You have been depressed ever since.  The test could show that you are negative, and you would feel much better.  If the test shows you are positive, you could begin treatment, which is more and more effective today than before.  Many of us become "paralyzed" when we have a choice to make about finding out if we have a disease.  The simple point is that you will be miserable until you know, and you could die if you don't find out. Please see a physician to have the test done.  It sounds like you and your wife still have something of a relationship.  I imagine she, and your daughter, would want you to stay alive, even if it meant medical treatment for HIV.  If you continue to be unsure about seeking medical help, please consider making an appointment with our center.  It sounds like you could use a private and supportive place to talk about your concerns.

Question:

Are there any support groups for anorexia on campus or in the area?

Answer:

The Counseling Center is currently trying to start a support group, and it is offered at 3 p.m. on Fridays, 409 Potter Hall.  It is open to any student struggling with eating or body image concerns.  I would also encourage you to begin individual counseling, either at our center here on campus, or with a therapist of your choosing in the community.  The Counseling Center's number is 745-3159.  Please don't hesistate to seek help.
 

Question:

I once struggled through a drinking problem, but things are better now. Since I turned 21 I have been drinking again, but not as much and usually not the hard stuff. I've only been drunk a couples of times instead of everynight and i almost never drink alone. The few friends who knew about the problem are worried about my drinking again. I don't think drinking or
even having alcohol in my apartment is a problem anymore. I don't think I could ever go back to the way it used to be. I also don't want to tell anyone about my past, which would make it hard to explain to my new friends why I suddenly can't drink anymore. I know my friends care, but I have moved on. How should I approach them?

Answer:

Sounds like your old friends are worried that you are still drinking, and your new friends give you a hard time because you don't drink as much or as often as they do.  My guess is that being honest with yourself helped you give up heavy drinking, and being honest with your friends will work too.  Drinking is a personal choice, you don't have to defend it, unless you are out of control, and then you have to admit it.  You might be surprised how your new friends will back off if you simply tell them that you choose to drink less often and you choose to not become drunk. I guess you old friends are worried that you are slipping, or that this is a relapse for you.  You alone can judge that.  You could make an appointment at the counseling center and talk openly and safely with someone on our staff to help you decide whether your drinking is okay.  You could get help here on how to talk to your friends, but, in general, things work best if you tell them the truth without getting angry.

Question:

I'm curious about locations and information regarding NA and AA meetings on WKU's campus, or nearby. Possibly you could help. Thanks.

Answer:

There is an AA group for students that meets on campus, DUC 309, Wednesdays, 6-7:30 p.m.  There are several NA groups in the community;  you can call 782-4029 and listen to the recording about times and places.

Question:

I came to the counselling center twice for counselling, but the person I talked to for some reason I just did not feel comfortable talking to...maybe I was expecting the right questions and me not having to even say why I was there, and I was afraid my problems would somehow get on my academic record and to school officials, but I know I need some counselling. One
of my friends told me that college counselling is more only for academic problems, and you can't really tell them deep personal problems because that's not what they do, and its unprofessional. I've been depressed since my sophmore year in high school, and I am so stressed out by school, my sleep and eating is so horrible, and I have not made any friends at all since I've been here, I make perfect grades and the only thing I do is study, I have not built any relationships, and I feel really lonely and iscolated living here alone. It also makes it worse that I don't live in the dorms, I had to get an apartment because there wasn't room in the dorms. I'm afraid of talking about my problems, I don't know how to start talking in sessions, or what I should say. I tend to cover up what's really bothering me, I said some light basic problems I'm having, but I downplayed it, and they didn't mention depression, or
me going for medication, but I know I am, badly, and I probably need some, but I am avoiding help. What should I do?

Answer:

Let me begin by reassuring you about a couple of the concerns you mention.  First, contrary to what your friend told you, our counselors ARE here to help you address your personal problems.  If you have academic questions, you already have an adivisor for that.  Secondly, what you share with your counselor does NOT become part of your academic record, and this is stated in the initial paperwork a student is given in the first visit.  Now, I strongly encourage you to try counseling again.  If you have been depressed since your sophomore year of high school, seeing a counselor, and possibly trying an antidepressant, is in order.  If you were not comfortable with the counselor you saw, you have the option of requesting a different person when you call to schedule an appointment.  Simply say, "I saw ________before, but I would like to see someone else."  You also have the option of requesting either a male or female counselor if you prefer.  Finally, I must stress the importance of being honest with your counselor.  Certainly it is not easy to discuss your problems.  But therapists are not mind readers.  You wouldn't go to your doctor and wait for him to guess what is wrong.  Your counselor will help you explore; you can help the process by sharing your concerns
and fears as clearly as possible.  I hope you won't hesitate to call.
 

Question:

I am a single mother of a two year old. The biological father of my son left a week after I told him I was pregnant. I was a sophomore when I became pregnant. Now, after many struggles, I am finally back in school where I belong. I should graduate next December or spring. I work, but I can't afford school without financial aide. This past semester I got a 3.33 GPA
and I was so proud of myself. However, I was denied financial aide. I had dropped one class the first week of classes, and that is why they tell me I am denied. I sit here and wonder why do I bother? Time after time I keep getting kicked down. Even when I think I am doing great, another blow is waiting around the corner. I can't pay for school on my own and all I want in life is to graduate and give my son the life he deserves. Is there anyone who cares at Western that things are not as easy for me as other students? Who can help when I am just a social security number without a face to the staff at Western?

Answer:

In the twelve years I have worked at Western I have met many students who are raising children while earning a degree.  It is very difficult to be a parent and a student at the same time, so I can imagine it was very disappointing for you to find out that you lose financial aid when you drop below a certain number of hours.  The rules regarding financial aid are explained fully in the written material found on campus but the rule are often not shared  verbally with students due to the volume of men and women receiving financial aid.  It sounds like you were not aware of this rule when you dropped the class. Many college students have been through similar disappointments, but you seem to be taking this one very hard..  Coping with college includes accepting mistakes and not always taking them personally.  You are so right when you say there is another blow waiting around the corner.  This is true for all of us.  Sooner or later something bad will happen to everyone of us.  Every month there are students who experience the death of a family member, loss of a job, injury or illness, or poor grades.  It is up to each of us to decide whether we are making these bad things happen, or if they are beyond our control.  If they are beyond our control, we must grieve them, and if they are within our control, we have to decide what to do differently from now on. Working with a psychologist at our center is one way to figure out what you can and can not control in life.  Please call to make an appointment if you would like to talk with one of us.

Question:

This summer my roommate started smoking marijuana on a daily basis. Although she's cut back since then she still does it at least 3-4 times a week. When I mention it to her, she defends herself saying that it hasn't affected her schoolwork (which it hasn't). However, I still feel like she uses the drug to deal with stress and insecurites. When I suggested she see a
counselor, she never really responded positively or negatively. A part of me feels like she wants me to help her without her having to say anything. I'd like to give her a phone number she can call or make an appointment for her. Is this something I should do or should I let her do it

Answer:

It is admirable that you care so much for your roommate, but generally speaking people who are struggling with addictions do best when they take their own steps.  Some become very good at letting others do all the work, but they still won't give up the substance.  For example, a guy who asks his girlfriend to pay his bail, or fines, for driving while drunk but who still keeps drinking.  Nothing wrong, however, with giving her a phone number.  She could call our center (745-3159) and make an appointment.  Don't call for her; she needs to take the first step.  And it would probably be a good idea for the two of you to talk about what will happen if the police are ever called to where you live.  I'm not trying to scare you, just raising a possibility if you live in the residence hall or in an apartment where other people might smell the smoke.  Sometimes roommates can be implicated when illegal drugs are found on the premises.  Maybe she would agree to not smoke where you live.

Notice you say that you think she wants help without having to ask for it.  We all have moments like that in our lives.  It is also immature.  The reality of being an adult is knowing that when you have a problem you get help no matter how ashamed you may feel.  Many college students abuse things (alcohol, marijuana, food, sex) when they are stressed; once they find a more mature way to calm themselves down, they often stop abusing.

Question:

I am a junior now and I still haven't decided on a major. Every time I think I have decided I get afraid that I won't like it enough to so this for the rest of my life. I have been waisting my time and I don't want to be in college forever. How do I know what major to pick and how do I know it will be the right one?

Answer:

Most people have the natural talent and interest to enjoy a number of occupations.  The question may not be which major to choose, because there may be several majors that you would enjoy.  Our Center provides career counseling, and you can also use the Career Center to identify occupations that would allow you to use your interests and skills.  Visit either one to find out more about choosing a major.

Question:

I'm married and my husband's one night stands are breaking us up. One has called our house atleast once and asked for my husband, when I asked who was calling she said his girlfriend and then hung up. He's with me all the time, except of course when we're at work but I can account for his time. 3 months into our marriage we ran on to the other one night stand and he didn't even tell me that she was trying to talk to him while I was out of the room until a month after it happened. He says he didn't tell me because he knew I would get up set and cuss her out. He says he's sorry and that he loves me. Am I being obsessively jealous? Am I wrong for not putting my full trust in him? Should I just forget about everything and leave it in the past?

Answer:

It sounds like you have reasons to not feel like you can trust your husband, and it sounds like he wants you to trust him.  Marriage counseling might help the two of you find a way to trust each other.  The Counseling and Testing Center does provide couple's counseling, but you and your husband may need to work with a therapist or counselor with more experience in marriage and family therapy.  There are counselors and therapists in the community who could help.  They are listed in the Yellow Pages.  Give them a call and describe your situation.  They can inform you of what they have to offer.  You may also make an appointment with our Center for a session to see if we can help your marriage.

Quetion:

I have not attended class within a few days. I was sick, then we had car trouble the next time class started, then today..I missed the bus from the South Campus to the collage. Now I know it's too late for me to talk to her. I'm afraid she wont belive me. What should I do?

Answer:

It is not too late for you to talk to your instructor.  She may not believe you, but it will be hard for to think you are just an irresponsible student IF you go talk to her now.  Tell her what happened and ask her what you need to do to catch up.  Talk to other students in the class to find out what has been going on in class.  Being in college means being responsible, and taking action as soon as possible.  The next time you miss the bus to main campus, take the next one.  Showing up late to class is better than not going.  Your instructor will believe you if you make it to class from now on.

Question:

I was wondering if Western offered any kind of victim counseling on campus. I should probably talk to somebody about a recent robbery that has me pretty freaked out, if there is such a service. Please let me know.

Answer:

The Counseling and Testing Center offers counseling to all students for a variety of concerns.  We do work with students who have been victims of criminal acts.  It is normal to be bothered or upset well after a crime has been committed.  This is true for victims of robbery, rape, car accidents, even natural disasters.  Please call our office and discuss how to set up an appointment.

Question:

When talking about romance, is there a difference in same sex relationships and heterosexual relatioships? Why? Whats the difference, style, way of life, thinking, emotions, etc?

Answer:

You have certainly raised many questions regarding relationships.  Homosexual and heterosexual relationships have many common elements and then elements that are unique to each distinctive relationship.  These elements you have identified very well.  They  do include style, cognitions, emotions and way of life among others. Since there are many pages of
information in answering your question, I think that perhaps the best way to discover the answers to all of your questions would be to use the library, internet and other resources.  One specific resource is www.wku.edu/safezone.  Also, there is a room on campus called "Outlet" ( I believe it is in McLean Hall.) that would have some written resources.  Hope this information is helpful.
 

Question:

I have experinced a death of both parents within the past year. I have noticed that within the pase month or so, I have become some what depressed over small irrevalent assigments. I can not concontreate in classes or on work in which has been assigned in them. I am not sure what is going on, but I belive that something is, can you offer any advice? Thanks

Answer:

First let me say I am sorry for your loss.  It is painful to lose parents at any age, and it can be very upsetting when you are in college.  You may feel any number of emotions very strongly right now, including anger, frustration, sadness, and fear.  These very real and very important feelings have a way of making the irrelavent stuff in life seem even more irrelevant and annoying. And college life is full of trivial things that are assigned. I would suggest that you give yourself permission to not be super focused or "perfect" right now.  No one expects you to be on top of your game every day.  Losing concentration usually means there is something else your mind wants to think about; I imagine you still wanting and needing to think about your parents and your own life.  If you continue to have trouble concentrating, sleeping, or if you find yourself doing less things with your friends, you might want to make an appointment with our staff.  Talking with someone who understands grief can be very helpful; having a private place to cry, be angry, and say exactly what is on your mind can help you find your way back to everyday concentration without forgetting what you have lost.

Question:

I am a junior and am slowly realizing that I'm growing up. I don't talk to my parents as much as I used to and I don't go home as much either. I have been really depressed and scared lately because I'm realizing the change over from college to career is slowly approaching. How can I help relieve this stress and not be so depressed and scared about it?

Answer:

Sounds like you are very normal and on schedule to me.  The fact that you are "normal" and are "on schedule" in your growing up may not be all that you wanted  Here to Help to say, but it is still true.  As we grow up it is sometimes difficult to give up the old security blankets as we develop new and more internal security blankets.  It is thus natural to feel sad at giving up the old and scared at gaining the new.  It's sometimes helpful to talk to friends and thus discover that other persons have similar feelings.  If you feel the need to clarify further, I hope you will consider talking briefly with someone in the Counseling & Testing Center.  Take care and good luck.

Question:

I have suffered from depression for several years now and it never seems to get any better. I find myself crying for no reason all the time, and I always feel so lonely. Even when I'm with my family I feel very lonely, like I dont really belong. I carry a tremendous amount of guilt inside I've lashed out at my loved ones so many times for no reason other then that I was
hurting so badly inside. I almost think I say mean things because I dont feel I'm worthy of being loved, and hence try to make them leave me like I feel would happen anyways. I am never comfortable going out and doing things with groups of people, sometimes even my relatives, because I feel almost like I dont fit in. But that mostly applies to my friends. I feel like an outsider and like people are looking at me and thinking I'm worthless. Although I dont always feel depressed, when I am I always end up hurting people. I'm scared by the fact that it seems to be necessary for me to hurt the people I love because doing so hurts me very bad inside. I keep trying to push my boyfriend away and break up with him even though I love him very much and I know he loves me. I cant do this anymore because the pain is killing me. Is there anything I can do to stop the pain inside so I stop hurting the people I love and to get rid of the guilt I already carry inside from having hurt my loved ones in the past?

 Answer:

It surely does seem like there is a lot of pain, hurt and conflict going on inside.  I'm finding myself wondering if you have ever shared these thoughts and feelings with anyone before -- friend, family member, minister, family doctor, counselor or others. With all of this "stuff" trapped inside it can be painful.  It would be my hope that you would find that person whom you can trust and do some "unloading."  It would also be my hope that you would consider talking with someone at the Counseling & Testing Center here on campus to help sort some things out -- particularly since you indicated that this depression has been with you for several years.  Hope my reply to you can be the beginning of easing the pain and getting rid of the guilt.

Question:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for several months. Things have gone pretty well between us in the past, but lately it seems like he has changed. He doesn't want me to go out with my friends or do anything that doesn't include him. He also has been yelling at me about my clothes and the way I where my hair. I love him and I don't want to lose him, but this is
my life and I want to do what I want to do! What should I say to him?

Answer:

Wow,  sounds like the relationship really is changing.  Your boyfriend is probably unsure about some things right now and that may include your relationship as well.  You might begin by reassuring him that you are committed to the relationship and then ask him if he has any idea why things have changed.  If you feel the need for someone to help the two of you clarify, feel free to use the services of the Counseling & Testing Center.  As a final thought, make sure you assert your feelings and thoughts with your boyfriend in the process.  Your needs count too. Hope these ideas are helpful.

QUESTION:

I am a freshman and find myself wanting to go home every weekend.  Also, my mother wants me home on weekends.  Is this normal?

ANSWER:

Yes and No.  It's normal for you to want the security of home, and it's normal for mom to want you home.  However, it's not a good way to learn to be independent and autonomous.  The first task of any student is to learn to change the Parent/Child relationship into an Adult/Adult one.  That's tough on both Mom/Dad and Son/Daughter.  Try to learn to manage your weekend life with your own resources and try to encourage mom to let you.  If you need help and encouragement, maybe we can help at the Counseling and Testing Center at 745-3159.  Hang in there!!