Law Day Essay Sample One
Student Model
Celebrate Your Freedom
by Carrie McAliley, 9th Grade 2001
Bang! A gunshot cracks through the still, night air. Battle cries of hatred and despair ring in enemy's ears. Our forefathers fought with their lives so that we can live ours better. Now, after all the bloodshed, lives wasted, some people still don't appreciate what our ancestors did for us. One should celebrate his freedom, his first amendment, his rights.
Without a doubt, American citizens are given many liberties and rights, however, our freedom is still limited by the government. Freedom is something that is God given, but restricted by man. Our country has laws that its citizens are expected to abide by, and one has the freedom to choose what is right and wrong.
Example: teaching religion in school has been forbidden. One can only hope this doesn't happen with teaching the importance of freedom. A flag is one of the most important and respected symbols to our nation. Yet, at school in the mornings, many of my peers don't even stand and recite the pledge of allegiance. Sure, students understand they should say the pledge; they get out of school on President's Day, and there's fireworks on the Fourth of July. What they need to understand is why those things are done.
Freedom can be a symbol such as a flag or memories of a long battle. However, no matter what people see it as, they should continue learning about past events and never forget what they mean. One should celebrate his freedom, his first amendment, his rights.
Word Count: 250
Teacher Commentary
An assignment of this nature with a low maximum word limit can be quite a challenge to a 9th grade student who has spent all semester producing another type of academic essay writing in which well-developed paragraphs with numerous details, facts, examples and sentence transitional paragraph hooks are the norm. The transfer of organized thought pared to the bone is the skill required for this and many other contests.
This student has managed to convey
her bare bone thoughts with one words transitional hooks such as the one
found in the second paragraph. Surprisingly, this student managed
a concessional paragraph. This ready adaptation for a student at
this level underscores the idea that adequate writing practice can readily
transfer into a different form.